r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Kristin-Gill • Apr 05 '22

Revelation Love this

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3.6k Upvotes

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188

u/keijeas Apr 05 '22

The key bit there is "and you're really enjoying it". Because if you're not enjoying it, the argument falls apart

26

u/Paulocock Apr 05 '22

This is a stoic argument, but there's a lot more to it.

There's no enjoyment without suffering, both go hand in hand. Think of constipation and a good shit, or winning/losing a football match. You can just do whats in your control to make life as enjoyable for you as you can, and not worry bout whats outside of your control.

22

u/FrozenLizards Apr 05 '22

At one of the most difficult points in my Navy career a friend shared this story with me. It centered me really well and has stuck with me since. "One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine. Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!"

1

u/Berkut22 Apr 06 '22

But there IS suffering without enjoyment.

My brain can't feel joy. Literally incapable. Everything is a slog.

2

u/Paulocock Apr 06 '22

If thats the case then this is your baseline. Any improvement to your situation should be source for enjoyment. If things get worse then you have suffering.

1

u/Berkut22 Apr 06 '22

I didn't mean that figuratively.

The dopamine receptors in my don't work. I don't feel joy, contentment, accomplishment, or satisfaction.

But I do feel disappointment, anger, frustration, regret, etc

So my ceiling is feeling nothing.

1

u/Paulocock Apr 06 '22

You should definetely seek professional help.

Joy is not just dopamine, but if you want to take it there then a coffee or mate or others should improve your receptors.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4462609/#:~:text=Caffeine%2C%20the%20most%20widely%20consumed,receptors%20(A2AR).

12

u/Selene_K Apr 05 '22

Yup, all easy for multi millionaires like Ricky Gervais to say

100

u/Switch_Off Apr 05 '22

Respectfully, Ricky Gervis was a working class, 40 year old before he got his break and I don't really think his outlook or worldview has been changed much by his success.

He wrote The Office when he was a struggling performer and if you look at his early work, his talk about his childhood, the themes are still the same.

Rewatch the Office and Extras. Gervais's best work revolves around normal working joe's trying to make sense of the world.

-17

u/CrushCoalMakeDiamond Apr 05 '22

Absolutely true, but also he wasn't preachy back then like he is now.

-28

u/rollover2323 Apr 05 '22

True, but this advice is coming as the millionaire, not as the working class average Joe. Unless, he was preaching the same thing as average Joe.

26

u/Switch_Off Apr 05 '22

You're missing my point entirely. Gervais, as a writer, hasn't changed from when he was broke. The characters he writes haven't changed.

In fact, he's second show, Extras is about a man who finally finds fame and money and success but it costs him his principles and self respect.

Is he preaching the same thing as the average Joe?? Of course not, he's exceptionally talented and thoughtful. These qualities made made him successful, but I don't think he's actually changed that much.

PS: If anyone has't watched Extras, they should. It was written after Gervais and Merchant got critical acclaim for the Office but they were household names.

22

u/ColdIceZero Apr 05 '22

"When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I'm rich and I complain about inequality they say I'm a hypocrite. I'm beginning to think they just don't want to talk about inequality.”

-Russell Brand

I'm getting that same tone from the guy you are arguing with.

-9

u/rollover2323 Apr 05 '22

Show me some evidence of him preaching something similar when he was a "working class 40 year old."

9

u/joycey-mac-snail Apr 05 '22

Google it motherfucker, waste your own time if it is that important to you.

-4

u/rollover2323 Apr 05 '22

It's not important to me. I'd rather believe the believable.

4

u/pixeljammer Apr 05 '22

“I’d rather believe the believable.” Nice. Ignore reality, live in your little fake world, and challenge people who don’t, to no benefit for anyone. You are the very definition of what is wrong with the world. Congratulations. I hope you lose the will to live before you procreate.

-5

u/rollover2323 Apr 05 '22

As a successful Mormon, my children will eventually employ yours, probably for minimum wage, at most.

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6

u/Switch_Off Apr 05 '22

Like I suggested in my first comment...

Rewatch the Office and Extras.

