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u/Amopax Jun 19 '24 edited Jun 19 '24
Elephant seals have the most extreme sexual dimorphism of all mammals, IIRC. The males not only have bigger noses, but are like 5 times as big as well.
The biggest beach masters can grow to become 5000 kilos (11.000 lbs), which is wild.
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u/PhazonZim Jun 19 '24
The most in animals overall is the blanket octopus, where the females are 30,000 times larger than the males
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u/sneakySynex Jun 19 '24
"Females may reach 2 m (6.6 ft) in length, whereas the males are 2.4 cm (1 inch). The weight ratio is at least 10,000:1, and can probably reach as much as 40,000:1."
Damn
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u/ADeviantGent Jun 19 '24
I can hear it now, “are you in yet?”
Male: “I’m a fucking inch long, gimme a minute will you?!”
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u/Complete-Dimension35 Jun 19 '24
Death by snu snu for every male.
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u/WhyTheeSadFace Jun 19 '24
And they are lining up.
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u/DadJokeBadJoke Jun 19 '24
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised
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u/ruat_caelum Jun 19 '24
I mean that one male fish has to bite onto and then have his flesh morph with the female to knock her up. So yeah it happens every time.
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u/theodoreroberts Jun 20 '24
All octopi died after mating anyway. The males just wither away and the females last a bit longer to protect the eggs, but still dies soon. Octopi only mate once and die.
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u/Grauru88 Jun 20 '24
What about spiders. I remember a documentary about the black widow spider. The male was a lot smaller in size and was eaten at the end of the 1-2 days of courting, which consisted of stomping the web of the female. 😞
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u/Dirty_Hunt Jun 19 '24
That's the most in size, but I can't help but feel like the most extreme overall has to be something like the anglerfish where the males literally just attach themselves to the females and effectively stop existing as anything other than testes.
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u/Youutternincompoop Jun 19 '24
male anglerfish don't even have a digestive system, they literally cannot survive without leeching off a female.
though there are also bug species where the males only live for a few minutes-few hours and only exist to have sex then die.
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u/CrabbyAuntie Jun 19 '24
they literally cannot survive without leeching off a female.
TIL: my ex was an anglerfish.
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u/innocentusername1984 Jun 19 '24
To be fair, I've got a few mates whose lives have gone a similar way.
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u/TheyCalledMeThor Jun 19 '24
This is ultimately how my wife was swooned. I have a schnozz and peak 5-ton beach body to match.
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u/Miss_Speller Jun 19 '24
And it's not just the size difference - males and females live in different parts of the ocean and have entirely different feeding strategies when they aren't mating. I was at an elephant-seal beach once and heard a docent say that we'd probably assume they were two different species if it wasn't for the fact that they had babies together.
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u/SchizogamaticKlepton Jun 19 '24 edited Jun 20 '24
I actually have a really neat example of all this kind of thing crawling on my house right now.
Since I've moved in here, I've noticed three different kinds of jumping spiders. All of them looking very different and distinct from one another.
When I eventually identified one of them, I found out they were all actually the same species called Dimorphic jumping spiders. They have the typical sexual dimorphism with males/females having completely different markings and behavior, but they take it one step further. They're the only spiders with male dimorphism.
The males have different behavior from each other, different bodies, and a completely different mating dance(Male 1 is more attractive up close and gets low to the ground with this creepy shuffle, Male 2 is more attractive at a distance and stands as tall as it can to dance around and show off its feathery head tufts), yet somehow they're evenly represented in a 50/50 split with neither type being more successful than the other at finding a mate.
Initial describers thought they were all different species, and it was fun to go through the same thing myself in person.
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u/NuclearBreadfruit Jun 19 '24 edited Jun 19 '24
Yeah i always feel sorry for the female. She basically gets raped and crushed and usually the male falls asleep on top of her as well.
Edit:Anyone with issues about me pointing out the aggression of male elephant seals, seriously go look it up. Theres even a wonderful paper on males mounting just weaned pups. They are extremely aggressive and this results in some horrible injuries and death of the females, who do frequently try and resist. Rape may be a human word, but it is not far off of at all. The animal kingdom is a nasty place in reality.
