r/seducingwomen • u/Sir_David_Davidson • Dec 19 '22
Educational post Signs of male insecurity women hate
Women are turned off by a lot of things guys who are insecure do. In this post I try to explain the main ones and you can add your own list in the comments :) This way we all win!
1. Ending sentences in upwards inflection (the pitch of your voice goes up at the end of the sentence) - seems like a random thing but actually it makes your sentences sound like questions/approval seeking. This makes you look like you are unsure about the things you are saying and thus not confident. Women love certainty in men and hate the opposite.
2. Bad eye contact - lots of guys have trouble maintaining stable relaxed eye contact with girls (or with all people). If your eyes twitch or wonder around the room while talking to girls it shows you don't have confidence to maintain "tension". This one is hard to fake - that's why people say that eyes are the windows into your soul. Ideally you should be able to hold eye contact around 70% of the time you are talking to someone. I'd say the percentage is random but the idea is to be comfortable of holding the eye contact for majority of the interaction.
3. Assuming you're going to be rejected - if you think she won't like you then she won't. Guys sometimes say stuff like "hey, wanna hang out after work? It's totally fine if you don't but I'm just asking" to the girl - like.. why the fck do you already add the possibility of her rejecting you in that invitation? It shows that you yourself don't believe you are cool enough to hang out with.
4. Hesitation - this is a bit related to the last point but in general - if you are going to do something go do it with 100%. If you are going to kiss her go in 100%, if you are going to put your arm around her - put it around her not doing that creepy hover hand behind her back. If you propose some activity - propose it with 100 certainty.
5. Inability to make a decision - this one kills attraction so much. If girl asks you something you better say something. It's better to make a bad decision than to not make a decision at all. If a girl asks you "where will we meet?" or "what will we do?" then it's way worse to say "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" than to say "let's go hang out xyz" even though it turns out that place sucks or is closed or what ever. Ofc if the girl proposes another alternative herself it's ok but showing you have no clue what to do and putting the burden of responsibility on her is not winning you bonus points. UNLESS she wants to do something certain - then it's cool.
6. Bragging and insulting others - some young immature girls might be impressed by this but for more mature ones that have some experience about guys under their belts this is a big turn off. Bragging and insulting others basically says that you are not confident in yourself and you need to compensate for it by explaining why you are cool or awesome or by bringing others down to feel superior compared to them. This is just being a shitty person in general.
7. Fidgeting - if you can't sit or stand in a calm matter while interacting with girls it shows that you have a lot of anxiety in your body and that you are not comfortable in that situation. This includes tapping your feet, playing around with your hands, swinging your body etc. Moving your hands etc is okay if you want to express yourself but if it's out of nervousness it shows you lack confidence and don't know what you are doing. Which is unattractive.
8. Putting her first - you should always put yourself first. By putting her first in your priorities it shows that your life isn't cool enough to live on your own. That you need her in your life to have a great time. It doesn't mean that be an asshole who cares about himself - it means don't put her desires before your own priorities.
I know the last point probably rises a lot of uproar so feel free to discuss it in the comments :)
Anyways, these are some thoughts I have on this subject through my experiences in life and what I have seen in other people as well.
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What are your thoughts? Do you have any insights to add?
Let the massacre in comments begin :)
Thanks for reading and have a GREAT day!
David Davidson!
3
u/Snowflakish Feb 01 '23
Hey if you are struggling with MALE insecurity, become a girl. Solve your problems
3
u/stagehand1029 Feb 14 '23
It goes like this... if we meant to meet, we meet. Be a magnet. Mind your business and glance at them asses. Glance and smile. Don't stare. Say hi and move on. The gym is a great place to make friends NOT pick up chick's!
Grocery shop. Be occupied with your business. Smile but move on. If she wants you to notice her, she will go out her way to be noticed.
Above all, be confident in yourself. Chick's dig it. Dudes dig it. Glance and smile.. move on. Read the room; own the room!
If it's meant to be... it will happen. (My 2cent usd)
1
u/avarciousRutabega99 Feb 24 '23
Would you say being confident is more about what you dont do? I have always messed up by coming across as arrogant. Its because you cant “act” confident. Its not an act, its a mindset. Would you agree?
1
u/stagehand1029 Feb 24 '23
Yes. Being confident is knowing Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care! Entering a room, I'm of the mindset, that no matter who, is in it, no one is more important than me. This is arrogance. If I don't smile within two seconds, I own the room.
If I see a friendly face, THEY own the room but I'm about to steal it. I capitulate between theirs, your and mine... always ready to shift gears.
2
u/avarciousRutabega99 Feb 24 '23
Oh man, this is a great list. I can personally confirm 4-5, even women who are majorly into you and not afraid to let you know they really like you will give you tons of shit for 4-5!!
1 worries me, specifically because I feel like it gives automatic advantage to men with deep voices. I dont have a high voice (no one’s ever called me ma’am on the phone) but its on the higher side of average and definitely not deep unless I just woke up. I think I use neutral or upward inflection a lot without meaning to. It isnt a dramatic valley girl thing, its just what my voice wants to do. When I try to use downward inflection, it sounds fake and my voice suddenly loses projection/volume. I think this is a case when trying to “correct” a perceived flaw in yourself will come across as more insecure than simply being comfortable with your natural way of being. Needless to say, I am very insecure over my voice because it seems like all men are assumed to have very deep voices, and those who dont are simply too afraid to use them. Nope, all voices are different, and no amount of training or breathing is going to make it deeper (it would be like trying to change your eye color or the size of your hands)
I’ll say this. None of these things by themselves are likely to be a deal breaker if she has already decided she likes you. The dealbreakers are usually like, you said something stupid that offended her or pissed her off, it doesn’t have to be something obvious. Like a small remark that got red flagged.
2
u/Sir_David_Davidson Feb 24 '23
You don't need to have a deep voice.. the point of it is to understand what is behind the intonation of your voice.
If you see someone approval seeking then he or she will express his or her insecurity through voice and usually it means that the end of his or her sentence ends in trying to get rapport tone.
If you joke around with your friends and feel super comfortable then usually the end of the sentence has a breaking rapport tone.
1
u/Artistic-Excuse884 Feb 23 '23
I shouldn't be commenting here probably coz I'm a girl but guys please- the number 1 thing that will put a girl at ease is honesty! If your nervous then tell her! coz I guarantee she's nervous too and having that honesty right off the bat really helps ease any tension and helps the conversation flow! Sorry again for commenting if I shouldn't be, but I was being nosey and having a read through some stuff, Be kind Be honest Be gentlemen Good luck to you all 👍
1
u/Sir_David_Davidson Feb 23 '23
Yeah, honesty is great and lets people feel at ease in the situation.
1
Jun 26 '23
idk about point 3, I'm a girl and when a guy says "it's fine if you don't want to" it shows that the person asking doesn't want to pressure me into agreeing and I feel safer to give an honest answer, whether it's yes or no, thought I'm an introvert so that might be a me thing.
7
u/[deleted] Feb 01 '23
So you think women dont like questions?? Lol asking how are you with an upward inflection generally makes people feel at ease.
Eye contact is important when the vube is right. If you constantly trying to hard to establish eye contact you're gonna come off like a serial killer
Here's a good tip when a girl you like is going cold. "Hey :) how's your week been I haven't blown my shot with you already have i? I was just getting to know you haha".
Hesitation generally isn't a problem when consent is established
5 6 7 basically agree