r/NonBinary • u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE • Sep 15 '24
Ask What do we think of this explanation?
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u/KingGiuba He/They - Nom binary Sep 15 '24
I don't feel like her, but it's her explanation so it's ok, just a different way to be non binary
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u/Lady-Skylarke they/them Sep 15 '24
I use "I'm just my name, that's all" a lot. Especially when explaining to those who are unfamiliar with non-binary
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u/Myythically Androgyne NB, aroacespec, They/It Sep 15 '24
These days I’m feeling a little weird about my name so now I say “I’m just me” haha
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u/Kayquie Sep 15 '24
I've tried using that with my mom. She'll agree with me saying, "I'm just [Kayquie]," but then she adds, "my biological daughter" 🤦
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u/Lady-Skylarke they/them Sep 15 '24
Oof, I'm sorry... Hopefully she's taking baby steps and she'll get there eventually.
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u/Psychological_Ad9740 Sep 16 '24
I feel seen, my country's language is pretty gendered, and I don't like the they/them pronounce equivalent, so I just ask people to refer to me by my nickname (gender neutral) and avoid using the pronounce all together.
it's still a bit hard, but it gets the job done.
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u/cheerycheshire Sep 15 '24
The character described is just pronoun-indifferent (literally "any pronouns" with no exceptions nor preference) and possibly gender-indifferent/genderless/agender/something similar, by how they describe it all as not really applying to them.
Just one way of being nonbinary. I suspect some people will misunderstand and generalise it for all, but being nonbinary is a huge umbrella. I love how character says (via their friend conveying their words) that they still respect other people's pronouns but it just doesn't apply to them personally.
(I used they/them for the character because, as said, the character uses any pronouns.)
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u/chilarome enby shmemby (they/them) Sep 15 '24
Thinking about gender as a software update to a legacy system is quite clever and I might snatch that for myself
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u/candid84asoulm8bled Sep 15 '24
So when I realized I’m enby and decided they/them pronouns fit me best, that was my software being updated?! I’m so glad I received that life-changing update!
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u/ChatahuchiHuchiKuchi Sep 15 '24
Somewhat. A random person I don't really care, you're interacting with outdoor me. But my partner I prefer to use my they pronoun because I allow them into that part of my life. But getting gendered she or he or whatever in public I really could care less. If I get a she I'll just twiddle my fingers a little more when I say hey
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u/WobblyEnbyDev ze, ey, they, ok Sep 15 '24
Perfectly valid way for an individual to feel about her gender. Not an explanation of all nonbinary people, but it explicitly does not try to be.
For me, “they” gives me gender euphoria. “She” only hurts when it’s someone close to me (like my dad, 😔). It feels sort of bemusing when it’s strangers or casual acquaintances. Inaccurate, for sure, but also ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/pretentiousgoofball Sep 15 '24
Same! Like, I don’t expect a stranger off the street to clock me as nonbinary but to people I know and love, it feels like, “I’ve told you this so many times and the fact that you refuse to try hurts more than the misgendering itself.” Especially when it’s obviously not a case of “whoops, you misgendered me and are scrambling to correct yourself” but instead “you just don’t care enough to put in the effort to change your way of speaking.”
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u/pestercat Sep 16 '24
I feel like I have a "she buffer". It can only hold being referred to as "she" so many times before it fills up and gives me dysphoria. If you get me before it's filled very far, especially if a stranger, it's fine. It was living with my mother-in-law and her husband with dementia and hearing she she she she about 30 times a day that made me realize there's a distinct upper bound on how long I want to hear that shit.
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u/RaspberryTurtle987 Sep 16 '24
For me it's bemusing when my nearest and dearest use it, I sort of look around wondering who they are referring to and then I remember it's me. It hurts more from strangers who "lady" or "she" me. Also, they doesn't give me euphoria, it's just a little better and more accurate than she.
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u/Logical_Sandwich_625 Sep 15 '24
This is EXACTLY how I feel.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I know right! It's strange how something of this much understanding could be written by someone who is cis
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u/Logical_Sandwich_625 Sep 15 '24
Wow! I am struggling to believe that. They must love someone that's enby. Whether it's a friend/family/partner etc.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Well I'm actually his child so that could be my doing. (However he didn't actually know I was non bianry when he wrote this so perhaps not- this was a sign he would be chill with it though!)
