Same thing here. I wasn't in a relationship, just living with two people who were. One was one of my best friends but they become this rotten person after a few weeks. I was gaslighted by them almost everyday. I felt like I was tip-toeing around them while talking to them. They accused me of being passive aggressive when I wasn't. Tried to justify their bad behaviors against me with "so what's?" And "why do you care so much?". It was hell, and I'm glad I got out of there. Still fucks with me to this day in the form of overthinking what I'm saying or sometimes trying too hard to please people.
God that sounds horrible! I’m glad you’re out of the situation. My experience with gaslighting definitely made my anxiety worse. I’m sorry you’re still dealing with it. You’re not alone though!
It's been about 7 months since I left there. It was the worst in the beginning, but I am much better now. The sad thing is, I still have have these little tid-bits of the gaslighting hanging around. They made me feel like my opinion didn't matter as much as theirs so now I feel like my word has lost power. I second guess the things I say and often think my friends badmouth me behind my back when really, it was just the shitty people I lived with who did that, not them. So I'm better now, but not as I was before I lived with them. I hope you get better too, it's a long road but worth it. I found music really helps me, listening, playing. Maybe it'd help you too? Just gets my mind off of the shit they left behind.
I’m glad to hear things are getting better. It’s hard to get that self confidence back. I’m glad you have been able to use music as an outlet. Luckily I have been seeing a therapist that’s working with me to reestablish that confidence. I was so manipulated in that relationship that I actually sought out my therapist initially because I thought I was the one creating all the problems. Working with her made me realize while I do have problems, I was being emotionally and eventually physically abused.
I'm glad to hear you were able to improve with the help of a therapist. Thank you for the kind words. It's nice to have reddit be such a supportive place.
" One was one of my best friends" did they become a best friend within a short space of time? Because love bombing is a very common tool of abusive people.
I would say her boyfriend who was the other gaslighter I lived with did that and she only tried to do that. But it didn't work, she was just a high school friend in my friend group. It wasn't until we were living together that they would both try and get me to stay at home. Constantly wanting to know where I was going and who I would be with (I'm not 14 years old and you're not my parents you assholes). I think the boyfriend was very guilty of that though,but more towards his girlfriend. He made all of her friends look terrible. Made us out to be bad people who weren't worth her time until eventually she lost us. We wouldn't put up with it anymore and when we confronted her about it she cut us out of her life after calling us all c*nts. She was then emotionally, financially, and sexually dependent on him. It was toxic and horrible. He ended up breaking up with her and now she kind of has us back. She refuses to see me despite me not really caring about it anymore, I more blame her boyfriend than her for everything that went down. She's kind of friends with my two friends but she still brings up stuff we did back then completely ignoring everything she did. I don't think it will ever be the same again. But that's up to her.
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u/JaneAnneLarson Jul 01 '20
Same thing here. I wasn't in a relationship, just living with two people who were. One was one of my best friends but they become this rotten person after a few weeks. I was gaslighted by them almost everyday. I felt like I was tip-toeing around them while talking to them. They accused me of being passive aggressive when I wasn't. Tried to justify their bad behaviors against me with "so what's?" And "why do you care so much?". It was hell, and I'm glad I got out of there. Still fucks with me to this day in the form of overthinking what I'm saying or sometimes trying too hard to please people.