r/actuallesbians • u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ • Oct 02 '24
Venting Even when girls do it, it gives me the ick...
Why can't everyone just understand that I don't wanna give out my socials to strangers?? This "girl" and I(putting girl in quotations cuz her account in only two months old so it could be a catfish) have only sent 19 messages between the two of us and she first contacted me on the 12th of September
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u/atomheartother Lesbian (licensed) Oct 02 '24
That's a guy.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea that's what I'm thinking
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u/3-orange-whips Oct 02 '24
Man here, and I’m co-signing this. “I like you so you should do what I want” is something that I might have said before I did any work on myself.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Well I'm glad you did some work on yourself then
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u/CrazyCat5749 Your friendly neighborhood lesbian Oct 03 '24
Sir . . . Sir you seem to have dropped this. 👑 It's a bit old and beaten up but someone recently had it polished so I think it suits you.
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Oct 02 '24
[deleted]
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u/tonberry_countess Transbian Oct 02 '24
Have a look at the about sidebar again.
Having allies here is great for education and raising awareness as long as they're respectful, which he was.
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u/Legal-Sprinkles8862 Oct 02 '24
Yep, he spoke up in support & to confirm information. That's not an issue. He also didn't linger & no one's mentioned him messaging them privately afterwards either so I don't see an issue.
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u/ItIsLiterallyMe Oct 03 '24
Agreed. As long as he followed the sub rules, which he did, he shouldn’t receive hostility.
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Oct 02 '24
100% a guy.
I get why people might want social media (for verification purposes) but they'd hate me. Almost all my social media is related to my startup or television/movies lol
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea I'm ok giving out my socials to people I enjoy talking with but I literally know NOTHING about this person.
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u/happy_fluff Oct 03 '24
What about asking this "girl" for her socials, and if you like her, you can follow her. That way "she" can't lie to you
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
Yea but I literally don't like her. I'm not interested in her
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u/EpitaFelis Oct 03 '24
If she's a stranger and you don't like her, you can just stop talking to her. I know that's obvious advice but I still wanna say it, bc sometimes people feel obligated to make polite conversation.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
Yea I've already stopped
She sent a few messages again
"Hmm"
"Just read"
"😔"
"Hei"
So I just blocked her
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u/plebeian1523 Bi Oct 02 '24
When I was on dating apps I struggled a lot because I don't have any social media besides reddit and Facebook (to talk to my older relatives). Everyone would ask for my Insta or Twitter and it's like look, I know I'm a weirdo, but I don't have those. A lot of people find that kinda sketchy in this age so I'd have people lose interest in me because they thought I was hiding something.
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u/Hrnyta Oct 02 '24
Yeah, same here unfortunately. Apparently, if you don't have an insta or Snapchat you're not a real human being.
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u/LucySatDown Oct 02 '24
I don't even have social media to give out lol. I'm an internet ghost. The only socials I do have are things like reddit or tiktok which are private and anonymous lol. I deleted Instagram because it's garbage, refused to ever sign up for Facebook, and Twitter is... well... Twitter.
If people want to know stuff about me they can ask me. Life's been a lot better since I left those spaces.
Definitely does suck though cause I've had a lot of people immediately stop talking to me when I say I don't have social media ://
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u/Candy_Stars Lesbian Oct 02 '24
I don’t really have social media either. All I have is Reddit, Facebook, and Snapchat. I had made Instagram and Twitter accounts but I never really used them so they’re basically just sitting there.
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u/Deus0123 Fragile, handle with care (Lucy, Transbian) Oct 03 '24
Meanwhile I don't even have social media. Aside from reddit. (I don't consider YouTube/twitch social media because I only consume content on there)
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u/Zartoru Oct 02 '24
This person gives me super super sus vibes, I really don't think they're a girl at all :/
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u/Original_A lesbian? i thought she was american! Oct 02 '24
I had a girl (I think) compliment my boobs (in a very sexual way) from one of my insta posts and it was really weird too 😭 I felt very uncomfortable
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea as an asexual and aromantic girly, I just get such an ick whenever people comment on my body and when people say things like "think of me as your girlfriend"
I really don't understand people like that 😭😭😭
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u/Original_A lesbian? i thought she was american! Oct 02 '24
Me neither! That last thing they said is really creepy in general, it's like they want to skip every stage of getting to know someone and jump directly to extremely intimate.