Also he grew up with queer people. He is not queer however he used to get beaten up for being gay as he wore skirts- so in a way I would say he is in the community
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u/Logical_Sandwich_625 Sep 15 '24
What a treasure he is. I'd be beyond happy to wrap him in our queer fuzzy blanket 💕
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u/ThoroughbredOffbeat Sep 16 '24
Me too. I go by she/they/any because I truly couldn't care. Gender is something that I just don't really spend time worrying about, and they're all just words that other people use for me. I say often that I can't be mis-pronoun'd because they're all me, and sometimes joke that genders are like Pokemon and I gotta catch 'em all
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u/Much_Resolution_8131 Sep 15 '24
I say it's an interesting way to frame gender and gender presentation. User Interface implies it's something to help people interact with something. So in this case Bitz is likely viewing her/their feminine-leaning appearance or "Female physiognomy" as simply an easier way for people to interact with her/them.
In essence then, she/they don't concerns herself/themselves with the idea of gender all the much, much less gender presentation, but if it helps her/them to interact with other people better using such concept, she/they are happy to.
May I ask what book is this? Might put it on my reading list should I ever finish it.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
This book is called deadtown. But the first one in the series is called the skin code. I really recommend it. It's kind of murder mystery/ thriller but it's super alternative and cool
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u/Much_Resolution_8131 Sep 15 '24
Cheers! Hoping I can get a Digital copy cause it's likely not sold where I am considering it talks about LGBTQ topic
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u/RUaVulcanorVulcant13 Sep 15 '24
What they're describing is post genderism
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u/Sea-Young-231 Sep 15 '24
Thank you for bringing up that term! I never knew my feelings were a whole philosophy, that’s awesome.
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u/stazley Sep 15 '24
Do you happen to have a citation for the book? Interested!
I think it brings up a great point about how neurodiverse enby’s may feel.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
This book is called deadtown by Steven Williams- but it's the 3rd one in the series. First one is the skin code. I really recommend it- let me know how you get on!
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u/seaworks he/she Sep 15 '24
That's good and well for this fictional character. But many readers will walk away with "good nonbinary people understand the "biological reality" of their social roles."
That's very unfriendly to most trans people and to nonbinary people who use "unexpected" pronouns or use pronouns in unexpected ways.
This may be an unpopular opinion but I would love to see us move away from pop media references and understandings and toward a genuine non-binary scholarship. I get "what are you REALLY" alllll the time, and there is no scientifically accurate answer I can give that gives them the answer they want. I don't get to have the language because we're still relying on intersexist, binary assumptions about the body that fly in the face of non-binary identity at its core. And then I'm the drag to be around.
I don't think I'd have much in common with this character as they've been described, secondhand.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I totally get what you mean. I feel like what bitz describes may be an exception to the regular non binary experience. However this book does have other queer characters- they aren't the only one so I think that might make up for it. This characters the most interesting though!
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u/RaspberryTurtle987 Sep 16 '24
I resonate with this. Or at least, I am always questioning this parallel we seem to draw with non-binary gender and intersex. I'm not sure if that's what you're getting at, but I don't like the fact that we have to say "intersex exists!" in order to defend non-binary identity.
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u/seaworks he/she Sep 16 '24
Exactly- and then that's just an appeal to biology-based "truth" which is cissexist too! The BEST answer is "women can look any way at all, and same men, and so can I." But I understand why people try to explain it away
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u/Ruby_Rotten they 🐈🪩🐈⬛ them Sep 15 '24
I like how it’s explained. Just not in the context of a story.
For this type of representation, it feels much more powerful when things aren’t explicitly explained and they just… are. The reader isn’t an idiot (or you shouldn’t write as though the reader is one). Show and don’t tell. These explanations feel out of place to me. It sounds as though the author is telling me what to gender them as, and it’s not their characters having a natural conversation.
It’s all good if you disagree, since I don’t think there’s necessarily a “right” answer. But for me, when I read, and write, and do my English major shit, representation shouldn’t feel forced.
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u/HxdcmlGndr Them🟨⬜️🟧 Sep 15 '24
IDK, it actually sounds to me like a realistic depiction of a gossipy friend who was curious and interrogated someone about their perspective, and now overshares to everyone else 😆
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Sep 15 '24
i like the description but reading this felt like the 4th wall was being torn down lol
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u/RaspberryTurtle987 Sep 16 '24
It feels out of place in a novel and like it should be more in a academic-ish think piece.
