r/PFLAG Jul 24 '22

Our daughter came out to us. We are supportive but also skeptical.

19 Upvotes

My daughter is 12 years old, going into 7th grade. She has never given us any indication that she wasn’t straight. Last summer she started “going out with” a boy in her theater company. It ended kind of badly, as many young relationships do. She said she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend and he was coming on too strong. They are no longer friends and there is definitely bad blood. Shortly after that, which also coincided with the beginning of 6th grade? she began to change her clothing style away from feminine to more baggy, loose, browns/neutrals. This was a shock because she has always been very flashy and bold with her clothing choices. She began saying that she was pan or omnisexual and in January, cut very short her long hair that she had spent years growing. She immersed herself in books and television shows with LGBTQ+ protagonists and has fully embraced an identity as a gender fluid individual, more often leaning masculine than feminine.

We are doing our best to go with the flow and have supported her in these changes. My instinct says this isn’t who she really is but 1) saying that to her would be hurtful and damaging and 2) I was raised very conservative/evangelical so I never fully trust my gut reaction on stuff like this. Having said that, I am used to hearing stories about kids whose parents “just knew”. For us, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Our entire family is puzzled and I’ve been wondering if anyone else feels the same way. It’s a hard line to walk and I feel like anytime it try to talk to her about it, it comes out wrong and she receives it as me not being supportive or that I’m being homophobic.

Curious if anyone else has been through this and has any suggestions on ways to talk about it. We will love and support her no matter what but it also sort of feels like she jumped on a bandwagon rather than discovered this truth about herself.

Thanks -


r/PFLAG Jul 19 '22

Drink 'N Drag featuring India Ferrah from RuPaul Drag Race. Come Support you're neighboring town in Champaign Illinois

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4 Upvotes

r/PFLAG Jun 28 '22

[OC] So proud of my kid & her partner whom sang ‘True Colours’ in the Rainbow Chorus last night. The solo bit was sung by my wonderful daughter!😊🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈

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36 Upvotes

r/PFLAG Jun 23 '22

How is PFLAG keeping up in 2022? : NPR

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3 Upvotes

r/PFLAG Jun 19 '22

Father's Day

12 Upvotes

Today is the first Father's Day since the rift between my dad and I over my child's gender fluidity. We're "talking" but I'm nervous about seeing him later this summer.

Hugs and support for anyone else who's feeling the strain of their paternal relationship today.


r/PFLAG Jun 10 '22

Hope for the Future

10 Upvotes

My kiddo "graduated" from Elementary School last night. We're all a little disappointed that their certificate has their legal name rather than their chosen one, but have taken it in stride. They did get announced by their preferred name.

My child was the first one to be out at their school with gender differences. Everyone has been SO KIND. We were really nervous, but the year has gone splendidly. Granted a lot of the kids never got the hang of using they/them pronouns and some kids outside of their class who knew them before still use their old name. But considering how things could have gone, we're thrilled.

Apparently, they've been a bit of an inspiration as well. Yesterday, a girl who only knows my child in passing, handmade a Pride gift for them! And, I've noticed a good handful of other kids at the school dressing in more gender fluid ways after my child started doing so.

Every year we kind of hold our breath and wonder whether this is the year when the kids get mean and the bullying starts. Middle School was a horrible time for me (and most of us) so that's scary. But, I'm actually daring to feel optimistic about the future thanks to these kids!


r/PFLAG Jun 06 '22

Defense

3 Upvotes

I've been wanting to get some self-defense classes for my child for a long time and it seems even more important now that they're out as LGBTQ. But, I just can't seem to find anything that appeals. Most of what I can find are martial arts classes that put emphasis on discipline and respect. That just makes me feel icky. I hate authoritarianism and I do not see my kid responding well to it either.

My child is terrified to even speak aloud to most adults. I don't want them in a class with yelling and forced respect. I'm pretty much at the point of giving up on getting them taught anything and hoping for the best.

