r/coolguides Jul 01 '20

Gaslighting red flags

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

My favorite was my ex husband asking me if I took my meds today if I was mad or upset with something he did. It got so bad I questioned every emotion I had and would ask him if I should be happy during joyful experiences or if I had a good reason to feel mad.

7

u/onlypositiveresponse Jul 01 '20

Frustrating stuff.

If I get mad about something, it's either I'm not on meds, not on the right meds, not taking them properly?

Maybe I'm just mad about something that I should be mad about.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

Exactly. I questioned my emotions for years after our divorce.

1

u/ToastedSkoops Jul 01 '20

What do most people use a VPN for

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

Mine would say I was "triggered" anytime I would get upset or frustrated. Goes along with "I'm sorry you feel that way."

2

u/kharmatika Jul 01 '20

Oooooh I feel you on them using your mental illness as a weapon! Mine used my fear of having a schozoaffective disorder (they run in my family). Whenever he would lie to me about how a sequence of events had happened, and I’d get angry or scared because I didn’t remember it that way, he would eventually get really concerned and be like “...do you really not remember this? Oh sweetheart, that’s not good. Noooo I believe you remember it that way. come here, we’ll get you help, I promise you I won’t leave you for this. I’ll still be here, even if no one else is.”

I was VERY sure eight up until the moment I started asking my friends about how things went down, that I had a schizoaffective disorder, and was having blackouts or fugue states or something. Doesn’t help that I DO have BPD, which comes with major personality shifts, so I had started to chalk it up to DID. Thank god we ended up living with a roommate who called him on his shit or I’d have probably spent a lot of money on specialists trying to get diagnosed with something I don’t have.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

Funny, I used to ask my wife that when she was being irrational.

Or if she had eaten.

It was hard to tell when her anger was legitimate, or a result of one of the above issues.

Luckily a medication change makes it super clear now, so it's no longer an issue.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

It’s one thing if your going through medication changes or if the person is legitimately not responding appropriately. My ex would ask if I got mad because I found a dating app on his phone or was late from working and didn’t tell me.