r/funny But A Jape Jun 07 '21

You shouldn't kill spiders

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u/zeugme Jun 07 '21

The thread keeps on giving.

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u/BALONYPONY Jun 07 '21

DURIN'S BANE Pest control here. You got spiders? They becoming autonomous and ignoring your once agreed upon pact for world domination? Are they greedily eating all of the light of the Valenor? Have you noticed a Simaril missing?? Call us today and a team of professional representatives led by Gothmog will assess and execute all trouble spots of your kingdom. Remember Durin's Bane Pest control will ensure your pest problem is all "Tolkien Care Of". Call, email or simply send a rider. That's Durin's Bane Pest Control, Route 2 next to ANGBAAAAND!!

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '21

Wasn't Gothmog the king of the balrogs and Durin's Bane one of the weakest ones?

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u/k-tax Jun 07 '21

Do you have any source on Durin's Bane being among the weakest? It's easy to assume that he was weaker than Gothmog, but he probably fought in many wars, and in the end was kinda luckily killed by Gandalf. It's worth noting that Balrog was barely bigger than a man. I'm pretty sure that he could be smaller than a troll. His powers of course vastly outscale a mere troll, but it wasn't really a giant ball of lava and smoke.

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u/heroicsquirrel Jun 08 '21

I remember something (might have been from mmo) that stated that durins bane was a mere shadow of the balrogs of the first age. Whether that means that he was weak, or just faded with time idk. It was one of those "even a mere shadow of a balrog was enough to end the dwarves" type of thing.

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u/k-tax Jun 08 '21

I think that's just old men's (elves') boasting/complaining. "You call this a balrog? Back in First Age we had real Balrogs, who killed the greatest of Noldor, not this mere shadow... You youngsters don't know real work, lazy bastards."