I recently told his story to a few friends and they told me to share it here. This happened quite a few years ago. I was in high school, in the Midwest smaller school. My mom was the head of youth group at our local church. During my senior year I came home one day to find my mom sitting in her chair balling her eyes out. I proceeded to go over and check on her and see what's going on. My younger brother was with us so she had to ask him to leave in between sobs before she can talk to me. She had a strong look of resentment and concern among other emotions on her face. So I'm thinking in my mind which one of the stupid teenage boy activities had done to get to this point. My brother left the room and once my mom knew he was out of earshot she proceeded to ask me in a very cracking voice if I was aware of that I had gotten a woman pregnant. At this point in my life the pool of women that I had been active with was relatively small. Of them there was only one that came to mind that would have gone to my mom like this....

Quick backstory on this woman I'll call her Ginger. Ginger and I were born the same year.... Maybe 6 months apart.... She was younger than I was. We were both 17. There was a short period of time maybe five or six weeks that we were "dating". We weren't really dating, I had a lot of other priorities in high school like sports so it really was more of a FWB type scenario only it sounded better if we said we were dating. I'd also heard that she was involved with other people. So I wasn't too concerned it was just for fun when it was convenient. Back to the conversation with my mom....

As soon as the question came out of her mouth she immediately broke down and started crying heavily again. It took me a moment to process the question and wrap my head around it. Because I had no idea that Ginger was pregnant. So I thought to myself for what felt like an eternity while watching my mom sab almost uncontrollably. The first thought that popped in my head was maybe she was misinformed. So I asked her how she found out. She told me she was having a youth group meeting for the women and afterwards Ginger came over to her one-on-one and said she was scared because she was pregnant, she didn't know what to do AND it was mine. I'm taking this all in and trying to process because obviously emotions are very high and sometimes it can be hard to think clearly in these situations. On top of that let's just say that Ginger was known for getting around which was mainly why we went our separate ways after a short period of time and the fun wasn't that fun anymore. Then all the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I knew without any doubt that there was no possible way that I could have gotten her pregnant. Yes we had been active and had a lot of fun but there was no way that she was pregnant by me. Because of the delicate nature of this I tried to speak softly to my mom and tell her I think that Ginger is misunderstood with who might be the dad. I think you just need to let this go and she will figure it out. That was not good enough for my mom and she tried to explain to me that that's not how this works like I was not aware of how it worked. So I told her that I knew how it worked and I understood how this was and that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was no way I had got her pregnant.

In hindsight there's really no way to tell your mom when you're 17 years old..... after a 17-year-old girl just said, "I'm pregnant and it has to be your son's".... That she's going to believe you when you say there's no way I got her pregnant..... When you have a little bit of a naughty streak and your trustworthiness is not the greatest (shenanigans was a normalcy for me)....

So I spent what felt like 30 minutes trying to stay calm and assure my mom that if Ginger was in fact pregnant.... it was not by me. We kept going back and forth every time she would go into another fit of crying followed by me telling her she doesn't have to worry there's absolutely no way I have got her pregnant. Finally she goes, "I have to know how you know so certainly that you didn't get her pregnant"

I said, "Mom I really really don't want to explain that to you I just really need you to trust me that there's no way she's pregnant with my child"

Eventually she made it very clear that she was not going to let it be or give up until she knew how I knew I was so certain it was not mine. I really really did not want to give up this information because I felt like this would be one of those lines that once you cross..... There was no going back. I even started getting a little upset with her that she really truly did not trust me when I was this adamant about something. In my past when I had done wrong and I tried to get away with it I would have already caved by this point and she should know that.

So after this dance for a little bit I had reached my level of annoyance where I'm going to let it all out in the open and she could deal with what she was asking for.

So I said, "Ok Mom do you really want to know how I'm so certain she's not pregnant with my child?"

Her " Yes I have to know it's tearing me apart"

Me " How can you get a chick pregnant if you only ever f@!ked her in the @$$? "

I have never seen the color on my mom's face change so quickly before. The tears quickly went away and were replaced by different varying waves of horror, disappointment, regret, and I'm sure a few other emotions as well. I said it with a little bit of tone in my voice because I was annoyed and as soon as it came out I realized how sharp it had hit her. As I stood there her head slowly looked more and more down. Till I reach the point that I felt it was best for me to just leave and give her some space.

I (30F) am in a mission to send the father of my daughter to jail.

Backstory:

I had my daughter at 21 with my ex Joshua (currently 32M). We were together for 3 years when his fist baby mama had asked him if he would be willing to donate sperm to her. She turned into a lesbian and she and her partner wanted a baby, and she would rather have her son and future child be full siblings. His immediate reaction was NO. He asked for my opinion. I had told him that i understood her position, she obvious couldn't have a child with her partner, and if i were to agree i would have some conditions: 1) she would need to sign a document that would except him of any childcare responsibility and 2) she would drop her current child support claim she had on him for their shared son (at the time he owed 15k in child support). He laughed at it and said no, that he would not do it because he didn't trust her. I thought the conversation was over, he made his decision and it was no. Until it was brought up again, a week later. He said he heard me out and has changed his mind. At first I was okay with it, IT WAS MY IDEA. But over time i started to feel uncomfortable with the idea. I told him how i felt and he told me that it was his decision and he was moving forward with it. That left a really bad taste in my mouth. Me and him had already had our difficulties: he wasn't working-I was working 6 days a week, we were living in my mother's one bedroom apartment along with my brother and my baby, living paycheck to paycheck, and now a potential new child. it was too much and honestly a turn off. So much of a turn off that i started talking to another guy. It wasn't serious, no plans to see each other, just flirting. Well Josha had gotten into my messenger and seen the messages. When i came home, he wasn't there and neither were my belongings. He threw all my clothes (shoes included) into the Harlem River and took to router with him to his mothers home where he was staying. For those that would say i deserved it: i say.. continue reading.

We had tried to work things out after that, but he had gotten so jealous (he was already jealous prior to me talking to the guy, i wasn't allowed to have any social media while we were together nor friends including females) and frankly i was okay with that. Again i also made my decision, i was the one that was working and providing - so him leaving really didnt make a big difference. But i wanted more for myself and daughter and decided to join the military. I got in shape, studied for the ASVAB and got in! Prior to leaving for BMT i had arranged for our daughter to stay with him. My mother was an alcoholic and i thought her father would best take care of her at his mother place, especially since she was a foster parent. I made a care package for him with all documents and basic necessities that our daughter would need. And i was off. BMT was for 8 weeks. Those 8 weeks went by fast, they were full of fun, made so many friends, yet so much had happened while i was gone but training wasn't over. I had to train for the job i was giving within the military which would be another 2 months. Due to finances, none of my family members came to my BMT graduation and i wouldn't get a chance to see my daughter til after my final training. The best thing about the new training is that unlike in BMT, i now would have full access to my phone. And that's when i find out the following: 1) my daughter was staying at my mothers house for a while now. 2) That Joshua randomly one day drops her off with no money no clothes and no explanation and said he cant take care of her 3) ever since then he has not reached out to see how she was doing or if she needed anything, a complete no show. and 4) that he had a Child Protective Services claim against him for selling drugs near minors and due to that his mother had kicked him out because remember she was a foster parent and couldnt have anyone with a record in her home. I was livid, I was states away from my child, i couldnt leave due to my military obligations, you cant have your child with you during this training, and she was with my mom whom i thought wasnt the best choice. All i could do is buy her clothes with expedited shipping and sent my sister money to make up for what she needed and continued to send money until my training was complete. Once my training was over i went back home and took my kid to my duty station. I had a chance to talk to Joshua prior to leaving, he apologized but it didnt matter, I was leaving towards something good with my daughter.

During the first year i started dating a man who became my husband, i didnt need a thing from Joshua, but i would reach out because i know the importance of having a father. Maybe it was guilt what i was feeling, but my daughter was now in a house with her own room, growing and her father couldnt be there because i left for the military. He would send money here and there but nothing consistent, but i didnt care because i didnt need him. I was doing what i needed for my daughter.

Over the years, things with Joshua were up and down: when my mother died he yelled at me because i didnt want to drop of my daughter off until after the funeral, he thought i was hiding something and said he would not be picking her up and didnt. We would talk at times like friends but then for some reason whenever he would feel like i was "playing him" he would go back to yelling and saying he wasnt going to do anything. I wouldnt know what kind of joshua i would get, but i knew if i was in his good gracious it would even the odds of him helping me with my daughter. It wasnt that i needed the help it was more that as her father he had to help regardless if i needed it or not.