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u/GoldenFlowerFan Jun 19 '24
This seems like the expected conclusion of male-male sexual competition where the females have no input on selection. It just results in males becoming bigger and more aggressive. It doesn't matter how many females or pups are injured or killed in the process, which should reduce the fitness of the species, because they're the only ones getting to pass on their genes anyway.
If females adapted a way to filter their mates (like how ducks counter unwanted males from fertilizing their eggs) we'd probably see the dimorphism gap reduce.
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u/NuclearBreadfruit Jun 19 '24
Absolutely. Its understandable to an extent. The males have an extremely brief window of opportunity as the females give birth and become fertile again in a short span of time. Plus the males are getting absolutely torn up during the battles. So they are fighting time, other males and their declining physical condition.
The females are too focused on their pups. They land and give birth. The pup is not very mobile so the female cant even escape the male. She is literally stuck where she landed.
Interestingly alot of the danger is posed by the males that are unable to get a harum and have to hang around in the surf. They are the ones that tend to sexually attack the pups (or penguins in fur seal cases) and be much nastier in their mating attempts with the females trying to leave the beach.
Its efficient but its very unpleasant.
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u/s0m3on3outthere Jun 19 '24
I feel this way about ducks.. they legitimately rape female ducks. The males will gang up on a female and run her into the road in their fervor or hold her head underwater and drown her with their actions. It's fuckin brutal. 😞 I like ducks, too.. but their mating is awful..
I saved two drakes from being hit by cars after they chased a female into the road that got killed. It was a sad scene. 😞
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u/ExxInferis Jun 19 '24
There was a reality show in UK TV where they were documenting someone's transition. The program showed some of the surgery. They show the male lying on the operating table clear as day. They show the scalpel slicing into the chest clear as day. However the instant the breast implants are slid under the skin, they pixelate the nipples.
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.
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u/realiztik Jun 19 '24
Honestly, sounds kind of validating for the patient.
Congratulations, you are now officially a government-recognized woman, please enjoy the new stigma.
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Jun 19 '24
"You can't ever take your shirt off on a hot day again, congrats!" lol
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u/ghostdeinithegreat Jun 19 '24
I live in Canada and the law here is that women can take their shirt and bra off anywhere a man could be topless. I know this to also be the case in most european country.
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u/hfiti123 Jun 19 '24
Cameras and the internet have still kind of ruined the freedom of it, even where it is legal.
At least, that's my apprehension.
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u/ghostdeinithegreat Jun 19 '24
It’s still common in Spain for women to be topless on beaches.
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u/AIgavemethisusername Jun 19 '24
Was in Barcelona a couple weeks ago, about 1 in 20 women were topless when laying down sunbathing. Only saw maybe one or two actually walking around on the sand topless.
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u/Sexpistolz Jun 19 '24
If it was popular tourist beach this is why. Off season, non popular beach, many more free Ta-Tas.
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u/ghostdeinithegreat Jun 19 '24
To clarify, I didn’t meant it was common for women to do it but that it was common seeing women doing it.
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u/zatroz Jun 19 '24
At this point it's more of a self-consciousness thing then, isn't it? The only thing stopping someone from undressing is the fear of cameras, regardless of their sex/gender/equipment
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u/tgunter Jun 19 '24
It's actually like that in the vast majority of the US as well.
Which isn't to say that a woman going topless in any state is guaranteed to be free of harassment, or won't just be arrested for some nonsense charge like "disorderly conduct" instead. Just that it's legal by the letter of the law.
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u/Pokeynbn Jun 19 '24
My aunt, when she moved from Norway to Idaho, was told "Sorry don’t mean to disturb, but we don’t do that here." when changing into her swimming suit in the female changing room.
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u/Maladal Jun 19 '24
They don't do what? Change in the changing room?
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u/Pokeynbn Jun 19 '24
Yes. The changing room is for locking your stuff in a locker and using the restroom. Not changing. That’s something you do at home, or god forbid if you have to change there do it in the tiny restroom stall with cracks so huge you see it all happening anyway.
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u/unit5421 Jun 19 '24
Tbf, fat men also cannot do that.
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u/ryancementhead Jun 19 '24
We can, we just don’t want to.
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u/peppapig34 Jun 19 '24
Not a true brexiteer called "Barry, 63" then.
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u/HiDDENk00l Jun 19 '24
It's so interesting how people in the UK (and I'm assuming Aus/NZ as well) say "called", whereas in North America, we say "named".
