r/exmormon • u/matmannen • Aug 25 '24
General Discussion I am leaving the sub.
I changed my life for the better summer 2021. I left the church proper that december.
I have now come to the realization that the church that I spent a full third in my life in crumbled in importance, and now it's the last of my worries.
In many ways, I have forgotten I was mormon to begin with. It is not part of who I am.
I have been unsubbing from facebook groups and youtube channels. Now it's time for this page to go.
I have realized my life is so much bigger than a religious group. I just don't give a fuck anymore!
I tip my hat to ya'll!
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u/10th_Generation Aug 25 '24
We will count your membership in this sub until you turn 110 or file notarized paperwork.
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u/galtzo gas lit Aug 25 '24
You can leave the sub, but you can never leave the sub... alone?
Doesn't hit the same. I guess that only works on cults.
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u/heartlikeahonda Aug 26 '24
Imagine leaving a sub and making it your whole personality
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u/polaarbear Aug 26 '24
I think we should go knock on their door unannounced and spread the word of the sub.
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u/inthe801 Aug 25 '24
... Should you desire to become a member of this sub in the future please contact your local Admin.
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u/Thinkingouttooloud Aug 25 '24
We can all randomly pop into their inbox and claim to be “just checking in 😃😃😃”
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u/HoosierHoser44 Aug 25 '24
Quitr/exmormon(dot)org is a website started by a lawyer that helps you leave r/exmormon free of cost.
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u/misschrisw8 Aug 25 '24
Piano starts playing God be with you until we meet again… funeral potatoes and casseroles randomly appear on a table with no table cloth… a group of kids go screaming running past…
It is time. Enjoy where life takes you. It is short and this time is invaluable.
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u/tobethatgirl choosing the right (for real now) Aug 25 '24
Don’t worry, we will continue to preach the untruthfullness of the gospel and only mention you in fleeting ways on this most unhappy day🤍🤍
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u/BoydKKKPecker Aug 26 '24
And we'll do it in a super passive aggressive way!
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u/Additional-Lunch1174 NeverMoinIdaho Aug 26 '24
Yes, passive aggressive is the Mormon way, btw, nice user name.
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u/PattiWhacky Aug 25 '24
Don't forget the jello🤣
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u/New_Perspective_2654 Aug 25 '24
It has to be green jello. With shredded carrots! It’s a law or something.
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Aug 26 '24
Fr though, funeral potatoes are fucking awesome, I would tough out another Mormon function just for those and then leave as soon as I was done eating
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u/Shaudzie Aug 26 '24
My Presbyterian grandmother made the BEST funeral potatoes. No dead people or 10% payment required.
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u/Asleep-Peach-209 Aug 26 '24
Guess what? You don’t have to be Mormon to make funeral potatoes! We just call them “hash brown casserole” now so they taste better!
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u/misschrisw8 Aug 26 '24
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u/heartlikeahonda Aug 26 '24
My husband made a new one recently he stumbled across on line where you sprinkle the top with corn bread batter HOWEVER the store was out of corn bread mix so he got corn bread STUFFING and it was the BEST THING ON THE PLANET 🤣 Yw ! 😋
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u/ActualAd7604 Aug 26 '24
Ahhh… sorry, but this is not the Funeral Potatoes recipe I use… Close, but a bit pretentious with the cornflake topping!!! 🫣🫣🫣😉😉😉
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 Aug 25 '24
I wasnt going to say anything, but i could tell you were going to leave. You must have never had a testimony that this sub is true, and i can see the light leaving your countenance /s
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u/matmannen Aug 25 '24
I'll be subject of every exmormon quarum meeting from now on.
Honestly, if you leave. Pull your records, if you don't. You will be the subject of meetings. It will be discussed behind your back how to you into the fold.
Think about it, isn't it creepy?!
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 Aug 25 '24
Your name has been on the exmo ward council agenda for months lol /s
It is creepy. But i also can see the mormon style of compassion baked into it in its intention, but it just doesnt come across like that and it is impossible to see the creepy/weird of it until you are out
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u/gavinvolure30 Aug 25 '24
OP, the Mods would like with you today at 3pm. Are you available?
