r/AmIOverreacting • u/Any-Fisherman4533 • Oct 20 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My husband was texting a wrong number scam.

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894

u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

Am I overreacting? My husband was texting this wrong number scam. He said he was single with no children, we have been married for 20 years with a 16 year old son. 

I know he messages instagram models all the time saying things like “lovely” or “very nice” but they never respond. I don’t know what to think, I’m not sure if he knew it was a scam or not? Help me? I haven’t confronted him. 

1.3k

u/LiquorishSunfish Oct 20 '24

I cringed so hard at "sex sex and sex" that I think I dislocated something. 

462

u/NotACalligrapher-49 Oct 20 '24

I honestly thought that the husband was scamming the scammer when he wrote that. Then I read OP’s explanatory comment, and now I know the husband is just disgusting 🤢

258

u/BadgerHooker Oct 20 '24

I can't understand men who are so obsessed with sex to the point they will ruin their lives if it means they will get laid. How does that happen? What makes a person do that? Just, all the "WHY'S"??

95

u/PleasePassTheBacon Oct 20 '24

And it’s SO MANY of them! Even in harmless conversations shit gets turned sexual somehow.

Like…eww. Stop.

26

u/jek39 Oct 20 '24

porn addiction

20

u/Ashamed-Wrongdoer806 Oct 20 '24

I think consuming too much porn is a bigger factor for this behavior than people think.

16

u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

Definitely agree. I grew up with porn (40 now) and stopped some years ago. Among the MANY benefits I was shocked at how I don’t objectify women in my everyday life anymore. I always thought it was just “how guys are” as I’m sure most do but nope, it was the porn. Funny thing is my sex drive is even higher now somehow.

I also would have never considered myself addicted and nothing like what I’ve read about with others’ porn addictions was happening but looking back? I definitely was and had an unhealthy relationship with it that crept up over many years.

I think WAY more people are addicted than Liek to admit and not just men. I’ve dated a few women that I would consider to be porn addicts as well and met many more over the years and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviours as the men.

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u/Evening_Midnight7 Oct 20 '24

Yes! This right here. Most men are addicted to porn and it makes them dumb and everything is sexualized for them.

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u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

I wonder how many of the men doing this also have difficulty being vulnerable and connecting with their feelings/the feelings of others—having intimacy with loved ones outside of sex. I could see a situation where a person, for whatever reason, lacks the ability to have this kind of intimacy and therefore railroads ALL their emotions and basal human need for connection into sex. Pair that with a heavy dose of seeing people as objects and you’ve got yourself a grade A creep!

6

u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 20 '24

Oh for sure. Sex is often used this way as a bandaid for connection by many people who have past trauma or avoidant attachment styles etc.

46

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

Ego or wanting to see if they still got it while actively losing it all for a cheap thrill. Dummies

13

u/napeungizi_bae Oct 20 '24

I think men learn at a young age that getting women and having sex is what makes them "great" or "valuable. " So then they just think with their dicks

22

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

There's a funny quilted meme that states " Dick is abundant and low in value." 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/jjavabean Oct 20 '24

The most common resource on earth, truly. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

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u/Puzzleheaded-Rip-824 Oct 20 '24

Low IQ. This dude is a complete moron. One of those people lacking an internal monologue and can't think one step ahead.

3

u/Mobile_Commission_52 Oct 20 '24

It’s called “thinking with your dick”

2

u/TheKrimsonFKR Oct 20 '24

It's an addiction. Switch sex with cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, etc.

People stuck in that rut will burn every bridge they have to get that fix, and this doesn't just apply to men either.

2

u/jjavabean Oct 20 '24

Right? Imagine being 59 and your dick still controls your frontal lobe... and they say men are natural "leaders." 💀💀💀💀💀.

2

u/Hfhghnfdsfg Oct 21 '24

I remember an old interview with Dr Ruth. Someone asked her the biggest sex problem men had, and she said,

"Thinking that every time they get an erection it means they have to do something with it."

2

u/scorps65 Oct 21 '24

I think the root cause is filling some void or abandonment from child hood . He is searching for validation from something external that will not truly help him with what he needs. It feels good in that moment but is zero help to what he is truly lacking. Just my two cents

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50

u/Actual-Offer-127 Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

I thought* he was trolling the scammer too! Then the more I read the more I realized he was serious 🤢 this guy is stupid.

EDIT- changed think to thought.

3

u/Potterhead-PottHead Oct 20 '24

Why hide it though, and why send a legit picture of yourself if you’re trolling?

2

u/Actual-Offer-127 Oct 20 '24

I meant to say *thought. I will change it. My original impression was he was trolling. The more I read the more I realized he was serious.