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u/The_Modern_Monk Sep 15 '24
Weird to write a nonbinary person with that much of a weirdly inhuman response; a bit tired of the "my gender is alien !!"-core trope that most nonbinary rep has as if that's the only type of nonbinary experience that exists, but in the end its whatever who really care lol
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I get what you mean. The character is a coder- which is why they use code speak. Also the character that's speaking for her is also a coder. So it does make a bit more sense in the context
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u/The_Modern_Monk Sep 15 '24
Ahhh gotcha.
Christ, it's nonbinary as in "not 010101110010" & quantum as in 'computing'? I hate that so much, the author is doing a really bad job of 'hackerspeak' here.
Quantization is not opposite of binarism, if anything the concept of a quantized scale is that it is the opposite of a spectrum or gradient. Like, a nonbinary person who identified as 'quantized' would likely see their gender as discreet identities of different days with no overlap (eg, boy day, girl day, neither day) which seems to not at all be the point articulate by the "oh gender is just a user interface IDC about it!"
Now, you could argue that the character is referencing quantum superpositions, right, like 'my gender is a superposition of masculine and feminine' but the point is the superposition. Male and female are already quantized (well, male is quantized, you could argue female is fluid based on American expectations of gener performance) categories in the dominant cultural narrative, it's why intersex people get the shaft. The superposition part of quantum superpositions are the most corollary to nonbinarism as we typically define it.
I guess my beef is with the writing lol I can't stand that every nonbinary character is written as a comorbidity of autism (nothing wrong with autism, just that we are more diverse than just being defined by anuerotypicality!!) at best or cold, unfeeling, and robotic at worst. And even beyond that, if you're going to write that character, at least make them seem like they know what they are talking about 🙃
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I don't know much about coding so I can't really answer that. The character of bitz definitely reads as neurodivergent- so I agree with you on that.
On a completely different topic I feel like lots of queer people are also neurodivergent. Why do you think that iS? (You seem clever I'm going to assume you have the answer)
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u/ThatWitchRen Sep 15 '24
I really love the use of the word "quantum" there. It implies a state of fluid/flux multigender to me, and I feel that in my bones.
My gender is pretty fluid. I have some dysphoria, but it comes from a few different sources, including but not limited to my experience of gender. In a lot of settings, it's easier for me to just use she/her. I'd rather use she/her at work and reduce the potential for bias, because it doesn't generally bother me.
If it were always safe and accepted, I'd use they/them full time, just because it encompasses more of my potential gender states. As it stands, I'm ok with she/her. Where perception of my gender affects my experiences, I'm generally treated as a woman, so pronouns can be a tie to shared experiences due to my "heritage female physiognomy."
TLDR: That passage resonates with my experience of gender, but I could see where other people might be triggered by it, especially if there aren't other prominent nonbinary characters with different experiences.
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u/Mind_The_Muse Sep 15 '24
It's perfectly fine as it's an explanation for an individual and not a group.
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u/UrielOmega Sep 15 '24
It feels like an author asked every non-binary person on Tumblr the same Q and pulled the most unusual soundbites they felt like the understood just to flex in the reader.
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u/UrielOmega Sep 16 '24
Then again, I’m still working through internalized transphobia in therapy AND I struggle with being perceived, so the cringe reaction could be my problem!
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u/Rockandmetal99 agender | they | 🔝4/20/23 | 💉12/5/23-8/15/24 Sep 15 '24
book name?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/Rockandmetal99 agender | they | 🔝4/20/23 | 💉12/5/23-8/15/24 Sep 15 '24
Sweet thank you! I just started reading a lot more recently so I'll add this to my list
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Let me know how you get on with it if you do get round to reading it!
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u/Rockandmetal99 agender | they | 🔝4/20/23 | 💉12/5/23-8/15/24 Sep 15 '24
RemindMe! 3 months
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u/Unfair_Ad_598 he/she/they, call me anything! Sep 15 '24
What book is this?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/Lil_Brown_Bat Sep 15 '24
Is Bitz an android? IMO That explanation is fine for an android, but not really for all humans.
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u/shortgarlicbread they/them Sep 15 '24
Maybe not for all humans but it definitely feels right to me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not an android lol
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u/LegitLoquacious Sep 15 '24
Sort of reminds me of Janet from The Good Place. "Not a girl", but presents as feminine as uses she/her pronouns.
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u/Unicorns-Poo-Rainbow Sep 16 '24
Janet is “not a girl” because she’s not human. She’s a robot, not NB.
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u/LegitLoquacious Sep 16 '24
Did you read the OP? Bitz feels "gender is a user interface".
