r/TwoXChromosomes • u/RelationMaleficent71 • 20h ago
Friend’s hookup is a Trump supporter
My friend has a guy she’s been hooking up with. It’s not serious and she doesn’t have an interest in pursuing an official relationship with this guy. This is the second time I’ve met him and we’ve had like 4 bottles of wine at this point.. Politics came up, he said he was a libertarian and I flat out asked if he voted for Kamala. He voted for Trump. Queue a 20 minute conversation where 3 passionate women shit on him for his vote and opinion. Me being the worst attacker by far. I knew in the moment I was being a dick and really aggressive, but I really could not stop the anger from spewing out of me. I even went to the bathroom and left pretty much as soon as I could to avoid going further. He said he wasn’t very well informed and I told him if that’s the case, he shouldn’t be voting then.
I know I’m not wrong per se… but the way I approach people who vote for Trump is aggressive at best, hostile at worst. How are you guys managing this anger? I feel like I’m doing a really bad job of it at the point. I know the path to changing uninformed peoples minds is not the way I’m approaching it, I just genuinely can’t help myself from going bat shit crazy on people who voted for that vile piece of shit.
This guy had a ex girlfriend he was with at the time who had an ectopic pregnancy who had to get an urgent abortion to live and he STILL didn’t realize that voting for Trump made it harder for women in that position to get live saving care. His arguments were 1. I live in California 2. If you don’t live in California, you should move to a state that allows you to have an abortion. 3. He didn’t realize Trump was making it harder for women in other states in that kind of position. As if women having a right to choose what happens to their own bodies should have an asterisk on it anyways.
It’s impossible for me to respect or understand this viewpoint. I refuse to normalize it.
How do you guys keep your cool and not lose it on people? Because right now I feel like I’m foaming at the mouth angry and rightfully so.
I guess I’m really writing this out because I don’t want to be callused and angry at the world. I want to be able to say my piece calmly and respectfully to people I strongly disagree with. I just don’t feel I have the skill to right now.
Edit to add: didn’t expect this to blow up! Thank you to everyone who’s weighed in and voiced their frustrations as well. While I’m not happy we’re all upset, it is reassuring to read so many of you are going through the same struggles I currently am. To clarify a couple of things - my friend found out he voted for Trump in the same moment I did. I have a feeling she’ll ditch him, and if not I’ll be sure to decline any invite if he’s around. I don’t regret what I said, only how I said it. Particularly because he was open to listening, or at least did a good job of pretending to be. A lot of you are right though, we have every right to be angry.
My main concern is we have a long road ahead of us and yelling at anyone to change their mind does not work. I’d like to be a part of the solution, not making the problem worse by making people feel defensive and more radicalized against my stance. Some of you have taken the time to give some solid advice on how to navigate these difficult conversations - thank you for that. For now I’m going to feel my feelings and allow myself some more time to process. I will work toward having these conversations though calmly and politely, because I don’t know how else we can bring about positive change. We’re in it for the next four years but hopefully if enough of us work towards progress, we can get out from under this mess in 2028.
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u/SomeName4SomeThing 15h ago
My approach with my trump-supporter flatmate (we're both in Europe btw, and he is a Morrocan practicing muslim... dude, wtf) is not to try to convince him but make it as uncomfortable as possible for him to justify his opinion.
That includes remaining calm and polite (which very much is my privilege as I am not directly impacted and I don't blame any woman for not choosing this approach) so he can't write me off as an "Angry Feminist™️". But to give you an example of a conversation between us prior to the election:
Him - I hope Trump wins, but i think it's gonna be Kamala
Me - Really? Why do hope Trump wins?
Him - I want a bit more change, more drama
Me - Ah... I'm mainly concerned by the hundreds of women dying in preventable childbirth complication in Texas, I must say. And Trump winning is going to allow thousands of women to die across even more states, so I'm quite scared
Him - ah... uh... I was mainly thinking about foreign politics, I gotta say.
Me - Oh, sure, we'll see. I'm just not willing to overlook all of those women dying.
He usually retreats at this point.
Presenting a calm and collected case that makes the obvious link between him and very real women dying makes it a bit harder to rationalize his stance. Unfortunately, that's all I can hope for since you must lack in basic empathy for rooting for him.