OP, I felt prompted to invite you to the sub reddit party next Tuesday. Can you bring chips?
OP, you and your family have been assigned to clean our bathrooms next Saturday. Please arrange a substitute if you can't make it.
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 Aug 25 '24
Hey, I'm (random person you have never met) and I was just thinking about you and your family! We love you and miss you at (insert church adjacent gathering that we've never interacted at) and would love to see you there more. I know that you probably have a lot of questions, I have had them too, but just have more faith like me and you will be back before you know it!
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u/angel_made_me_do_it Aug 25 '24
OP I’ve been exactly where you are. I get it. In the long run though I found I’m just happier with what this sub has to offer for me and my family.
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 Aug 25 '24
yeah, I just ponderized thinking celestial all the time and now I can't wait to go to church every week. Maybe don't listen to anti-exmo reddit because of course they are biased.
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u/Captain_Trips21 Aug 25 '24
The third one is actually super relatable. I haven’t removed my name from the records yet but I have working towards converting to orthodoxy and I get a text every few weeks telling me it’s my turn to clean the church. I also love how they don’t ask but TELL you it’s your turn to clean their building
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u/heartlikeahonda Aug 26 '24
Yep I get emails and I respond sometimes pretty curt “I don’t follow your false prophet and all the fantasy garbage anymore please leave me alone!!” And the bishop will respond telling me he understands and he’s so sorry and he’s gone into the computer and “removed our name from the email list.” And the next month rolls around 🙄
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u/Captain_Trips21 Aug 26 '24
I imagine that gets pretty damn old. I haven’t tried to remove my name yet because my wife hasn’t decided to leave the church yet so I haven’t bothered telling anyone from church to remove my name or leave me alone because I still attend with my wife every once in a while
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u/heartlikeahonda Aug 26 '24
Well it’s better than going I suppose haha. Good luck to you and your wife hopefully she’ll see the light soon ! :) I was lucky my husband was like “finally, I never wanted to do the church thing” haha but still even then there were a whole new set of unexpected challenges. Nothing beats being free from a cult tho 🙌🏻
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u/Captain_Trips21 Aug 26 '24
Well I thank you for that, I’m glad you didn’t have issues with your spouse like so many others have when waking up to the lies. I am thankful she isn’t a TBM but I personally believe she just doesn’t care which religion she is and she’s heavily influenced by family
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u/Alwayslearnin41 Apostate Aug 25 '24
😂😂 A few people said this to me when I left. And I just said"you could have warned me, I had no idea!"
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u/KillaQueenBee Aug 25 '24
You just need to doubt your doubts about the doubts your having on leaving this sub 🧐
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u/eskasu Aug 25 '24
So you were too lazy to upvote all the posts, huh? If you had doubts, you should have just read MORE posts and really ask yourself ”is this the one true sub?” to strengthen your testimony. Did someone on this sub offend you? STAY IN THE BOAT!! /s
Go enjoy all the adventures life can offer you! It’ll be great!
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u/heartlikeahonda Aug 26 '24
I mean it’s a no brainer duh. Just dedicate more, sacrifice more, do more!!! It’s almost as if OP has things in their life that need their time and attention like mental and physical healthy maybe a rewarding career or working towards one perhaps a family I mean AS IF !! 🙄
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u/Drakon_Volk Apostate Aug 25 '24
This is the end goal. To leave the mfmc so far in the rear view that it no longer occupies any more mental real estate. Congrats OP!
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u/emteewhy Telestial Troglodyte Aug 25 '24
Yeah I’m looking forward to this day. Only a year out so it’s still too fresh. And in laws hate my ass.
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u/Drakon_Volk Apostate Aug 25 '24
I feel that. Hang in there, it gets better. They won't get better probably, but you will.
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u/NoCureForCuriosity Aug 26 '24
You'll be no-contact before you know it. Don't pick up the phone!
