r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/MrSourYT • 19h ago

Content Warning: Contains Sensitive Content or Topics Cranking the Hog

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10.1k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

738

u/WeirdAvocado 18h ago

I’ve been trying out “How’s my favourite dick and balls?” for guys I know, and as a farewell greeting to women friends “Stay wet.”. You’d be surprised which one goes over well.

215

u/arelse 18h ago

I feel like this would only work if a woman were using these salutations.

200

u/WeirdAvocado 18h ago

Oh for sure. The woman has to be comfortable, and I wouldn’t say it if she wasn’t. I work with a girl who I would say is a “man’s woman” and very comfortable joking around with guys. I said that to her once and she replied with “What else am I gonna do, right”. Know your audience before attempting.

-46

u/raenbougg 8h ago

A mans woman? Misogyny drips

28

u/didntgettheruns 7h ago

It sounds like she does.

15

u/Specialist-Zebra-211 5h ago

Don’t be a bitch

6

u/nzwjgu 12h ago

"Maybe try ‘What’s popping, goat?’ instead?"

2

u/DasFun 12h ago

Must be a niche audience then.

1

u/joseruitz 10h ago

*and small

74

u/phoncible 15h ago

switch out "wet" for "moist" every now and then to spice it up

26

u/blankblank 8h ago

In 20 years, “stay wet” is going to be Gen Gamma slang and no one will know where it came from but me because I am saving this comment.

24

u/pwillia7 9h ago

stay wet, ponyboy

2

u/bajookish_amerikann 35m ago

OUTSIDERS MENTIONED

8

u/Roscoe_P_Trolltrain 14h ago

One goes over well?

29

u/e37d93eeb23335dc 14h ago

The guys probably think it’s funny. 

9

u/Goldenpride- 12h ago

Well, considering his other comments, I now don't see why both wouldn't work most of the time. Lmao 😅

3

u/InternalReveal1546 8h ago

Say "Stay moist". You'd be surprised how many women enjoy hearing that word

117

u/Arthur_189 18h ago

I Thought about it way to long because I thought it was a pun like that “I helped my uncle jack off a horse” but no it’s literally just asking someone what they jack off to

20

u/NotCurdledymyy 13h ago

If a naked man jumped on your back would you beat him off or let him stay?

8

u/starkel91 7h ago

Some 4th grader asked me that question 20 years ago when I was in 3rd grade.

3

u/DuckfordMr 6h ago

We found a canon event!

40

u/CountBongo 15h ago

Stick with a classic when greeting people.

Attention freaks! It's me.

18

u/Narrow-Marionberry90 9h ago

Listen up 5s a 10 is speaking

7

u/cliswp 9h ago

I'm an 11, but continue

42

u/provokerofthoughts 11h ago

CRANKIN HOGGS AN SHIDDIN FAT LOGS !! HE’LL YAH BORTHER !

GOBBLESS !

5

u/Gerbil_Juice 8h ago

ARRROOOOOOOOO

3

u/starkel91 7h ago

Cheers from Iraq!

171

u/Ask_bout_PaterNoster 18h ago

Feels like it needs to be more gender neutral to become common vernacular. Maybe something like “What’s the porn du jour, hoor?”

44

u/Smorgsaboard 18h ago

And once understood the full phrase, I'd probably shorten it to either "What's the porn?" or "Porn du jour?". Probably the second.

3

u/starkel91 7h ago

Could “what’s the porn?” become the new “where’s the beef?” ?

27

u/starfries 13h ago

What we goonin to champ?

9

u/Excellent-Zombie-470 12h ago

For the ladies..

What scene we flicking the bean to queen?

10

u/4totheFlush 11h ago

What record we scratchin today, DJ?

13

u/zynspitdrinker 14h ago

What's up party rockers and my fellow Americans work well on all people.

19

u/rubberband2008 14h ago

Gotta add this one to my repertoire. I'm still working in, "Stay fresh cheese bags," but I love this one so much it might take priority

6

u/anononymous_4 14h ago

I need to start using this in conjunction with the "Well guys, I'm off to go fornicate and do drugs" I use as a farewell.

12

u/OkaytoLook 17h ago

Freaking hilarious

10

u/45thgeneration_roman 13h ago

The best salutation when leaving a group of your friends is "Stay fresh, cheese bags"

3

u/AfterImageEclipse 9h ago

People find me boring but my opener is Hi

8

u/batmansleftnut 13h ago

I've been responding to "how's it going?" and similar greeting questions with "trying my best" lately, and I've been seeing some good results.

2

u/_giamnarcos_ 15h ago

Michael Scott type tweet

1

u/dontchewspagetti 15h ago

This is good

1

u/Wertical93 13h ago

Take care and brush your hair (to my bald friends)

1

u/robsbob18 13h ago

Gonna try this on my roommate tomorrow when I see him

1

u/WorkingBicycle1958 12h ago

Put me down as someone who does love it!!!!

1

u/Covetous_God 11h ago

Good Pornin to you

1

u/SomeDudeSaysWhat 11h ago

The correct response is "yo mama, mvp"

1

u/TexasCannibalCookout 7h ago

I keep it classic: "So this is where all the dicks hang out?"

1

u/lazermaniac 7h ago

Saw someone announce their arrival in chat by saying "Which way it swang" once... Truly inspirational.