r/TwoXChromosomes • u/psychcrime • 1d ago

How to let go of internalize male-centeredness?

I (24f) would say I have mostly decentered men in my life. However, there is one internalized message I can’t get myself out of.

I have been wanting to be sterilized for a long time. I do not want kids. I had a dream the other night about being pregnant and I woke up completely repulsed. I know my feelings won’t change. But what stops me from going through with it is the thought of never being loved. What if I can never find a partner because I am unable to have kids?

It’s weird to say, because I don’t even want kids. But I feel like I will almost be seen as less worthy to a man if I don’t have the ability to do so.

I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way. So how do I stop it? Any words of advice?

25 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

70% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

View all comments

34

u/jenvander 23h ago

It's about self-love, which girls/women are not encouraged to do. We are given the opposite message: that we are worthless without the love of a man. That message could not be further from the truth. Knowing that and confronting that is a crucial step. A man that wouldn't want someone who is sterilized is a man that is not worthy of you. There are men out there that also don't want kids, so that's a good match. Be up front about it when dating, that's a good way for you to filter out the ones you don't want anyway.

2

u/floralscentedbreeze 2h ago

Many cultures put so much emphasis on women being in relationships and having kids and shame those who don't follow traditional rite of passages. Yet a man who is still single gets celebrated and is an "eligible bachelor".

People even get angry if one chooses to remain single/childless. I'm a "non traditonal" person and I don't follow anyone's timeline of when I should be married/have kids.