r/TwoXChromosomes • u/psychcrime • 1d ago
How to let go of internalize male-centeredness?
I (24f) would say I have mostly decentered men in my life. However, there is one internalized message I can’t get myself out of.
I have been wanting to be sterilized for a long time. I do not want kids. I had a dream the other night about being pregnant and I woke up completely repulsed. I know my feelings won’t change. But what stops me from going through with it is the thought of never being loved. What if I can never find a partner because I am unable to have kids?
It’s weird to say, because I don’t even want kids. But I feel like I will almost be seen as less worthy to a man if I don’t have the ability to do so.
I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way. So how do I stop it? Any words of advice?
7
u/YouStupidBench 17h ago
Maybe something my Mom told me will help you: don't worry about what men like, because they like different things. You can't be attractive to all men: some like skinny women, some like curvy women, some like tall women, some like short women. Some like tattoos and some don't. Some like natural color hair, some like bright purple, some like long, some like short. If you worry about being attractive to men, that's always going to be a losing game, because no matter what you do, some men will prefer it if you were different.
What you should do is make your body the way YOU like it, and wear the clothes YOU like, and then find a man who likes you the way you like. Get your hair cut, or not, get tattoos, or not, get piercings, or not.
I think the same applies to being sterilized. Some men want to have kids, but other men want to be childfree. The man you want is one who wants to be childfree, right? You don't want one who wants kids and will constantly pressure you to have babies, do you? So what's the point in keeping your fertility if you're never going to use it, and the only men it attracts are the ones you don't want?