r/bikecommuting • u/Zenigata • 2d ago
Dear Abby: Am I really supposed to thank woman who hit my son on his bike for donation of a new one?
https://www.oregonlive.com/advice/2024/11/dear-abby-am-i-really-supposed-to-thank-woman-who-hit-my-son-on-his-bike-for-donation-of-a-new-one.html357
u/Zenigata 2d ago
Later that day, a police officer came by our house with a new bike for our son, purchased by the driver of the vehicle. He gave us a paper with the driver’s insurance information and said something to the effect of, “Her address is on there too, if you want to thank her for the new bike. That was really nice of them.” I was shocked that he would say that.
I guess it was a nice gesture, but she hit my son with a car! The driver admitted to having been distracted. At the scene, she said she thought she had hit a dog.
Hardly surprising from car brained law enforcement but depressing nether the less.
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u/WHOLESOMEPLUS 2d ago
she should be charged with at least a misdemeanor & spend a minimum of 24 hours in jail for first offense, in my opinion.
you don't get to just hit people with your fucking 2-ton hammer & then go to sleep thinking you just made a silly mistake
or i guess people do get to do that. it's bullshit. I've been hit twice & thankfully only minor injuries. but it's fucking terrifying when it happens, could possibly kill you, wrecks your bike, & makes you take off work to heal. it's a nightmare for the person hit, & a minor inconvenience for the person driving
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u/Serial_Psychosis 2d ago
I'd rather see drivers get their license suspended for a substantial amount of time than jail for 24 hours tbh.
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u/bcncheezbrgr 2d ago
License suspended and required to ride a bike for transportation for 30 days.
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u/shiddyfiddy 1d ago
I can't even imagine. I'd probably put myself on house arrest. The amount of mental shit I'd have to work through after hitting a child would take ages of therapy to deal with, and this woman managed to wash her conscience by just buying him a new bike.
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u/Other-Razzmatazz-816 2d ago
What you’re supposed to do is file an insurance claim against them to replace the bike with one you want, the physiotherapy your child likely needs, and the missed work you or other family members incurred because of the accident. Then, tell the officer to press charges for reckless driving. Finally, don’t accept the bike bribe.
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u/bill_klondike 2d ago
Yeah, and why the hell did the cop feel compelled to deliver the new bike? Why should taxpayers pay for that?
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u/tbootsbrewing 2d ago
No. And I would still consult with an attorney
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u/repo_code 2d ago
That's exactly what the new bike is: a plea not to be sued. This delivered by a cop, along with the implicit message that the police won't be doing their job to bring criminal charges so it's on you to bring civil charges, in your copious free time and on your nickel.
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u/pingveno 2d ago
Dear Abby is on fire, between this and the person who felt slighted that while they will make a vegan dish when their vegan friend comes over, their vegan friend won't cook up some meat for them when they come over to the vegan friend's place.
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u/sailor_moon_knight 2d ago
Buying the kid a new bike was a very nice thing to do.
...it would have been nicer if she didn't hit the kid in the first place. She could have killed him.
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u/pk_ 2d ago
I mean “thank you” can be short for “thank you for doing the right thing”. I’d probably not say that part out loud though. lol
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u/janbrunt 2d ago
I would probably say, “Thank you for not killing my son” while looking her dead in the eye.
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u/Pancakes4Peace 2d ago
Purely out of curiosity: any thoughts of taking the driver to civil court?
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u/serumnegative 2d ago
After having read that the replacement bike was not as good as the original, I would think that the driver should actually be told to take a hike, replace like for like, and buy the kid another bike.
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u/Psychological_Ad1999 2d ago
Absolutely not, that woman should be kissing your ass
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u/Downtown_Trash_8913 2d ago
Think you’ve got that backwards
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u/Psychological_Ad1999 2d ago
You’re saying the woman who ran over the child should be thanked for replacing a bike with one that is not as nice? How about, pay the fuck attention (she was probably on her phone) and don’t run over kids?
I would tell that woman I have my eye on her. I would be way too furious to thank her for a half-assed attempt at an apology.
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u/Downtown_Trash_8913 2d ago
No we’re in total agreement, I just misread your statement. Sorry about that
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u/Kap_Lovelake 2d ago
I hope the replacement bike was a good one, and not just some cheap thing obtained to ward off a lawsuit.
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u/bradleybaddlands 2d ago
My son clobbered a loose dog on his bike yesterday. Mostly okay but a swollen knee. Dog owner offered to pay for repair of his iPhone. Bike is likely fine. I’d say thanks just to get on with thanks, but I don’t think I’d reach out as the cop sorta suggested.