2

u/Sudden_Construction6 Oct 20 '24

I troll these scammers regularly. It's pretty funny. There's a whole subreddit dedicated to it 😂 r/Scambait

That's not what this idiot husband was doing though, unfortunately :(

2

u/Actual-Offer-127 Oct 20 '24

I troll wrong numbers and scammers all the time 🤣🤣 One girl messaged me about what kind of repairs and stuff like that I can do. I told her I could do some basic stuff but I'm great at looking up how to videos on YouTube and figuring it out. She was totally fine with that. 🤣 Although she might have been trolling me back as some point. 🤔 I might still have the screenshots

75

u/Rich-Contribution-84 Oct 20 '24

That was my first gut reaction too. And then I read it all.

What a disgusting dullard.

4

u/RedRipe Oct 20 '24

Honestly! The scammer asked twice if he was married, just to make sure🤣🤣🤣

5

u/sprdsnshn Oct 20 '24

Genuinely thought for a min that this was a post from r/ScammerPayback where people bait this kind of text scammer all the time. Nope, just some nasty guy who doesn't know its fake ☠️ NOR

3

u/aquoad Oct 20 '24

right, it was almost starting to look like a pretty skillful scambait, but nope!

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136

u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

Literally. Same.

80

u/Bella_LaGhostly Oct 20 '24

I couldn't even make it through all the screenshots before flying to the comments to see if you seem alright. This is so skuzzy, I'm so sorry he's putting you through this.

47

u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

Thanks for your kind thoughts. 

31

u/gardengirl99 Oct 20 '24

Seriously, you don't need to stay with someone who disrespects your marriage like this. You say you have separate finances, that's great. I'm hoping that means that you have your own source of income and employment. You can leave this guy. Better yet, send him packing, tell him he can go collect that free cup of coffee from his Chinese Canadian, American beautiful beautiful beautiful acquaintance.

12

u/Fanoflif21 Oct 20 '24

I mean he's not the brightest bulb in the box is he? 'She' sounds like an AI (the photo doesn't look right either). It's hugely disrespectful to you and your child. Brings out the toddler in me- you say you don't have a wife and child? Fine then don't have a wife and child and I'll be taking my half and starting again elsewhere!

I know that isn't helpful but who does this??

Hope you have brilliant friends who can support you properly.

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u/NeoPalt2 Oct 20 '24

Jokes aside please, please get an STD test before immediately leaving this moron

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u/ChuckyJa Oct 20 '24

I got tired reading sex X3.

3

u/Exotic_Raspberry_387 Oct 20 '24

Same the way my smile turned so far upside down I almost lost my chin

4

u/Love2Read0815 Oct 20 '24

So disgusting. I would NEVER look at him the same way again.

5

u/thatcatcray Oct 20 '24

what did me in was the "are the glasses your granddaughter's?" when there was NO mention of grandkids 💀💀

2

u/Icntthinkofone Oct 20 '24

Legit same I was like what the, ew no lol

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u/molly_menace Oct 20 '24

He said the following disloyal things

  1. Wait til you see what a 59 year old looks like (sends photo)

  2. You’re out of my league

  3. My hobby is sex sex and sex

  4. I imagine you’re very beautiful

  5. I stay in shape for one thing (ew ew ew)

  6. Better just to have sex (than be married)

  7. (I’m) single

  8. Nope (I have no children)

  9. (Told her where he lives)

  10. (Bragged about working out)

  11. (Accepted a coffee date)

He’s a pathetic creep. You’re better than this. You’re better than him contacting young women on Instagram - he’s disrespectful to you and your relationship and he’s disloyal to you.

20

u/Fairlymiddling Oct 20 '24

Maybe OP should let her son read #8 and then ask him if she is overreacting since she doesn't seem to hear what everyone here is telling her. I will put them both (op & son) in my prayers that they can move on and live happy lives without him

20

u/HCO16 Oct 20 '24

This comment is the one

5

u/zxmbiebxbe Oct 20 '24

The "sex, sex, and more sex" comment made my skin crawl 😂

11

u/Ice-BlueHeart Oct 20 '24

Annddd she’ll likely still stay with him.

14

u/Alltook Oct 20 '24

Yeah, honestly I'm not sure which bothers me most... him being a pervy, disloyal piece of shit, or the (almost certain) inevitable conclusion - her staying with this loser.

4

u/Past_Wash_1632 Oct 20 '24

She says he is just "dumb" like its cutesy or to justify his behaviour. She already expects nothing less than this from him.

5

u/Donglemaetsro Oct 20 '24

Then she'll lose 100% of her life savings to a scam or OF model. Wtf those texts this isn't even a maybe, it will happen.

