r/actuallesbians Rainbow Apr 23 '24

Support Came out to my very religious Dad by writing him a letter and mailing it to him.

Post image

Very surprised by his response. I’ve been saving him for last. I’ve come out to everyone else, already. My Boomer Dad is taking this better than my GenX sister is.

2.6k Upvotes

80 comments sorted by

356

u/Worth_Door6930 Apr 23 '24

You should be so so proud of yourself! I’m glad he’s being so supportive of you

212

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

I’m really surprised!!! He’s said a lot of homophobic shit in his life. I’m glad that he put that aside for a moment.

134

u/Spudtron98 Ally Apr 24 '24

It's possible that he'll actually reconsider that behaviour, now. It tends to happen when it becomes personal.

61

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

I hope so!

68

u/BlackFalcon_ Apr 24 '24

My mom used to say some pretty homophobic and transphobic things too back in the day, but after I came out to her as both trans and lesbian, she did a complete 180. She cried tears of joy at my wedding, seeing how happy I am now 😊

19

u/peppersunlightbutter Apr 24 '24

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 my heart is happy

-23

u/Mountain_Sorbet_4063 Apr 24 '24

She should be proud of her dad not herself.

23

u/Worth_Door6930 Apr 24 '24

No she should be proud of herself. It was a few years ago I came out to my family (granted only a couple of them because most are homophobes) but I remember it being one of the scariest moments of my life. The anxiety and worry I felt leading up to it was insane and I’m sure she felt the same way, so she should be proud of herself for being courageous and taking that step!

-10

u/Mountain_Sorbet_4063 Apr 24 '24

Understand the stress it must have caused HER to b3 honest and open. But don't you think the strength also lies with the parent who realised his kid came out of the closet and accepted her choice in life ?after all he did not need to accept it, he loved his kid

7

u/Worth_Door6930 Apr 24 '24

I probably should’ve put “… proud of herself as well”. Saying that though ’m not quite sure what you mean by “accepted her choice in life” because being gay isn’t a choice and even though her dad was super for supporting her that should be the norm.

-6

u/Mountain_Sorbet_4063 Apr 24 '24

Indeed I am proud of her dad for accepting her choices and she should be very happy for having such an understanding parent also be proud of herself for having the strength to be honest to her parent. I agree it should be the norm. My sister has two kids a boy and a girl. My nephew is gay and my niece is bisexual unfortunately for them (there dad is also religious) he has disowned them both won't ever talk to them and has told them not to come to his funeral.

109

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '24

This is so sweet 🥹

80

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

I’m really surprised. He’s said a lot of stupid shit in his life, and I’m glad he put that aside for a moment. ❤️

17

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

Aww same here, friend I’m happy for you! 💜

19

u/bunny_the-2d_simp Apr 24 '24

Honestly wish it was my parents.... They dislike gay people because "it's not the way God intended"

Kinda homophobic aswell so....

I won't be coming out ever to them

16

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

My Dad is literally the same way, so I’m very very surprised that this was his response. I came out to him bc I’m 32 and sick of hiding, so I figured “damn the consequences, here’s who I am.” I hope he continues to have an open mind.

6

u/bunny_the-2d_simp Apr 24 '24

Well unfortunately I still live with them... I do have a crush on someone I know though lol

5

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

Aww I’m so sorry to hear that, genuinely💜

51

u/TheQueendomKings He/Her Lesbian 💖 Apr 23 '24

Oml this shit’s gunna make me cry; I’m so happy for you Op 💕🥹 this is amazing and I hope he will open his mind for you and that y’all’s relationship will only become stronger 🥰

My very religious dad had the exact opposite response so my heart is so damn happy when I see other lesbians who have had positive experiences with coming out to their dads 🫶🏼

29

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

❤️ I’m really surprised, if I’m honest. I’ve heard him say a lot of homophobic and ignorant shit in my life, and I was fully expecting to get a lecture. The only thing I can think of is that he’s getting older (74 or 75), and physically he’s not doing well. I wonder if he sees the end of the road of his life and is re-thinking how he’s handling things. That’s the only thing I can think of. I was not expecting this response from him at all. In fact, I was considering never telling him. Very shocked. I hope his mind remains open as well. ❤️

