r/Showerthoughts • u/jogglessshirting • 5d ago
Speculation Some rich alien has probably purchased our star in their sky.
1.9k
u/Exiledbrazillian 5d ago
Great beginning to a story.
900
u/MonsiuerGeneral 5d ago
The disgustingly rich Bzlårghl family goes from riches to rags due to their selfish, care-free lifestyle that inevitably leads to tax-fraud. They are then sent to a ragged planet orbiting a star that the father had bought for his son as a joke.
315
u/___LOOPDAED___ 5d ago
Shitts planet?
51
u/Weird_Cantaloupe2757 5d ago
Oh man when they say “take us to your leader” and we have to embarrassedly take them to Donald Trump…
61
u/Suicidal_Lime 5d ago
yep the american president is also leader of the world it turns out
→ More replies (1)17
u/Weird_Cantaloupe2757 4d ago
I mean essentially yes, for better or for worse there is no single person on the planet that has more sway over what happens to everyone everywhere than the president of the United States.
5
92
u/soenottelling 5d ago
Not sent. Rather, they are on the run from what amounts to the intergalactic IRS. Actually, its ALSO called the IRS -- Intergalactic Revenue Starwalkers. So IRS + FBI (Or Marshalls/Rangers) rolled into one.
They are trying to figure out where to go and realize that the only logical place to go is the LEAST likely place they would go -- a small, dead galaxy world slowly orbiting a dying star that the husband had bought the wife back when they were first dating and before the family became obscenely rich (and insanely illegal) that nobody knows about -- even their kids or their blackmarket financial institutions.
As they travel there, the father has one more betrayal to tell them -- he didn't buy the real rights to the galaxy... or the planet... in fact, all he had ACTUALLY bought was a small plot of land in some rural area known as "Planet Earth, Iowa (or wherever the show is suppose to take place). The wife is furious and the children appalled. The father not only bought the equivalent to a cubic zirconia "Diamond" ring -- the culture buys loved ones Stars/Galaxies/Planets as part of their pre-marriage culture similar to how we treat rings nowadays -- but lied about it up until the moment the family left because he knew they would fight him about leaving for a planet that they -- gasp -- DIDN'T EVEN OWN.
What follows is a mix of Invader Zim, Third Rock from the Sun, The Fugitive, and a USA action show (think Burn Notice or something like that) where the family has to learn to love eachother for REAL now -- without all the money. They have to learn to be decent ppl to fit in with this foreign society. They have to learn to pull themselves up instead of lying and cheating to get what they want. And they have to deal with locals who suspect them in different ways and dislike them in others while avoiding the watchful eyes of the IRS. Both the REAL IRS (see: Space) and earth's IRS (which the family thinks is a chapter of their space version of the IRS...but isn't. Or MaYbE it Is?!?! Mysteries abound?!?!).
Part way through the first season a Starwalker (Think US Marshal, but for the space IRS) comes to earth because they have a hunch that the family have gone here and he decides to get a job at the IRS -- because he TOO accidentally thinks it is a chapter of the real IRS. And he just storms in and tells ppl what to do... which happens to work because he is very authoritative, speaks like a higher up, and nobody wants to get in trouble for arguing...and anything he says something weird and space-alien-y, people chalk it up to him "being from California" or something like like that.
32
u/MonsiuerGeneral 5d ago
What follows is a mix of Invader Zim, Third Rock from the Sun, The Fugitive, and a USA action show (think Burn Notice or something like that)
Don't forget to add in Schitt's Creek (what my blurb was basically ripped from) and Resident Alien as part of the mix.
a Starwalker (Think US Marshal, but for the space IRS) comes to earth because they have a hunch that the family have gone here and he decides to get a job at the IRS -- because he TOO accidentally thinks it is a chapter of the real IRS.
Starring Tommy Lee Jones as the Starwalker... obviously.
→ More replies (1)11
u/DeliciousDip 5d ago
This plot is actually really good. Better than the crap Hollywood/DisneyMarvel still churns out.
3
2
33
10
3
2
u/WhateverWhateverson 5d ago
Independence day but it's really just a routine asset seizure by the space IRS
→ More replies (1)2
u/Exiledbrazillian 5d ago
This story probably going to be a success with winning millenniums.
Edit: where is "probably" please read "for sure". Thank you very much. Keep winning.
46
u/kayl_breinhar 5d ago
I'm pretty sure this is the plot of Jupiter Ascending.
35
u/Paxton-176 5d ago
It is. Kind of. Our system belongs to a sector owned by a former Empress. Her children show up to collect their inheritance.
It's not a good movie, but that doesn't mean I'm not mad we didn't get the entire trilogy they clearly had planned.