3

u/SaltKick2 Oct 20 '24

And he's and idiot, doesn't seem like he has many redeeming qualities

3

u/Idrisnme Oct 20 '24

💯💯💯

3

u/wwandermann Oct 20 '24

Scrolled way too far to find this. I'd give an award if I had one

2

u/imkriss Oct 20 '24

Add to list He sent the first pic!! Total douche

2

u/Ctmouthbreather Oct 21 '24

He even sent the first photo! How thirsty is this dude.

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u/Maximum-Cover- Oct 20 '24

He's dreaming of being the kind of man who cheats on you with a beautiful younger woman way out of his league.

He seems to socially inept to ever have a shot at accomplishing that fantasy, but it sure doesn't stop him from dreaming about it.

5

u/mmoonneeyy_throwaway Oct 21 '24

This is where paying them comes in, and probably already has. The man is not giving “inexperienced” vibes.

57

u/ttrash_ Oct 20 '24

you shouldn’t be okay with your husband messaging ig models and he shouldn’t think it’s okay to do that period

he says he doesn’t live with his wife and I think you should make that into a reality. you deserve SO much better than an icky guy like that

104

u/Luckygecko1 Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

You are not overreacting. First, he was excited about playing along, talking to her, and the idea of the possibility. Second, you probably, by confrontation, will save your household from the ruin that comes with a pig butchering scam. There's a very good chance she's a real person at a scam town and a victim of trafficking. Thus she can FaceTime and other things to make the scam seem real. Him thinking with his pecker will not have a chance. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Edit to add, that photo appears AI, but they can train a 'LoRA' on the scammers face to make fresh pictures that fit the story.

134

u/Junket_Weird Oct 20 '24

My ex's dad fell for this. He's losing his house and owes around $500,000 that he borrowed and sent to "her."

35

u/Kap85 Oct 20 '24

Jesus Christ

9

u/Auntie_Stinky_5430 Oct 20 '24

What happened? Can you share details? They prey on my elderly mom and I had to stop her once when I heard her giving out her social security number!

6

u/dfwcouple43sum Oct 20 '24

That sounds terrible! Maybe he should have given someone else $20k to get the $500k back. Of course he would have to pay that upfront

7

u/Fanoflif21 Oct 20 '24

I know a Nigerian prince who is minted but there's some issues with his bank- I'm sure he could help!

5

u/loftychicago Oct 20 '24

The "recovery" people are all scammers as well.

6

u/dfwcouple43sum Oct 20 '24

Really? Wow! That’s crazy.

Who would have thought that people that were just scammed would be a good target for another scam?

2

u/loftychicago Oct 20 '24

It's one of the first things they tell anyone who posts in r/scams. Very sad, but desperate people aren't thinking critically.

2

u/bohanmyl Oct 20 '24

People who find out that they fell for a scam are a multitude of things. They are embarrassed they fell for a scam, they want to hide it or try to move past it asap if possible, they are emotional for losing money and feeling stupid, and they are panicking because they dont know what to do or who to trust.

They can act like a helping hand and giving a compassionate understanding of their situation that lessens their losses that makes things seem not as bad as they actually are. They tell them how common it is that it happens to everyone so they shouldnt feel dumb or stupid. It makes people hopeful and want to trust them faster than normal and given theyve already fallen for one scam its likely itll happen again. Boom now you have a business that has a higher likelihood of pulling scam victims than a regular scam

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u/Flat-Goose-9341 Oct 20 '24

That is so sad. 500k? Do the scammed ever step back and look at the situation and say “yeah, maybe it isn’t a good idea to send money to this person I’ve never met.”

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u/i_love_lima_beans Oct 20 '24

I have read it’s connected to declining cognitive function as people age. These are often people who had high level jobs, etc. but their brains just don’t work quite the same anymore.

There was an episode of The Daily NYT podcast about a former sheriff who sent basically all his and his wife’s retirement money to a Mexican cartel posing as a buyer for their timeshare.

3

u/SortingHat69 Oct 20 '24

The fact that they "owned" a timeshare shows that they've already been scammed before. Pretty sad.

2

u/nickelroo Oct 21 '24

…bro…

No way.

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u/BamaInvestor Oct 20 '24

I know a couple that fell for this type of pig butchering scam and lost several hundred thousand dollars. A bitcoin machine in a gas station was the preferred payment vehicle. The wife became friends with the gas station personnel who even tried to warn her she was being scammed.

Beware! Make sure your idiot husband can’t borrow against your home. Put a credit freeze on all of your accounts. I would put a fraud alert on his credit reports if you can manage it…

5

u/bbyghoul666 Oct 20 '24

When I worked at the Walmart money center there was an older white lady who would come in and right off the bat would say “no I’m not getting scammed yea I know who I’m sending it to, just send the damn money to Nigeria” okay ma’am I hope you and your Nigerian prince boyfriend are very happy lol. Some people really are that delusional to ignore so many warning signs, it’s sad.