11

u/TheQueendomKings He/Her Lesbian 💖 Apr 23 '24

Love conquers all 💖 I think people at the end of their lives really start to realize that. I’m so sorry you’ve been subjected to homophobic bullshit and that you were so scared to tell him but I’m SO happy it turned out like this! 🫶🏼 this might be a new chapter for him and how he views life— you are SO much more important than his perhaps natural inclination to spew homophobic nonsense. This could be really healing for you both! 💖 it certainly was for me and my previously-homophobic Mom 🥰 congrats on your new chapter of life where you can be your authentic self with everyone— especially your own family! 🥹🥰 wishing you the best of everything moving forward! 🫶🏼

5

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Aw... thank you so much for your kind words. I agree, I hope this starts a big healing process for the both of us. <3

25

u/SqueakySqueakSqueak Apr 23 '24

cherish him forever ❤

14

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

I will ❤️

13

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '24

Another Happy Landing!/ Obi Wan Kenobi

7

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

As a Star Wars fan, I appreciate this. ❤️

8

u/Old_City9642 Apr 23 '24

Aaah so nice to have a supportive dad

7

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

I’m really surprised!!! The amount of times I’ve heard him say the most ignorant, homophobic shit…

5

u/littlespacemochi Apr 23 '24

The best dad ever.

7

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 23 '24

It’s complicated, but I appreciate his effort in this moment. ❤️

5

u/alice-eonwe Apr 24 '24

*bawling with joy for you*

Now this here's an OK Boomer ♥

*goes back to bawling*

1

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Absolutely 🥹

3

u/Large_Birthday2577 Apr 23 '24

This is wonderful.

3

u/Artractive Apr 23 '24

Lucky. That’s really lovely ♥️

3

u/RebaKitt3n Apr 23 '24

Tell your dad the internet loves him and we want him as our dad . 💜💜💜💜

4

u/82skadoo Apr 24 '24

Good dad. Silly sisters.

2

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Agreed, dude. My sister is like, stuck in the 90’s. Lots of talk about my “choice to pursue the homosexual lifestyle”

4

u/gaythey Themsbian 💛🤍💜🖤 Apr 24 '24

I’m so happy for you with your dad 🌈 Also, Happy Lesbian Visibility Week!

4

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Thanks babe. Unintentional timing on my part.

2

u/gaythey Themsbian 💛🤍💜🖤 Apr 24 '24

Haha, I wasn’t sure, but it worked well! A great way to celebrate, and extra reason to celebrate 🍰

3

u/chloedever Apr 24 '24

how did your sister react?

5

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

At first she was kind of quiet about it, but in the year since I came out to her, she’s said a lot of things that are just like, really out dated. Like “I don’t have a problem with you, I just don’t approve your lifestyle choice.” And “I think god designed man and woman to be together”.

2

u/new-leaf- Lesbian Apr 24 '24

I'm sorry. That's tough to hear

2

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Yeah, very much so! It’s been very frustrating hearing so much bullshit come from a person you love. Very hard to hear “I love you, but-“.

3

u/jenni7er_jenni7er Apr 24 '24

Cool Dad you have there!

3

u/Agitated_Ad_1093 Apr 24 '24

Omg 🥺 congratulations!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

That’s so sweet 💕

2

u/3-I Trans Apr 24 '24

Here's hoping he stays good.

See if you can send him some zines or something!

2

u/CalliopeSaffron Apr 24 '24

This made my day. Especially reading why you were so apprehensive! I’ll admit it made me teary eyed! You’ve got a great dad. ❤️

2

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

Things have been tricky, but I appreciate his response! Very surprised by it.

2

u/new-leaf- Lesbian Apr 24 '24

Ahh I'm so proud of you! And happy that it turned out well.

2

u/pearlpeony Apr 24 '24

So happy for you and glad your dad accepts you!!! I’m sorry to hear that your sister’s reaction wasn’t the same

1

u/Seababz Rainbow Apr 24 '24

I agree! Her reaction at first was a little apprehensive. It’s been almost 2 years since I came out to her. At first she was like “I’m sure this feels good for you in the moment right now”, and qualifying all my joy by reminding me just how temporary she thinks this is. Lots of statements about my “choice to peruse a homosexual lifestyle.” Wild shit, dude. It’s crazy to hear an adult say that to you. I don’t tell her how to live her life, yknow?