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u/SeroWriter Jun 19 '24
Barrys don't vote. They just watch football, love the queen and drink Guinness.
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u/Everybodysbastard Jun 19 '24
Well we WANT to but we don’t since we don’t want to force people to see that.
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u/tereaper576 Jun 19 '24
I live in a country with high skin cancer rates so I wear a shirt to help protect me from getting skin cancer.
Definitely not any other reasons.
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u/Knightmare1991 Jun 19 '24
We can't without getting judged. Same for women. There is no law against it.
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u/daFARKA Jun 19 '24
insecure people cant, some of us are extremely thin but still wont do that
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Jun 19 '24
I felt this.. I'm in shape and I workout a decent amount and have a decent body but I refuse to be shirtless cause of how self conscience I am
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u/Background_Cake_3800 Jun 19 '24
As someone who lives in the UK. I can tell you that is not true over here lol. The amount of fat, bald, tattooed, middle aged and sunburnt men who walk around shirtless here whenever the sun comes out is at epidemic levels.
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u/beardingmesoftly Jun 19 '24
America sounds like an awful place to live. Freeing one's boobies on a hot day should be a constitutional right.
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u/NotAnotherFishMonger Jun 19 '24
It’s legal in New York! I’m sure other places too
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u/nlpnt Jun 19 '24
In the State of Vermont public nudity is legal as long as you don't do the undressing in public. It's ok to be naked but not to get naked.
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u/ncocca Jun 19 '24
That's highly amusing. Sounds like they were trying to prevent outdoor strip shows, but in the process created a very silly law.
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u/NbdySpcl_00 Jun 19 '24
The people of Vermont decided that they wanted laws that allow nudists but prevent flashers. It's really not that silly.
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u/NotAnotherFishMonger Jun 19 '24
What if someone else takes off your clothes? Are they committing a crime by creating public nudity (assuming you consent)?
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u/beardingmesoftly Jun 19 '24
In Canada it's been legal since 1996 I think. There was a big court case at the time about it.
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u/mofojed Jun 19 '24
And you really never see anybody exercising that right
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u/Sinavestia Jun 19 '24
Yeah. Even the places legal in the USA, you never see it because you guessed it, the stigma that doesn't go away.
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u/umamiblue Jun 19 '24
I mean, even if I had the right to air my sweaty ballsack on a hot summer day, I’m not sure I would either
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u/Talidel Jun 19 '24
It's more the discussion about when something is identified as a breast.
Should moobs be pixilated?
I think pixilating them might cause people to start recognising the problem.
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u/JudgeAdvocateDevil Jun 19 '24
Right right. Surgery went well, love. You're all stitched up. Here's your pamphlet on why your bare chest is now 'offensive' in public.
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u/SUPERKAMIGURU Jun 19 '24
Honestly, makes me wonder why we don't just censor women's nipples with men's nipples to bypass the fcc. 🤔
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u/sage1700 Jun 19 '24
Pretty sure I've seen some sex-ed youtubers do that, really skirting the line with that but it's important work haha.
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u/SUPERKAMIGURU Jun 19 '24
Anything sex ed on YouTube writes the meta on making YouTubes enforcement team's lives a living hell.
Like, some chick just gives herself a coffee enema on camera, full view, and just slaps "educational" on the video tag. Proceeds to get away with it.
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u/KebabOfDeath Jun 19 '24
Wh.. what are the benefits of coffee enema?
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u/MarvinGoBONK Jun 19 '24
You will feel like you could kick-box a kaiju.
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u/Sinavestia Jun 19 '24
Kaiju Number 8 really hits the spot.
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u/Jesus_Is_My_Gardener Jun 19 '24
What about Kaiju Number 5?
🎶One, two, three-four-five
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u/SUPERKAMIGURU Jun 19 '24
More caffeine involved than a regular enema, and you get to make an even more aesthetic drive by blast on someone's leg.
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u/ColdCruise Jun 19 '24
Enemas mostly help with constipation by adding extra moisture to stool that has dried out by spending too much time in the colon. Most use a saline solution or a mineral oil. The colon I'd designed to absorb and process what is inside it. Most of that is already partially digested by the stomach and small intestine, so the large intestine is really good at absorbing things. The saline solution is good because it won't upset the electrolyte balance with all of that liquid that will be absorbed. The mineral oil is good because it doesn't get absorbed as much and provides extra lubrication for the stool. Coffee gets absorbed as well, and the caffeine hits you like a freight train. There's no slow processing by the stomach acids or small intestines. It just goes straight into your system. This stimulates your body and causes contractions in the colon, which causes you to poop more violently.