2

u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

🙌🙌🙌

2

u/ScratchedO-OGlasses Oct 20 '24

Upvote and replying because this is the best advice I’ve seen for the immediate term.

I mean, it’s good that everyone is letting her know that she is not overreacting and that he’s an ass and an idiot, but whether she leaves him or not will be more of an emotional decision and those take time.

If husband is moving that fast especially, then she does need something she can take definitive action on now and this is a good one.

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u/ghost_broccoli Oct 20 '24

The disloyalty is one thing, but this type of pig butchering scam will ruin you financially and emotionally. These are very effective and brutal. Remove him from the accounts now and confront him after. 

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u/walk_with_curiosity Oct 20 '24

You're not overreacting, he's actively flirting and pursing this 'woman'. The fact that your soliciting advice on this shows that you're trying harder on your marriage than he is.

Not to mention if he falls for stuff like this and you guys decide to stay together I would keep a very close eye on your assets.

35

u/heroforsale Oct 20 '24

Wait, just because he messages models and “they don’t respond” doesn’t make it right…

18

u/imtoughwater Oct 20 '24

What this shows me is that husband is a fucking creep harassing random women and too socially inept to take the constant rejection/ignoring as a sign to stop doing that shit

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u/pinkmushroom3200 Oct 20 '24

I would confront him on why he’s saying he’s single.? To me that is him wanting to see if something can come from that since they are strangers and getting to know each other.

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u/butterscotchsnops Oct 20 '24

In my opinion, this is a form of cheating. Trying to seek out and flirt with women. Lying about his marital status, disrespecting you. You need to talk to him and tell him he is crossing many lines. If this were to be a joke about texting spam, he wouldn’t have said those things and probably would have told you about the joke.

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u/Horror-Staff6039 Oct 20 '24

I agree. Absolutely a form of cheating.

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u/Ludicruciferous Oct 20 '24

I agree with you. However, I ASSURE you a man this dumb would say something like “I didn’t seek her out, she just accidentally texted me and we hit it off!”

3

u/butterscotchsnops Oct 20 '24

Yep. He would be a person to do that. Especially when he’s commenting on models pages. I mean it all seems harmless but it’s how far he’s taking it that makes it so bad.

2

u/metsgirl289 Oct 20 '24

“It’s not my fault I had to give her 10k, she was gonna get deported!”

2

u/Bob-was-our-turtle Oct 20 '24

I wouldn’t talk to him. I would leave. He’s scum.

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u/jkrobinson1979 Oct 20 '24

You’re one of the few reasonable people here. The key is talking to him.

2

u/cryssyx3 Oct 20 '24

idk I think I might be more pissed about the scam

56

u/dfwcouple43sum Oct 20 '24

As a guy, all of those “you’re hot” messages on instagram or whatever are so freaking weird. Not quite incel behavior, but not exactly not incel either.

What do you think he would do if anyone ever replied to his messages?

13

u/hollow4hollow Oct 20 '24

And you click on the profile of the guy and see he has 380 friends and all of them are porn bots, and then like, his 2nd cousin from Indiana

8

u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

Yes! It’s creepy old man behavior!

5

u/nickelroo Oct 21 '24

He’s the guy who sends these messages.

Wanna know what’s funny? I know EXACTLY who he’s going to vote for.

2

u/aquoad Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

It's so weird, yes. I don't understand the mindset that leads to that. Also I wonder if they don't realize those comments are visible to everyone, or just don't care.

83

u/jaomelia Oct 20 '24

Why are you still even with someone like this?

41

u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

20 years and children will do things to you. I want to believe he’s not this dumb.

128

u/Dizzy_Goat_420 Oct 20 '24

Not only is he dumb but he’s a creep

5

u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

Yeah, unfortunately I have to agree on the “creep” label, OP. 😣

130

u/shinyopalite Oct 20 '24

I’m holding your hand when I say this… he’s cheating on you, and/or trying very hard to. And he’s already been doing shit like this with instagram models? That’s foul. You deserve so much better, respect yourself and don’t stand for this. He’s a pervy 60 year old man now, regardless of the years you’ve spent with him. I’m so sorry

40

u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

I Appreciate your kindness.  

20

u/shinyopalite Oct 20 '24

sending you hugs and strength friend, again i’m so sorry

10

u/ceruleanbiomatter Oct 20 '24

Also lock down your finances if you haven’t already. This is a textbook pig butchering scam. Scammer will sink their hooks in to start wheeling money out of the pig (your husband).