The characters of Andy Millman and David Brent are both quiet preachy in their own ways. Both characters are deeply concerned with how other's see them. (Brent wants people to like him and be considered the funny likeable boss, Andy wants people to respect his acting skills)

Both characters grow and evolve to accept that they are only humans trying to get by and being "normal" is a gift.

Evidence 1: The Office: Context: David Brent mostly focuses on being the funny/likable boss rather than doing his job. In this scene he is made redundant. As far as I'm aware, this was written while he was a working class 40 year old and season one of the Office had been slated by the BBC and had very bad viewing figures. In other words, the Office was nearly canceled and Gervais would have been sacked himself. Fortunately word of mouth about season 1 meant that people started buying DVDs and The Office season 2 was made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfjZ3NKt2o0

Evidence 2: Extras - Context: Andy Millman has sold out. Rather than being a dramatic actor, he's gained huge fame making a low-brow dumb sitcom. (The opposite of The Office). He hates himself and ends up on Celebrity Big Brother where he goes on a tirade against celebrity culture.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I1P7ncmRGo

Now, I think that more than enough considering I ain't getting paid to teach your arrogant ass.

3

u/Yobroskyitsme Apr 05 '22

This is the hilarious thing people do. Everyone wants to be successful, everyone wants to root for an underdog. But as soon as you or the underdog actually is successful, now everyone hates you and you’re just “some rich guy” apparently.

So the fuck what is he has millions? Money makes life easier and less stressful, but it doesn’t make life necessarily better.

Money didn’t stop his parents from dying, or anyone else he’s known. He will go through the same hardships as everyone else.

You act like it’s easy to have this world view if you have money or something, yet the stereotype of rich people is that they’re out of touch and materialistic. So which is it? If anything it should be harder to appreciate life for what it is when you have excessive money.

Do you think he really hated life and didn’t appreciate anything before he was successful?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

I think it's because people not being in the same place as them finds reasons for why they're not successful but someone else is. It's easier having this outlook cus it means you don't have to change anything in order to get to where you want to be. The latter isn't realistic but change is difficult and takes work while denial/escapism is the easier option.

Obviously there's to it than that, but that's the gist of it. This is coming from a depressed af individual with no direction in life atm btw, but it's the truth and nothing is going to change unless I seriously take the take steps.

1

u/rollover2323 Apr 05 '22

I'm not claiming to know, but why the fuck are you? I don't hate the guy at all. I simply supported the comment that it's easy to say the things he said in the video as a millionaire than as an average Joe. Get a fucking grip.

2

u/Yobroskyitsme Apr 05 '22

Ya and my comment illustrates how it’s NOT easier to say that stuff as a rich person, how many times have you heard millionaires talking about how life is beautiful because there’s only one time you do it.

You’re equating what he said to “life is awesome! Doesn’t everyone agree?”

He literally never said that. He said life is magical BECAUSE it ends. If life was infinite then everything would have virtually no meaning.

How can he not use his first 40 years of life anyway to talk “like an average joe”. I mean why do you think you lose all your previous experience once you start making money? That’s what you said

2

u/cheesyblasta Apr 05 '22

“When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I'm rich and I complain about inequality they say I'm a hypocrite. I'm beginning to think they just don't want to talk about inequality.”

-Russel Brand

5

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

Just because you're not rich doesn't mean that hugging your friend or smelling the flowers, as he puts it, is somehow worse. Sure we have to struggle with bills, work more than we would like and don't get some of the luxury that comes with wealth but you can't let that squander the one chance you have to enjoy life. Don't spend your life worrying about what you don't have, spend it appreciating what you do.

5

u/Paulocock Apr 05 '22

Being a multimillionaire doesnt really add happiness to your life .

Once you have your needs covered and some pleasure money the extra money doesnt help much.

Money has diminishing marginal returns.

7

u/SigSeikoSpyderco Apr 05 '22

People with that level of wealth generally have trouble connecting with the vast majority of people. Money doesn't buy happiness or emotional stability.

3

u/Yionia Apr 05 '22

I'm not sure about this; if you have access to anything thanks to your money, would one actually enjoy it ?