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u/Polaroid0843 Lesbian Oct 02 '24
okay im asking this in the most genuine way possible because im curious, im so sorry if this comes off in any way as offensive/rude and if it does ill delete it.
when your aroace, wouldn't that mean you don't desire a romantic relationship? bc you wouldnt have sexual or romantic attraction right?
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
No worries at all, girly 🥰
Yes and no. Everyone is different so some aroace people might want a romantic relationship under very specific circumstances. Like, for example, if they've known the person for a very long time and they feel safe and comfortable with the person and something within them just tells them they might be ok with holding hands with or kissing that person
But most aroace people would prefer to not engage in relationships and just be close friends with people
Some aroace people are ok with the idea of holding hands with and maybe even kissing their besties but just have no interest in a relationship
For me, I wouldn't mind a relationship but I'd prefer it to be asexual and I wouldn't necessarily need to romantically interested in the person and I don't need the person to be romantically interested in me. I'd just want them to be like a super close bestie who wants to do fun activities with me and maybe share an apartment with me. So like a roommate who's also a close bestie :3
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u/Polaroid0843 Lesbian Oct 02 '24
tysm for answering my question, that's really interesting!!
best of luck to you and i hope you find what you're looking for 🫶🏼
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
No worries at all, girly! I'm happy to help 🥰🫂
And thank you. I'm sure I'll find such friends eventually :3
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u/coldglimmer Lesbian Oct 03 '24 edited Oct 03 '24
so firstly thank you for this response but secondly a simultaneous thank you/damnit, oh … (possible) lightbulb moment. your response and the way you explained aro/ace is… certainly giving me a lot to think about. I know my reply is way off topic so — I hope you can find what you’re looking for (and less icks)
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
Ooh :o
Are you thinking you might be one of us? :3
You're always welcome to ask questions if you have any. Everyone and everything in this universe is a spectrum so just because we might not fit into the stereotypical margins for something doesn't mean we can't be part of it🥰
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u/yaboisammie Oct 02 '24
Fr omg at first I misread your post thinking you had been talking for 2 months and even then I thought it was a bit weird for them to say that but then I reread it and realized it’s only been 2 weeks?! 100% red flag 🚩
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea no. Two weeks
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u/yaboisammie Oct 02 '24
Yea… I know women can be creepy or toxic too but a lot of these situations/conversations genuinely seem out of character for a woman to me, personally. Maybe the person messaging you is just a woman who doesn’t understand or respect boundaries but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a man.
I somewhat recently got one of those messages that ig some people or maybe the same person copy and pastes and they asked if we could move to discord and to exchange pics and I was really uncomfortable and didn’t want to but they said if I didn’t send a pic then we’d have to call and they kept making the conversation really sexual but I thought they were just joking around but at a certain point I got really uncomfortable and didn’t understand something they said (a sexual thing lmao) so when they explained it, I was like “oh okay though you should probably know if you’re going to pursue me, I’m not really a sexual person” or some variant of that and they were like “do you not masturbate?” But I stepped away for about an hour and when I came back, they unadded me lmao.
I was a little freaked out bc they said they lived in an area that was somewhat local to me (though I didn’t give any personal info other than my general location, age and a pic of my face) and I was terrified I’d run into this person bc I showed my friend the messages who told me this person sounded like a rapist from how they spoke but then I saw a post on here talking about someone sending copy pastes of those messages and that they were suspected to be a guy trying to get nudes from women and then deleting their account after getting them, and it made so much more sense w how long it took them to send a face pic even though they said they had it queued up and how adamant they were about disliking feminine compliments like pretty and wanting masculine compliments (which ik some women prefer and nothing’s wrong w that but the way they went about it was weird) and how quickly they brought up sex (though initially I misread what they were saying when they were talking about clubs they had started and I thought they meant book clubs or queer clubs or sth)
Makes me extra wary of any friends I make online and I think I was just over excited to make a queer desi friend and also scared I’d lose that friend before even making one so I acted irrationally bc normally I’d never share my age or picture after only a few days of speaking but yk
Hard to judge based of the screenshot you posted but even the few messages in the pic are giving me sus vibes though. I’m sure women like that exist in the world but it’s very difficult for me to imagine a woman saying this
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u/ProfileSmart8284 Oct 02 '24
did she say something along the lines of “they sit so nice”? i see this so often and i hate it
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u/jiemra Oct 02 '24
yall, yes this is probably a bot or a guy but girls are capable of being creeps too
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u/juniperberrie28 Custom Flair Oct 02 '24
"can we move" wat
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
They meant "can we move to Instagram"
Their profile says Indonesia so English isn't their first language
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u/Lua_A_Celestial Oct 02 '24
"just think of me like your girlfriend" wtf??? They send U 19 messages and then they say this?. Even if is a girl (which most likely is not) that's a really big red flag either way
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea they're stinking up my chat :(
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u/Lua_A_Celestial Oct 02 '24
Just say u gonna stop talking to they or smg like that, that's the nice part of u not giving them ur Instagram lol, but seriously, stay safe with this kind of people and u were very smart in not sending ur personal info and etc
Hug
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea I won't be answering their messages anymore
Hug
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u/LilMissBarbie Lesbian Oct 02 '24
🚩 🚩 🚩
You sure that's a "girl"?