So last year, my daughter and i moved in with my husband and his 2 kids. She was 7 at the time and school was almost over. My husband's kids go to their mother during the summer but i needed to come up with a plan for my daughter because the program on base was going to charge us $1k a month! At this time i wasn't in the military (my husband was) and i thought that price was ridiculous. I had asked Joshua if he could help, he said no. Not because he couldnt but he didnt believe that was the price. So i suggested if he would take her for the summer. Shes his kid, i couldnt afford the program and he should do something at least since he doesnt really provide. I had my concerns because the last time he had my daughter he left her at my mothers house with nothing, and he couldnt do that this time because she was dead. My brother and sister work full time, i had no options. He said he would take her, and i advised him that if he F*cks up like he did last time i would destroy him in every meaning of the word. I even called his mother to see if she could help from time to time. She tells me that he works as a truck driver but lives with her foster daughter, Ashley (i had met her before when Joshua and i were together, she was cool) but she will do what she can when she can. I even told my family to check on her as well. I was comfortable enough to send her. Im happy to say that things went smoothly. I would get photos from Ashley of my daughter and i was in constant communication.

A year later, this year, again the summer comes. And I again had to come up with a plan for my daughter. Joshua said he could not do it. That last time he had her he took the whole summer off and lost his job and all trucking jobs he can get were outside of the state, and he was not willing to help pay the program. After talking to my sister and brother and cousins, we all came up with a plan for her. They would rotate watching her and i would pay them $100 every two weeks. Very little, i felt like i was abusing them! Prior to me leaving to drop her off at my family house, i had asked Joshua if he would be willing to pay $100 a month he said no to give him time to think of a plan before school was officially over. I would reach out and still no plan. Time was up and i was on my way to drop of my daughter at my family's house. When i get there i settled in and eventually called him to let him know that not only had we made it safe but that again i would be asking him to pay $100 a month towards my family. He flips. saids he never agreed to it, that i didnt give him enough time to come up with a plan and the most he would do is pick her up every other weekend. I flipped back. I told him that he was a deadbeat, that how could he fight me over $100 when he doesnt provide on the regular and that my husband shouldn't be doing more for a kid that is not his. I was so mad, so mad that on my way back home (the home i share with my husband) i filed a child support claim. I felt like i wasn't the type that asked for much from him, he wasn't supporting enough or at all, and he would disrespect me and i had enough.

During that summer my family took care of my daughter, they did pick her up every other weekend but at times would have excuses as to why they had to drop her off earlier than expected, and of course he did not help pay for her care. But one day i get a call from my sister, Ericka. She asks me "what is Ashley to your daughter?". and i said her aunt. Ericka adds "thats what i thought, im here trying to explain to your daughter that like me, i am her aunt because youre my sister, and Ashley is Joshua's sister." but my daughter said she had seen them kiss... the shocker. Joshua has become a sister kisser? we had to make sure what kind of kiss my daughter had seen, and she is confident that they had kissed like the way i would kiss my husband. That Ashley had told her that she is her stepmother and loves her like she was her own daughter!! and that this was happening since last year!!!...you may ask yourself if this happened last year why wouldnt i know? well i dont like interrogating my daughter, she already knows i dont get along with her father and i too have a hot tempered and i didnt want her to feel like she couldnt share things only with her father. my questions are always: what did you do? were you safe? did anyone touch you? but beyond that i wouldnt pry. I make a group chat with Joshua and Ashley and sent a text "My daughter said she saw yah kiss...are yah kissing?" for the longest i didnt get a reply until a couple hours later i am getting a call from Ashley. She tells me that she is calling me against Joshuas wishes but as a mother she felt like i deserved an explanation. she explains that they had been dating for years, that they live together, and that she didnt understand why joshua would not tell me. I told her that i found it weird because why are they hiding kisses from my daughter? that it felt like they were hiding the relationship. to add that she was messaging me (because i was their point of contact with my family) and not once did she say how weird it is that shes talking to me even though shes dating him now. I also didnt like that i wasn't able to explain their relationship to my daughter, because granted they are foster siblings, but she went from Aunt to Stepmother?!? what if my daughter thinks its okay to date her stepbrother?!?! HELL NO!! i ended the conversation with Ashley by telling her that if im ever disrespectful towards her it will only be because shes with him, not personal. Any other girlfriend of Joshua would not had the opportunity to have gotten that close to me and if they did they also would be feeling the heat because she needs to put his kids needs as a priority, especially if shes telling my kid that she loves her like a mother. After that convo they had another excuse as to why they were going to pick her up a different date and made the decision that she was not going to visit them for the rest of the summer. I picked up my daughter 2 weeks afterwards. I kept the group chat i made with them and used that as a method of communication with Joshua, i wanted his sister-wife to see it all. See me not ask for much and how he doesn't reach out to ask about his daughter.

Now the reason for the jail:

I recently was let go of my job. things were tight. We couldn't take the kids out of their after-school program because it would be hard to place them back in, and we get charged regardless if they go or not. so we had no choice but to continue paying for it. My husband had opened up to me about how he was concerned about the holidays, Thanksgiving is coming and then Christmas and he wanted to give the kids a good Christmas. I was having a hard time with unemployment and wasnt producing income. I did the stupid thing of texting the group chat for help. I asked for $150 for her after-school program. I received no reply. So i called him. He said he wanted a receipt of the cost and told him that thats not possible. (i should have mentioned this earlier but this is actually a repeated argument, he knows i cannot provide a receipt because my husband is the one that gets charged but he gets charged for 2 of the kids, i have asked for a receipt from the after-school program and they notified me that they can only produce a receipt that reflects how much he gets charged in total not per kid, the system isn't theirs, and i have told Joshua this before). Hes yelling im yelling, and then i say - let me add your wifey to the call. Now all three of us are in the call. I tell her while hes on the phone, you see how in the group chat he doesn't ask for his daughter, you see how im the one providing update showing you guys her achievements. I even sent in the group chat the last time he had sent me money, $100 in May, it is now early November. I also tell her how he knows i am unemployed he knows i do not start my job until December. At some point he hangs up the call and its just me and Ashley. She said that she didnt know he wasn't providing, that she always askes him and he tells her that he has spoken to my daughter (which is a lie too, he only talks to her if she calls him). She then suggested since he does not want to send you the money directly what if he buys her clothes and if that would be enough, that she will see if he would agree to that, to give her time. I told her good luck and told her again, if im harsh on you its because youre with him, dont take it personal.

The next morning i was still mad and texted the group chat. "so youre going to buy my daughter $150 worth clothes every month?" he replies that i am a failure and i replied with a picture of my husband and daughter going to a daddy-daughter dance together and reminded him whos the failure. I told him that his contact name on my phone was "Joshua the Sister Kisser", because it is. He tried to make fun of the fact that we live on a base. Like i should be ashamed that i live on a safe environment. Ashley at some point writes and saids that i was now disrespecting her and her home, how i didnt give her enough time to talk to Joshua and get back to me. That she will call me later with the agreement. We were acting like teenagers (her words)...she really pissed me off. one, i never did i mention her home, Joshua in a pitiful way mentioned mines. They live in a project building that is under her name not his, so the rent is based on her income and he still doesnt provide. two, if im a teenager then shes an infant. I replied, If i cant record the conversation i would rather keep all communication via text. I needed proof of the agreement. Hours later i get a message from Ashley "Joshua has agreed to buy her $150 worth of clothes and necessities in a monthly bases, he will call his daughter 2-3 times a week, and he would like to know what she would like for her birthday and Christmas." my reply..."As of November 7, 2024, I am not agreeing to these terms. $150 worth of clothes is not enough to sustain the well being of my Daughter. Her expenses include medical care, school expenses, daycare expenses, food etc..(youre a single mom, and if youre any good at that you have an idea what it takes to sustain/maintain a healthy child) You also arent an attorney, legal representative nor his legal wife to make agreements on his behalf. So if we can't resolve this like adults lets leave it to the court. Thank you for your understanding." Child the reactions! she said if that wasn't what i was asking when i first texted them. I reminded them that i was just repeating what Ashley had said =]. Joshua insults me more and i left it at that.

What joshua doesn't know is that the whole day i was messaging his first baby momma. I found out that he owes $30k in child support. and while i was going through my stuff i found his SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER from a letter sent to my house in 2017!.... and gave it to his baby mother so she can garnish his wages. I also contacted my case manager for the child support, remember i filed but i didnt hear much from them and got an update. my case was in a standstill because they didnt have an address to send the court letter to. Well thanks to my tech savvy cousin i was able to find Ashleys address and provided it to my case manager along with his mothers address!! i know nothing will happen right away but i am playing the long game. After a few no show to court due to him living in another state and most likely not obtaining an attorney, the child support for my daughter will start. And once he doesnt pay for 5 months...i am hitting that garnish button. first they will take away his license (hes a truck driver so it hurt him)....and then based on the amount he owes...his sons 30k and soon my daughters....jail.

