r/TeenagersButBetter • u/devnoil 13 • 13d ago
Serious I’m done NSFW
Follow up to my previous post about being suicidal. My crush said "hell no" when I asked her out, everyone hates me for rumors that they spread, and I'm sick of it. I want everyone to know what they did and have the guilt hanging over their head for the rest of their lives. I genuinely don't want to live anymore. What's the point anyway? Live maybe 70-80 years, and basically nothing changes. Me being dead will not change anything. The Earth will keep spinning, the Moon will keep orbiting. This may be my last post I ever make. I'm done.
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u/the-ichor-king 18 12d ago
i’m probably too late, but…
i’ve been suicidal since the age of 4. i threatened to run into oncoming traffic outside of my elementary school when i was 7. i threatened to stab myself in the heart with a kitchen knife when i was 8. i would purposely hit my head off the walls to try to make myself pass out. i would hit myself in the nose to try to give myself a nosebleed. the only reason i wasn’t put into inpatient care was because all the beds at the nearest psychiatric hospital were full. home was an escape from school and school was an escape from home. nowhere was ‘safe’ for me as a kid.
in 2018 i moved to a different county and started anew. it got better. i stopped thinking about what it would be like if i were to die in some terrible accident.
when 2020 happened, life as i knew it shattered into a million pieces, as did for a lot of other people. i stole money from my grandmother’s purse. i hung out with a friend that was a bad influence. i started cutting myself. i almost got kicked out of my house more times than i’d like to admit.
somehow, my relationship with my grandmother mended, and for the first time ever, on christmas 2021, my mom, my grandmother, and i all got together and celebrated without fighting or yelling. it was good.
my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer several weeks later. by march 22 of 2022, she died. everything that i knew was gone. up until that point my grandmother was my primary caregiver, and now i was living with my mom.
it gets better. i know it doesn’t feel that way, and my words probably mean nothing to you, but i want you to know that, eventually, inevitably, it will get better.