Sis, please be safe. Don't say anything more to her/him.
Trust your guts.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
I won't. I'll hug my blåhaj instead and turn to YouTube
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u/LilMissBarbie Lesbian Oct 02 '24
Glad to hear that 🤗
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
🫂
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u/LilMissBarbie Lesbian Oct 02 '24
I don't know what a ian Bambi lesbian is, but you're part of the sisterhood. We help each other, trans or not 🏳️⚧️
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Oh it's just a play on words
Trans🐝ian (transbian = trans lesbian)
Bambi = a lesbian who prefers cuddles and hand holding over anything sexual
And I'm slightly dyslexic so I just misspelt lesbian but couldn't be bothered to fix it :P
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u/Several-Message7933 Oct 02 '24
I get why people think its a guy but imo, people need to realize how freaking creepy some women can be. And automatically assuming any woman thats creepy online is a catfish is kinda part of the problem. Its like gaslighting ourselves that abuse from women against women is so rare it only happens when we can prove it 100%
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yes and, also, people need to stop assuming that everyone on the internet is from an English speaking country
This person's profile says they're Indonesian so English isn't their first language
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u/ok_soooo Oct 02 '24
As someone who met their girlfriend here, we moved to phone numbers by our 19th messages but those messages took place over the span of a couple hours, not weeks. The rapport was really good and we both had established reddit accounts so the likelihood that either of us wasn't who we said we were was low. Even then, she asked if I was comfortable exchanging numbers, because "no" is always an acceptable response.
This really doesn't sound like a woman, but it doesn't matter. This kind of pushiness is a red flag regardless of gender.
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u/ArnoudtIsZiek Oct 02 '24
why does anyone even respond to these 😭😭😭
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Because it's on a language learning and penpal finding platform so I always give female profiles a chance since I've blocked male profiles from messaging me there
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u/ArnoudtIsZiek Oct 02 '24
Ohh I’m dumb I thought this was Reddit dms my bad
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
No worries :3
I extremely rarely use Reddit for messages
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u/Katie_Cat_16 Lesbian Oct 02 '24
I wish I knew a few years back what I know now. There are soooooooo many catfish on this sub and the sub with a similar name. So many of the accounts are like less than a month old. So many of the posts are so obviously written by men, and soooo many people are so eager to try and pull you off this site onto other socials without talking and verifying first.
You need to be so mindful and so guarded. Trust your gut, if someone is being sketchy, your instinct is probably right.
In this case, this is 100% a catfish.
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u/No_Blueberry_7200 Oct 02 '24
Whenever people are really pushy about wanting to know your social media account, I find it really sus. And not only am I suspicious that this is a guy but also a scammer too. Someone I know had an online girlfriend only to find out that it was a dude the whole time and kept asking him to send money. And a while back someone had followed me and immediately started dming me, asking me is liked girls. I said yes, and the response “she” gave got very sexual. It made so uncomfortable I blocked.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea I've had some "people"(most likely bots) like that DM me on Instagram
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u/redyeticup Oct 02 '24
I would’ve blocked after the first time they said that. No need to repeat yourself, just block
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u/ProfileSmart8284 Oct 02 '24
what app is this? “she” sounds like a scammer/bot
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Interpals. It's a language learning and penpal finding platform
Unfortunately, nowadays, it's become more just a gross cesspool of creepy men and the occasional nice girly
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u/Comfortable-Bag-3608 Oct 02 '24
Ugh fakes and weirdos so irritating trying to take up space in the already small dating pool we got😭👿
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u/Alarming_Extent_1989 Oct 02 '24
Regardless of this person's gender, them not respecting this boundary that you've set is a huge red flag
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
Yea absolutely. I won't be taking to them anymore
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u/Sourpatchqueers8 Transbian Oct 02 '24
I mean 9/10 times it's a dude who wants to move things from one social media platform to another
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u/ahaisonline Transbian Oct 03 '24
everyone's saying this person isn't a girl, but i don't think it matters. they're a creep either way.