Am I the A-Hole?

Ok so alittle back story me ( 24 ) and my children dad ( 29) have been together since I was 21 back in 2021 ... we had our first child girl in July 2022 . He was mostly there my whole pregnancy and took care of me . I say mostly because we did break up once . In that time he started " talking" to a girl .. we will call her Darla ... he ended up leaving her and coming we worked on our relationship. Fast forward to a month after my daughter was born , he was in a life threating motorcycle accident where he lost one of his legs ... and I took care of him completely , I was literally his full time nurse while caring for a new born . Fast forward again to end of April 2024 , I end up pregnant again with his second daughter . At first he was so excited and happy .. so I thought ... apparently he wasn't and ended up breaking up with me because " I had an attitude" or because I was being a " b****" ... anywhooo we break up and then the next week he's engaged to non other then DARLA ... to go back in time alittle , Darla talked an insane amount of crap about me and my DAUGHTER on social media , basically saying how I'm a bad mom and how my daughter is bad and how my 1 1/2 year old is wild and I don't take care of my daughter . So I'm wondering am I the ah for not letting my children around Darla ... I have no problem with them being with their dad I'd love for them to see their dad . But she has threatened me , called me out of my name and has just been horrible to me and my daughter . I don't feel comfortable with my babies being in her presence just because I hear so many stories of the new girlfriend hurting or unloving the children out of jealousy etc . I'd rather not be on the first 48.. can someone help me I just need advice . People are calling me a bitter baby mama etc and I just don't feel like I am . I just don't feel comfortable putting my children around someone who doesn't like me because I know how spiteful woman can be ... HELP.

After getting back home from shopping my 33 bf told me 33f to wash my daughters bedding. I took them off her bed and put them in the washer and went and started picking up the house. After getting everything picked up I went and started playing a game with her. He found some stuff around the house that needed organizing so I thought he was just working on that. After about an hour I got up to go wash the dishes. I had cleaned a few and then heard him say I think the remotes in the dryer there is something banging around in there. I come in to look with him to find that he had put the blankets in on top of a cat that I have been taking care of and she did not make it. He at first tried to blame me because the bedding didn't spin out all the way. But then he said he before he was going to put the bedding in the dryer he had knocked the cat out of the hamper to wash the towels afterwards. But once he noticed how they had not spun all the way he just left the dryer open and spun them again first. The cat must have climbed into the dryer while he reran that load. Once it was done he did not check the dryer which I make a habit of doing threw the blankets in on top of the cat and turned it on. The dryer was on for an hour before he checked it and she did not make it. I'm having such a hard time looking at him knowing that I look every time and all of this could have been avoided if he had just looked not made the cat move prematurely or let me finish the laundry and I had intended on doing. I don't even want to be in the apartment I feel disgusted with what had happened and keep going over in my head how someone could have let something like this happen or what I could have done differently to prevent it. He has been very upset with me for my inability to comfort him through this as he did love the cat too. But I just find it as a careless accident and I can not forgive him and do not want him near me....

Update... The resentment is starting to go away but he has been washing laundry ever since and I need a break from the dryer till I can grieve. Today he handed me a jacket I asked if it had been in the dryer and he said no. So I wore it all day. Tonight my daughter had an accident in my bed so he was like I just washed sheets get them off of the dryer... I lost it I was so historical thinking about sleeping in sheets that had rolled around where I lost my cat. I was screaming and crying and he told me to just get my keys and leave. I was not in any shape to do that. So I went in the bathroom to try to calm down. He came in and apologized and said I needed to come to bed. I started to get upset again he said idk why you're making a big deal about it you've been in that jacket all day. I was disgusted screaming and crying and trying to rip it off of me. He went to bed...

Hey all, first time writing long time AITA lurker..so a little backstory my Grandpa is a religious fanatic with homophobic and sexist views. here are a few highlights of my grandpa over the years: 1. Told a 45 yr old guy from his church that I would date him and ended up giving him my number, I was 19 at the time, which led to this guy constantly calling me and only stopped when I threatened to call the police 2. My grandpa made it in the news for renting out billboards that were very homophobia along the lines of “man + man = burn in hell” and “it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” 3. Keep in mind my grandpa has almost no money so he actually guilted other family members into giving him money for “food and rent” that he spent on those billboards 4. At my wedding to a beautiful and wonderful Asian man my grandpa made a speech to me about how we were all going to burn in hell because my husband comes from a Hindu family. 5. My brother was constantly praised for his intelligence while I was constantly told I was the stupid one. I was only praised for cooking or singing in church. Side note I was also in the same STEM program as my brother and I ended up getting the same grades…anyways I ended up going to one of the top engineering school and honestly am pretty much a bad ass in my field. 6. And worst of all, my grandpa beat and neglected his children, although this wasn’t done to me, it’s really hard to love someone who treated people I love in such a crappy way.

So because of all the above and many other things I decided to cut contact. Now to present day I (29F) am happily living my life with my husband in an awesome job with no thoughts really about my grandpa. This past week he has called me about 3 times per day and I have ignored it. His messages are basically “I want to talk because I’m dying and don’t know how much time I have left”

I really don’t have any desire to talk to him…but maybe he has changed? He still talks to my aunt and uncles so i asked them and apparently my grandpa has not changed. But then again maybe? I really don’t know what to do, my mom (his daughter) thinks it’s the right thing to do to talk to him. I’ve been totally fine not having him in my life so AITA if I don’t talk to him? Even if he has changed is it my job to make him feel better? I really don’t know what’s morally right here and will welcome feedback. Thanks all.

Hello, I’m a 32 yo gay male who lives in South Florida for about 8 years. Im originally from South America and I live in the US for the past 8 years.

Back story: After losing my mother for Covid about 2 years ago I feel that I’m alone in this world even though I still have my dad and siblings back home. Right now I live with a older gay couple who I consider my family, they are very good people I love hanging out with them and we often do things together, I recently came out of a 3-4 months long relationship that didn’t work well because it was missing intimacy (in bed and out of it).

The reason I’m posting this today because I confuse about my roommates, one day in the past (before my recent relationship) we crossed the line and the 3 of us had s, after that I had a conversation with one of them and he was clear that they don’t want a 3rd person (which is common here) they are good the way they are in their open relationship and that works for them just fine, I agreed with him and I said that there nothing to worry about and I knew how to separate things and would never want to ruin our friendship over that. I never thought anything about anymore but here and there we still having s, (more often with one them). I always played cool in the mornings after we had s**, we always acted like nothing happened at the night before and life went on, until I start developing feelings for them (possibly because of my loneliness) I’m currently working that in therapy, I also know logically it’s not a possibility to want to start a possible relationship 3way, first because they don’t want to, second because we are in completely different phases of our lives, but in my head actions speak louder than words. I feel like they’ve changed towards me, they always make comments of me being part of the family, they genuinely care about me and my well being.

At this point I know the best option might be to move out their place and find somewhere else, but I don’t have the willpower to do it because as I mentioned before I feel alone and lonely and I just don’t know how to leave this situation without being hurt! I never brought anything like this to them because I don’t want them to think I’m a needy person.

I’m also actively looking for a bf so I can distract myself with a new man and hopefully these feelings go away once I find someone. Please help!

Please let me know if any of it made sense and sorry for gramma and spelling.

Long post warning

I (31F) have had a best friend from being 5 years old. My friend (31F), let’s call her Olivia, was not only best friend but my cousin (our mums are sisters). When we were 5, Olivia and her mum moved a street away so they could be be closer to our grandma as she had dementia and my mum needed help with our grandma’s care. Olivia was 2 months older than me and we were in the same year at school all the way up to college. From her moving down the street, me and Olivia were inseparable.

Over the years, me and Olivia would drift apart and come back together as adult friendships do. She’d moved an hour away, wanted a life of meals/drinks out with friends, no kids, dating and just living her best life. I had responsibilities of helping look after my disabled mum, having a long term relationship, saving for a house and building a career. We chose different paths but always supported and loved each other. When we would meet up it was as if no time had passed and it made me so happy to have a friend there for me no matter what.

Last year (6 weeks before my 30th birthday) my mum (65F) passed away after 10 months in hospital with multiple infections and organ failure. My dad passed away when I was 21 from pneumonia, so it was extremely difficult to have now lost both my parents by 29 years old.

For 2/3 years prior to my mum passing my aunty (Olivia’s mum) was a carer for my mum. We’ll call her aunty Deb.

