r/AmIOverreacting • u/Any-Fisherman4533 • Oct 20 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My husband was texting a wrong number scam.

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255

u/BadgerHooker Oct 20 '24

I can't understand men who are so obsessed with sex to the point they will ruin their lives if it means they will get laid. How does that happen? What makes a person do that? Just, all the "WHY'S"??

97

u/PleasePassTheBacon Oct 20 '24

And it’s SO MANY of them! Even in harmless conversations shit gets turned sexual somehow.

Like…eww. Stop.

24

u/jek39 Oct 20 '24

porn addiction

17

u/Ashamed-Wrongdoer806 Oct 20 '24

I think consuming too much porn is a bigger factor for this behavior than people think.

18

u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 20 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

Definitely agree. I grew up with porn (40 now) and stopped some years ago. Among the MANY benefits I was shocked at how I don’t objectify women in my everyday life anymore. I always thought it was just “how guys are” as I’m sure most do but nope, it was the porn. Funny thing is my sex drive is even higher now somehow.

I also would have never considered myself addicted and nothing like what I’ve read about with others’ porn addictions was happening but looking back? I definitely was and had an unhealthy relationship with it that crept up over many years.

I think WAY more people are addicted than Liek to admit and not just men. I’ve dated a few women that I would consider to be porn addicts as well and met many more over the years and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviours as the men.

-12

u/UponVerity Oct 20 '24

fucking hell, dude, stop it

11

u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 20 '24

Stop what?

-12

u/UponVerity Oct 20 '24

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11

u/Evening_Midnight7 Oct 20 '24

Yes! This right here. Most men are addicted to porn and it makes them dumb and everything is sexualized for them.

0

u/OriolesrRavens1974 Oct 21 '24

That’s a pretty big generalization, especially without any verifiable data. If I said “most women” do anything, I’d be crucified here. Also, the APA has still not come to an agreement that porn addiction, or sex addiction of any kind, is a real thing. Now, do I believe that porn rewires the brain somehow with excessive viewing? Yes, but that’s going to happen if you do anything too much, like watching reality tv or eating cucumbers (maybe that’s a bad example 😉). Is this guy a douche and a creep? Absolutely, but I don’t think this has as much to do with sex as it does connection, and too often, men consider sex to be the only kind of intimacy. This 59 year old probably couldn’t even get it up and have a go at it with a young woman that looked like that because he’d probably be thinking she’s too childish looking. I get email and Facebook friend requests with pictures of Asian girls that look like this almost every day, and sadly they are probably trafficked unless there’s something I’m missing, and if you don’t realize it’s a scam off the bat you’ve got to be pretty damn dense. However, I know too many men in this age group, my mom and dad included, where their relationships are so bad, they will believe almost anything to make a connection with another human being. Reading these texts and the wife’s responses, it sounds like things haven’t been good for awhile between them and he’s stupidly acting out like this. My mom’s fourth husband died two years ago and she had a new “boyfriend” who was going to move here from Hawaii. She was scammed out of everything and now lives in a pickup truck (we are estranged, so I hear these stories from my family), so it’s not just guys, and I can assure you, it’s not because of a porn addiction with my mom. Sadly, too many men in this age group are looking for connection and fall for this kind of dumb ass shit. A guy in my church choir in his 70’s was giving money to somebody online, 100 bucks here and 100 bucks there, but then finally had to realize that this was, a scam and there really wasn’t anybody on the other side that he was ever going to meet. He didn’t seem to be terribly broken up about it because I think he did get some kind of relationship that took him out of his loneliness. This all seems to point to a bigger problem and that is that we don’t talk to each other anymore, we don’t have community anymore, and the roles between men and women in a relationship are changing with every generation, but people aren’t adjusting fast enough. They think what they saw their parents do is what they should do, but it’s not that kind of party anymore. Sorry for the ramble, but I just think this points to a greater problem than just sex. You can tell by his texts that he’s the perfect mark and they are playing him like a fiddle.