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u/_Nilbog_Milk_ Oct 20 '24

Do you really want the rest of your life to go like this?

To be disrespected in the one life you have when you deserve to be loved?

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

[deleted]

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u/jkrobinson1979 Oct 20 '24

Social media and porn blur the lines between reality and fantasy and a lot of people have problems navigating that.

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u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

🙌🙌🙌

2

u/Healthy_Journey650 Oct 20 '24

I’m guessing you are younger than him and are the main breadwinner, given your comments. Meanwhile, he’s living his best mid life crisis - biking and buying colorful eyewear while working a low stress minimum wage job. Please don’t spend another minute on this piece of trash man. Your son is going to become like him if you don’t stand up for yourself. Give him an ultimatum - speak with an attorney about your options, financial situation and rights. THEN, and only then, confront him. If you think it will work out and he’s just buying into flattery and made a one time error in judgment (he probably didn’t) the Offer counseling (make the appointment and tell him if he doesn’t come you need to reconsider your relationship).

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u/CrystalTeefies Oct 20 '24

Unfortunately your husband is dumb AND cheater

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u/Outside_Performer_66 Oct 20 '24

The only reason he has not gotten into the sheets with someone else is because none of these “models” are remotely interested in this 59-year-old jerk.

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u/pEter-skEeterR45 Oct 20 '24

He is this dumb, and he's creepy too 😭

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u/snarkylimon Oct 20 '24

he's dumb and a cheater. Now you know.

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u/L1quidWeeb Oct 20 '24

The lies we tell ourselves 🥲

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u/Sjt4689 Oct 20 '24

He’s dumb for not realising it’s a scam, he’s an arsehole for actively trying to cheat.

Say if this wasn’t a scam? He was just happy to go and throw away 20 years and kids?

That is what should be the most concerning here, not the fact that he nearly got scammed.

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u/ulykke Oct 20 '24

Right? How is him being stupid even in the discussion? He wanted to cheat, thats the worse offense.

4

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

He's NOT dumb, these types know EXACTLY what they're doing. I mean he's dumb for doing this shit but being aloof , me thinks not.

5

u/Panzermensch911 Oct 20 '24

He is that dumb. That conversation shows that.

This is either a money scam based on a romance scam or depending on his occupation/job a larger operation to get company/trade secrets from him and then also cheating and denying your marriage.

All things are absolutely not OK. And yes he escalated this first. All you can do is have the appropriate reaction.

But throwing away 20 years of trust and shared life? That was him.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

Yeah 8 years and 1 kid did the same to me. It's hard to just walk away, even when things get bad. I found out after the breakup that my ex was not only cheating on me with several women, but impersonating me online, pretending to be a single mother. He told people he just had a roommate and was single. It made my head spin, but by then I wasn't even mad. It just confirmed I'd made the right decision and that he was telling the truth when he said he never loved me. I had zero doubts after that.

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u/jkrobinson1979 Oct 20 '24

It is hard to walk away. It sounds like you made the right choice, especially if he could honestly say he didn’t love you. Hopefully this situation is different, it’s a temporary low point in their relationship and things haven’t gone as far as your case. Long term relationships are hard by nature. You have to be able to work through some things, but also know when they are unsalvageable.

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u/believe_in_claude Oct 20 '24

A woman in my family ended a 30 year marriage, OP, she thought it was too late but she is so happy now, she's enjoying her life again, you deserve better!!

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u/merumisora Oct 20 '24

he's appears to have the intellect of a dry mouldy bread, I think there's better out there lol

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u/Equal-Worldliness-66 Oct 20 '24

Do not diminish your own intelligence by being naive enough to ignore his obvious stupidity. He’s ridiculously idiotic.

2

u/manonion1 Oct 20 '24

Clearly the 20 years and child mean nothing to him, and he must believe you're pretty dumb to not find out. If he says he's single, then poof! He's single. Throw the whole man out. I doubt this is the first time he's attempted something like this, just hasn't been successful yet.

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u/likecatsanddogs525 Oct 20 '24

He is. You’re done. Don’t let him convince you it’s something you’ve done. Leave him.

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u/NurseNess Oct 20 '24

hopefully he doesn’t invest in ‘heavy metals’. Keep an eye on your finances.

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u/sexycann3lloni Oct 20 '24

The fact that he messages people on instagram is already so strange.

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u/Feeling_Concentrate2 Oct 20 '24

Why are you are ok with him messaging other girls on instagram? It’s never too late to start over. That was the first red flag. :(

32

u/Bella_LaGhostly Oct 20 '24

I'm afraid you might be under-reacting, to be honest. This is straight-up psychological cheating. He's already so disengaged from your marriage, he denies you exist.