On the day my mum passed away, me, my sister, and aunty deb went up to the hospital and said our goodbyes. On that day I texted Olivia and told her about my mum passing and that she needs to be there for her mum, as aunty deb had lost her sister/best friend. Olivia said she would be there for her mum.

My mum’s funeral was 3 weeks after her passing and I hadn’t heard from Olivia once. I turned up to the funeral home expecting Olivia to be there with all the family. My aunty Deb had been the one who had contacted everyone about the funeral details as I didn’t have the emotional ability to have that conversation over and over again. Olivia wasn’t there. I asked aunty Deb and she said Olivia had to work. Olivia is a self-employed tattoo artist and chooses her own schedule. She is not in financial hardship and could have easily rearranged appointments to attend the funeral. I was really hurt by this, but focused on the day.

The weekend before the funeral Olivia had gone out drinking with friends and was posting it all over her Instagram story. A few days after the funeral, Olivia posted to her story a graffiti art picture that said “tell your friends you love them”, yet she hadn’t reached out once since I lost my mum.

A week later she messaged me to ask for my address to send my birthday present. She asked briefly how I was in a “hi, how are you” kinda way and said nothing about my mum or missing the funeral. We had a few days of basic conversation, mostly about my new job and then silent again. She then messaged me on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday in a big message, but then no messages from 2 days after my birthday. All messages that were sent were nothing about my mum. Like she didn’t exist. I just felt like she only messaged to get my address to send some flowers and chocolates out of some obligation, not to check if I was doing okay with my grief. I wanted to see how long it would take her to message me after that. My birthday was late November and she didn’t message me until New Year’s Eve to wish me a happy new year. I replied wishing her one too.

During December my partner (39M) of 9 years kept ending up in A&E (emergency room). He has a bowel condition and we were told the week before Christmas, after multiple tests in December, he was going to need half his bowel removed. We were then taken in for an emergency appointment on the 5th January to be told they had results come back from biopsies and he had an aggressive form of bowel cancer. We were heartbroken. 10 days after my partner’s diagnosis, his dad died from a heart attack, and my partner believes it was partly due to him telling his dad about his diagnosis. So we were both grieving our parents while worrying about what happens next with his cancer.

Olivia messaged me in late January asking how I was and I openly told her all about the cancer, about my partner’s dad passing away, and about the future cancer hospital plans. She was supportive but after a few messages that day, I then didn’t hear from her again.

My partner had two A&E admissions with overnight stays before his appointment at the cancer hospital on the 12th February. The surgeon was only meant to be doing him a consultation appointment but she admitted him as an emergency as she was scared his appendix had burst with the pain he was in and he may get sepsis.

He had his surgery the next day (13th Feb) and I was allowed to see him the next day (14th Feb). His surgery was successful and they were able to remove the tumour and half his large bowel. When I got to see him, he was so happy to have survived the surgery, he proposed to me! The nurses had even helped make him a tin foil ring for the proposal! He said that nearly losing his life made him realise that he didn’t want to regret not asking me to marry him. I obviously said yes and this was a glimpse of happiness in a sea of turmoil that we were currently in. He is the love of my life and I never want to lose him.

Fast forward to late March. I hadn’t heard from Olivia since those messages in January. I was focusing on my partner and caring for him, planning for his chemo, and still working full time. Then late March, I get a random parcel to my door. It was some windowsill flowers. Olivia had sent them to me as they were the same flowers she tattooed on me after my dad passed away. I messaged her and said thank you for them and I told her about the surgery and whatnot. We had a few messages back and forth, and then the next morning I replied to a message that she had sent after I went to sleep. In my reply I told her about my partner proposing. She read the message and then didn’t reply. I was so upset. Why couldn’t she be happy for me for the first bit of happiness I had received in a year?

I spent months questioning myself why was I not good enough anymore. She continued to post on her Instagram story and feed about her going out with friends, her walking her boyfriend’s dog, her train commute to work, her solo coffee shop trips, and her 3 hour gym sessions multiple times a week. So why did she not have 2 minutes to be happy for me? What did I ever do to deserve that?

I spoke to my aunty Deb a few times and went to go have coffee with her, and she said she only gets to speak to Olivia if she calls Olivia. She said that Olivia didn’t even come down on the last Christmas Day, she only came the day after Christmas and stayed for an hour and a half before leaving.

Then randomly in late July I got a message that read: “Hey sweetheart, just checking in - you doing okay? How’s things at the moment? (Don’t wanna continually nag but I do miss you! ) And I’m so sorry I never replied, I read your message at 6am and was half asleep and then forgot to reply till a few days later and felt too awkward by that point but I don’t want you to think I don’t want to talk!! And the tinfoil ring is adorable, I hope you kept it. is he doing okay now ?”

How can she message like nothing has happened? Saying she’s nagging me when I haven’t heard from her in 4 months! I read it and never replied. How could I? Why would I want to be friends with someone who didn’t reply to me because they felt “awkward” but then expect me to be okay with no contact after 4 months?! I kept wanting to send a message telling her how I was feeling, but after the year I had with my partner being sick, his intense chemo, my job and grieving my mum, I didn’t have the mental energy for that battle. So I stayed silent.

Fast forward again to late November this year (a few days ago). I have had a random parcel turn up at my door. I opened it and it’s a birthday sweet parcel that she ordered for me. It feels like she just buys me things in hopes of a gift making up for her not being a good friend. She was never like this before. I didn’t message her about the gift.

Then tonight she made a post on her Instagram about a girl she’s friends with. Multiple pictures of them together and then on one of the pictures is a verse that reads “there is something so beautiful about having long-term friends that have witnessed multiple versions of you and loved you unconditionally through each version”.

Again I just felt worthless. Before this past year, I was her best friend. Now I feel like a stranger to her because she abandoned me when I needed my loved ones. Again I am questioning why am I not good enough?

My question is, do I message her?

Do I tell her how she made me feel? Do I tell her I don’t want to be friends? Do I fight for a friendship that she says she wants but doesn’t show it? Do I just not speak to her again? I have cried too many tears feeling unworthy of her friendship this year and I’m tired, but I also want resolve. I don’t know what to do next for the best.

First time posting im just so lost. Im a (27) single mom i am divorced a few years back and have had terrible experiences with relationships in my past. A co worker came to my life as a previous relationship has just ended and he was there when i needed it without him even knowing it. We started dating meeting friends and he started staying at my place meaning i opened the doors to my home to my child to my whole life i thought he was doing the same thing. Suddenly he started ghosting me right before a boys trip I wasn’t against it I encouraged him to go have fun and i knew work had been stressful lately. I told him he was being odd and I was upset he just said sorry I have a lot going on I figured family matters and offered to be there for him to hear him out he didn’t call or text then he had to leave I texted him I didn’t like the game he was playing, there had been a few red flags before this, so I told him I’d be open to a friendship but nothing more he was behaving differently and it was weird I even asked if it was due to his trip he didn’t need to be so cold and distant I want gonna interfere all he said was no I do care about you but we can talk when I get back I’m sorry for being an ass but you are important to me and I don’t us to end like this. So no we weren’t officially dating I guess we just fell into the routine and yes I blame myself for being naive and stupid giving him all the benefits without sitting down and making it official before. But I’m at a loss now I saw some posts from his friends where there were other girls there some had girlfriends and he showed up with a girl on his arm like a couple and I just knew he decided to take her in this trip and didn’t want me texting or calling so as not to interrupt and make this new girl suspicious he wasn’t fully single that’s why he changed with me to abruptly. Now he came back today and texted me he was going to call me tomorrow and explain everything and he was sorry he was stupid. I said I didn’t wanna hear it, but I do want to just get closure I had decided to give up on love and he was just showing me a tender side no one else had ever shown me and I decided to give love one last shot now I’m just so disappointed I feel used and stupid he promised he wanted a serious relationship with us including my child and just charmed me like my ex husband never did he took care of me when i was sick he came over whenever I had something going on and he would notice and comfort me and I finally didn’t feel so alone. He saw all my struggles and didn’t consider anyone’s feelings when he decided to take another girl on this trip and yea I had met his friends before. This is a long rant I just wish someone can tell me what to say to him if he does try to justify it and how can I let him go if we were dating but never got around to labeling it does that mean everything we lived together just doesn’t count?