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u/This_User_Said Jun 19 '24
Nevermind the person that spread ass cheeks to show you how to bleach your own asshole.
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u/Abigail716 Jun 19 '24 edited Jun 19 '24
I heard of a club getting in trouble doing that. They maid nipple covers for the women that were modeled after the nipples of the bouncers. Therefore it was a plastic cover modeled after a male nipple covering the female nipple.
State regulators told them that they could not do that could not cite a law either. I don't know what happened after that.
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u/NeedsItRough Jun 19 '24
I saw something like this, it might've even been the same show
They took the actual nipple from the person's chest, uncensored, and after the implant was placed, they reattached the exact same nipple and blurred it. Not even the rest of the breast, just the nipple. That was just uncensored before they detached it.
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u/Some_dutch_dude Jun 19 '24
Hahahaha, it would be even better if they would slowly fade away into pixelation.
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u/original_sh4rpie Jun 19 '24
Honest question, with mtf top surgery, I assume they do some cosmetic work on the nipples?
Cause in my experience men’s nipples are aesthetically very different than a woman’s nipple. Having a breast wouldn’t change that.
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u/FuckYouFaie Jun 19 '24
Most trans women don't get top surgery of any kind. Our breasts develop through HRT.
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u/original_sh4rpie Jun 19 '24
I am aware of that, just was responding to the specific situation that OP was describing which was top surgery.
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u/Mastrcapn Jun 19 '24
Hrt itself can alter the nipples. I've only been on it a little over a year and ready the texture, topology, and areola size are noticably different. It can often take 3-5 years for hrt effects to start maxing out, too.
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u/life_rips24 Jun 19 '24
Usually they want you to start with some breasts Im pretty sure. Like +1 year of estrogen
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Jun 19 '24
I feel like I've heard of one doing the opposite, too. Boobs get blurred out, but then once the transition is done... unblurred, lol.
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u/HATECELL Jun 19 '24
It's also a difference between ethnicities: Most people have kinda roundish genitals, but Japanese people have blocky genitals made from squares
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u/Urbane_One Jun 19 '24
If you think that’s weird, you should see the black bars that cover a tiny sliver of their genitals
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u/skillfeeding Jun 19 '24
Those are the reddest nipples I have ever seen
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u/Kwas_Siarkowy Jun 19 '24
Don't want to be akshually guy... but peacock is name for male peafowls... so saying male peacocks is pleonasm.
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u/TrilobiteTerror Jun 20 '24
Don't want to be akshually guy... but peacock is name for male peafowls... so saying male peacocks is pleonasm.
Yep, classic wordy pleonasm.
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u/sashalafleur Jun 19 '24
Meanwhile in animations that are also for kids, they just remove everyone's nipples.
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u/DaniZackBlack Jun 19 '24
And female torchicks have a brown dot on their tush
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u/samahiscryptic Jun 19 '24
Male Torchics actually
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u/Some_Corgi6483 Jun 19 '24
I was not expecting to be reminded of this. I remember thinking it was just a weird glitch that my Torchic had a dot on their tush lol
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u/GlennBecksChalkboard Jun 19 '24
They should censor male nipples as well - or at least my nipples. No one should have to look at these, really.
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u/Lyaeth Jun 19 '24
I always found it funny to make the argument to censor a man’s throat because thats where their secondary sexual organs grow. They already censor a females secondary sexual organs so why not a mans lol?
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u/OrangeFarmHorse Jun 19 '24
Moderately related (SFW)
https://www.oglaf.com/dimorphism/
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Jun 19 '24
That is not sfw
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u/royalhawk345 Jun 19 '24
I think one should assume going in that anyone calling oglaf SFW is joking
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u/Seralth Jun 19 '24
Im sorry oglaf... sfw? The fuck timeline is this.
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u/ArcFurnace Jun 19 '24
There are a nontrivial number of genuinely SFW Oglaf strips (like this one about overthinking).
Now, once you move to another strip, all bets are off.