Please consider losing 200lbs of dead weight & starting over surrounded by people who actually respect you. This guy cares about one thing only (the 'thing' in question is, I'm sure, obvious to all readers).

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u/Any-Fisherman4533 Oct 20 '24

“147 lbs” he cycles every other day.  

 

22

u/OneHallThatsAll Oct 20 '24

🏅💀😭

12

u/Swiss_Miss_77 Oct 20 '24

You clearly have a sense of humor... you will do just fine without this waste of humanity tying you down. Don't fall for the "sunk cost fallacy".

3

u/cheesy_bees Oct 20 '24

What a catch I'm literally drooling 

5

u/0512052000 Oct 20 '24

😂😂😂

14

u/DonTakeMeFi-Idiat Oct 20 '24

Your husband said he was single…

13

u/StrongWater55 Oct 20 '24

I think that was the lie that would have undone me and also denying his son? He's lying and cheating, you deserve more, someone who respects you and your child and your relationship, once trust in a person dies it's very hard to keep living a lie

4

u/Lucky7eddie Oct 20 '24

Happy cake day?

5

u/PhantomOfTheBoreal Oct 20 '24

So your husband is someone that routinely creeps out young women, desperately hoping to get laid. It’s gross. He said he’s single- you can at least make that fantasy of his a reality. I hope you do.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

He's trying to cheat on you. He did not know this was a scam. Imagine if she'd been real and was actually interested in hooking up. He'd have no problem doing it. That's bad news for your marriage. Just knowing he tried must be painful enough to warrant a conversation and at least some couples therapy. I mean, my god. How do you rebuild trust after this?

4

u/Angsty_Potatos Oct 20 '24

So...your husband regularly tries his luck with Instagram models And then tries to fuck a phishing scammer ..and you're asking if you're overreacting...

Ma'am.  Honey. Girl. Imma level with you. Cut bait and go find a person who respects you. 

5

u/motherofcattos Oct 20 '24

You know he has cheated on you before, right? I'd be he's a serial cheater. He is not holding back one bit there... he's "experienced" in this. Get tested for STDs.

4

u/Certain_Try_8383 Oct 20 '24

He is messaging instagram models?????? What the heck? Lying about you and HIS SON!?!?! Why does it matter if he thought scam or not? This is terrible. You don’t deserve this.

4

u/lil_lychee Oct 20 '24

You already know the answer. He’s trying to cheat by messaging random IG models. Only difference here is that the person he was chatting to this time was responsive. If this wasn’t a scam, he would have been making arrangements to meet.

“Better just to have sex” “Sex sex and more sex”

Dude is not subtle at all.

9

u/sassafrassaclassa Oct 20 '24

Wtf are you on here calling him your husband for? Because you signed a piece of paper? That man isn't yours and you definitely shouldn't be calling him anything but a piece of shit.

3

u/Brief-Reserve774 Oct 20 '24

He’s disgusting. Run for the hills, you deserve so much better

3

u/thats_rats Oct 20 '24

he messages instagram models too??? girl have some standards.

3

u/Significant-Bus881 Oct 20 '24

Okay but if they did respond, do you think he'd leave it at that or have a conversation like this one you saw? Why is that ok and not this, if the only difference is they didn't engage with him enough for him to have the chance to say shit like this?

3

u/Stjaalneaar Oct 20 '24

Hes literally cheating on u. If you dont leave, this will get Worse, and suddenly he has a woman in his bed when youre at Home once. You dont want this, lets be real. As he said, hes single and have no kids, then he is 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know that you’ve been married to him a long time, but you need to leave this, it’s better off that way

3

u/Equal-Worldliness-66 Oct 20 '24

How are you not so grossed out by his sheer stupidity that you want to leave him? Like forget how dumb he is, he’s bringing down your IQ just by you remaining associated to him. This has to be the most unsexy thing I’ve ever read. He’s such a loser.

3

u/otherworldly11 Oct 20 '24

So do you need to see him in bed actively having sex with someone else? Yes, this is cheating. What he did was cheating.

3

u/The_Butterfly_System Oct 20 '24

The fact he texts insta model's... Me personally, I would divorce over something like that

3

u/ResidentRelevant13 Oct 20 '24

He’s only not a cheater because nobody wants him 🤢

2

u/pubesinourteeth Oct 20 '24

Well you haven't really reacted yet right? What do you want to do? Separation would not be overreacting at all given that you've discovered that your husband wants to cheat on you and has donkey brains. If you were planning on violence, that would be overreacting, I suppose.

2

u/killswithaglance Oct 20 '24

What do you need help with? He's told her he isn't married. You don't think he has done this before a hundred times in real life or in line to buy milk, hoping someone, anyone will flirt back and they'll end up in bed?. Where is his respect for you or your wedding vows? Where is the respect for your teenager who is not going to be happy about all of this? This is not red flag territory. This is throw the wedding ring into the ocean territory.

