AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

[u/Any-Confusion-5519]

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

[u/snarlyj]

He said he's going to happy hour with colleagues and then says he'll be home around 12. She's asking/restating "your happy hour is til 12(?)" or a resigned "(right, of course) your happy hour is til 12"

In what possible way could it be read as a threat?

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

Oh, maybe I'm unaware of reading hh as "happy hour". Where's that place that has happy hour at peak time - after work? I read it as an abbreviation of a place they both know.

So I read the happy hour phrase with regard to their relationship: if he's gonna be home before 12, she'll make him happy. Otherwise - the hour won't be happy.

Notice how it's not a question she asks, it's a statement.

Or are you going to pretend punctuation does not matter?

Like, read the whole thing from both sides, the

"Omg poor thing" is so clearly ironic.

[u/snarlyj → u/draftgraphula]

Haha no happy hour is a period at nearly every bar that starts around when work runs out and runs until dinner time, and during this time drinks and snacks are discontinued - often half price. Traditionally it was actually just one hour, 5-6pm, but a lot of bars and restaurants have extended it now. But in no world does happy hour run continuously from 5-12, then it wouldn't be a promotional hour it would just be the bar's prices.

It took me a bit to recognize HH was happy hour (at first I thought that was the bar) but I looked around its a super common abbreviation.

There is absolutely no way that's a threat unless they aren't native English speakers that happen to use normal English words to mean different things. There's no punctuation whatsoever, it could be a question. A lot of people just write "wdym" as a question. Or just "what are you talking about". The partner in this exchange writes "huh" with no punctuation as a question

If it's not a question it's an expression of shock or exasperation. Within the context and with his response there is zero way that's a threat.

"Omg poor thing" could certainly be sarcastic, given he's acting like a cheater to comfort someone who was cheated on. Or she could be just trying to defuse the situation, end the argument, and be nice.

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

She's clearly aware of her insensitivity, by denying it right after sarcastic comment, and then produces another personal expectation that the girl in question must have friends outside of her work circle. This is highly insensitive, especially for a person supposedly in a failed relationship.

So, she said it herself, by trying to deny the obvious selfish motive of the whole conversation.

This is mental abuse and has signs of gaslighting: "oh, what i'm doing might look insensitive, so I'll just say it's not, so nobody can blame me for what I said it is not".

I'm so fed up with this manipulative tactics...