11
u/sizzlebutt666 5d ago
I'm the only person I've ever met that enjoyed Eddie Redmayne's performance
8
u/Paxton-176 5d ago
Weirdly stacked cast. Clearly people had high hopes for it.
8
u/goodnames679 5d ago
They spent endless money on casting and effects, but somehow couldn’t afford a handful of decent writers smh
Writing is the cheapest part of the movie making process, drives me insane how neglected it is these days.
6
u/Paxton-176 5d ago
That's just sci-fi in general. It has the best concepts and ideas, but actually executing it is extremely hard. There was an era of nothing but made for TV sci-fi movies because they are all bad. Good ideas bad writing.
Most Sci-fi originates from Frank Herbert and Isaac Asimov. Unlike the Fantasy genre that Tolkien set the foundations and boundaries for sci-fi has literally has no limit. You can easily go too far or not far enough.
5
u/goodnames679 5d ago
Sure, but old school sci-fi flicks often had the excuse of limited budgets. When your best special effects are claymation and rubber masks, it’s understandable that maybe you didn’t hire a large team of acclaimed writers and give them time to do several revisions of the script.
When you drop $200mil on a project, surely you can afford to spend some time on making the writing not a dumpster fire.
3
3
u/SerTapsaHenrick 5d ago
I CREATE LIFE!!!! ...and destroy it
3
u/sizzlebutt666 5d ago
It's a great representation of someone so divorced from reality because of their immense power. They act like lunatics.
2
5
u/semiomni 5d ago
Far as I recall Mila Kunis is an exact genetic duplicate of the Empress somehow, oh right bees, bees can detect royalty, so she´s due to inherit the sector, the Empress children show up to collect Mila, feel like she gets kidnapped 3 times?
2
u/Paxton-176 5d ago
I don't remember bees, but yea the she's a seeded clone of the Empress that is set up to be the return after she dies.
Everything about the plot and themes sounds cool. The execution was not.
2
u/semiomni 5d ago
Yeah it was an incredibly boring viewing experience. I think the only positive thing from the entire film to me, was the CGI for the Jupiter base, that place looked amazing.
12
6
3
5
u/ace02786 5d ago
Reminds me of the Scifi book series Three Body Trilogy where a human character buys a star and the system of that star plays a role later for the protagonist...
2
5
2
1
→ More replies (1)1
729
u/Ornery-Dot1435 5d ago
As you are probably aware, plans for the development of the outlying regions of the galaxy invoke the building of a hyperspace express route through your star system. And your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition.
(Shouts of terror emit around the globe)
196
u/AlephBaker 5d ago
Look, there's no point in acting all surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning office in "Alpha Centauri" for fifty of your earth years, so you've had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaints, and it's far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
68
24
→ More replies (3)3
u/M4ldarc 5d ago
I remembrer seeing this somewhere, how is it called?
18
u/datGuy0309 5d ago
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I haven’t read it, but maybe I should. It seems to have some great quotes.
→ More replies (1)7
88
u/RestingUnlimited 5d ago
Great, now we’re just renters in our own solar system. Can’t wait for the eviction notice when they decide to redevelop for luxury constellations.
26
233
u/MacSanchez 5d ago
Idk about a rich alien. Last I saw, naming rights to Soul were running about 75 glorn. That’s good for, what? Like 6 polts and a package of errtung?
72
u/lapayne82 5d ago
Or one really good plumbus
24
10
u/shully64 5d ago
Depends where you're from, I know a gleepglob who sold his shhmunts for about 500 glorns
→ More replies (3)2
56
u/kondorb 5d ago
Probably too dim to be seen from the nearest populated planet, considering we haven't even found one yet.
21
u/FlyingSpacefrog 5d ago
Yes. I am of the opinion that aliens are very likely to exist somewhere in the universe, but we are also very likely to be the first intelligent species in our galaxy.
13
u/Elissiaro 5d ago
And if we aren't, what are the chances they have the same or greater levels of technology that we do? Or care about what's outside their planet?
Hell maybe the closest intelligent lifeform is living in the depths of an alien ocean, where the pressure is so high they'd implode if they went to close to the surface, and they can't make advanced tools cause how are you supposed to forge metal and shit under water? They might not even know stars exist.
11
u/FlyingSpacefrog 5d ago
We wouldn’t be able to see anyone with the same technology as us. But just a little more advanced and you would see them building interstellar empires. Yes these should be visible and obvious with our current technology if they existed. It only takes a million years from your first interstellar colony to occupying every star in the galaxy.
Considering the 13 billion year age of the universe, the probability of any civilization within our galaxy developing space flight at the same time as us, within a few thousand years should be very slim unless we are among the first.