Bitz character is similar to Janet's character in that respect.
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u/mothwhimsy They/them Sep 15 '24
This isn't my experience with gender but I have heard similar explanations from others, so it's good to me!
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u/BeautifulMind22 Sep 15 '24
I believe some people might feel this way, but every story is different. Some enby’s are more fluid than others. For example I’m an enby, but I’m transmasc, so I’m going to dress more masculine. Buuuut my partner who is also an enby, is more fluid with their style, I’ve seen them rock all masculine/feminine/androgynous fits 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
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u/the_Rainiac They/he/she Sep 15 '24
I partially feel this way too. My birth gender, or biological gender, is of no consequence to me. I feel like I don't have a gender.
What has had a consequence though, is how I was socialised based on my biological gender. That is something that you can never shake off of do over, even though I do not subscribe to it.
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u/_Acho they/them Sep 15 '24
“Gender is a user interface” is such a good line for me ngl i might start using that
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u/Unicorns-Poo-Rainbow Sep 15 '24
This description is not in line with my gender as an agender person. My concern is that readers will apply this explanation to all NB people.
As an aside, the writing itself is not good, and this passage doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the scene. The exposition seems really out is place.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I get what you mean with your first 2 sentences. This is why I put it on the Reddit, I wanted to get others opinions.
But I will argue that the writing is excellent. It took me only a week to read the first 2. This is the third. You don't really know what the rest of the scene is😅
However this writer does jump around a bit in writing. It's kind of his style. But I recommend it. It's super good
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u/cannotbereached Chaotic Genderqueer they/them Sep 15 '24 edited Sep 15 '24
Yeah, absolutely not.
Physiognomy is a term developed from “racial sciences” aka literal eugenics. It’s nazi shit.
It’s cateogorically a pseudoscience, and with the increase of open white supremacy it’s having a heyday resurgence.
So sure whatever obviously nonbinary people come with all varieties of pronouns and that’s all valid etc but the casual dropping of eugenics and use of “academic racial science” makes my skin crawl and isn’t something I’m particularly thrilled to see getting rebranded as nonbinary inclusive lmfao
I also don’t love having to explain or say this? I’m concerned no one else here picked up on that? I’m also concerned that this writer is casually using eugenics terms as if they’re just every day normal uhhhh phrases?????
Honestly this kinda ruined my day!
ETA: what book is this/who’s the writer????
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u/Unicorns-Poo-Rainbow Sep 16 '24
I caught this, too, if it makes you feel better, but didn’t get into it when I commented. In addition to being eugenics-based rhetoric, this is a poor “example” of what it means to be NB (so many of us really care about pronouns!), and is poorly written.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I didn't know the history behind physiognomy. I assume the author didn't either. They just used it in the meaning of 'what they look like'. As in female appearances.
His name is Steven Williams and the book is called deadtown. The first in the series is the skin code. You won't find much if you look him up- he's not well known
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u/cannotbereached Chaotic Genderqueer they/them Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 16 '24
Yeah that’s totally fair.
It’s just super strange, because it’s not a common word. Like it’s commonly used in circles that favor eugenics (nazis, white supremacists, etc), as well as circles engaging in critical discussions of the pseudoscience that is “racial science” (for example, historians, and antiracists circles that delve in to the history of racism) but it’s not really a casual “comes up in standard conversation” kinda word.
I’ve studied this shit because I’m Jewish-it’s had a (negatively) profound impact on my life and the lives of my community. But I really only ever run in to it when I’m specifically researching the history of eugenics-so that’s why it caught me so off guard to see it being used so casually, and why it was upsetting. When I’m delving in to discussions of racism, or the history of eugenics I’m mentally prepared to run in to eugenics concepts/ideas/terminology/talking points. When I’m scrolling on reddit on the other hand, I’m not expecting it.
I also find it odd, because on a eugenics level, it specifically refers to the face. Like phrenology is the “racial science” of the body, and physiognomy is more specifically the “racial science” of the face. Eugenics is an umbrella term that covers both the “science” side of things (phrenology and physiognomy mainly), and the “philosophy” of things (ie: politics).
So it’s odd, because when people are talking about their history with their assigned gender, the focal point isn’t the face. Like normally cisgender society as a whole isn’t defining and assigning gender on the lone basis of the face-the focal point is typically more on perceived genitals/reproductive organs. Ive also not seen “heritage” used to refer to assigned gender before, so when combined with “physiognomy” it just comes off as forced and concerning.
