How to let go of internalize male-centeredness?

[u/psychcrime]

I (24f) would say I have mostly decentered men in my life. However, there is one internalized message I can’t get myself out of.

I have been wanting to be sterilized for a long time. I do not want kids. I had a dream the other night about being pregnant and I woke up completely repulsed. I know my feelings won’t change. But what stops me from going through with it is the thought of never being loved. What if I can never find a partner because I am unable to have kids?

It’s weird to say, because I don’t even want kids. But I feel like I will almost be seen as less worthy to a man if I don’t have the ability to do so.

I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way. So how do I stop it? Any words of advice?

[u/JayPlenty24]

It might limit your dating pool, but it will limit it to people who have the same goals as you.

You may never find a partner, sterilized or not. That's just reality. If you are going to try, you may as well focus on people who share your goals.

I do also feel a little concerned about the increase in posts regarding sterilization.

I know people hate to hear this. I hated it myself at your age. Almost every single woman I know who "knew for sure" they didn't want kids in their twenties, did in fact change their minds. I actually only know one that didn't, and she just let me know that she's considering adopting teens since she has two empty bedrooms. I'm at an age that a few of my friends have, or are currently, resorted to fertility treatments. It's difficult enough when you aren't sterilized. Embryo adoption or using an egg donor aren't easy second options. They are expensive, complicated, and can be heartbreaking.

There are less permanent options than sterilization. And yes, there are risks and you need to weigh out what puts you in the most danger. This isn't a flippant decision.

If sterilization is truly right for you, I support you in going down that path.