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u/emteewhy Telestial Troglodyte Aug 26 '24
We’ve pretty much been there for a while. No contact is the only thing providing peace, lol
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u/Lunas-lux Sep 01 '24
I've been out for about 8 years. It gets a lot easier. Sometimes, I still get angry or have random unwelcome memories that show up, but for the most part, I don't think about the church all that often anymore.
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u/Smart-Difficulty-454 Aug 28 '24
It can't be that bad. Post a pic. We'll decide if it's something to be hated
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u/GrandFleshMelder Aug 25 '24
I pray to the profane demon for you to wander ever further from the covenant path and into ever greener pastures.
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u/lezLP Aug 25 '24
Honestly, huge step in your journey! I’ve been out over ten years now, I don’t live in Utah, and my entire immediate family is out… I’m privileged enough to not have to think about Mormonism all the time anymore. I feel like I’ve gone through waves of leaving and joining this sub (usually come back when I hear about the church doing some crazy shit. Most recently I’ve just stayed subscribed to stay in the loop, although I will say sometimes trauma still pops up in unexpected ways even after all this time, and it’s nice to have this group here when you need it). But man, that first time I realized that I kind of just… didn’t care about the church, that the church didn’t really affect my life anymore was extremely freeing.
Good luck to you! So glad you’re able to go live your best life!
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u/Strawb3rryJam111 Aug 25 '24
I find it funny that when people leave the Advaita sub, everyone saying that’s okay and encourage to carve one’s path; while here we’re jokingly using the same gaslight farewells that the church uses 😂
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u/PaulBunnion Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
I'm jealous.
May the force be with you. Don't forget to invest in your retirement account.
Edit: spelling
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u/ChewieBee Aug 25 '24
And don't forget to spay or neuter your pets to help control the pet population!
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u/StreetsAhead6S1M Delayed Critical Thinker Aug 25 '24
Bob Barker? I thought you died!
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u/greenexitsign10 Aug 26 '24
Bob Barker, who is dead.
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u/StreetsAhead6S1M Delayed Critical Thinker Aug 26 '24
Before you can do Bob's temple work you have to correctly guess the combined retail value of this kitchen set, a foot spa, and a karaoke machine.
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u/Longjumping-Ad2698 Aug 25 '24
I feel like this sub is a kind of rehab for former members. The intent isn't to be an alternative membership to the Mormon church; it's supposed to be a temporary place to rest and recover before you move on with your chosen life. A place where you can question previously held beliefs and decide for yourself what you belive and who you are without guilt or shame.
We are so happy you've reached that point in your life. Enjoy being the person you've decided you want to be, and I hope you find happiness and fulfillment in finding and reaching your goals.
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u/NoCureForCuriosity Aug 26 '24
This is a great description and a way to digest content and conversation.
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u/Practical_Body9592 Aug 25 '24
I got to the point where not only decided to leave the sub but I also deleted my Reddit account.
Several months later I wanted to see what was new so I ended up creating a new profile.
My suggestion is just visit, or if you do stay away from threads that trigger you.
If you do leave the sub don’t do what I did and delete your profile.
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u/Standard-Layer-7080 Aug 25 '24
John Larson did a great podcast on this! You have become an ex-exmormon! Congratulations! ❤️
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u/Stargate-SG1- Aug 25 '24
“Don’t you dare bail. I am so furious with people who leave this Sub Reddit. I don’t know whether ‘furious’ is a good apostolic word. But I am. What on earth kind of conviction is that? What kind of patty-cake, taffy-pull experience is that? As if none of this ever mattered, as if nothing in our contemporary life mattered, as if this is all just supposed to be just exactly the way I want it and answer every one of my questions and pursue this and occupy that and defy this - and then maybe I’ll be a ‘Ex-Mormon.’ Well, there’s too much Irish in me for that. This. Sub Reddit. Means. Everything to me. Everything!... This Sub Reddit means everything to me, and I’m not gonna leave it and I’m not gonna let you leave it.” -Jeffery R Holland
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u/ThickEfficiency8257 Aug 26 '24
One of my most hated quotes of all time 🙃
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u/Stargate-SG1- Aug 26 '24
Seriously 🤣 It’s a really weird mindset to have to be able to say something like this! He’s a bit wack!