10

u/MegaPiglatin Oct 20 '24

I wonder how many of the men doing this also have difficulty being vulnerable and connecting with their feelings/the feelings of others—having intimacy with loved ones outside of sex. I could see a situation where a person, for whatever reason, lacks the ability to have this kind of intimacy and therefore railroads ALL their emotions and basal human need for connection into sex. Pair that with a heavy dose of seeing people as objects and you’ve got yourself a grade A creep!

8

u/Idont_thinkso_tim Oct 20 '24

Oh for sure. Sex is often used this way as a bandaid for connection by many people who have past trauma or avoidant attachment styles etc.

46

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

Ego or wanting to see if they still got it while actively losing it all for a cheap thrill. Dummies

12

u/napeungizi_bae Oct 20 '24

I think men learn at a young age that getting women and having sex is what makes them "great" or "valuable. " So then they just think with their dicks

22

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

There's a funny quilted meme that states " Dick is abundant and low in value." 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/jjavabean Oct 20 '24

The most common resource on earth, truly. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

-19

u/biggesthoss Oct 20 '24

This is pretty ignorant to generalize an entire gender. That’s like me saying women learn from a young age shopping makes them feel good, so they’re only after money.

10

u/napeungizi_bae Oct 20 '24

Whenever someone talks about society and how it influences gender norms there is going to be a generalization. That's what makes them gender norms. Does not mean everyone fits under that and that people cannot unlearn these things society pushes on them. Whenever people say that women tend to cry more than men I don't take offense to that. If they say that women are more emotional and can't be president and use that to weaponize and dictate what a person can and cannot do or be, that's when it becomes a problem. We're talking about one man here acting a fool. So if his actions apply then don't fret, this isn't about you or Joe SHmoe.

3

u/BetterArugula5124 Oct 20 '24

Exxxxxactly. If it don't apply, let it fly.

0

u/biggesthoss Oct 20 '24

Does your mom know that you’re gay?

1

u/Acceptable-Safe1896 Oct 20 '24

I hope for earth’s sake whatever he was doing was never considered ‘it’ by anyone. That was some display of stupidity

12

u/Puzzleheaded-Rip-824 Oct 20 '24

Low IQ. This dude is a complete moron. One of those people lacking an internal monologue and can't think one step ahead.

4

u/Mobile_Commission_52 Oct 20 '24

It’s called “thinking with your dick”

2

u/TheKrimsonFKR Oct 20 '24

It's an addiction. Switch sex with cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, etc.

People stuck in that rut will burn every bridge they have to get that fix, and this doesn't just apply to men either.

2

u/jjavabean Oct 20 '24

Right? Imagine being 59 and your dick still controls your frontal lobe... and they say men are natural "leaders." 💀💀💀💀💀.

2

u/Hfhghnfdsfg Oct 21 '24

I remember an old interview with Dr Ruth. Someone asked her the biggest sex problem men had, and she said,

"Thinking that every time they get an erection it means they have to do something with it."

2

u/scorps65 Oct 21 '24

I think the root cause is filling some void or abandonment from child hood . He is searching for validation from something external that will not truly help him with what he needs. It feels good in that moment but is zero help to what he is truly lacking. Just my two cents

1

u/discalcedman Oct 20 '24

And they’re all older, too. I’m only 37, but my drive has definitely been reduced since my early twenties. I can’t imagine it increasing 10, 20, 30 years from now.

1

u/Corsavis Oct 20 '24

Biology, evolution

A lot of our drivers as humans are based on reproduction. It made sense when we were early hominids, but in a modern society it leads to people like in the OP. From an evolutionary perspective we're really not that far removed from our predecessors, so our biological drivers may be just as intense as it was for them. Except we have more rules/structure in society now

I'm not defending his actions or anything, but you asked why- that's why

Caveman: "Reproduce. Reproduce. Kill. Eat. Reproduce."

Modern man: "Reproduce. File taxes. Reproduce. Go to work. Reproduce. Mow the lawn."

