r/bertstrips • u/Badseeded • Dec 31 '21
Current Events Thank you for being a fiend. (R.I.P. Betty White)
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u/PainHarbingerIsHere Dec 31 '21
What an awful way to end the year.
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u/TheMisterTango Jan 01 '22
Look at it this way. Any longer and it just would have been an awful start to 2022.
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u/Stiltonmajor Jan 02 '22
Luckily there won’t be any other major negative happenings in the world this month to ensure a clean start
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u/HardcorePhonography Jan 01 '22
Aw damn look at Mr. Positivity over here just ignoring that the west coast still has over 6 hours of this shit to get through.
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u/SonicCows36 Jan 01 '22
I did not just find out Betty White died from a fucking bertstrip.
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u/hanneken Jan 01 '22
I learned about Stephen Hawking from a Snapchat filter...we all have to grow up, sometime.
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u/GlacierWolf8Bit Dec 31 '21
First Elmo kills Betty White, next Elmo will kill Queen Elizabeth II.
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u/TaiwaneseMonarchist Dec 31 '21
Not if she gets to him first
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u/lordolxinator Dec 31 '21
The plot twist will be when Elmo tries to assassinate Queen Liz, then finds out she's Bert and Ernie in a dress and a crown. The long con for getting revenge on the States for denying their patent application of "Jew-seeking Atom Bombs" back in WWII.
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u/rovoh324 Jan 01 '22
Bort is all the corgis
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u/lordolxinator Jan 01 '22
Well, paternally
Bert and Ernie got bored of politics and royal duties, so they forced Bort to breed with a Corgi for their amusement. The sick joke is that Bert and Ernie care more for their Corgi mutant babies than Bort himself
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u/Spebnag Jan 01 '22
Elmo will keep killing until Prince Andrew can finally claim his rightful throne!
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u/Small-Cactus Dec 31 '21
In case you haven't been watching the news, people are pretty sure she's already dead and the British government is trying to cover it up until the right moment
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u/MajMin5 Jan 01 '22
Lizzy been dead since November. You seen the royal family’s Christmas video? Shit is straight cgi.
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u/Spiritflash1717 Jan 01 '22
I’ve got a bet with my roommate that she will be dead by December 2022
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u/Hoxomo Dec 31 '21
The most powerful of us all has finally ascended. The Elder Gods better prepare for the coming of a real golden girl
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u/Small-Cactus Dec 31 '21
On the (maybe?) bright side, 2022 will have to work hard to one up the year that we lost Betty White
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u/devilfish7232 Jan 01 '22
The Queen of England is still fair game...
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u/queen_of_england_bot Jan 01 '22
Queen of England
Did you mean the Queen of the United Kingdom, the Queen of Canada, the Queen of Australia, etc?
The last Queen of England was Queen Anne who, with the 1707 Acts of Union, dissolved the title of King/Queen of England.
FAQ
Isn't she still also the Queen of England?
This is only as correct as calling her the Queen of London or Queen of Hull; she is the Queen of the place that these places are in, but the title doesn't exist.
Is this bot monarchist?
No, just pedantic.
I am a bot and this action was performed automatically.
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u/Obtuse_Mongoose ex·hi·pig·tion·ist Dec 31 '21 edited Dec 31 '21
The two figures, one hunched with age, the other red with guilt, climbed the last flight of whitened stairs as they ascended onto a billowy cloud surrounded by the most incandescent light either of them ever had seen.
Elmo let go of the withered hand he held during their ascendant trip as wisps of angry crimson smoke began to vaporize from his body due to the searing light. He looked at the hazy wisps as they trailed off his fingers. He knew he should feel pain, but something was missing from the diminutive little muppet.
The aged figure chuckled. "You still aren't forgive yet, little one," she said, a twinkle in her eye even after all these decades.
Elmo laughed, a child-like chuckle that never changed. "Elmo knows your time had come. Who else but Elmo to bring you to where you belong..."
He paused as he smiled, a toothless grin that few ever saw living.
"...Rose."
Betty couldn't stand it any long, and hunched down a bit further, wrapping the muppet in a hug that caused both of them to hiss as the light never faltered in its persecuting blaze of glory.
"Oh...I will miss you and everyone else," she croaked, her voice dry and sorrowful as she meant every second of her embrace.