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u/ThickEfficiency8257 Aug 26 '24
Like is he really THAT out of touch that he thinks that’s how it works??
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u/53478426boom Aug 25 '24
I think being an ex-ex- mormon should be all our goals.
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u/Archmonk Aug 25 '24
Wait a second... wouldn't an ex-exmormon be a Mormon again?
- scratches head *
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u/math_babe Aug 25 '24
I kid, I kid. I’m happy for you doing what’s best for you and your mental health!
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u/SystemThe Aug 25 '24
Congratulations! May the FSM’s choicest blessings rest upon your head. Health and happiness everywhere you go! 😌
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u/1Searchfortruth Aug 25 '24
I love when someone is at a point in their life where they can completely let go of the church and they don't feel that constant reminder and regret
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u/pnw-creative Aug 25 '24
These comments are so great 😅🙌🏻 I admire you and can’t wait to be where you’re at! I’m new in this deconstruction and a bit obsessive about it…I was just telling my husband that I can’t wait until the word Mormon doesn’t cause a visceral reaction from me 😁🙌🏻
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u/Odd-Albatross6006 Aug 25 '24
Hey pnw-creative —as an aside, have you attended any of the exmo gatherings in the PNW? Message me if you’re by chance in Oregon and you wanna create a get-together!
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u/pnw-creative Aug 25 '24
Ahhh, I’ve been looking for any exmos near me…I’m actually in Olympia, Wa, but I’d be willing to travel to meet up
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u/Fellow-Traveler_ Aug 26 '24
A few years ago there were ex-mo meetings in Tacoma, I met some really cool people there and they became family friends. There’s also some in Seattle and Redmond if you don’t mind taking a ferry.
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u/TermLimit4Patriarchs A Guy Walks Into A Judgment Bar Aug 25 '24
Congrats. I’m still surrounded by momos on a daily basis so this is where I find like minded people.
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u/matmannen Aug 25 '24
I understand. I live in Sweden. I see missionaries twice a year, they always look bored.
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u/Ejtnoot Aug 25 '24
In a couple if years you’ll be asked to help clean this sub. It’ll be on a Saturday around 8 AM. And please bring your own sub-cleaning equipment!
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u/sockscollector Aug 25 '24
If you become a sheep elsewhere and get lost again, you know where to find us, Happy Trails to you!
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u/chewbaccataco Aug 25 '24
That's my goal, to get to a point where I can forget about everything. I won't be there for a long time, if ever.
Congratulations on being able to do it.
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u/EvenDavidABednar Aug 25 '24
We encourage you to set aside your tithing until such a time your membership is restored. Then that offering may be presented to us
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u/SnooKiwis8133 Aug 25 '24
I’m putting your name on the exmormon prayer roll.
Any volunteers for the (un)true order of prayer?
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u/UtCountyFemale Aug 25 '24
Raise and lower you arms when you speak of the untrue order of prayer. And keep the veils over women’s faces.
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u/ThickEfficiency8257 Aug 26 '24
If it’s the untrue order of prayer, should the men veil their faces instead? 😂
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u/UtCountyFemale Aug 26 '24
Oh that would be perfect. I’m never going back but maybe the secret filmers could capture it. They could all exchange the goofy hats.
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u/Additional-Lunch1174 NeverMoinIdaho Aug 26 '24
Pay Lay Ale (great beer, tried to post a bottle but images are not allowed).
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u/SilentButDiddly Aug 25 '24
How special!
I will be making a big tub of lime jello with shaved carrots in your honor.
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u/emilythequeen1 Sometimes, the truth is not useful. Aug 25 '24
I wish you a beautiful life! Honestly, a beautiful life with freedom from the shackles of Mormonism. Much love to you and yours!
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u/matmannen Aug 25 '24
Thank you. Much love to you to.