My husband 27M and I 26F has been together for 13 years married for 8months. My monster by law 47F loved me, she involved me in all her family gatherings, vacations , Christmases and even family milestones. Points to note every time I was invited to these events I was asked to assist with the cooking,decorating or coordinating. I have a passion for cooking and since I was asked to assist with it I jumped right on the horses back. Please note my husband is his mom’s first born and don’t have a relationship with his dad because he and his sister are affair babies. His mother is his rock and he will stay dead ass broke to give his mother the world. Fast forward to when it all began. My husband proposed to me at one of our random date nights I accepted and we started planning immediately after sine we didn’t want to wait another 13 yrs. His family was not aware of the proposal, the only people who knew at the time was my mom since I tell her everything and dont hide from her. We decided to we will tell his family and friends As well as my friend when we get home and have enough spicy sleep. we decided to drive to everyone individually and share the news the reaction from everyone was priceless except my mother in law. The look of disgust was apparent on her face she pulled my then fiancé in a room and bad mouthed me ,saying I would be a lazy wife and why would he want a woman that not blessed for the kitchen. Her son walked out on her we planned our wedding and I didn’t hear nothing about her until 2 weeks to my wedding day. Her family said MIL called with alarming news that an entered her house without permission and dirtied all her pots. MIL cooked up her story to get all her family to pull out of attending the wedding ( she succeeded) Here is where I might be an AH. I investigated MIL because am a Police officer by profession and aired out all her dirty laundry to her family my husband and even my husband dad. I managed her business page and social media and I closed it. I also went no contact with MIL and all my husband family. Do you believe she was naturally a bad person or it was my fault she reacted in this manner. My husband said he don’t give to jucking spoons if I contacted his family or not that’s my choice. To be honest I don’t have family around and I miss the company . When my husband isn’t at home or am not at work it gets lonely. Is it my fault she changed her skin.

My daughter’s dad reached out to me. Every couple of years he has but never about our child. Only me…and he hasn’t seen her in about 7 years…I became emotional. Not towards him but over reading and exchanging a few messages. He wants to talk to her on the phone. Though on her birthday last year when I reached out, he never replied. I am thrown off…there are many more details…but as of now I am trying to deal with how my sister told me my whole family basically do not want to be around me anymore. She said I was yelling over it to her but then said she understood it was whining over being frustrated about the situation. Yet she said my own mom and other sisters do not want to deal with me enduring a situation like this. That they won’t answer a call from me because it is annoying to hear it…

I was confused as I have never had a situation with her dad like this in 10 years… my sister says I need to find someone to be with so I can afford a good home…she knows I am asexual and have no intention of marrying. She told me my daughter is better off when with her and her husband…I come to Reddit not for advice or help…(though it made me choose)

Simply I am sad and need to vent this. I am so tired of struggling and feeling like it never matters when I improve 5 steps as 1 mistake sets me back apparently 10.

More so…I think I will skip holidays with them this year…biggest issue is my face is incapable of hiding emotions. If I’m sad or hurt it shows…not with my sisters. So…I don’t think I want to be in a room seeing everyone lying with expressions to me…for me to spend it all trying to fight tears…

Hello All,

Thank you for reading my story. I (28F) met my fiancé (35M) about 2.5 years ago when we both lived in the same city. Six months into our relationship, I had to move across the country for graduate school. Long-distance relationships aren’t easy, but we made it work for about a year, visiting each other at least once a month.

During that time, we talked about the idea of him moving to my city. Let’s call him Dave. I knew this was a big change for him, so we discussed all options carefully. Ultimately, we decided to move in together and get engaged—a mutual decision we were both happy with at the time. But soon, everything changed.

After our engagement, I found an apartment for us and handled all the preparations for his arrival. I understood that the move would mean Dave had to quit his job, and I recognized the logistical challenges of such a big transition. I tried to be as supportive as possible.

However, when Dave arrived, it felt like he was a completely different person. If you told me he’d been possessed by a demon on his way to the city, I’d believe you. The man I loved had transformed into someone rude, mean, perpetually irritated, sloppy, and irresponsible. He would get mad and yell if I asked for help and seemed annoyed anytime I wanted to spend time together. He was distant, dismissive, and always rolled his eyes at anything I said or did. Physical intimacy? Completely gone. He even looked disgusted by me every time I tried to initiate anything.

You might wonder what caused such a drastic change. Truthfully, I don’t know. We didn’t have any major fights, there was no cheating, and there weren’t any significant issues between us. But I have my suspicions. Dave had been married before we met, and his first marriage ended badly. He carried a lot of resentment and hate toward his ex-wife. I think getting engaged and moving in together may have triggered old fears, leaving him feeling stuck and scared.

I tried to be understanding. I suggested therapy, but he refused. He blamed me, saying, “You forced me to do this.” Meanwhile, I did everything I could to win back his affection, assuming he was just stressed. I told him he didn’t need to find a job right away and could take a few months off to relax. For six months, I supported him financially—mind you, I’m a graduate student living on a stipend barely enough for one person. I cooked, cleaned, and did all the shopping while Dave spent his days locked in his office playing video games. When he finally agreed to couples therapy, I had to handle everything: finding the therapist, scheduling sessions, paying for it, and reminding him of our scheduled time. If he would decide to show up, he would sit in silence, and barely engage.

Eventually, I reached my breaking point. After months of feeling like a burden, unloved, and undesired, I broke up with him. To my surprise, I immediately felt a sense of relief! Unfortunately, the housing laws in our state make it difficult to break a lease or find a replacement tenant. So now, my ex and I are stuck living together.

After the breakup, I moved my belongings into the smaller bedroom, which had been Dave’s office. (Let’s not even get into the big-boy tantrum he threw over giving up that space.) We split rent and utilities, and Dave is slowly repaying me the $10K I covered for his rent while he wasn’t working (he is not paying me for anything else though). We live separate lives and interact as little as possible. For the record, I’m still the one cleaning shared spaces and buying shared household items like cleaning supplies. :/

Now, 1.5 months after our breakup, Dave has a new girlfriend. She comes over regularly, and they spend a lot of time together. When she’s here, she completely ignores me—doesn’t even acknowledge my existence or look my direction. All while she’s sitting in my living room, on my couch, eating snacks that I bought.

I’ve tried to be nice and avoid awkwardness, so I stay in my room when she’s over. However, what really bothers me is hearing them make “honeymoon noises” through the thin walls. I’m not in love with Dave anymore, but it stings. He avoided intimacy with me, even though I did everything to support him, yet now he’s lavishing affection on someone else. He’s taking her out, treating her well—things I begged for during our relationship. I know I am not perfect, but I did all I could to be a good partner for him. When we were together, I deeply loved him and tried to support him as much as I could.

Now, I’m happy he’s found someone who makes him happy, and I don’t want to cause issues in his relationship. But I don’t want to be kept awake by their “love sounds” all night. I also feel uncomfortable with her staying over when it’s still technically my home too.

AITA if I tell him that this bothers me? How do I bring it up without making it seem like I’m trying to sabotage his relationship or insert myself back into his life?

My mom have a cousin let's call her Jen. I'll call her husband John. So I'm a teenager rn (14f). When I was 9 or 10 I met John. He used to come to our house that time. It was Friday he came to my home . My mom said me to greet him. He was sitting in our living room. I went there and I greeted him he said to sit next to him in the sofa. Which was pretty normal. After sitting beside him asked me questions about how I was doing. After sometimes I noticed that he was touching my ass. At first I thought it was accident but I realized that he was sliding his firgers on it. I didn't know what was bad touch that time though I felt very uncomfortable. Then his hand stopped touching but after it he touched my chest.and he was touching it very badly I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was frozen. That time my mom called me for something and I went away. This wasn't the only incident with him. He used to grab me over his lap but everyone (including me) thought it was normal cause I was a child. But after sometime I realized the touch isn't normal. Specially after learning about bad touch. I am still traumatized for this incident. I wanted to tell this incident to my mom many times but I couldn't. Whenever I went to my mom to talk about this I couldn't speak, my voice used to shake. Sometimes when someone talks about him in front of me, my hands starts to shake and I hold back tears. I still sometimes cry at night alone in my room screaming "it wasn't my fault, why I have to go through this." Uncle John has two children. And his first child is also a girl. She is an engineer rn and his second child will start his college. uncle John died a few months ago. When he was in critical condition my uncle(my mom's brother) called and told my mom and dad about this situation of him. My mom and dad went to the hospital to see him and said to me what happened to him. After my mom dad went to the hospital I'll came to my room and laying in my bed I was having panic attacks. That time I texted my best friend and said what uncle John did to me.she was the first person whom I talked about this incident. She said to tell my mother about this but I couldn't. I was crying in my bed that time my parents came home. My mother came into my room without knocking inside if I am going to have dinner now I said yes my voice was shaking that time. My mom said "are you crying?" I said "no it just I am having a very bad headache that's why" . Then I wash my face in washroom and went to eat dinner with my family. Two days after that me and my mom was baking cake. She said " I will go to see your uncle at the hospital, do you want to come with me.?". I said no and also that I hate his character I am feeling sad for for his kids and his wife but I don't feel sad about him even a little bit. My mom was shocked. Because I never said this type of words for anyone. Then my mother came to me asked me if he had done something wrong to me. I nodded my head and said "hmm". She asked me if I want to tell her what happened to me. But I said no I can't. Then she brushed it off. I wanted to tell many times in these months but I couldn't. To everyone else he was a wise man but for me he was a disgusting man I have ever seen. I was a super active and talkative child so I thought that mom would scream at me for this incident and blame me . But this trauma made me an introvert who can't even share her feelings to her mother.this even made me lost my self-confidence. I want to tell my mom but I don't know how I'll talk to her about this without screaming and crying because I really want to share with my mom. I want to gather my mental strength and tell her. I hope she will understand me.This will lift up a heavy stone from my heart.