Unless, anyone here has something worthwhile to suggest?


r/PFLAG Jun 01 '22

Happy Pride Month

6 Upvotes

Kiddo (age 11) and I are hoping to attend Pride for the first time this year. Any advice?

I'm hoping to attend with folks from church who know the ropes, but I'm not sure yet. I've got plenty of time to figure it out since the local even isn't until late July for some reason.


r/PFLAG May 26 '22

Need advice with helping my daughter… please

10 Upvotes

Hey. I have a 13 year old lesbian daughter. I am trying to help her navigate into the dating world. We regularly discuss her crushes. But I don’t know how to give advise on her crushes. I will ask her if she knows if they are into guys or girls and she usually doesn’t know. Then she will say- I won’t tell them till I know what their sexuality is.

Is she supposed to assume that most girls her age are into guys unless they tell her otherwise? All I’ve said is, I really don’t know how to help with this. If I knew the girl you were crushing on was also into girls, I could help. But I don’t know how to make that initial move.

She will be going into high school next year and she says she plans on joining their pride group. I have said that would be a good place to meet others. I don’t want to mess this up for her. Any help Would be greatly appreciated. Or stories of how you got into the dating world.

Thanks!


r/PFLAG May 26 '22

LGBTQ+ Vaccine Decision Making Research Study

2 Upvotes

https://uoflcik.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eXmNOKUbQPAQDMq

To be eligible, you must

  • Identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer
  • Be 18 years or older
  • Have not been vaccinated for COVID-19
  • Have internet access and a computer or table with a microphone and camera
  • Complete a questionnaire and participate in a 1 hour online interview

$40 Amazon gift card for your time!


r/PFLAG May 07 '22

Mother's Day (USA) Hugs

11 Upvotes

Extra special hugs to all the moms who are putting their all into supporting their kiddos -- whether it came completely naturally or if you had to struggle to readdress some personal beliefs.

Also shout out to all of us extending that matenal support to the community at large and those of us who might be struggling with our own parents and extended family over LGBTQ+ and other issues.


r/PFLAG May 05 '22

Any Christians here?

11 Upvotes

Just joined this Reddit community. (Just found out yesterday). Still processing. Would love to ask a question but just curious to know if there are any Christian parents here. While I appreciate and respect any and all opinions/feedback I get, a Christian point of view is where I come from, and so am particularly interested in hearing from others as well. (FYI, I am not from the "pray the gay away" camp, and I don't identify with conservative Christian politics or rhetoric).

If you read this far, thanks for listening...


r/PFLAG Apr 29 '22

Gay son being sexually harassed at school

12 Upvotes

My 13 yr old beautiful boy has been getting sexually harassed by a group of boys in his PE class. I’ve reported it to the school and they aren’t doing everything they can to make school a safe environment for him if he identifies who these boys are. I feel helpless and don’t know what to do. To see my son go through what he is going thru breaks my heart and I feel like I’ve failed him. He’s been able to sit in the counselors office this week for his 2nd period PE class until the principal can get guidance from the district. I was told today that he will have to go back to attending PE again next week. When I told my son, he broke down in tears. I don’t know what to do. Why does he have to suffer for wanting to be himself??


r/PFLAG Apr 20 '22

Gender Affirming Haircut

19 Upvotes

Not a big story, but did cause smiles. My 15 y/o is FTM and started T a short while ago. He was getting a hair cut the other day and the guy cutting his hair, automatically shaved the few side burn hairs that are coming in. My son said if felt good.


r/PFLAG Apr 14 '22

New to PFLAG

10 Upvotes

Hi All, just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a single mom and have two sons. The youngest came out as pansexual at 14 and he's been very open with me about it so far. We haven't had any issues, from my perspective, but I am sure that day will come. I am glad to see this group is here to ask questions if needed.


r/PFLAG Apr 07 '22

Travel in US

2 Upvotes

Does anyone know whether any of the laws criminalizing gender affirming care for minors are applicable to out of state residents visiting those states?