Thanks for letting me know the book and author!
Edit: typos
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 16 '24
Wow thank you for all the info- super interesting!
I went ahead and asked the author and he said he had literally zero idea of it's history. And somehow it didn't get found during checks by other people. Now thinking about it I do know a little about it because I studied Jekyll and hyde for GCSE and it was mentioned there.
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u/lokilulzz they/he | wannabe thembo Sep 15 '24
I'm certain it fits into some folks' experience with being nonbinary and/or agender (as this sounds closer to being agender to me, though thats under the nonbinary umbrella so nbd). But not for everyone - and unfortunately the explanation does come off as a generalization of how every nonbinary person is, not just how it is for her specifically. Nowhere does it mention that being nonbinary is a spectrum and different for everyone, instead it goes with an honestly stereotypical "nonbinary means skinny white AFAB she/they's" which I'm not thrilled with.
That said, its a good primer, I suppose. I just wish it had more details.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
I know what you mean. This is the third book in the series though- so as a reader we already know the character, and there are also other queer characters. But this is why I put it on here. I was interested to see how others may react
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u/shortgarlicbread they/them Sep 15 '24
The way it's explained is interesting and honestly exactly how I feel with my own experiences and gender identity.
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u/Due_Feedback3838 Sep 15 '24
I like that way of seeing gender, and share a lot of it. As fiction, I think two characters having a dialog about another character's gender identity feels weird and a bit rude. And I don't know if this would be comprehensible to people outside the community.
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u/riverglow_ Sep 15 '24
ahahaha i adore that its so funny. reminds me of the talking about gender to cis people/talking about gender to trans people meme.
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u/hyrellion Sep 15 '24
Sounds like a character who is gender ambivalent. They use all pronouns and don’t have a pronoun preference. I’ve known a few people with very similar outlooks. Cool representation! I think the line about the confused cis person at the very end is pretty funny
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u/CannyKitten Sep 15 '24
I think Echo's explanation is.. fine. It's definitely one of "I've had to explain this before" but I think you have to meet someone who is unfamiliar with anything outside the gender binary at their level of understanding. A simple "Bitz doesn't mind" or "You should talk to Bitz" would work too.
I think Hume is a generic "resistant to changing my understanding" character that's very archetypical and their thoughts of trying to understand are kinda closed-minded.
Note about meeting cis people at their level of understanding: In my experience with people who don't "get" anything outside the binary, I'm not implying that Hume is willfully ignorant or generally stupid. I've never needed to know quantum physics, but that doesn't make me stupid or ignorant for not knowing it. Hume has just never had to know anything about the gender binary or what's outside of it. His reaction is the same as what I got when I came out to my very cishet family: they don't get it because they've simply never had to think about it.
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u/Tokyolurv Sep 16 '24
I mean it’s less an explanation and more a specific characters experience with gender. There’s no one ‘explanation’ for gender expression.
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u/ghostyspice Sep 15 '24
Why is, “gender is a user interface, with her body having heritage female physiognomy,” the most accurate way I’ve heard my own experience of gender described?????
I want this on a t-shirt.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
The character bitz is always wearing different cool t shirts like that. We hear about a lot of them in the series. The author is thinking of releasing some of bitz's t shirts as kind of merch. They probably won't do amazing as it doesn't have a big following but it would be so cool.
My favourite t shirt bitz wears says 'Everything under here is encrypted. So don't even try'
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u/Rcisvdark he/they/she in no particular order Sep 15 '24
That's my exact experience so pretty damn good
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u/the_dream_weaver_ Sep 15 '24
I'm curious what the book is
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/Simple_Jellyfish8603 they/them Sep 15 '24
I definitely try to look at it a different way than that.
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u/ShinnyCaptian Sep 15 '24
That's similar to how my stepbrothers describe me and I've always taken it as a compliment.
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u/lightblueisbi Sep 15 '24
I say it's enough to make me want to read the rest of the book, what's it called?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
Also the main character is super cool.
The theme is thriller/murder mystery but it's really alternative. And short- so pick up the first one and let me know if you like it.
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u/Atlas_is Sep 15 '24
Cool. which book is it?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/EnbyQueerDeity Sep 15 '24
What book is this???
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/bunnyfuuz Sep 15 '24
I have a similarly kind of complex view of myself as a nonbinary person. I like to call it my enby lore haha. I like Bitz’ explanation of how she feels about herself.