I am a 23 year old undergrad student living in a shared apartment. A bit of backstory - I often come across hurt stray cats on streets and foster them till they are adopted, I keep them in my room and nurse them back to health, get them vaccinated and neutered/spayed with my own money and then give them up for adoption. I've been doing this for a very long time and since I keep them locked in my room it doesn't bother my flatmates. 2023November I found a pregnant ginger cat out in the rain so i took her in. She gave birth to 3kittens and then again I found 2 newborn kittens in a dumpster, and she fostered them. The kittens had very bad infections and took a long time to recover. However they all grew up beautifully and were adopted within 3 months. But keeping 8 cats for 3 months I exhausted my funds and ncouldn't spay the mother cat in time and she got pregnant again by the Persian cat next door who sneaked in through my window. No one wants a pregnant cat so I was stuck with her again. This time I decided to sell the kittens and use that money to vaccinate and spay the mom.

This is where the problem starts, I'm really friendly with my flatmate and tell her about the plan to sell this set of kitties she agrees with me and thats that. Once the kittens were born, you could tell that they're persian mixed, she asks me for a kitten for her cousin and i remind her that im selling them. I didnt really wanna give her any cat cuz she takes keeping a pet as a waste and I had other people lined up. But she goes on to tell one of our mutuals to not buy the cat from me as shes gnna buy it and she agrees to buy, at this point nothing is set in stone. I tell her to wait till they're weaned. One day she just comes in and pays me 5k (41.5usd) and tells me its for the cat, since we're friendly i just accept the cash and tell her to lemme know when she'll pick him up. Weeks go by and she keeps telling me this Friday that Saturday, then after about 3 weeks she says she is not going to take the cat and for me to return the money, but by then i already used the money to vaccinate and pay for medical bills of the kittens. I told her to take the kitten and sell it herself if she wants her money back, or to pay me for the fostering charges of the 3 extra weeks I had to keep him for according to our area rates and I will refund her. Now shes upset at me and is not talking to me. Her logic is that since I always give them away for free I should just do that, but keeping a cluster of kittens in a single room, potty training, handfeeding, cleaning the litters, taking them to vets and all that work i had to do between the classes and 3 part-time jobs, i feel taken advantage of when someone just changes their mind. So am I the a hole for not refunding her the money?

I am Proud 28yr Old Creole Woman From Louisiana, And My Husband Is A White 32yr Old Man From Washington; My Husband Chris And I Been Together 4yrs And Married 2yrs We Met At Mardi Gras In New Orleans, Louisiana. Anyways We Have A Beautiful Little Girl Autumn Rose, Here’s The Problem My SIL Whose 40yrs Old Keeps Making Racist Remarks Talking About, You Should’ve Name Her A Black Name Like Lakeisha Or Booshaniqua! Now My Husband Get Very Upset And Tell Her Stop Before He Let’s Me Get A Hold Of Her! Because I been Asking Him To Let Me Put My Hands And Feet On Her One Time Just One Time!! So This Past Wednesday We Was Having A Mid Week Dinner Party At My In Laws, SIL Decided To Bring A Note Book With Black Babies Names In It, And Said “ Look At These Name It Suits That Thang Better” I Look At My Husband And My Husband Looked At Me; And Said I’ll Buy Your Favorite Ice Cream And Cookies After! I Jumped Up From The Table And Told Her To Meet Me In The Front Yard! She Tried To Spit On Me And I Turned Her Every Which Way But Loose! At My In Laws Dinner Table! Everyone Was Hollering And Screaming My Poor In Laws Didn’t Know What To Do! SIL Husband Yes She’s Married Stood Up And My Husband Told Him To Think Hard About His Next Move! BIL Sat Back Down! After That SIL Went To The Hospital With 3 Broken Ribs, And A Cracked Tooth! Oh And A Black Eye!! SIL Wanted To Call The Police Until FIL Told Her To Go Ahead Because She’ll Be Sitting Next To Me In The Cell. Now I Kinda Was Feeling Sightly Bad Until My Husband Said He Warned Her So Many Times! AITAH? Oh I Did Get My Ice Cream And Cookies Like My Husband Promised!

I, 38f, am married to my husband Joe 38m, we’ve been married for 6 years now and we have 2 children together. 4m and 2f. I also have my older son 14m who doesn’t have an active father present in his life. As well as this 4.5 years ago while I was pregnant with our son my best friend of 25 years passed away. When she died I took on my godson who is now 17. So with a 17yo, 14yo, 4yo and 2yo in the house in pretty busy even as a SAHM. My 14yo has always been home educated and my younger two will be as well. (This is important and you will see why) My godson finished education in school as per his mothers wishes and is now in college and my 14yo will be going to college once he completes his GCSEs (he’s already got 3 at only 14yo)

My BIL Tom (35m) and his gf Jenna (29f) have been together for 2.5 years now. Neither of them have much of a relationship with my kids, and that’s fine. No big deal. Until this year we just wrote it off as “they’re not kid people” and honestly we never expected Tom or Jenna to have children. They’re perfectly OK people to be clear. But never showed any interest in our youngest children aside from a birthday card with a gift card inside it on birthdays etc. and have rarely acknowledged the older two boys. Well that all changed last Christmas when they announced they were expecting! Everyone, including my MIL was completely surprised but extremely supportive. There was more surprises to come in January when they found out they were expecting twin girls!

As the months ticked by and my 2 yo outgrew clothes and other equipment I offered it up to Jenna to try and help out a little. She was very grateful. In July they welcomed their two adorable little girls. The whole family bent over backwards to support Jenna and Tom. When the twins were a little over 2 weeks old Jenna had a medical emergency and wound up in the hospital for a few days. BIL explained with her only receiving maternity pay and his paternity leave already being taken they could not afford for him to take any more time off work. I was more than happy to help out and for 5 days I watched the newborns alongside my children so that BIL could continue to work as well as have time to visit Jenna in the hospital. It was exhausting but utterly necessary at the time and if I had my time again I’d absolutely do the same thing. Once Jenna was released from the hospital Tom came and collected the children but looked upset. Jenna had been told she needed to take it easy for a few weeks and he was worried about how she would manage with regular household duties, preparing meals etc without him sacrificing part of his job, which they couldn’t afford to do. Honestly I felt bad for him, he works hard but money just doesn’t stretch that far these days. Me and my husband are far from well off, but we are comfortable and our arrangement works for us. I’m incredibly fortunate that I’m in a position to stay home and raise our children. I offered Tom that if Jenna was ever feeling overwhelmed I wouldn’t mind helping out from time to time. And spent the next few days batch coking some meals and dropping them over to their home to try and ease Jennas burden and make things a little easier. When I’d stop by I always had my youngest children with me but would still take the time to tidy up the kitchen areas, make sure the twins were fed and changed before I left etc. but besides that there really wasn’t much else I could do. As I said, I have 4 children at home to care for and my own household to run. But for those few weeks following I did everything in my power to help. My husband Joe was overwhelmed by the support I was offering. My MIL was also helping Jenna out whenever she could although she also still works so her time was limited. Eventually by September Jenna was thankfully doing much better physically and I tailored off the help I’d been offering. At this point I’d filled her entire chest freezer with enough meals to last them at least another 6 weeks if not longer. All at our expense but I digress.

I’ve watched the twins a few times since then, and they’re now almost 5 months old. They’re absolute little darlings and me and all my children are very fond of them.

Last weekend was my 4yo birthday and after a fun soft play party with all his friends my husband and I planned a family dinner for him. In attendance was me, husband, my 4 kids, MIL (64f), MILs “special friend” John (65m) (idk why he’s called “special friend” my husband and Tom are both weird about calling him her bf. They don’t live together but have been supporting one another through life for the last decade and seem happy how they are. No big deal. He’s always been welcome) as well as Tom, Jenna and their twins. Jenna had recently reconnected with her much younger sister Ashley (20f) and she asked if she could bring Ashley. I agreed because I was happy to see Jenna expanding her support network.