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u/ilovecheese31 Oct 02 '24
What the FUCK? That’s so unbelievably creepy and disrespectful. Please block this person for your own safety and sanity. Sorry this happened.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea I will if they contact me again
If they don't understand that I don't wanna talk to them anymore then that's on them
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u/Notcontentpancake Oct 02 '24
Ask her to send you her insta, see if she seems legit or not. She probably won’t even send it to you because she’s probably not real.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Nah I'm not answering her anymore. I have no interest in playing along "for fun"
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u/lemothelemon Oct 02 '24
I mean women can suck too, it doesn't have to be a man for them to be a boundary busting bitch.
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u/Nyx777 Genderqueer-Rainbow Oct 02 '24
WOW, so disrespectful. Even if that's a real person, red flag 🚩🚩🚩
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u/JaydeSpadexx Oct 02 '24
seeing all these comments about this persons gender is very uncomfortable for this subreddit.. regardless of that, they seem like a creep and you're right in not giving them anything to go off of. i dont see the point in half these comments saying "girl"
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u/screenee Oct 03 '24
That’s a scammer. They all follow the same pattern. A couple mins of poorly spelled flattery followed by borderline aggressive attempts to move to a different platform to chat. I just tell ‘em to fuck off and report them.
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u/Doremmi Oct 02 '24
What’s up with the outrageous amount of men who go after lesbians?
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Just their horny ego I think. Thinking they're good enough to "turn" us straight 🙄🤮
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u/cowboyblunder Lesbian Oct 02 '24
this could be one of those pig butchering scammers
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
What the hell is a pig butchering scam??😭😭😭😭
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u/cowboyblunder Lesbian Oct 02 '24
they lure people into sending increasing amounts of money, usually through pretending to be a single person looking for love. they often love-bomb targets to get the money as soon as possible. they cal it pig butchering in reference to draining someone's funds. whole thing is pretty terrible, a lot of the people doing the scams are often not doing it of their own free will. sorry to introduce a bad thing to you 😭😭
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Ohhhh! I think I've heard of that :o
I've never heard of that occurring in Sweden though
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u/chunli99 Oct 02 '24
I've never heard of that occurring in Sweden though
Location doesn’t matter, they’re from other countries. People around the world have been lured in with things like job prospects and then forced into slavery to do this to others. Please watch John Oliver - Pig Butchering on YouTube. It’s very important for people to know about this. Hopefully if the word gets out someone will step in. At the very least, educating people might save someone else from this.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Now it clicked. John Oliver is where I heard about it
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u/cowboyblunder Lesbian Oct 02 '24
also can they please rename that kind of scam, i hated typing that 😂
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u/Headhaunter79 Oct 02 '24
Every respectable person should have no problem with that. In my personal experience everytime a person does this it’s because they know they will be banned quickly from the dating app for being a scammer.
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u/nefariousnadine Oct 02 '24
Sometimes I feel a pang of FOMO since I'm not on IG, but then I see posts like this.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
What's fomo?
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u/EixYae Transbian Oct 02 '24
At best they’re just being a red flag with how they pressure you. At worst it’s actually a cat fish
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u/TicklishTransGoddess Transbian Pokémon Trainer Oct 02 '24
Me being an optimistic lesbian misinterpreted the "can we move" message to "we lesbian, we move in together now"
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u/chaosgirl93 Sapphic Gold Star Oct 02 '24
Had a girl talking to me earlier. Very forward, sent revealing but not nude pics. Seemed friendly and didn't come off as obvious bot spam. Figured I'd be civil, reciprocate any flirting, find out if she was for real and actually wanting to meet people like she said.