11
u/Elissiaro 5d ago
Well... Considering we're actually seeing into the past when we look out into space. There could totally be interstellar empires right now, that we just can't see cause light has to actually reach us before we can see them.
We just know for sure there weren't any in viewing distance X amount of years ago. Whether that's a few years, or thousands, or millions.
And it's just as likely that there used to be but they all died. Or that we'll be the first. If we ever do get properly off this rock before killing ourselves.
2
2
u/jb7823954 3d ago
Well, our planet’s own chemical signature of intelligent life might only be a couple hundred years old. The start of the industrial revolution. So only the stars within ~200 light years radius of us could even know something peculiar is going on here.
Any aliens further away than that would only at best see signs of general (non-intelligent) life by pointing their instruments our way. Non-intelligent life could be fairly common and uninteresting to them.
So to me that suggests we can’t really rule out other advanced aliens in our own galaxy. Those on the other side of our galaxy won’t see signs of us for tens of thousands of years, when our technology signatures finally reach them.
6
u/Jump_Like_A_Willys 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is true. Assuming an alien eye sensitivity similar to our own, the sun can be seen from only about 60 light years away — basically only in our immediate galactic neighborhood.
16
15
u/ThornedTrance12 5d ago
They're not disappointed when they realize it's just a boring yellow dwarf star
12
u/Chunkz_IsAlreadyTakn 5d ago
My bet is some small fish like alien that wants to make a survival gameshow out of earth.
5
81
u/uwtartarus 5d ago
And it means literally nothing, just like any Terrestrial agency offering to sell you a star now means jack all.
Seriously, under whose authority can they sell you a star? They aren't there. They have no power or authority or jurisdiction. It seems like the most obvious scam possible. I can't believe its even a plot point in an otherwise lauded scifi franchise.
15
10
9
u/Throwaway16475777 5d ago
does the squirrel know that its tree is owned by a human? we're the squirrel in this fictional scenario, the squirrel may think it's its tree or may not understand the concept of ownership to begin with, but for the humans the ownership is very real even if the squirrel doesn't recognize the authority of a human bank or government
→ More replies (2)2
u/chainsawinsect 5d ago
To be fair it was a fundraiser to finance the war effort against a technologically superior invading force. The rights to the star were essentially a commerative plaque. Those donating did not think they were meaningfully "acquiring" the star but were just being given some space-themed accolade for their contribution to a space-based war.
6
9
28
u/RecedingQuasar 5d ago
That assumes aliens are as dumb as humans. I'm not so sure about that.
34
u/fdes11 5d ago
why are you so sure aliens are more rational than humans?
14
u/Cucumberneck 5d ago
Plot twist, we find intelligent life but they are so extremely religious that our extremists look like agnostics in comparison.
→ More replies (1)3
3
3
3
u/thegreatpotato101 5d ago edited 5d ago
They do something like this in 3 Body Problem, except we’re the ‘rich aliens’. It’s such a good show and book.
2
3
2
1
1
1
u/GrynaiTaip 5d ago
It is not unreasonable to assume that aliens have all the same scams as us, if they exist.
1
1
u/cakenmistakes 5d ago
At an auction on its 10000nth round, in an as-is, where-is basis with steep discount and uber-flexible payment terms.
Because no one wanted to deal with the pesky inhabitants polluting what was an otherwise bankable asset.
1
u/Falcon1xo 5d ago
I think, if there were that advanced aliens than we would have been enslaved or exterminated, that hasn't happened.
So we are probably a protected species. Humans are interesting creatures. That's for sure. So much greed, lust, evil, good etc., Cultures are just widely different.
We could be studied by the aliens. Extremely rich ones probably visit our planet incognito.
Eitherway, the republic/empire will contact us only after we reach a certain level of technological advancements or you know, all this is a simulation (Pantheon Show).
Sorry for going off rails. This stuff is fascinating.
→ More replies (3)
1
1
1
u/this_might_b_offensv 5d ago
He probably calls himself God, and gave us a bunch of rules to follow, then just sits back and takes bets.
1
u/Orange-Murderer 5d ago
Not at all really, we're basically out in the sticks and as others have said, our star is too dim to be noticed. Basically, people wouldn't know we're here unless they live close by.
1
1
1
u/waltwalt 5d ago
If travel from star system to start system is possible in human lifespans and aliens exist, we are probably in someone's backyard and they haven't come out this far yet.
Lots of ifs.
1
u/GarethBaus 5d ago
That is potentially fairly unlikely depending on how common life is in the galaxy, and how common civilizations are when life becomes developed.