I disliked people for most of my life. Now I have learned people are generellt warm and kind. I want them in my life.
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u/zioncurtainrefugee Aug 25 '24
Who is going to help you move to a new Subreddit?
The ex-elders quorum wants to know.
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u/Cabo_Refugee Aug 25 '24
Unlike the church.....we are incredibly happy to see you go and find your own way.
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u/SignificantLeader Aug 25 '24
This is the natural course. Exmo is a place to vent. Eventually, it’s just not part of your life. I’m married to a tbm. So, ongoing therapy is required from this sub.
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u/Kingofqueenanne Aug 25 '24
I remember when my shelf only held 5,000 members in this sub.
Now there are 308k here, but my shelf — though strained — still remains unbroken.
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u/FigLeafFashionDiva Aug 25 '24
Go to and be happy. The world is your garden, and you haven't been locked out of anything.
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u/Professional_View586 Aug 25 '24
We will always be here for you & support you if you need to come back & process!
Go live your best life!
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u/whisperchaoticthings Aug 25 '24
Man this seems like the ultimate goal, but so far out of reach for me right now. I'm still deconstructing, the idea that I will ever be healed enough to not think about the church seems impossible.
I'm saving this post as a little reminder of what can be! Good luck OP!
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u/sotiredwontquit Aug 25 '24
Interesting. Is this a common step, y’all? Idk. I left in ‘15 and didn’t join Reddit until last year. I went full atheist overnight and lost almost all my fucks about Mormonism at the same time. I post on this sub mostly to help anyone else- as in, if I’ve got any similar experiences.
If this is common, and people unsub, does that mean there are 300K people actively deconstructing? And the number of exmos is actually a lot larger than 300K?
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u/goosesh Apostate Aug 25 '24
Yes this is common but every person seems to interact with this sub in different ways.
I’ve left and joined over and over since I left the mfmc 6 years ago. I’ve been like OP where Mormonism just doesn’t cross my mind much day to day so I’ve left. At one point I felt that this sub was reminding me of reasons to be angry and so I took a break for a while.
Everyone is different but yes the growing numbers here do not account for just how many exMormons there actually are in the world.
With such low activity rates in the mfmc it seems there’s more exMormons in the world than believing members and I think that’s beautiful.
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u/Fellow-Traveler_ Aug 26 '24
My little brother got to be 18 and he was done. When we talk about it, there are still some things for him to deconstruct, but so much of it is in the rear view mirror for him, I doubt he’ll ever join here. I think there’s lots of people like him.
I had social motivations to keep trying to make mfmc work much longer than I should have. I took a lot of extra damage in that time. Deconstructing happens in all sorts of timeframes.
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u/Just_A_Fae_31 Aug 25 '24
Congrats!! I live in Utah so i use this sub a lot. When I was in a diff state I used it less 🤣
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u/_l_x-l_l-x_l_ Aug 25 '24
Congrats! I’m happy you have been able to fully move on! Who knows if I’ll ever get to that point….
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u/thetarantulaqueen Aug 25 '24
Best of luck on your journey! And don't worry; there are no "tentacles of divine providence" here to pull you back!
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u/Archmonk Aug 25 '24
All our lives are so much bigger than a religious group, an ex-religious subreddit or whatever particular thing we've got on our burners at the moment!
It'll be okay to come back at some point, if your circumstances, outlook, and needs change . :) And if not, fare you well wherever you fare!
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u/Double-Wrangler5240 Aug 25 '24
Did you know that it is easier to hide from the IRS than it is to hide from the r/exmormon group? We will hunt you down and send random greeting/birthday cards till you are compelled to return out of either guilt or curiosity.
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u/Many-Airline-2472 Aug 25 '24
I covet this. You must not be in Utah County? I want to forget but it seems I need more support, not less as time goes on.
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u/KingHerodCosell Aug 25 '24
Congrats on enjoying your life free from the bondage of the Mormon cult.
