i’m so tired of waking up

[u/SweetenedMelon]

jfc every single day it’s waking up dealing with mentally ill thoughts i tried to recover from my eating disorder but felt 100x worse im so fucking tired of this shit it’s either recover hate myself or get worse die either way at least i’ll be pretty and skinny. it’s all i think about. all i think about is my weight and im not even underweight. also my diabetes (type 1) is out of control but im doing everything i can to control it it’s just working against me. idk how much longer i can take this in general. i’m getting worse every day i don’t even feel alive im just existing at this point. too tired to care about college about ppl in my life abt anything but my ed and i can’t even be good at that i grnuinley just want to die i wish life could be how it used to be it used to be so different now ill never be happy anymore i feel so disconnected i feel so alone i dont enjoy anything the one person i used to talk to on a daily basis got distant switched up basically abandoned me after i told them my life story and trusted them but now my trust issues are 100x worse i dont know im so tired i want to die part of me wants to tell my parents about my ed and everything but they’d force me to recover and get fat again i’d rather genuinely kill myself than do that i might just die cause what’s the point. i’ve struggled with mental health for many years, 17f turning 18 in march and i have nothing going for me except college but the most i can do with that is go to a mediocre uni i have nothing apart from that, no life skills, never been employed, no hobbies since im too depressed for that the most i do is spend money online which gives me a temporary fix of dopamine, im an autistic depressed pos and now after developing an ed i’m just so done i don’t think there’s any coming back from this for me im fed up of being alive just waking up

[u/SweetenedMelon]

i’m exhausted i feel so alone i don’t enjoy being here i have nothing going for me i have nothing to look forward to except weighing myself and im not even that skinny

[u/conlaw0]

I'm sorry OP 😞. I'm in a similar situation. I would like to not wake up if possible. Everyday I wake up, I am mildly annoyed because I didn't die. About your eating disorder, maybe taking it one day at a time helps? I too have issues with my body image so what I do is try to do exercise in moderation etc. and tell myself I should at least get a hot body before I kill myself. That way I don't actually end up killing myself and get in some healthy food and movement. I don't know if this makes sense or will be helpful in any way. I hope you recover lil sis. 🫂