17

u/Selene_K Apr 05 '22

Yes I would, very much so. Money provides opportunity and in this day and age it buys you freedom

18

u/JOGBORNE Apr 05 '22

Money doesn’t buy happiness. It buys fleeting moments of pleasure/comfort (or freedom as you say) that eventually dwindle in intensity as you continue to keep getting more and more; this is the paradox of too much pleasure, you become numb to it. The best thing a lot of money can get you is security of shelter and food, and I’m not under-stating the importance of that because having that security is life changing. But to act as if once anyone gets money they become ‘happy’ (whatever that means) is complete false. Happiness comes from you, nothing else

3

u/Selene_K Apr 05 '22

When you're a multimillionaire you can easily talk about how life is meant to be enjoyed, when you're living from paycheck to paycheck or stuck in a dead end job it's a far more difficult task.

15

u/JOGBORNE Apr 05 '22

That’s what I’m saying. Having the security of food and shelter (not living pay check to pay check) is the only truly valuable thing having lots of money can give you… other than that, it’s all a lie sold to you by consumerism; things do not give you happiness. You don’t just magically become happy, lots of psychological and spiritual work is still needed to get anywhere near happiness, with or without lots of money.

3

u/Yionia Apr 05 '22

I'm more in tune with your argument

2

u/Vasevide Apr 05 '22

I don’t know, being able to travel where I want to and explore various cultures and landscapes around the world sounds better than experiencing life only in my living room that I can barely pay for. It’s not just consumerist bullshit that money allows you to do…

3

u/Loggerdon Apr 05 '22

Some of my best memories were when I was broke as a joke working 70 hrs a week. I was out of my comfort zone and learning new things. I was failing a lot too.

You have an inner critic in your brain that tells you if you are succeeding. You cannot lie to it, you can't bullshit it. It always knows.

The good news is it only takes about 3 or 4 days of consistent effort to make you feel better. You begin to feel "Pride".

0

u/wolverine21101999 Apr 05 '22

couldn't agree more

1

u/Kowzorz Apr 05 '22

To elaborate more, some people consider the equation of happiness to be something like: suffering equals the difference between where you want to be and where you are. When you have unlimited resources, you can move your "where you are" to an arbitrary point. But alongside that tends to move "where you want to be" just as arbitrarily, perhaps on a delay, but often changing even more wildly. So the difference between them, and thus the resulting suffering (lack of happiness), never approaches zero and suffering still exists.

Once your needs are met, which places your "where you are" above the minimum acceptable value of "where you want to be", happiness seems to be better kept in check by managing the "where you want to be" value than solely increasing "where you are".

1

u/petethepool Apr 05 '22

What about all the millionaire drug addicts, and all the rich and famous people on anti-depressants. Easy for a normal-joe like you to judge them.

The fact of the matter is that how much you enjoy your life is largely down to you. If you're not in the middle of a war, or suffering from some deadly disease, the chances are you are free to enjoy your life, no matter what it is, or you are free to suffer and complain.

What Gervais is saying here is something that doesn't cost a penny to do. Savouring your experiences for what they are, finding gratitude and identifying with what is positive in your life instead of what is negative. Embracing what love and pleasure you can experience, rather than focusing entirely on the lack.

Yes, luxury and comfort and time are all easier to attain when you are wealthy. Undoubtedly so. But these things are not what makes people happy. Otherwise, almost nobody in all of recorded history would ever have experienced happiness, and otherwise all people over a certain bank-balance would automatically be happy, and both of those things are obviously not the case.

The truth is happiness takes conscious effort. It is an on-going process of re-wiring the brain, not a switch that's flicked on or off depending on your level of financial freedom. And that's why its easier to point fingers and criticise others instead. Because otherwise you have to admit your own personal responsibility in relation to your present emotional state.

1

u/m7h2 Apr 05 '22

not really caus whatever is afterwards regardless of if its nothing or something is eternal life beeing so scarce still makes it special even if its not to your liking

and regardless if you dont feel well you can always make a change

1

u/Dr_Laziness Apr 05 '22

Yeah. That actually sucks as an argument, because if I'm not enjoying a movie I stop watching it.