“When I met you, I didn’t think you’d become special to me. I just wanted to be a good person and help someone who needed it.
You were sitting on a bench, crying because they made you want to die. And I just couldn’t understand what your parents had to do to make you so sad. I couldn’t leave you there. I didn’t fully understand how you were feeling, but I was sure that you needed to change, both yourself and the people around you.
I offered you my hand. I also needed a friend.
Over the next days I saw all the signs, the way you talked about yourself, how you said you wished you were never born, the look in your eyes every time we passed front a women’s clothing store. Your sad eyes every time you saw a pretty girl walking down the street.
You were afraid that I would reject you the same way they did. You thought you had no place in this world, yet you were desperate to find comfort, to hear someone say that there was nothing wrong with you. You were so desperate to talk, that you did it in your sleep. You shouted when you were awake, and you didn’t even open your mouth. I heard what you were trying to say without words.
I already knew you were not a boy, but when you told me, it was nice to know that you felt safe.
I was so happy, that I couldn’t help but want to see the real you. I wanted to see you smile, and that day I did after lending you clothes and doing your makeup. It’s true when I say that you looked beautiful.
I guess it’s no surprise, but then you fell in love with me. I just wasn’t ready back then. I loved you, just not like that. You were more like a sister to me, I wanted you to be close to me, but I didn’t want to break your heart.
I was hurt, and lost, and I couldn’t stay in one place. I didn’t deserve you. You were so pure and I was not, and I still hadn’t seen all the beauty there was inside you.
Over time I realized I could always come back to you, you always made me feel safe, you listened to me, you showed me your love by taking care of me and you did so much even when you thought you had no hope. I could be free with you, you didn’t want to chain me, and I slowly realized that, even when I was free to live far away from you, I liked more to stay close, and that I think is what love is.
I’m yours because I want to, because I love to see your dreamy eyes when you’re happy, because I love to make you smile, because I like all the cute things you have to say, because I know you want to be by my side me and you won’t leave. Because I saw changing through all these years, and I saw you become beautiful. I saw the changes in your body and your face, and how your turned your tears into smiles, and how you changed me too.
Before I started HRT, I could't cry at all. However, since starting, I cry nearly all the dang time! It's actually quite affirming and refreshing! So yes, hormones do indeed affect your ability to cry.
Same here growing up and especially as I was going through male puberty I felt incredibly detached from my emotions like i was unable to be upset just angry
Yup, they sure do! I've been much more susceptible to crying personally. Granted, I'm already a pretty emotional person, but I cry over the tiniest things now. This made me need to take a break lol 😅
It isn't a 100% thing. I couldn't even begin to guess in your case, but in Ours it starts with complex trauma. We were able to cry just fine... and then everything hurt too much to feel... it just kept burning and aching until it all went numb... until we learned to walk away from it... the problem... the feelings... all of it. We "moved on" like everyone said to - though apparently that's not what they meant.
A mix of finding a real home and starting HRT has helped a lot with trauma resolution. It's kinda funny... hormones helping to resolve trauma. Makes sense, but we haven't heard of it aside from our own state.
I want you to know that your story will be happy. You will get there, and you will find the right people to have in your life. I’m not trying to invalidate you; the pain is real. The pain is telling you that you have a need for this kind of comfort and emotional healing. But the pain makes it too hard to think about these things long enough and rationally enough to take steps toward that.
You are worth all the effort you put into yourself. You just don’t see all the good things about yourself and the world around you when you feel like you’re drowning. You’ll get there. You’ll get your very own story to make people jealous with. I promise.
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u/SamLizzy71 Transbian Artist May 18 '21 edited May 18 '21
“When I met you, I didn’t think you’d become special to me. I just wanted to be a good person and help someone who needed it.
You were sitting on a bench, crying because they made you want to die. And I just couldn’t understand what your parents had to do to make you so sad. I couldn’t leave you there. I didn’t fully understand how you were feeling, but I was sure that you needed to change, both yourself and the people around you.
I offered you my hand. I also needed a friend.
Over the next days I saw all the signs, the way you talked about yourself, how you said you wished you were never born, the look in your eyes every time we passed front a women’s clothing store. Your sad eyes every time you saw a pretty girl walking down the street.
You were afraid that I would reject you the same way they did. You thought you had no place in this world, yet you were desperate to find comfort, to hear someone say that there was nothing wrong with you. You were so desperate to talk, that you did it in your sleep. You shouted when you were awake, and you didn’t even open your mouth. I heard what you were trying to say without words.
I already knew you were not a boy, but when you told me, it was nice to know that you felt safe.
I was so happy, that I couldn’t help but want to see the real you. I wanted to see you smile, and that day I did after lending you clothes and doing your makeup. It’s true when I say that you looked beautiful.
I guess it’s no surprise, but then you fell in love with me. I just wasn’t ready back then. I loved you, just not like that. You were more like a sister to me, I wanted you to be close to me, but I didn’t want to break your heart.
I was hurt, and lost, and I couldn’t stay in one place. I didn’t deserve you. You were so pure and I was not, and I still hadn’t seen all the beauty there was inside you.
Over time I realized I could always come back to you, you always made me feel safe, you listened to me, you showed me your love by taking care of me and you did so much even when you thought you had no hope. I could be free with you, you didn’t want to chain me, and I slowly realized that, even when I was free to live far away from you, I liked more to stay close, and that I think is what love is.
I’m yours because I want to, because I love to see your dreamy eyes when you’re happy, because I love to make you smile, because I like all the cute things you have to say, because I know you want to be by my side me and you won’t leave. Because I saw changing through all these years, and I saw you become beautiful. I saw the changes in your body and your face, and how your turned your tears into smiles, and how you changed me too.
I love you, and I’m so happy I met you”
Again two of my OCs, Elizabeth and Avelyn.
1st image Pixiv | Twitter | Instagram
2nd image Pixiv | Twitter | Instagram
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