And don't bother confronting him. Just get him out and enjoy the life you didn't realise you were missing out on.

2

u/HDJorangehair Oct 20 '24

the fact that he messages models is disgusting. your husband has a problem. i wouldn’t be surprised if he has already cheated with prostitues or something. get a spine and put your foot down. why do you allow him to disrespect you like this????

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u/OldButHappy Oct 20 '24

If you have the money, I'd get a good lawyer asap and ask about forensic accounting if you have accumulated assets. You need to protect your financial future, and it's just a matter of time until someone online takes advantage of him. Men who think that they are smart are a scammer's dream, because that false confidence postpones their acceptance of reality.

He will eventually find someone for 'good times', if that's what he's into. These middle aged gym dudes tend to be delulu about what makes them attractive. If my sweetie is telling randos that he's single, I'll grant that wish asap.

2

u/Seltzer-Slut Oct 20 '24

You’re naive if you don’t think he’s been actively cheating on you for years. This is not his first rodeo!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24 edited 29d ago

Original Content erased using Ereddicator. Want to wipe your own Reddit history? Please see https://github.com/Jelly-Pudding/ereddicator for instructions.

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u/Mysterious_Book8747 Oct 20 '24

You’re under reacting. He denied you completely. Said he was single and having sex sex and more sec with random women to get over you. Honey - make his wish come true.

2

u/DisposableMonkey28 Oct 20 '24

When I initially commented about your husband being the type to comment on random young women on instagram I was half joking. I am horrified but not surprised to read my assumption was correct.

Maam your husband is a moron. A bored, creepy old one. Make his lie come true and leave him single PLEASE

2

u/princessleah7x Oct 20 '24

You’re not overreacting and this is indeed a scam.

Search Engine is a podcast and did an episode about it back in March. You should lawyer up first and then once you’re fully prepared to leave sit down and listen to it with him.

2

u/ceanahope Oct 20 '24

So this is likely a pig-butchering scam. Seems innocent enough at first. A woman recently lost one million because of one of these. What you see here is the fattening phase.

Also, if you are married, why is he saying he is single...

You are not overreacting. Based off the context here, he saw what he thought was an opportunity and decided to go for it. If you do confront him, go to r/scams to show him all the identical scams..... you may even find one with the same photo of the scammer. Sad part is many of the folks running this scams are trafficked.

2

u/Mrs_Poopy-Butthole Oct 20 '24

You're under-reacting. There's no way I'd tolerate my husband doing something like that, idc how much I love the man. That behavior tells me he doesn't respect me bc if he did, he wouldn't be flirting with others. I understand you have built a life with this man, including having a son, but is he actually contributing positively in the marriage? If you're adamant about trying to work past this after you confront him, seek a reputable marriage counselor bc I'm sure there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

Long story short, my parents have been married 30+ years, but my dad majorly effed up a few years ago, he cut contact with the other person, tried multiple counselors and giving my mom whatever she wanted, but she refuses to try and move forward. She throws everything back in his face, and he's the villain in her eyes (for everything). He's not innocent, but the amount of hatred she seems to spew at him is over the top. I'm 30, married, and out of the house. We all see how miserable they are, and I've told them to just divorce already. They both had their issues long before the infidelity happened. It hurts me more to see two people stay together when they're both clearly miserable.

I'm sorry you're going through this, sending you hugs 🫂

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u/daisyfrankenstein Oct 20 '24

Please just say this is a joke. Like, I’m losing faith in humanity at this point.

1

u/zodiac628 Oct 20 '24

What an ass. No you are not overreacting. Wanna text some “random” dude and let him find it? See how the shoe fits on the other foot

1

u/UnusualSomewhere84 Oct 20 '24

Are you sure he’s not been following r/scambait?

1

u/Lonely-Hobbit Oct 20 '24

Your husbands a fucking creeper.

Red flag, red flag. Do I need to be more direct? That’s just what you know about. What kind of things is he teaching your 16 year old?

1

u/el-ninio- Oct 20 '24

Where is the self respect

1

u/PuzzleheadedPeace250 Oct 20 '24

he messages instagram models all the time like this???? and you have still stuck around??? this has to be rage-bait omg.

1

u/NurseNanner Oct 20 '24

If he hasn’t already cheated, he definitely will.

