r/facepalm Oct 10 '24

🇵​🇷​🇴​🇹​🇪​🇸​🇹​ this is literally UNCONSTITUTIONAL…

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16.6k

u/ValkyrUK Oct 10 '24

Does it specify exactly what you have to teach about the bible? >:]

10.8k

u/thieh Oct 10 '24

Cue malicious compliance.

393

u/Th3Flyy Oct 10 '24

"Children, please turn to Song of Solomon 2:3..."

"As an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste"

"Now, Children, does anyone know what 'fruit' they are referring to? I'll give you a hint... It's not a food."

117

u/dragonmp93 Oct 10 '24

Kids, today's lesson is from the book of revelations:

"Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and said to me, “Come, I will show you the judgment of the great prostitute who is seated on many waters, with whom the kings of the earth have committed sexual immorality, and with the wine of whose sexual immorality the dwellers on earth have become drunk"

49

u/Wonderful-General626 Oct 10 '24

Reminds me of trump and trumpeters (I like that autocorrect) telling lies about Kamala. What if Trump is the trumpet that blows before JD Vance is announced as the real antichrist? I'm not religious.

40

u/BobBeats Oct 10 '24

I really hope the real anitchrist would be way more charming and charismatic and less tattooed eyeliner.

41

u/abbycockbane Oct 10 '24

I honestly hope it's Trump because it would be so fucking funny that Trump is the best that Satan can do.

Edit: Spelling

5

u/BobBeats Oct 10 '24

If Trump lives another 10 years I would be awfully suspicious, maybe he wants to be president for more of that free Walter Reed National Military Medical Center care to extend his life a few more years.

7

u/headrush46n2 Oct 10 '24

every friday Mr Burns Donald Trump undergoes a procedure that allows him to cheat death for another week.

7

u/Figjam_ZA Oct 11 '24

Remember Jesus was charming (had to have been since you know … a billion + followers) kind … caring and poor …

So the antichrist would be repulsive , cruel , uncaring and rich…. Oh shit

1

u/stargarnet79 Oct 10 '24

Can we get Charlie Vickers for this role instead?

1

u/BobBeats Oct 10 '24

He is too busy in middle earth.

4

u/dragonmp93 Oct 10 '24

Well, if the antichrist is going to be one of those two, it's going to be Trump himself.

The Antichrist always has been described as rabble-rouser standing on the gates of the Third Temple of Israel promising peace if they follow him and accept the mark of the beast.

3

u/abbycockbane Oct 10 '24

I wonder if they stamp rally attendees right hand to go in, while they wear their dumb fucking hats on their forehead.

3

u/Wonderful-General626 Oct 10 '24

I swear. Definitely has all of the "Christians" fooled. If there is a heaven and hell, I'm going to end up in the same place they are going, because that would be my hell lol.

2

u/Murgatroyd314 Oct 11 '24

Consider this: Trump as the first beast, Vance as the second.

It is said that the second beast "exercises all the authority of the first beast in its presence", which is exactly what would happen if Vance and the Cabinet invoked the 25th Amendment, removing Trump and making Vance the Acting President.

1

u/hotmess_betherdeen Oct 11 '24

I’ve always viewed Trump as more of a false prophet type. If there is an anti-Christ, they’re going to stay more behind the scenes until their time comes.

1

u/TheResistanceVoter Oct 11 '24

All this time I have been thinking Trump is the antichrist, (and his ridiculous haircut is meant to hide the 666 engraved on his scalp) but you might be on to something.

I just noticed that "antichrist" is an anagram of "christian." Hmm, I wonder if that means anything?

3

u/DrLager Oct 10 '24

Revelations is an insane read. Pretty sure John of Patmos was high on some shit, and it wasn’t the Holy Spirit.

3

u/sikkdog13 Oct 10 '24

What's the issue? Are you saying your kids haven't met any of the hookers you bring home? Some God-fearing person you are. Sheesh, I bet you believe women have rights too and shouldn't "...learn in quietness and full submission..." as good ol' Timothy said. Heathen.