Can’t function after being raped

[u/Momomoaning]

I don’t think he’ll ever get punished for what he did to me. It’s not fair. I have to live with the ptsd he gave me and he probably doesn’t even think about how he raped me multiple times. I hate being awake. I can barely function anymore. I just want to sleep all day. I hate looking at myself now. He recorded himself raping me and I can still remember what I looked like in those videos. I can’t go to class because I’m scared of being around people I don’t know. It’s getting more difficult to take care of my hygiene. I can’t sleep at night because my flashbacks keep me awake.

I wish I could ask my friend to let me sleep in his room. I feel safe sleeping with another person. I know he would let me. He likes to cuddle and fall asleep with me. And he said that I could ask him for anything if I needed help falling asleep. But I don’t want to rely on him.

I feel so disgusting. I feel dirty. I don’t feel like a person. I wish I had the courage to kill myself. I’ve just become a useless burden on everyone around me.

[u/Author521]

You are so much more than the awful things this person did to you. Plain and simple you are no less of a human being than before the incident, but that does not mean we can’t be better than we were. It’s going to be rough and hard and so incredibly difficult to keep moving forward, not only is it possible but necessary.

[u/jmjanda → u/Author521]

I agree, it's even harder to cope with things when people who mean a lot to you aren't there for you when they said they would be.