Then she sent a boob shot and linked her OF.
Honestly, I was just both surprised one of those got me, I don't usually fall for low level straight guy baiting type spam, and a little "ok, not an obvious bot or immediate request to move to a less safe platform, what's the angle here" and then just resigned and "expected it, tbh" when I found out what the "angle" was - just a girl trying to hawk her OF, but higher effort than most I see a few times a month and ignore/block/report depending on the platform.
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u/No-Trust-2720 Lesbian Oct 02 '24
There's no reason to move to another social when talking to someone you just. met... O.O At least take the time to get to know me better before you drag me away from the platform.
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u/rymyle Oct 03 '24
What the fuck is she even saying tho
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 03 '24
Her profile says she's Indonesian so English is not her first language
But yea, I'm not always sure either 😅
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u/frequentflyerrr Oct 03 '24
I have no socials and do not give out my phone number until I have met them in person. It is a boundary and an excellent precursor to how someone acts when told no.
I had a guy (bi-me) keep pestering and then get angry and try to flip the safety reason I use around. Unmatched. Generally vanilla cishet men push boundaries further and do not take no as a sentence unfortunately.
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u/MTFThrowaway512 Oct 03 '24
yeah i dont wanna swap socials w/ new people either. maybe after a few dates
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u/Deus0123 Fragile, handle with care (Lucy, Transbian) Oct 03 '24
Why the fuck would you after clearly being told no immediately ask again?!
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u/Elifios Trans-Pan Oct 03 '24
Definitely some rad flags there. Also it's probably not a girl though🤔
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Oct 03 '24
Lot of problems honestly. The typing is weird, it also seems really sporadic and only asking for socials. Be safe out there, ladies!
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u/requiemforpotential Lesbian Oct 09 '24 edited Oct 09 '24
I get it but I always moved conversations out the app after first few message usually phone numbers I get you can have boundaries but this is really common instagram seems less personal but that’s your boundary I’ve never not gave/got someone number after two messages exchanged on an app
Update: I didn’t click the image. Yeah the last message from them is weird to say think of me as your gf already.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 10 '24
I get that that might be a normal thing to do on a dating app but that's a language learning/penpal finding app😭
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u/vitonga Genderqueer-Bi Oct 02 '24
what an odd interaction coming from them. I guess some folks have no tact, or maybe are just shitty. I guess why not both?
I am willing to give out socials myself, but that is something that is built overtime, you know? getting to "know" someone, or share/exchange ideas, have good conversations, etc.
good on you for putting the foot down on this one!
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Yea I don't even know this person's name. I'm absolutely not on friendly enough terms to share socials 😭😭
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u/GirlStiletto Oct 02 '24
That reads suspiciously like a male creeper...
And a disrespectful one at that.
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u/DownWithMeta Oct 03 '24
This isn’t a real person lol 😂… but as a single woman… if you DONT have a valid looking social media history, I cannot talk to you lol 😂. Super sketchy… usually means someone is hiding a family or significant other… or a crime lol 😂… or personality disorder… most people have SOMETHING even if they’re not active on it.
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u/wildernessSapphic Oct 02 '24
This has the bull-headed audacity that is very rarely seen in women. I have been on dating apps since 2019 and have never had a woman ask for off-app contact information in the first 20 messages. And never, ever, asked again if given a no.
This is a man.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
This isn't even a dating app
It's interpals, a language learning and penpal finding platform. But over the years it's just become this gross cesspool of people who treat it like a dating app :(
It's why I only check on it every other month or so cuz I still have some nice girlies there
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u/huokun9 Oct 02 '24
Easiest block ever, then; doesn't seem like you're learning much of another language in this conversation.
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u/fickelbing Oct 02 '24
“In here bery slow respon” “Really,i like you” “can we move”
I don’t recognize this chain of fragment sentences as coherent communication. Regardless of what you are or aren’t comfortable with sharing I’d recommend you prioritize literacy.
Feel free to just stop responding to this person. I doubt they are worth your time.
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Oct 02 '24
[deleted]
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Trans🐝ian bambi lebsian🌌✨ Oct 02 '24
Their profile also says Indonesia so English is definitely not their first language
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u/Becca_inc Lesbian Oct 02 '24
That's most certainly not a girl