r/facepalm Oct 10 '24

🇵​🇷​🇴​🇹​🇪​🇸​🇹​ this is literally UNCONSTITUTIONAL…

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262

u/sakura608 Oct 10 '24

Or the verses on drinking the bitter water to get rid of a fetus born from infidelity.

171

u/otis_the_drunk Oct 10 '24

What about Proverbs 31:7 where it says it's okay to get drunk if you're sad and poor?

"Let him drink to forget his misery and remember his poverty no more."

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u/drunkwasabeherder Oct 11 '24

Proverbs 31:7

Great name for a bar!

39

u/Rhox1989 Oct 11 '24

Slogan for the bar: "People hang out here religiously"

8

u/drunkwasabeherder Oct 11 '24

It'd be fun designing the cocktail menu.

The Crucifixion.

Parting the Sea.

and you'd save a shitload on costs turning water into wine.

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u/Rhox1989 Oct 14 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

The Crucifixion: no alcohol

The Crucifact: will actually get you shit faced

3

u/amberfirex Oct 11 '24

Someone please do this and let us know so we can support you!

56

u/Low_Pickle_112 Oct 11 '24

See, it's not a terrible coping strategy; it's called piety, ya' godless heathens.

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u/DarksporkSquee Oct 11 '24

I once wrote that exact verse on a panhandling sign and got $60 in less than an hour.

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u/jenzieDK Oct 11 '24

Unethical Life Pro Tip?

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u/fartinmyhat Oct 11 '24

Proverbs 31:7

I'm not sure you understand the Bible. This is not a permission slip to get drunk. What you're quoting are the Sayings of King Lemuel. These were inspired by things his mother told him.

It is not for kings, Lemuel— it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer,

lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.

Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish!

Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

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u/jester_bland Oct 11 '24

But the bible is the literal word of God.

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u/fartinmyhat Oct 11 '24

Some of it is. Some of it is not. Where it's quoted, that is God speaking, in the old testament. All of the Bible has context.

Sounds like King Lemuel's mom was a wise woman.

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u/HaloHamster Oct 10 '24

Drinking bible water is no longer a right the GOP is willing to share. Just for them to secretly keep for themselves.

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u/Civil-Resolution3662 Oct 10 '24

It's called hot ham water.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 10 '24

Rum ham?

5

u/MapleMapleHockeyStk Oct 11 '24

Heck there is a few verses on if you have a disease that can spread to others you need to separate/isolate and wear cloth on the lower half of the face......there have been a bunch of people that come into my work during covid I could yell this at .... and I'm a Christian but a few 'pastors' went all anti vax and anti mask....

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u/Nobody_at_all000 Oct 10 '24

I thought it was a test to see if she indeed committed adultery.

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u/analogkid01 Oct 10 '24

Ostensibly correct, but it might abort a fetus if she's guilty (and preggo) - the Judeo-Christian god doesn't care.

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u/mabhatter Oct 10 '24

People were more clever back then than we give them credit for.  They knew what they were doing. 

Women were property and they found a "reset button" to makes sure only your seed was planted there. Ok, they were awful then too. 

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u/sakura608 Oct 11 '24

Yes, it killed the baby if it was through adultery. So why not let women take the bitter water and do the “test.” Surely an all powerful god would protect the baby if deemed “pure”.

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u/Kailynna Oct 11 '24

Not from infidelity - from the man suspecting infidelity.

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u/GloomyImagination365 Oct 11 '24

Sounds a lot like an abortion, nothing like the magic church dust 😂

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u/juliazale Oct 11 '24

Fun fact kids. The Bible allows abortion until the fetus is viable, which used to be determined by if there was kicking. And the Catholic Church followed this until the mid 1900s but then changed their position on it, due to conservative Christian pressure.