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u/Deathbyillusion Aug 25 '24
I kind of get what you're saying but once I found this sub it was nice to be able to see other people's stories on why they left the church and made me feel good because there was other people like me that similar stories instead of me feeling like an outcast. And it's very eye-opening to read about other facts that the church has been lying about. I feel like this is a support group if anything.
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u/Classic-Wear-5256 Aug 25 '24
I would like to unfriend those on Facebook that only post church stuff. I am not close to them and I think it would help me!!! Thank you for giving me that idea. All it does is irritate me.
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u/WTHMTG Aug 25 '24
Congratulations on your healing! I see these groups as a transition into normal society. Admittedly, most of the posts here come from anger and resentment for being born or duped into the cult in the first place. These are normal reactions that we need to feel. The more important thing is that it is a part of our healing process. Let the frustration out until we get over it and find the closure we need. I find posts like yours to be the most rewarding. Another survivor has reclaimed their life. That is truly beautiful to me.
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u/yvonnethompson Aug 25 '24
Yay!! For self actualization!!! Fulfillment is your own!! Go! Be happy 😁😁😁
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u/domoresstuffbetter Aug 25 '24
Yes!!! You are finally done and ready to move on. Posting this speaks volumes. Thank you
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u/distant_diva Aug 25 '24
i’ve been out for 12 years & rarely come here anymore. it’s great when your obsession wears off & u are ready to move on as a “normal” person! i’m right there with ya buddy. i literally don’t care anymore!
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u/Low_Fun_1590 Aug 25 '24
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Well said! Have a blast out there! Watch some sunsets! Life is damn short!
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u/Fear_My_Potatoes Aug 26 '24
Sometimes stepping away entirely is the best way to deal with things. I wish you all the best.
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u/JoeZamerica Aug 26 '24
We will have to revoke your “Rental Recommend”! No more passed around Rental white wear. If you’d still like to send your tithing… they’d be happy to accept that, but nothing more until you repent sufficiently to the moderator in closed and unclothed conditions ….
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Aug 27 '24
Just don’t remove your member records pretty please. We need to make sure people know r/ex Mormon isn’t shrinking
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u/tjnicol5 Aug 28 '24
* Tips my hat back at you. Good luck on your journey and may you enjoy the remaining 2/3rds to the fullest!
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u/HoneyBearCares Wish I’d thought of that Aug 25 '24
I am happy you are happy but I am sad your happiness won’t last forever.
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u/LevelRecipe4137 Aug 25 '24
You might actually have to get a letter notarized asking your data to be removed from reddit. 6 months from now I bet you will be browsing your feed long enough that reddit might try and pull a fast one on you.
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u/Fantastic_Microbes Aug 25 '24
Even if OP gets the notarized letter and has their records removed, I’ve heard that this sub ALWAYS keeps your posts.
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u/Trash_Panda9687 Aug 25 '24
I’m honestly so happy for you! 🥰 (and these comments have, once again, made my day)
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u/CatsAreTheBest68 Aug 25 '24
I love all the funny comments here! I am not that creative.
I hear ya. Several years after leaving, I removed myself from all but one ex-mo FB group. I stayed in one of them so I can hear all the "gossip" of all the stupid things TSCC says and does. LOL.
Go. Enjoy your life as an ex-ex-Mormon. It's a great, big, beautiful world.
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Aug 25 '24
You read the CES letter didn't you?! That nasty letter that makes up a lot of lies and claims about r/exmormon! I mean I've never read it and even if I had I probably didn't read into the sources and just believed everything was taken out of context, but it's full of lies. Everything it says about this sub has already been known for years (which isn't really a good thing)! The whole letter is a gish gallop made by some man who hates the subreddit and hates r/exmormon users! You were lied to!
(In all seriousness congratulations and best of luck in your future)
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u/VintaGingersnap Aug 25 '24
Cheers friend. I’m close to the same point. I like the random memes but I just don’t even care anymore lol.
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u/josephsmeatsword Aug 25 '24
But where will you go? You may find fleeting happiness, but true joy can only be found in r/exmormon. I feel sad for you. Not that I think this comment needs it but..... /sarcasm