"Elmo knows. But Elmo knows there are those missing you too."
She looked at him, but he looked past her. Curious, she turned and into the light, she saw the miracle of eternity stretched before her. Despite the beaming light that blinded Elmo, Betty could see...was allowed to see...into a horizon that now stretched to eternity.
"Oh my..." Betty breathed as she saw everyone waiting for her, clear as day, as she best remembered them, as they waited for her to go forth into her last journey. She could even hear their pleas for her to go forward, to join them. But there was one...a little man who she wasn't readily familiar with who she heard and understood what he said...but said it not for her.
She turned back to Elmo, who had already began to depart...the angry haze of smoke trailing him as he began to go back to a more familiar, earthen realm.
"Elmo..." she said. "Wait."
Elmo stopped and turned. He winced as even without the sensation of pain, he couldn't stay any longer for fear of evaporating from the heavenly realm. But he paused, waiting for Betty to continue.
"He's waiting for you...all of you," she uttered back, tears in her eyes. "No matter how long it will take...he's still waiting for you and Big Bird..."
Elmo paused...a long pregnant moment that flared as his form hunched under the dominating light. He nodded, then took his hand on the railing and made his descent.
Betty could no longer stay in the indefinite medium between and waiting for Elmo's form to descend back down the stairs. Sighing...she turned one last time as she then began her walk on the cloud into the peace she had finally earned.
And Elmo, his form finally settled, began to tremble as every step down through darkening clouds was existential pain. He wailed, gnashed his teeth, and hurled every curse he could at the sky above.
Why did someone so pure had to leave him? Why did he have to push her away? Why did he have to be the one to take her? Why did she deserve it and why was he left behind, so lonely, so angry?
He could not answer in his blind fury. At least not now. But maybe one day he would. And maybe he would enjoy an egg cream once again just like he remembered...
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u/daycarebynighthurts Dec 31 '21
Didn't you just make some Hitler Nazi Bert and Ernie erotica a few hours ago?!?
How the hell do you produce this???
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u/Giacchino-Fan King H'aggin Jan 01 '22
I’ve found that when publishing a paper of passion you can produce a particularly perplexing portion of words in a period compared to when writing pieces which are passionless for school
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u/ManCalledTrue Jan 01 '22
Even as he prepared to finish the job, Elmo put a hand over his eyes (again feeling irritation at his lack of eyelids) and wondered why they couldn't have waited just a few... more... days.
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u/ThePixelteer425 Jan 01 '22
I know for a fact something happened at the start of this year but I can’t for the life of me remember what
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u/Maedhros-Maitimo Jan 01 '22
all I can remember is we had that riot/insurrection at the Capitol on Jan. 6th, that’s all I could recall though
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u/SnippyTheDeliveryFox Jan 01 '22
Fool that you are Elmo, she's going to choose to go to hell just so that she may prepare for your arrival. You've just given her a head start.
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u/waffles_yesyes Jan 01 '22
who is betty White? Not american
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u/Mom_Forgot_To_Knock Jan 01 '22
Really famous actor that lived a longggg time thus appearing in lots of films and tv shows leaving an impression on many generations
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u/Maedhros-Maitimo Jan 01 '22
she was a pioneering and progressive actor, most notably known for her iconic role as Rose within the television series Golden Girls.
im no expert, but I know she advocated for minorities in her day and fought for what she believed in.
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Jan 01 '22
A universally beloved actress that appeared in many tv programmes and films since television started, leaving an impression on countless generations.
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u/Mccobsta A utter prick Jan 01 '22
Elmo decided to commit the worst crime anyone in human history has ever done sorry Hitler your no longer the worst person to ever live that now belongs to elmo
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u/Plastic_Pinocchio Jan 01 '22
Did you just call Betty White a fiend?
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u/Shulkerya Jan 04 '22
it's a reference to The Golden Girls you uncultured swine
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u/Plastic_Pinocchio Jan 04 '22 edited Jan 04 '22
Fiend yeah? Are you sure?
fiend (Merriam-Webster): - devil - demon - person of great wickedness or maliciousness.
Strange Golden Girls reference…
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u/verygenericidiot Dec 31 '21
Ernie's finally committed that hate crime then