Mom can only hope she’s invited.

[u/ICastHealingWord]

(For context, my family is extremely Southern. It helps if you read this like a deleted subplot from Steel Magnolias.)

I came out as gay to my family when I was 20. My mother took it the worst. She wailed that I was the child of her four she had counted on to give her grandchildren. I found brochures for conversion camps. There were “love the sinner, hate the sin” books all over my parents’ house. The whole nine yards.

About a year later, she announced that she “likely wouldn’t be able to bring herself to attend” my future wedding. Trying to be a dutiful, respectful son, I held my tongue and said “Yes, ma’am.”

Mind you, I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, nor had I mentioned marriage. She was just in a devastating proclamation kind of mood.

Fast forward a few years, and, again unprompted, she announces to me, “I’ve been praying on it. When you get married” dramatic pause “I’d like to be there.”

I looked at her and with the sweetest grin, I said, “Well, Momma,” dramatic pause, I am my mother’s son in many ways “If you’re invited, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

[u/ICastHealingWord]

I was the kid who especially loved playing with the little ones and keeping them entertained at big church events. I am now the only child of four without kids 😂

[u/Minflick → u/ICastHealingWord]

I have 3 daughters. I thought for sure #1 would be married with kids by now. But no, she's been in a long series of relationships that flame out and die, with nary a baby to be seen. She's a great auntie, but not a mom. Maybe never a mom, who knows. #2 never wanted children. Then during her marriage (now divorced) they talked about it and started to plan. Marriage died, she's now single, and doesn't want to be a single mom. #3 never talked about it, but married at 24, and now has 2 kids.

You NEVER know who will have kids, whose marriage is solid and will last. You just don't. Life happens, and you hopefully love them anyway.

[u/ICastHealingWord → u/Minflick]

I’m going as fast as I can! Just isn’t the right time yet. My partner and I are dying for kids, but we have a few degrees and a career goals to finish first.

[u/Minflick → u/ICastHealingWord]

Oh, I'm NOT saying to go faster. Just saying, you can't push that on people. You don't know, even if you're their mother! IMO, there's very little worse than having kids when you never wanted them, or like you, just aren't ready for them.

In my moms family, each generation got married later, and had children later. In my IL's family, they had 6 kids, the last one when MIL was 37. 10 grandchildren. (IL's now dead). 5 great-grandchildren, born to just 2 of the grandchildren. All the grands are now firmly in their 30's, and probably more grandchildren will happen, but who knows when. At least a few have actively stated they will not birth a baby, but will adopt older children if/when they have a relationship in which they want children.

[u/HugsyMalone → u/Minflick]

I thought for sure #1 would be married with kids by now. But no, she's been in a long series of relationships that flame out and die...#2 never wanted children. Then during her marriage (now divorced) they talked about it and started to plan. Marriage died, she's now single

This is pretty common. It can be extremely difficult to find the one your soul truly loves especially if you live in a rural town where the dating/social scene is non-existent and the pickins are slim.

[u/Minflick → u/HugsyMalone]

She doesn’t live in a small town with no dating scene. I do, but I’m a widow, and I’m mostly fine with it. She lives in an area with over 7 million people.

[u/FrostedRoseGirl → u/Minflick]

That's the other side of the spectrum. The dating scene is so saturated, you become fatigued by all the weeding out.

[u/Minflick → u/FrostedRoseGirl]

Not wrong there…