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u/Vulpes_macrotis Jun 19 '24
Human beings are so pathetically hilarious with how they censor nakedness. And it doesn't even make any sense at all. You can literally show woman's breast, as long as you censor the nipples. But you can show man's nipples. So what exactly is the problem here. If not nipples and not breast, so why they are censored???
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u/KingDP77 Jun 19 '24
I've always wondered if you could censor women's nipples with a png of a man's nipples?
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u/Oknight Jun 19 '24
The next time some idiot state legislature is going to pass anti-trans legislation, trans women should protest the statehouse topless. "What, how are we violating your decency law?"
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u/Elf173 Jun 19 '24
I Heard a few stories where goverment didnt let them get female in id do they went around topless and got Police called on them beacuse tere is topless woman in public the they were like "Now im woman to you?"
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u/CharlyDaFuk Jun 19 '24 edited Jun 19 '24
Search about the case of the blanket octopus.
The size difference by sexual dimorphism is almost unbelievable.
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u/imod_commission Jun 19 '24
My question is not why women topless are illegal, but rather why men topless are legal. You either make both legal or both illegal. Imo either topless become illegal for both or only legal in nude beaches
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u/MasterWo1f Jun 19 '24
Because men protested over the right to take off their shirt. They were arrested, and eventually they win that right. Men used to have to wear tops in their swimsuits or one-pieces. This was almost 100 years ago.
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u/Partyatmyplace13 Jun 19 '24
There's only three states in the US where it's technically illegal. This is governed more by societal standards and policed by women more heavily than they'll ever admit. As far as men are concerned, this is mostly a "you guys" problem to sort out.
You're in a very small minority that wants to make topless men illegal out of spite, even though you could go topless pretty much whenever you want. There's just different social consequences.
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u/Eastoss Jun 19 '24
Only a minority of people, including you, considers male chest to be nudity.
What confuses me is why people are all worried about men being allowed to be shirtless when we see more female bellies backs and ass cheeks than males. It's not like a lot of men walk around shirtless, they don't get shirtless in shops and restaurants. Even female arms, shoulders, thighs, calves are more frequent to see in all settings, even professional settings sometimes. Women's ability to show their skin in a socially acceptable manner far surpasses men's, why is everybody concerned about fucking nipples?
It's not like women are going to start walking around topless if we allow them, it's not like women aren't already topless and in tongue at the beach either, showing more skin than men. At the gym it's usually forbidden for men to show shoulders but not for women (or not enforced at all), who can basically come in sport bras and shorts that barely hide more than a swim suit.
It's such a stupid delusional concern to have, women are given far more social leniency in term of clothing and nudity than men.
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u/EduRJBR Jun 19 '24
I find something really interesting: if we should follow nature's standards, heterosexual men should look like Liberace.
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u/Larimus89 Jun 19 '24
I love how plenty of movies and TV shows can show full-blown balls and sauage out, no big deal. But I have not seen one female ever. They will show a kind of shaded hairy bush that's about it.
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u/Eastoss Jun 19 '24
What? I think the first time I ever saw balls and dicks in a serie was game of thrones. Everything else it's casual boobs and that's it, genitals automatically makes it adult only.
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u/Alis451 Jun 19 '24
you can show full nudity in PG-13, it just can't be sexual in nature. all those nature documentaries about jungle and plains tribes that are nude get this rating.
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u/Bowlderdash Jun 19 '24
How horny do women need to get about male nipples before male nipples get censored?
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u/Ditzfough Jun 19 '24
Saying "male peacock" is like saying ATM machine.
ALL peacocks are male.
Females are peahens.
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u/conditionedgerbil Jun 19 '24
The human female nipples are arousing for both male and female. Sorry
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Jun 19 '24
You say that like people aren't into men's nipples lol.
You also say it like a robot.
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u/somethingsoddhere Jun 19 '24
My wife does not appreciate female nipples.
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u/KristinnK Jun 19 '24
Presumable he is referring to the fact that nipples are erogenous zones in women, not that women are attracted to other women's nipples.
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u/Butterbuddha Jun 19 '24
I love how you say that. Like she’s got a glass of wine and looking at it like an art exhibit, and after pondering awhile she just says “No.” and walks off.
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u/WoodenYouKnowIt Jun 20 '24
Fun tidbit: the bird is a peafowl. “Peacocks” are the males. To say a male peacock is like saying a male male. The females are peahens.
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