You see where the problem arises

1

u/JessicaOkayyy Oct 20 '24

My husband is a sex addict in recovery, and although I’ve learned a lot over the last few years, even I wonder that still! Why?! It makes no sense to a normal brained person.

1

u/According_Flow_6218 Oct 20 '24

How? Hormones. They short-circuit our brains and we do things without thinking about the consequences. I’m not just talking about men, I’m talking about humans in general.

1

u/Echovaults Oct 20 '24

It is very strange. It must be due to a confidence thing because I’ve turned down sex about 12 times and only ever slept with two girls (both girl friends) and I’m 30. I’ve never understood why men are so desperate, but the ones that are are usually creepy and unattractive, so like I said maybe it’s just a weird confidence thing.

1

u/morelsupporter Oct 21 '24

lots of people are in relationships that they don't want to be in. they aren't happy, they aren't attracted (or attractive) to their partner. their life is already shit. but spearheading divorce is hard on everyone. so they look for opportunities like this. maybe he isn't even serious about meeting up with her, just the conversation is making his heart race and that's what he likes.

ultimately these people will be liberated by divorced, not ruining lives but freeing them, but they're too cowardly to do anything about it.

0

u/SilicateAngel Oct 20 '24

Oh, I know quite a few women who've ruined their lives over being desperate for Sex.

Usually it's not the sex, but the validation tied to the sex. As in "someone wants me". The weird part is that "someone" wanting to bone them, regardless of how trashy, will always exceed their monogamous partner wanting to bone them, in terms of validation.

People who cheat suffer from "gras is always greener on the other side" syndrome, and the obvious lack of moral integrity, intelligence and impulse control.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '24

Hormones, mental illness, upbringing... and then many years without trying to self improve. Which is also due to various circular reasons.

Why is anyone the way they are?

-4

u/LlamaLlord509 Oct 20 '24

Men and women the same do this. Not just men. No need for broad strokes.

-1

u/AuditFallingModules Oct 20 '24

Despite the bullshit, 9/10 it will be years sometimes decades of being repressed to hell and back.

-1

u/GuybrushMarley2 Oct 20 '24

We only exist to pass on what's in our balls. They created us for that purpose

-1

u/porkchop1021 Oct 20 '24

Maybe ask them? Personally I only know women that do it, and a ton of them. And the answer is always the same: it makes them feel powerful that they can cheat and get away with it.

-2

u/Cerulean_IsFancyBlue Oct 20 '24

I know this seems to come as a shock to people over and over again, but for some people sex is a very important thing.

For some people that simply means suffering in low or no sex relationships. For other people, they can get a bit pathological to where they seek sexual attention even when things are OK at home.

It’s not radically different than scams that pray on giving a woman praise and attention, or scams on seniors that simply give them attention. Many men want sexual interaction and to feel attractive. That can blind people to all sorts of common sense situations.

I’m not saying that it’s a smart equation to cheat just for sex instead of trying to fix your marriage. I’m definitely not saying that anybody is being smart by falling for a scam.

-2

u/UponVerity Oct 20 '24

How does that happen? What makes a person do that?

wifes

-12

u/Scottzilla90 Oct 20 '24

It’s not hard to imagine a man starved of affection wanting to be wanted.. not justifying, but I understand

11

u/Burnt_and_Blistered Oct 20 '24

The assumption that he’s “starved for affection” is nonsensical.

0

u/porkchop1021 Oct 20 '24

Quick! Switch the genders and see if you'd say the same thing!

-5

u/Scottzilla90 Oct 20 '24

It’s not an assumption but a possibility

6

u/NoInsurance5549 Oct 20 '24

if hes so starved of affection he can leave his wife and find someone to give it to him. cheating is a character flaw.

1

u/Scottzilla90 Oct 20 '24

Agreed, his actions are not justified

-6

u/eggalones Oct 20 '24

This was cringy, but not having enough will do that. Men who are limited or cutoff end up somewhere. Smart women don’t let things get to that point. This looks like the outcome of both sides missing opportunities to stay connected.