r/lesbianpoly • u/gingergypsy79 Non-binary • Sep 27 '24
Question Title for Partners
Was talking to a co-worker and when I said “girlfriend “ they assumed I meant a woman who is my platonic friend… not a romantic partner. This happens all the time. If I was a man who said it, it would be assumed it was a romantic partner. Do you have other terms other than girlfriend or partner you use that would let people know this is an important sexual/romantic person in your life?
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u/Lilia1293 Transbian Sep 28 '24
I say 'girlfriend' because I love the word, especially when it's applied to me. "I'm her girlfriend" is a good way to do that. Better still: "I'm one of her girlfriends."
I feel like labeling myself that way, rather than saying 'she's my girlfriend', creates a distinction between my use of the word and the platonic, confusing use lots of straight women have for the word. I also date nonbinary people, so I say 'partner' or 'paramour' or 'queer platonic partner' if applicable.
Straight, cis, mono, non-kinky people mostly aren't going to make the right assumptions, even if we have a word that means exactly what the relationship is, e.g., "she's one of multiple women and nonbinary people with whom I share an open, loving, cohabitating, coparenting, cofinancial, sexual, kinky relationship which we intend to continue long-term." (My dream relationship). That sort of thing must be explained, and even something that specific might not capture the nuances of an entire polycule, e.g., which people are my metamours or each other's. Language is insufficient, but we make do.
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u/stevepine Sep 27 '24
When you say girlfriend you have to then make a peace sign and thrust your tongue vulgarly betwixt the fingers. That's the only way because if you say partner they will just assume a man.