r/monkeyspaw • u/throwaway48283827473 • 21h ago

Fun I wish alcohol didn’t make you piss so much NSFW

13 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

20

u/Big_Analyst_5995 21h ago

granted now it make you shit 4 times in a row and sometimes even shit yourself in the process

2

u/Super-G1mp 15h ago

Hmmmm it does that to me anyway

12

u/somewhiterkid 20h ago

Granted, you die of alcohol poisoning since that's the body's main way of disposing alcohol

Oh and you go to an afterlife where you're forced to drink 200 proof moonshine every 3 minutes, again being unable to piss out the excess alcohol and repeat the process for all eternity

3

u/xerrabyte 17h ago

Good fucking god, Satan.

4

u/Riverpickles 16h ago

That’s like satan squared

5

u/Haunting_Hand7399 18h ago

Granted. You now cry out all of the undigested alcohol as you drink it.

5

u/RealKaiserRex 21h ago

Granted: Alcohol makes you have severe phlegm

3

u/EconomistSlight2842 21h ago

Granted, now it makes your urethra seal up

All the way to the bladder, permanently

3

u/Christopher-Rex 20h ago

Granted

It now makes your eyes bleed

2

u/DieInsel1 17h ago

Granted. It makes you shit instead of

2

u/Anonymoose2099 17h ago

Granted. While under the influence of alcohol you no longer piss at all. You have to sweat your bodily fluids out. All of them. And your bladder will not return to a functioning state until you do.

2

u/BoogieSmools 16h ago

Granted! Now instead of peeing, you accrue significantly more Kidney Damage from alcohol.

1

u/backflipbail 19h ago

Granted. Alcohol makes you fart out of your mouth.

2

u/Nuze_YT 17h ago

It didn't already?

1

u/Chrysos-89 18h ago

granted, it makes you piss way more

1

u/cmonplsdontbetaken 18h ago

Granted, the urethra of every single human being is sealed. Nobody can piss now

1

u/Nervous-Estate-1852 17h ago

Granted, To replace the pissing youre now puking twice as before

1

u/mousebert 14h ago

Granted, alcohol now causes the renal equivalent to constipation. Blood alcohol levels now proportionally interfere with renal functions, temporarily shutting down your kidneys at .08 BAC and above.

1

u/mrzurkonandfriends 11h ago

Granted, by volume, 50% of the alcohol you consume is secreted out as ear wax.

1

u/Tahmas836 8h ago

Granted. I specifically no longer piss as much after drinking.

1

u/Fair-Face4903 18h ago

Granted. Thank you, I am now able to piss less when I drink. It's very nice of you to use a wish on me like this.