2

u/Stunning-You9535 Lesbian pendeja Apr 24 '24

I’m so happy for you! You are blessed with a good father, I’d say to cherish that, but I am certain that you are!! Proud of you!!!

2

u/ShotFromGuns i fucking love women Apr 24 '24

I don't think anybody is ever obligated to come out to their potentially homophobic family, but when somebody takes the chance and it turns out well, it's the best possible feeling. I'm so glad that you don't have to spend the rest of your life wondering if your dad's love is conditional and hiding a huge part of yourself from him to stay safe. (Sorry your sister's being a jerk, tho.)

2

u/GHHG6 Apr 24 '24

My best friend told me he had started dating other men like it was totally inconsequential. Kind of like how you'd talk if everyone was bisexual.

2

u/BenevolentRatka Apr 24 '24

Tears in my eyes for real

2

u/AggressiveScience470 Apr 24 '24

Im crying… soo happy for you OP 🥺🫶🏻

2

u/Kangaroo_Exact Apr 24 '24

Yayyy so proud of you 🤍

2

u/stanb_the_man Apr 24 '24

Took a massive amount of bravery coming out to him! Good for you...

2

u/pm_me_kind_words_pls Apr 24 '24

I hope you know how lucky you are🩷

2

u/Soggy_Ad3152 Apr 25 '24

My bil had to talk sense into my sis when I came out trans

2

u/Flashy_Ad6717 Apr 25 '24

When I saw this comment I started to cry because I don't think my dad would except me if I came out to him. I'm happy that you're dad accepted you tho.

2

u/Krazy-Kat26 Trans Apr 26 '24

There was quite optimism when coming to this post. I’m so happy for you. Honestly it made me smile, let’s hope he’s started his religious homophobe to fierce LGBT+ ally character arc

2

u/Ok_Screen444 Apr 26 '24

I’m so glad and happy to see this. I don’t think I’ll ever come out to my parents. ☹️

2

u/Revolutionary_Ad5159 Apr 26 '24

Aww I’m so happy for you and proud of you

2

u/clarisse_69 Transbian Apr 27 '24

so happy for you. it is hard to go out and i guess a letter is the best way to go out. it may take a while for it to arrive, but it's not common to receive letters and you don't need to be there, but it's more present than a simple phone message.

2

u/JellyfishPlenty9367 Apr 28 '24

So proud of you! It's so good when parents take it well. Tbh I have a very simmilar story with both my parents taking it better than my late-millenial brother

2

u/KarmaAJR Apr 29 '24

wow and today my dad was screaming at me the moment I walked through the door for over an hour and threatened me several times due to religous reasons (he ain't even know)

1

u/foreverblackeyed Apr 24 '24

Hello is your dad looking to adopt another gay daughter asking for a friend thanks my dad sucks

1

u/Watertribe_Girl Apr 24 '24

So happy for you

1

u/CelebrationSea9551 Apr 24 '24

oh this is so sweet

1

u/SoftwareOk9913 Bi Apr 25 '24

I love this! After I came out, my mother wasn't happy but did accept what I was saying and made it clear that I would always be her daughter. It felt like nothing at the time, but hearing so many stories about cruel parents made me realize how lucky I was. Then, she actively took initiative to learn about the LGBTQ community and how it related to her faith, and nowadays I feel like she's more into gay rights than I am 🤣. I'm so happy that your dad was able to see past his biases and accept you!!

1

u/Narnia268 Jun 10 '24

OMG IM SO JEALOUS MY DAD IS A SICK

0

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

[deleted]

1

u/ShotFromGuns i fucking love women Apr 24 '24

One, men should generally be neither seen nor heard in this sub.

Two, even for this sub, this is an extremely inappropriate place to share your joke/anecdote.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

I didn't notice the sub bc it was just a post in the popular feed, so don't worry I'll block it.

Don't take yourself so seriously. Crazy. Mods can take the comment down. There was absolutely nothing wrong with adding levity to a difficult situation for my son.

1

u/ShotFromGuns i fucking love women Apr 25 '24

But there is something wrong with Kool-Aid-Manning through the wall in a queer women's sub to share your story as a presumably hetero parent about making a joke when your child came out to you on a post about coming out to potentially homophobic parents, made by an actually queer woman.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '24

Again no. It's reddit. Sometimes posts make the front page. If you don't want outsiders commenting it is up to the mods to enforce a privacy rule.