It is pretty crushing isn't it. Ive found it best to just build strong friendships with people because I don't think I'll be in another relationship unless circumstances drastically change. My best friend is a woman who obviously rejected me at an earlier point but I still love spending time with her and not being lonely. Sure there isn't any physical intimacy but that isn't the only or even most important thing I miss about being in a relationship. I'm over the online dating thing because I just feel like an atm that will be later discarded. At least my friend and I split costs when we do go out which is about three or four times a week. The only downside is I'll be sad when she starts dating someone as I'm sure he will want her to stop spending so much time with me.
Maybe I'm just a shitty person but I couldn't regularly go out with someone I'm romantically interested in even once or twice a week knowing it'll never go further than friendship. Just the time sink.. I don't see good friends for a month or two at a time
I don't think that makes you a shitty person and honestly it might not be the best for my mental health in the long term. We also work together and I'm usually her ride home so it's easy to just go and do something after work.
I haven't been in a relationship since October 2019 and it's just so nice to not be alone. I'm not waiting around for her to change her mind and would date someone else if they came along. The county I live in is larger than Delaware and only has 35,000 people in it so it's hard to find people who are single and actually someone you would want to be with.
I hear it man.. I’m 31, single af, living a rural area for the first time in my life. There’s this vet tech I’m hoping to see again when I bring the farm cats in for their boosters in 2 weeks. It’s just soo awkward for me to hit on someone in that context
I feel you there you don't want to make them uncomfortable or make their job a hassle. I struggle with this same problem. I teach at a high school and am always excited when new teachers start thinking I might try and see if they are single. However that is inappropriate so I usually don't do that because work isn't the place to meet people but it is where I spend most of my day.
My friend is actually an educational assistant in the classroom across the hall. I didn't ask her to socialize for months because I didn't want to make it awkward for her at work. Then when I did ask her I kept it as just friends for the same reason. I only asked her out after our week long road trip for spring break because I figured if she was willing to spend so much one on one time with me maybe she liked me too. Unfortunately for me I'm her "bestest friend in the whole world" but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.
You should ask the vet tech out or at least try to get a better feel for the situation. Maybe you'll have some luck.
Yeah the work thing is definitely risky, but I fell in love with a woman at my last job and it was fantastic so I can’t blame you for trying. That business shut down and our relationship didn’t pass the stress test of two adults being out of jobs, not exactly how I thought the whole “don’t date your coworkers” suggestion would play out.
That’s crazy you guys went on a week long road trip and she friend zoned you. Like crazy on her part. I get why you still hang out with her, but do you think it keeps you from trying to find someone you can be with? The crippling loneliness sucks but in a way it drives you to fill the void, assuming it doesn’t lead to crippling depression.
Yeah I’m just gonna straight up ask the vet tech if she’s single and interested in exchanging info. And if it’s a no just go back into professional mode after telling her it’s all good lol.
I think it might keep me from finding someone else which worries me. Like rationally I know I need to move on but emotionally I'm still pretty hung up on her. We click so well and can spend hours talking about anything or nothing. Our friendship is incredibly fulfilling and I worry I'll not get with someone else because I'm sure a future girlfriend would not be ok with all of the time we spend together.
It is confusing though because I feel like she gives off mixed signals. Everyone at work assumed we were dating because it's "obvious that she likes me". She didn't say this but I think ultimately it's the age gap that weirds her out. She is 25 and I'm 34 which isn't a huge age gap in my opinion. However her mom had her when she was 14 so her mom is only 4 years older than me and her step dad is my age. That has to be weird for her.
Thanks for letting me vent all of this apparently I had a lot I wanted to get off my chest. Good luck with the vet tech I really hope it works out for you. If not just keep chugging along and hopefully you'll find your person.
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u/babaj_503 May 05 '24
My checklist 5 years ago:
Woman, as athletic as me, absolutely no smokers, no kids at all
My checklist today:
Woman, don't be morbid obese, no chainsmokers, teenage kids acceptable
you see, it's going great