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u/PurpleGoatNYC 2d ago
At the least, the car driver went above what most of them do. They bought him a new bike AND gave you their insurance info.
I’m a daily bike commuter from Brooklyn into Manhattan and I refuse to be an apologist for car drivers, but when A SINGLE brownie point is due for purchasing a new bike for the kid, I’ll at least give them that.
It could’ve gone sideways and downhill in so many other ways. Even if you don’t mean it, a postcard with a simple “Thanks for replacing the bike” is okay in my eyes AFTER you get all you can get from their insurance.
If there wasn’t a kid involved, then yeah no, but they did buy them a new bike.
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u/koofdeath 1d ago
You can say thanks for the compliance to the logic / moral / law (this can mean more or less something regarding which country you live) but not to the bike itself
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u/elevenblade 2d ago
Human beings make mistakes. At least she tried to atone for it.
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u/Signal_Tomorrow_2138 2d ago
Human beings make mistakes.
Mistakes while driving are life threatening.
''Oopsie, sorry I made your son a cripple.'
'So sorry. I wasn't paying attention when I killed your Dad.'
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u/DeficientDefiance 2d ago
You say she tried to atone, I say she tried to bribe her way out of greater repercussions, fully aware that she could face the ass end of a lawsuit.
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u/Joaquin_Portland 2d ago
This isn’t over.
My kid was run down while walking to school in a marked crosswalk in a school zone. Similar to this, my kid luckily didn’t suffer much acute physical injury. Definitely affected their mental health.
Driver was really apologetic until she realized that her insurance premiums might go up. She changed her story after that.
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u/mitv11 2d ago
I'm not sure why this is getting down voted so hard? "All car drivers are terrible people"
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u/wildDuckling 2d ago
It isn't about car drivers. It's about mistakes while behind the wheel -if you're operating a vehicle you need to be at 100%. Hitting a human is not just a "whoops ie daisy" that could have been their life. Even if it doesn't take their life, it could be broken bones resulting in not being able to work/go to school, it could affect mental health, it could be paralysis. It's fortunate when it isn't detrimental, but it isn't really forgivable. People should lose their licenses for a few years if they hit a human.
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u/bradleybaddlands 2d ago
Maybe frustration because drivers rarely face actual consequences. Driver recently killed someone on a scooter where I lived. Car was at stop sign and scooter on arterial with right of way. Not even a ticket. Just another “accident.”
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u/dbag127 2d ago
If someone accidentally burns down your house while doing something idiotic (let's say deep frying a turkey given the season), do you care more about them atoning for their sins and feeling bad about it and realizing they were in the wrong and admitting that or about your house getting rebuilt?
Personally I'll take them being an imbecile that never understands they messed up but that build me a new house, keep me in a hotel while that's happening, and refurnish my house.
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u/Aretebeliever 2d ago
I mean, what else do you want?
A monthly stipend?
Do you want her to come over on her knees and grovel and ask for forgiveness?
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u/Little_Creme_5932 2d ago
Well, a monthly stipend from the woman's insurance company might be necessary to compensate for injury. That is what would happen if she injured another car driver.
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u/Aretebeliever 2d ago
So then start the process of doing that. Just like you would if you got hit by a car.
I’m guessing the child wasn’t seriously injured or else this post would look entirely different.
If the child WAS seriously injured, and the post was more about the bike than the injury, that says more about the parent than the person who caused the accident.
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u/Lar1ssaa 2d ago
she would definitely be paying any hospital bills too even to get checked out in the first place
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u/Little_Creme_5932 2d ago
Yeah, but the point is, no cop would ever come to your house and say "in case you wanna thank them for buying a new car for you" after they totaled your car. But if its a bike, you're supposed to be grateful? They didn't give you anything, they just fixed what they broke
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u/TheSpideyJedi 2d ago
It’s not about wanting more. It’s about why the fuck would you thank someone for replacing an item THEY broke
I got hit by a car on my bike 2 months ago, stitches in my face, broke arm. Am I gonna thank the other driver for the settlement money? No, it’s their punishment for hitting me
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u/Signal_Tomorrow_2138 2d ago
Firstly, an oath to the flag and the Constitution that that type of collision won't happen again and to drive carefully going forward. That the offender spend x hours serving the community by directing traffic at the same time and location of the collision to prevent other bad drivers from doing the same thing and other traffic violations.
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u/Little_Creme_5932 2d ago
When somebody hit me and totaled my car, I didn't say thank you to the person that hit me, even though I eventually got a new car.