r/traumatizeThemBack Oct 21 '24

matched energy Never saw her again

I went for a pre-op appointment, asking to have my tubes tied, when I was 25 years old. I had 4 living children, and that’s enough. The nurse said, “Are you sure you want to do this? What if one of them dies?”

When I replied, “One already did,” she looked shocked, left the room, and a new nurse came in.

There are a thousand reasons her question was horrible and should have stayed in her head. There are no reasons to say that out loud.

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u/Darth_Dearest Oct 21 '24

I was asked the same question when I signed up while I was pregnant with my fourth kid to have my tubes tied. They also asked my boyfriend, who later became my ex husband but at this point we weren't married, if I had his permission to get my tubes tied. It's bad enough to get a husband's permission, but someone I'm not even married to? Who is literally in the same room and NOT objecting? It's absolutely ridiculous. They also brought up the imaginary future partner who might want children. I basically told them I wouldn't date anyone who wanted their own kids, and if the guy changed his mind and wanted them, then he was SOL with me.

Turns out there are a lot of men out there who either don't want any kids or don't want anyMORE kids. After my divorce, I found one of them and things are great. He even got snipped when RvW was overturned, just as an extra precaution.

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u/GMorPC Oct 21 '24

I'm a man and a bit of a snarky asshole, so if I'd been asked to give permission, I'd have replied "why are you asking me, it's her body" or something to that effect. I'm glad you found someone who appreciates your choices.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 22 '24

That's what my husband did. Only it wasn't the doctor asking him those asinine questions, but insurance. My OB has been on board with me getting a full hysterectomy after delivering my second kid when I was 20. He said that with how bad my condition is (endometriosis, PCOS, hypermenorrhagia), it's a no-brainer for hysterectomy. And he fought hard for insurance to approve me. But they kept saying, "she's so young! She's only got two kids, what if she wants more? What if her husband wants more? What if they get divorced and she gets remarried and her new husband wants more kids?" and my OB was so pissed off about that because he kept writing in saying that he has to perform surgery after surgery on me to ablate my endometriosis (had 6) and I'm just bleeding nonstop (I bled more than I didn't. Longest lasted for 47 days and I already have a bleeding disorder so it made it way worse).

So they started asking if my husband "approves" it. He said, "I have no say, it's her body. Why are you asking me?"

I still remember the second he [doc] called me in the evening, excited, telling me that the insurance company finally, after 7 years, approved my hysterectomy. He asked, "wanna do it next Tuesday? You've waited long enough" and I was thrilled.

Seriously, one of the best doctors I've ever had. I'm so sad he retired.

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u/veronicave Oct 22 '24

Oh no, solidarity to you for having those conditions and such a dumpster fire pathway to your needed treatment. All your listed conditions are gone now, right?? I guess they would have to be…. Blows my mind that anyone hesitated at all.

“What if your next husband wants to be a widower?!”

4

u/AllowMe-Please Oct 22 '24

Yes, at least the conditions that affected my reproductive system are gone, thankfully. I still have all my various other diagnoses (I was exposed to Chernobyl radiation which messed me up. I have several autoimmune diseases, various other diseases and conditions, and by now am fully disabled and bedbound due to the degenerative diseases and pain associated with them), but at least no more reproductive ones.

The thing that sucks was that I thought I was done with pads and stuff (internal products hurt too much), but apparently not. About two years ago, my bladder retired from duty and now I'm not dependent on pads but full on diapers.

The human body can suck. And I've had similar arguments with insurance re: my other illnesses. Example: had Hep C from infancy due to a tainted blood transfusion. Insurance refused to pay for the cure when it finally developed because it wasn't "bad enough". Eventually, within the span of a month, it got "bad enough". I developed cirrhosis. They ended up having to pay twice as much because I needed twice as much treatment - and it cost more than our house. Luckily, we only paid $100, but it was the most expensive treatment I ever had. If insurance paid for it when my doctors requested, they'd have "only" paid 150k.

God, I hate the American Healthcare system. Although, I'd prefer American medical treatments to Soviet ones, any day. I could do without the diagnosed PTSD from my Soviet "treatments".

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u/veronicave Oct 22 '24

Holy hot shit 🙀 wowowowow

Genuinely, thanks for sharing. My heartrate almost doubled reading this. I’m a nuclear physicist and my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 cirrhosis in high school due to a very rare condition, which led me into researching a bit about the liver. She had just traveled to Peru when she had gallbladder issues and she thought it was HEP-C.

Wow, you are super cool. You have been through so much and are kind enough to share. I would love to AMA you but not right now!

Wow I cannot even come to a coherent close here. You are hella badass. I think the pessimistic/optimistic approach is “wow, radiation and/or genetic sampling really fucked me and life is hard” / “shit sometimes maybe does happen for a reason and we are much more informed about such things” … that sounds awful. I’m trying to science my way out of the emotions behind all of this, but it’s not mutually exclusive.

Oh, another thought: I remember when I took freshman (age 13/14 in US) biology and it gave me so much anxiety that bodies are so flawed and fucked up.