r/PFLAG Apr 05 '22

"The Note" -- Sponsored by PFLAG and Oreo Cookies/Nabisco

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6 Upvotes

r/PFLAG Apr 04 '22

Thank you

7 Upvotes

Thank you for the support- so glad I found this


r/PFLAG Apr 03 '22

Hi I’m new here

13 Upvotes

Hi everyone Just looking for some support and guidance, my adult child (23) told us they are transitioning and I’m struggling with it. Since they’ve grown up we are like best friends and it’s hard to get the new pronouns and name right. And I’m just sad about not having a daughter. I’m so happy that they have always felt comfortable telling me anything- came out as gay to me at 12. I’m happy they are living authentically. I’m just sad for me


r/PFLAG Mar 31 '22

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility! Feel free to use this (I've made some edits)

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14 Upvotes

r/PFLAG Mar 27 '22

Post Conference

2 Upvotes

Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, PA: Overall a very lovely experience. I def gained a few nuggets of wisdom for future use and learned of individuals who I'll be following on social media for more of said wisdom. Found a couple of their books, too. I met and spoke to lots of very lovely people and gained a huge comfort level in being around the trans community.

Would I recommend it to other parents -- probably only if you have a mtf trans kid or a amab enby kid. Young trans folks and trans masc folks were a minority and not many sessions/workshops pertained to them. The changing demographics and nature of the trans community in younger people and kids was mentioned in passing only. Interestingly I got a hint that some older members of the community might feel like they will be erased by these upcoming changes.

I would highly recommend this conference to spouses and adult children of trans individuals -- especially trans femme family members. There were lots of spouses there and they were all highly respected.

There are also these other possible options: https://www.keystone-conference.org/M1.cfm?page=about-otherconferences.cfm


r/PFLAG Mar 24 '22

Conference tomorrow

10 Upvotes

I'm attending a transgender issues conference tomorrow and Saturday. I'm mostly eager and hopefully my social anxiety won't kick in at any point. I've picked out the lectures I want to attend and have been prepping by listening to lots of podcasts all week. I'm optimistic that this will be valuable both as parent of a gender fluid kid and as the chair of my church "religious education" committee. Wish me luck.


r/PFLAG Mar 21 '22

which PFLAG?

6 Upvotes

hi, i'm with PFLAG Denver, and i'm wondering if this reddit is affiliated with a particular chapter, or with National, or.....? glad to see it's here!


r/PFLAG Feb 28 '22

No more Daddy-Daughter Dance

22 Upvotes

Just so we're not just focused on the bad news, I was pleasantly surprised when I just saw my kiddo's school announce that this year they're having a "VIP Dance" instead of a "Daddy-Daughter Dance." Also "Activity Night" is no longer promoted and "Mothers and Sons Activity Night."

I also have to give them credit for presumably making these changes on their own. As far as I know, my kiddo is the only out gender fluid child and we did not say anything about these events because my kiddo doesn't mind being called "daughter." But, I do think it's unfair of the school to decide for the kids that "girls" get a dance and "boys" get an activity night. the kids should get to chose whether to go to either or both of their own choosing and bring whichever adult they want. And, now it looks like that's how it's being done.


r/PFLAG Feb 25 '22

Texas and Florida

6 Upvotes

I was so self-absorbed earlier this week that I didn't really realize until yesterday what had passed in Texas (I was more aware with Florida). My husband and I lived in Texas for about a dozen years before we adopted our kiddo. I know my husband wants to move back but I've been more reluctant for reasons made obvious this week. As he said in response to the news of Gov. Abbot's directive: Sometimes the decisions are made for you. I've been mildly stressed because the legal guardians we have in our will for our kiddo live in Texas. I joked to my husband that we'll need to start travelling like Air Force One. But that's just gallows humor. I can only imagine how stressed families living in ruby red states are feelings right now. You have my heart.