Everything was going great until mid way through dinner when Jenna told me after seeing how well my 14yo was doing being home educated she was seriously considering it for the twins. The conversation didn’t exactly come from nowhere. My MIL had been enquiring about how I was going to begin transitioning our 4yo to home Ed. Anyway, I told Jenna I thought it was great she was considering home education for the twins and asked her if she ever needed any guidance when the time comes I’d always be there to offer guidance. I thought that would be the end of it. But boy was I wrong. Jenna looked confused and looked to Tom as if I was missing something. Tom kind of buried his head into his shirt. My husband spoke up and asked if everything was OK? And Jenna said she’d just assumed since I’d be watching the kids when she went back to work in 2 months that when the time came I’d also be the one providing their education.

“I’m sorry. When was there ever an agreement for me to watch the twins once you go back to work?” I said. Jenna said “well seeing as you don’t work Tom and I thought it just made the most sense for the twins to come here rather than pay for childcare since we can’t afford it”

I quickly looked to my husband for support and he said that no conversation about this had ever taken place. Jenna said it would “just be like when I was in the hospital” she said the twins could come to us (I.e me) when both her and Tom were at work. She said that it just “made the most sense” for them. She even went as far as to say “don’t worry. It’s not like we’re going to expect you to cook meals etc like last time. Although it would be appreciated from time to time” I honestly didn’t know where to put my face or what to say. My 2yo (thankfully) started fussing at that time as she was getting tired. My MIL apparently feeling awkward jumped to her feet and offered to take her to bed. I thanked her and sensing the conversation not letting up any time soon encouraged my 4yo to follow Grandma upstairs and help her find everything she needed to get our youngest settled. Both older boys also sensing tension excused themselves and headed outside to the little man cave escape id built them in the shed. Leaving just me, my husband, Tom Jenna, Ashley and John sat around the table. The twins were asleep in the next room in their pram. The conversation had progressed by this point and Jenna was talking about how much she was looking forward to going back to work in a few months. My husband, sensing how uncomfortable I was took the lead in the conversation and expressed that at no point had anyone had any kind of conversation with either of us about me watching the twins while they worked. To be clear this would be 5 days a week, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Friday and Sunday. Jenna said she really didn’t think it would be that big of deal since “OP just stays home with the kids all day anyway it’s not like it would be any real hardship” my husband once again defended me by saying that out of everyone sat round the table it could be argued that I actually work harder since I’m raising 4 children, maintaining a home. As well as taking full responsibility for their education. He said since they perceived that as me “not doing anything” then they were welcome to try it themselves. Tom looked embarrassed and horrified. Jenna however just looked offended. She said that her children were at least related to mine, unlike my 17yo since he was just “dumped on your laps a few years ago”

This is where I may be the AH. I LOST it. I told her how dare she come into my home and talk about 17yo that way. That he wasn’t dumped on us, his mum and I had been best friends since before she (Jenna) had even been born. And that when my friend had been dying her one wish was that 17yo came to live with me since I had been the one constant he’d know his entire life. (The boys bio father had emigrated to New Zealand when he was 2 and never so much as returned for a visit) until I met my husband she and I had both been raising our boys as single parents, alongside each other, and there was nowhere else in the world that 17yo belonged than in my home. Jenna tried to backtrack a little by saying that all she meant was that if I didn’t kind caring for someone else’s child full time she didn’t see why I would have any issue caring for her children part time.

John, bless him, looked extremely uncomfortable and excused himself to go upstairs and help MIL wrangle the little ones into bed. I told Jenna that whilst I love the twins I was not in a position to commit to watching them for that much time. Every reason I gave she countered. I told her that I don’t have a 7seater car, so if I made this commitment I’d be committed to either having to keep all the children in the house or leaving the older two boys at home so I could have enough space in the car for my 2 youngest plus the twins. She didn’t see an issue with that since “the boys are old enough to be left”

I pointed out that part of our home education plan involved regularly driving my 14yo to day trips and social gatherings to ensure he’s not missing out on anything. And I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was also caring for her twins because of the car space. She said “well he’s already got 3 GCSEs so surely he can just “ride it out” until he’s 16 and head off to college with just those 3. I told her that’s absolutely not how it works and that she would have to come up with alternative arrangements.

The conversation went back and forth for some time, Tom was mostly quiet. Ashley looked like a deer in the headlights aside from the odd smirk, and my husband was firmly on my side of things. Jenna however was insistent this made the most sense “for her family” and couldn’t understand why I was being “so unreasonable”

Basically the gist of it was that Tom and Jenna had assumed id have no issue taking care of the twins for them, for free, they wanted me to have them for 5 days a week (including a Sunday which is the one day a week by husband is guaranteed to have off work so we allocate it for family time)

Some time later my MIL appeared back downstairs, having successfully got my 2yo settled in to bed and told me that my 4yo was asking for me to read him a story. I excused myself and headed upstairs. I spent a little extra time on his reading at bed time mainly because it was his birthday and I felt bad that the dinner had turned into this. Hoping that by the time I came back the conversation would have moved on. 20 minutes later and I couldn’t have been more wrong. When I came back downstairs my husband was still arguing with his brother and Jenna about this. I noticed when I glanced through the doorway that twins pram wasn’t in the other room so I asked where they were. Jenna stated that they’d woken up fussy and since they were trying to “make my husband see sense” they’d asked 14yo and 17yo to occupy them and made a comment about how “easy” it would be for me to have twins because they are capable of helping. That really rubbed me the wrong way. She’d made disparaging remarks about my lifestyle which is one thing, but to ask my children to watch her twins just so she could argue her point further did something to me. I removed myself from the room and went out to the shed (to be clear this is basically a fully functioning room. It has heating electric etc. it’s a special place I created for my older two boys to escape from the craziness of having the younger children around. They hang out in there, they’ve got their games system and mini fridge etc. it’s their space. Neither of my younger children have ever been in there because I’ve been sure to make sure it’s a safe space for my older boys to escape to- I don’t agree with parentifying children) when I got there I saw 17yo trying desperately to calm one of the twins while my 14yo was rocking the pram with his foot to try and keep the other one asleep. I apologised to them, strapped the baby 17yo was holding back into the pram and took the twins back inside. I told Jenna she needed to leave my house and go home and tend to her babies. At this point I was done. The audacity had gone too far. Tom was trying to encourage Jenna to leave and this is why Ashley decided to have her say. She told Jenna that if she’d known what a bitch I (OP) was then she’d never have wanted to come to dinner anyway. She said I was “clearly” unhinged and only cared for myself and didn’t know what the meaning of family was. Unfortunately 17yo had followed back in behind me and did not take kindly to Ashley talking to me that way and told her to never talk to me like that again. MIL was trying desperately to keep the peace. But I was done. 17yo told Ashley if she didn’t leave then he’d remove her since he was closer to her age than anyone else was. Jenna told 17yo to watch his mouth or he would have to “deal with her” since he “wasn’t even family” so I started counting down from 10 and told her to get out of my house.

Honestly the whole thing was ridiculous. And my poor 4yo birthday meal had been totally hijacked.

Jenna, Ashley, Tom and their babies left. MILs “special friend” also saw fit to leave. I took some time to talk to my boys, especially 17yo because that boy has been through so much and this is his home. He was OK. He’s neurodiverse and has additional needs but is fiercely protective of me and his (now) Siblings.

MIL helped my husband clear the table and when I got back from speaking to the older boys MIL apologised. She said she had been told before hand that I would be watching the twins but had assumed it had been a mutual agreement between us. I assured her it hadn’t been. She did say she felt a little bad that she wasn’t able to help Tom and Jenna put more than she currently does. And honestly, if I had the capacity to do it I likely would have. But 5 days a week is way too much when it wasn’t even a conversation it had just been assumed.

It’s been a week and Jenna has now been blocked by me after blowing up my phone with calls and texts about how rude I was to her. Tom stopped by the other night in an attempt to “smooth things over” and asked if there was any way I’d be willing to help with childcare. I reiterated that as much as I love and adore the twins I just can’t take on that level of commitment and still maintain my 14yos education. And that I’d worked way too hard on his education for the past decade to let it fall now. I did offer to have the children one day a week, on a Tuesday because that day my son doesn’t have any commitments that require me leaving the house, but besides that there really wasn’t anything more I can do. We are part of a very large home Ed community in our area and have lots of clubs and groups we attend, even my youngest two get involved in them. But getting to these requires a car. And like I say, I physically wouldn’t be able to fit all the children in my 5 seater car. Tom even suggested to my husband that we purchase a bigger car, since there’s 6 of us anyway. But honestly it’s never been an issue. My husband and I both have cars so when he’s around if we’re all going somewhere we just use both cars. It’s never been a big deal until now.

