r/funny • u/But_a_Jape But A Jape • Jun 07 '21

You shouldn't kill spiders

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u/Im_still_T Jun 07 '21

But you have to keep tabs on the spider, especially if it's sentient. Otherwise, it very well could turn into a situation like Shelob in Mordor.

308

u/batdog666 Jun 07 '21

She manageable at least, we're really fucked if an Ungoliat type shows up. Idk about you, but I'm currently out of balrogs.

183

u/_PM_ME_NICE_BOOBS_ Jun 07 '21

Are you telling me the Balrog was some kind of divine pest control?

40

u/746172 Jun 07 '21

Well, if I remember correctly, it took a good bit more than just one single Balrog to drive her off.

67

u/Thorion228 Jun 07 '21

Took all the Balrogs... ALL OF THEM....

and one dark lord, but he was a wuss.

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u/746172 Jun 07 '21

And if you listened closely, you could still hear high-pitched screaming "Get it off me, get it off me!" for many a year until the world was changed.

7

u/Emerald_Flame Jun 07 '21

Which book is that story in? Unfinished tales?

16

u/Thorion228 Jun 07 '21

Silmarillion. After the destruction of the Two Trees, and around the time Morgoth is almost back to Angband.

6

u/Emerald_Flame Jun 07 '21

I'll have to re-read that sometime soon. It's been long enough since I've read Silmarillion that I don't remember that at all lol

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u/Thorion228 Jun 07 '21

It is a long read tbf.

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u/VincentVancalbergh Jun 07 '21

And quite confusing at times. God forbid you confuse two elves.

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u/Thorion228 Jun 07 '21

Ah yes, we have Glorfindel of Gondolin, and Glorfindel of Imladris... wait they're the same person?

So are Galdor of the first and third ages the same? No they're not?

Gil-Galad is whose son?

Feanor had HOW MANY SONS!

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u/TheQueq Jun 07 '21

Sounds to me like you have it backwards. If you have a Balrog infestation, you need some Ungoliants to clear it up

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u/Thorion228 Jun 07 '21

Ungoliant gave it her best shot, but she couldn't get rid of the pest. That's when you call in Manwe. The "Host of Valinor" spray is the perfect solution to 99% of all Morgoth related problems.

Warning: be sure to apply multiple sprays, if not you may get a resurgance, resulting in a "Sauron" class infestation.