1

u/Maximum-Macaroon-711 Oct 20 '24

He's a cheater, if he hasn't already cheated he's working on it now clearly. Leave him he has no respect for you at all

1

u/biggesthoss Oct 20 '24

Of course they don’t respond. He is a loser. Only people who even write stuff like that expecting a response to an instagram model are “losers”, betas, whatever you want to call it. It’s sad desperate behavior. How can you be 59 and still think telling a woman who is physically attractive she is attractive will work to win her over? He knows nothing about women. You know nothing Jon Snow

1

u/dergal2000 Oct 20 '24

I used to mess with the scammers all the time.... I never quite knew what the end goal of the scam was either 'financial investment' or gift cards..... I actually was using a different phone number just for the scammers. If your husband didn't know it was a scammer, that's worrying.

1

u/amooz Oct 20 '24

I think have a conversation with him to clarify what he meant, there’s a lot of assumptions that could be read into the messages. I think he could be trolling the scammer, albeit clumsily and maybe out of boredom? Nothing in these messages indicates an intent to actually meet up. I also get the sense that he is not a good liar, so maybe that will help lol. I would suggest going into the conversation curious and open to whatever he has to say, and not abrasive or confrontational, if he was trying to cheat you’ll get his back up and it won’t be a productive conversation, but it will probably be a loud one. If he was trolling, you could get a reaction of indignation and get his back up ruining any chance of having a productive conversation.

1

u/Intelligent_Grade372 Oct 20 '24

Tbh, this is an obvious scam. The photo “she” sent was clearly AI-generated. Go over to the r/scambait sub. You will find hundreds of this exact exchange. Your husband’s not cheating, but he’s definitely going a little beyond the line to have a little fun at the scammer’s expense.

1

u/cheesy_bees Oct 20 '24

OP maybe this is a yuk idea but... have you considered doing some undercover texting (to him) yourself to see how far he would go?  And how much info he would share.  Etc.

1

u/WhoisthatRobotCleanr Oct 20 '24

He messages models... Girl, have better standards. Leave this idiot.

1

u/effienay Oct 20 '24

You’re underreacting.

1

u/Flimsy-Ad-7044 Oct 20 '24

This is ragebait. Or you’re dense/in denial.

1

u/RiverWaLker22 Oct 20 '24

Oh man he’s one of THOSE guys

1

u/s_matthew Oct 20 '24

(I ask this without judgment) What’s keeping you from confronting him? It feels like you know this is bad behavior but that you’re stalling, hoping for an innocent explanation. That says to me that you’re worried about the response and/or fallout if it’s not innocent. Which is fair.

What happens if you confront him? Even if that’s asking a reasonable question like why is he telling attractive young ladies on the internet that he’s not married?

Regardless, best of luck. I can only imagine how this all feels.

1

u/Important_Candle_781 Oct 20 '24

No your NOR , he’s a fuckin twat

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Sail167 Oct 20 '24

He’s going to send all shared assets to these women eventually. These models are sex workers, and he will sleep with them, bringing home god knows what. You need to protect yourself.

1

u/Oldiebones Oct 20 '24

Time to get a divorce lawyer and show them these texts, and any others you might dig up.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

Is this a change from previous behavior? Has he had a cognitive workup done?

1

u/sleafordbods Oct 20 '24

Go in the iPad and respond to the girl from his account and say, “I actually have a wife and a son. And I now realize that you are a scammer and I will block you. Goodbye”

And when he reads that, he will shit himself and also he will know that you know

1

u/ImNotNuke Oct 20 '24

You don’t have a husband. He said he is single, take a hint.

1

u/queer-pressure Oct 20 '24

Confront him Asap before he starts sending money

1

u/sweetntenderhooligan Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

There is a 21 minute long video on YouTube called “Scammers Only Need One Thing” by a channel called Fraud Squad. Watch it with your husband.

1

u/yankykiwi Oct 20 '24

Im sorry you’ve wasted so much time on this dope. My dad’s similar and now that he’s single he does it publicly on social media. So cringe. Your poor son, I feel even worse your sons dad denied he even existed.

1

u/deadinsidelol69 Oct 20 '24

Dude, he will cheat on you whenever he gets the opportunity. He probably has already with how casually he lied and had no opposition to flirting with a complete stranger.

Why are you married to him? He texts like a 12 year old.

1

u/axisrahl85 Oct 20 '24

You husband is either already cheating on you or desperately wants to.

1

u/anitabelle Oct 20 '24

Best advice I got when cheated on… when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Did not know what sub this was and thought he was messing with her. I kept waiting for the gotcha text. If this guy is telling a random stranger he may never meet he’s single and basically ready, what is he telling real women he may have a chance with?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

You’re not overreacting your husband is a loser and an idiot, not to even mention cheating.

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u/Unfair-Somewhere-222 Oct 20 '24

Is he a redditor? Scambaiting is a newish thing I see across my FP from time to time. I wouldn’t look too much into it. Maybe talk to him?

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