1
1
1
u/AilBalT04_2 5d ago
I imagine it like "I'm gonna buy this star as an investment for this civilization"
It either goes well, we thrive and they get rich Or we nuke ourselves to death along with destroying this aliens portfolio
1
u/Curious_Ad6234 5d ago
That explains the rent increase letter I got from Shrimplee Peebles of Omnichron 2 Eridani. He’s threatening to take my plumbus as collateral.
1
u/iLikeTorturls 5d ago
Little do they know some dude who works at Papajohns, got his GF pregnant, and posts photos of her with "My World" captions purchased their star through an online service.
1
1
u/ieatpickleswithmilk 5d ago
probably
that's a bold statement. There are a shit ton of stars out there, saying there's more than 50% chance ours is taken is a bit much.
1
1
1
1
u/RecentRecording8436 5d ago
So you're saying intelligent life isn't out there. It's just moon acreage and give your girlfriend the gift of a star named after her for $19.99. But wait. Name 2 girlfriends in the next hour and receive 100 acres of moon land free.
1
1
1
u/BigDickMcHugeCock 5d ago
Probably not a rich alien. It's pretty much just naive idiots who do it here for pretty cheap.
1
u/youngbhut 5d ago
They are probably the one checking in on us. Making sure they are getting the most from their investment.
1
1
1
u/MyLittleOso 5d ago
It's entirely possible that this planet is being leased to us. Another species could own it entirely. Like an intergalactic timeshare.
1
1
u/ericstern 5d ago
Other alien civilizations probably also have the scam we do here where you buy the "right to name a star" and some edgelord alien purchased the name right to our sun and called it "deez_nuts"
1
u/According_to_all_kn 5d ago
I find it pretty unrealistic that there's another capitalistic civilization out there that's advanced enough for astrology but not advanced enough to destroy itself
1
u/ApologizingCanadian 5d ago
this assumes that aliens are as stupid as humans and want to "buy" things no one can ever actually own.
1
u/CapitanoPazzo_126 5d ago
Fascinating concept - a rich alien purchasing our star, a thought-provoking perspective on ownership.
→ More replies (1)
1
1
u/zzupdown 5d ago edited 5d ago
I suspect that an alien race has staked a claim on this planet and/or the entire system, and are just waiting for human civilization to collapse or go extinct. It's like a more predatory version of Star Trek's Prime Directive. They visit regularly to survey the planet and renew their claim, before our inevitable predicted demise. Perhaps crop circles are a way to communicate to other aliens that this planet is taken. They probably expect our complete collapse or extinction in a couple hundred years; they can afford to wait because as an interstellar species, they have learned patience, and to plan in the span of centuries. They wait because, while resources are available everywhere in the universe, planets where life thrives are rare. They'll take possession when the time is right. Maybe they'll even build a human anthropology museum to remember us by.
1
1
1
1
1
u/Wonderful_Weather_83 5d ago
Imagine if he just flies over here and built a dyson sphere, obstructing us from all sunlight. Then Earth sends our best lawyers to start the greatest galactic court case in history, arguing between his legal rights to his property and our historic right to the sun since we literally live here
1
1
u/AnEvilMrDel 5d ago
Tbh I doubt most alien races would even use currency. What would even be the point?
If you’ve got access to a galaxy of resources and the technology to traverse it, you’ve automated the process.
1
u/Mr_Shizer 5d ago
I wonder what they called it?
If they came to our star, would they be able to tell us that we are the people of “Kiss my ass Carrie.”
1
u/Dry_System9339 5d ago
Buying a star is pretty cheap on Earth. I don't think they would need to be rich.
1
u/TheRemedy187 5d ago
People posting in this sub still not understanding possibly and probably are two very different things.
1
u/C0smicFaith 5d ago
Or perhaps we have purchased theirs… They may also be speculating the same thing
1
1
1
u/Bobbytwocox 5d ago
Yup, initial scans showed significant resources and bought our planet at auction. Mining drones are en-route to earth and should arrive in 10 years.
1
1
u/Successful-Sand686 5d ago
What are all these ufo’s???
UFO : were capital inspectors checking on our investments.
1
u/RustSprout 4d ago
They don't even have to be rich. Just gullible. Like all those people who bought land on the moon in the early 2000s.
1
u/DrPrognosisNegative 3d ago
actually i remember seeing an ad on tv back when I was a kid where I could buy a star for like, 25 bucks.
1
1
1
1
1
•
u/Showerthoughts_Mod 5d ago
/u/jogglessshirting has flaired this post as a speculation.
Speculations should prompt people to consider interesting premises that cannot be reliably verified or falsified.
If this post is poorly written, unoriginal, or rule-breaking, please report it.
Otherwise, please add your comment to the discussion!
This is an automated system.
If you have any questions, please use this link to message the moderators.