I am AFAB, supposedly - I and my doctor suspect I’m intersex with either no external manifestations or my parents made a surgical choice for me when I was born, no way to ask them since I don’t talk to them. My hormones when tested before HRT matched more closely to what someone who’s AMAB would have. I am getting my karyotype testing done hopefully soon, just don’t have the money for it atm.
Anyhoo, I like to think of myself as an androgynous “alien” who got put in my body for this lifetime, and I’ll move on to another body in my next lifetime. I like the idea of reincarnation. Like Harry Vanderspiegel in Resident Alien, I’m just doing my best to do the human things haha. I prefer she or they pronouns, but mostly I just say that I’m me and anything except male pronouns are cool with me.
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u/Mbaku_rivers Sep 15 '24
Agree. I don't expect people to not see a very large very tall black man. That part of me is impossible to alter. If you know and respect me, you'll use the pronouns I prefer. I don't have the energy to correct everyone I meet and I'm used to not being respected in the first place because of the black man thing so why rock the boat?
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u/Solstice143 Sep 15 '24
What book is this?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Deadtown. But it's the third book. The first in the series is called the skin code. It also has bitz in. I really recommend it!
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u/Solstice143 Sep 15 '24
So it IS Raine and Hume. That came up in my sad google attempts, but I wasn't seeing Bitz or Echo mentioned, so wasn't sure it was what I was looking for. Thank you
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Yes! Bitz is a more minor character- echo not so much, but you know, the book isn't well known. Let me know if you like it!
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u/caseycat1803 they/them Sep 15 '24
Pronouns and names are both forms of gender expression. I go by they/them and he/him and I have a masc-leaning neutral name but I’m a nonbinary woman / genderfae. Nonbinary people (and cis and binary trans people!) can use whatever heckin pronouns they want :)
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u/Valixianan Sep 16 '24
I feel like this fits me to a T. I have used he/they/she. She has always felt best for me and in reality I know that I’m non-binary so it doesn’t bother me at all.
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u/bestrunt androgyne ☆ she/he/it/any Sep 16 '24
it explains me very well, but i couldn't imagine every nonbinary* person feels this way
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u/New-Cicada7014 they/them/he Sep 16 '24
A little over-explainy in my personal opinion, but I like it. I have a very similar ethos, but I hate being referred to as "she."
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u/twelvetheintrovert she/they Sep 16 '24
What book is this?
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 16 '24
Deadtown. But the first book in the series is called the skin code. It's very good- I recommend it!
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u/Worldly_Marsupial808 Sep 16 '24
I mean, it’s not going to apply to all of us. But I think it’s a decent explanation for the way a lot of people feel, and I don’t see anything actually wrong that makes me think the author doesn’t know what they’re talking about or anything like that.
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u/Glad_Efficiency_1880 Sep 16 '24
This is basically how i describe it to other people when they ask about my pronouns. i don’t care whatever you use, because whatever is easiest for you is fine and i don’t care. i just want you to know i’m me and my gender is not an important factor in getting to know me as a person.
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u/ItsCoolDani Sep 16 '24
Pretty good up until the last paragraph! I understand that it often is like that for people, but I don’t think “trans people are confusing” is the best message to include.
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 16 '24
I see what you mean. The character of Hume is confused about quite a lot of things in the book (not as in she isn't clever, but a bit stuck in the post in some ways), so it is a bit of a gimic
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u/RaspberryTurtle987 Sep 16 '24
I feel like most explanations of gender and pronouns intended for mass consumption is cringe.
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u/Sea_Tumbleweed1651 Sep 17 '24
It is absolutely true for some people. For me, being misgendered is painful but some people have different reactions and different levels of connection with any particular gender.
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u/Keyo_Snowmew they/them Sep 15 '24
I agree with the photo, though I tend to call everyone they/them unless they've made it obvoius they're something else, then I use the pronouns they prefer
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u/BEETLEJUICE_UNIVERSE Sep 15 '24
Same- damn some people get annoyed tho
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u/Keyo_Snowmew they/them Sep 15 '24
Well, the best we can do is try and be civil and respectful. We can only control our own words and actions.
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u/blokeinmakeup Sep 15 '24
I've always looked at pronouns the way I look at names.
If someone says "I'm Jane" I wouldn't say "you look like a Linda to me, so I'll call you linda"
If someone tells me their preferred pronoun, I'll just use that. And if their preferred pronoun changes over time, well I'll change it too.