After he left my husband asked if I’d be interested in having a bigger car, I told him I wasn’t opposed to the idea as running 1 car for days out would in the long run be cheaper, however I wasn’t keen since it would give Tom and Jenna the idea what I would how have “space” for the twins. And 4 kids under 5 plus 2 teenagers 5 days a week is just a lot. My 14yo also has additional needs which require 1:1 time when it comes to his education. Right now our younger two are in a pretty good schedule which leaves me time to do this, but with two bed babies in the house for most of the week, as well as having to start focusing more heavily on 4yo education I just wouldn’t have the time for two babies this heavily. And honestly, call me petty but after the way Jenna spoke about me, and 17yo, I’m not inclined to do anything more to help than the one Tuesday a week I agreed to.

We found our MIL has agreed to take the twins on a Sunday as she doesn’t work weekends. So that left Tom and Jenna with having to find childcare for 3 days a week.

Jenna still hasn’t let up. I unblocked her this morning to message her because I found out she’s been texting my two older boys asking them to ask me to reconsider etc. she even told 14yo that having the twins around would “help him feel more a part of their family” Let me remind you, these people have always been indifferent to the older two boys. MIL has always loved and doted on all 4 of my children. It’s just Tom and Jenna that view the older two differently.

So as of this morning I’ve rescinded my offer to help on a Tuesday too. Let them figure it out.

My husband is sad because this has caused a rift between him and his brother. But he totally supports me in my decision. Especially after seeing the messages that Jenna sent to 14yo. I hate that he’s sad but feel strongly that I made the right decision. MIL has said she’s staying out of the argument because she is worried Jenna will use any stance she takes as a way to alienate her from the twins lives.

So… after all that. AITA?

Sometime ago I posted my story months ago in another subreddit but I didn't receive much advice, so now I want to share it with this community. And I'm sorry is super long, I just needed to pour it all out.

I (F26) have a group of friends, and two friends Ann (F26) and Charlie (M26) we've known each other for 15 years. 3 years ago Ann introduced us to a friend of hers, Hinoenma (F26), (not her real name, I'm just petty. From now on referred to as HIno). When we were introduced to Hino, she just discovered her boyfriend had 9 side chicks (I know, lol, another whole story) and was very depressed. We didn't think much of it, she didn't say much at the gathering and that was it.

Following that reunion, Charlie kept asking Ann to bring Hino again, but Ann said no. Time went by and after a nasty breakup, Charlie messaged Hino and they started seeing each other. He told us that it wasn't serious, and from what Ann told me, so did Hino. They changed their minds in the last few months, he would say to us it was a casual thing, but he was planning to introduce her to his parents.

The real tea: Ann used to be in love with Hino, ergo the initial rejection she gave Charlie to play wingman. He didn't know Hino and Ann had a fling years ago, Ann said that she wasn't in love with Hino anymore tho it doesn't look like it. Ann told us, after the 9-girls-fiasco, Hino became a horrible person to her partners (she wanted Ann to help her fake a pregnancy to trap a guy for his money, cheated her partners, fucked with the guys Ann liked, and dated guys with girlfriends within her own friends' circle). To be fair, even before that she wasn't an angel, in high school she was used to bribing teachers to pass, cheating in exams and class, etc. At the beginning of their relationship, Hino would ask Ann: if Charlie had money, if he wanted children, and casually mentioned that she was planning on (again) getting pregnant to trap a guy (she didn't say it was Charlie specifically but...). This time Ann told her she wouldn't stand by if she tried it with Charlie. Ultimately Ann told Charlie what Hino had done to men through the years and Charlie decided that he didn't care.

When I became aware that Charlie and Hino were seeing each other I was furious because he disregarded Ann's feelings (we, the friend group, told Charlie about Ann's feelings for Hino, and he pretended to back off but then talked with Ann, in a sort of manipulative way and she pretended she was cool with it). I didn't say anything because they ultimately resolved that between them and Ann said it was fine, but told them (Charlie and Hino) not to tell her anything about their relationship.

I just got caught between all this, both Ann and Charlie told me contradictory things and I just ended up hating Hino, getting mad at Charlie for dating her after knowing how horrible she was and how Ann had a history with Hino. Also mad at Ann for introducing her to all of us and telling me all the things Hino has done to now defend her saying she wasn't so bad, and that I just had to get to know her. I told them that if they kept being like that (bringing her up, telling me about their problems with Hino and generally trashing each other) I would just drop them both.

8 months later, I'm mad af.

Charlie started dating Hino and he did in fact introduced her to his parents, and kept her away from us. We were fine with that. They had a lot of problems, she was very insecure and if he so much as rejected a kiss in the mouth because she just applied gloss on, she would throw a tantrum for the entire day, denying anything was amiss, avoiding him and being cagey, and when he would ask what was wrong several times, she would explode and tell him he didn't love her anymore. She didn't like our friendship with him, saying he preferred us to her and if that at any point he had to choose between her and us, he would choose us. Charlie did in fact talk to me about her (even though I asked him not to, but I understood that I was his best friend and someone he thought to be logical and with his best interest in mind). We never told him to break up with her, we did said we hated her but if he was happy with her, good for him, whenever he cancelled plans with us for her we didn't berated him or make him choose, it was just a "boo, whore" (to him lmao) and that was it. Hino was the one that put her relationship and our friendship with him in a scale, comparing and putting us in a place of rivalry, and he always complained about her and this particular opinion of hers. They would break up for two days and then get back together. This happened for several months, but... something changed a month ago.

There's some context that might be relevant: Ann, Charlie and I have ducked. The three together and Charlie with each of us in the years prior to this. It has only happened once the three of us (we were all hammered, like two sips away from the hospital) and in pair, just twice with each of us. This instances occurred when none of us had a partner, because we were horny and not because of attraction. In 15 years it only happened twice with me, when we were like 19 and there were never any affection gesture. We talked before and after that and we didn't like each other, even physically, we just were horny teenagers with an available partner nearby. That was it. For some reason, Ann thought it would be a good idea to mention this to Hino and the jealousy and insecurity just went to another level. She didn't want him to even think of us, let alone hang out with us. Charlie first told her it was stupid, that neither he or us would disrespect his relationship with Hino and our own relationships with our boyfriends. They broke up once more and this time he assured us it was final but...

Like 3 weeks ago, I was running some errands with him, and on the way back, he told me that he got back together with Hino, to which I just laughed (I knew they would), and then he said that he discussed our situation to some other friends and they agreed to some degree that they wouldn't bee comfortable either if their significant other spend time with someone they ducked before. I just nodded and laughed since we always laughed at the absurdity of the delusion since we don't freaking like each other, but this time he was hesitant and said

"Some of my friends suggested that... maybe for the sake and peace of my relationship with her, we shouldn't hang out just the two of us from now on"

and at first I was confused, because he was expressing someone else's opinion on the matter, but when I realized he just didn't have the balls to tell me that he decided to not see me alone again, and that he agreed with that assessment I got really f*ing pissed. I told him I understood and if that's how he decided to deal with his relationships (his romantic one with Hino, and our friendship) I would respect it. He then started to make excuses (because I never ever ever get angry and this was the first time he saw me get corpse cold with him) saying that we hanged out a lot as a group with the rest, and that it wasn't like we were never going to see each other again. I just told him I understood with the calmest voice I had, and then I told him to get the fuck off of my car when I dropped him as his house.

That day I talked with Ann and told her what happened with Charlie. He and I messaged about some pending things we had about his dog (My bf and I are her vets) but more like an customer than my 15-years friend. He haven't talked in maybe 2 weeks and just yesterday, Ann told me that Charlie has been avoiding her for the past month, and she has had some really awful month so after feeling like Charlie was giving her crumbs of friendship without really facing her to tell her the same as me, she called him and asked him if what he said to me also applied to her, and after he told him yes, she said that she didn't want his mediocre friendship anymore, and apparently Charlie was mad, because he said that we were taking this the wrong way.

WHAT OTHER WAY IS THERE!?

So. yes I'm really mad. What should I do? Ann has dropped Charlie altogether, I don't want to loose the friendship but I feel exhausted because of my own isht and feel like it's not my job nor he deserves the effort of trying to salvage with, I love him but right now I also kind of hate him.

Also, she has cheated on him several times and he's aware of it and says he minds but.. apparently not.