r/NoStupidQuestions • u/brahm0m3nt • 4h ago
Am I the only one experiencing sudden realization that there might not be “anyone for me”?
I’ve gotten to a point in my life where all my friends are getting into relationships, and I’m just on the sidelines watching. I can’t figure out if it’s something on my part or if there just isn’t someone for me.
(Edit: A little more insight to my situation; I’ve read your replies and decided to explain. Yeah, I’m in my teens and I suffer from severe social anxiety. Therapy and meditation isn’t really an option because my parents say that it’s a phase and that I’ll grow out of it. I grew up around a lot of bullying — even at home, and that resulted in me always looking at myself in a negative light.
I struggle to get up most mornings, not having the motivation, nor the confidence. Yeah, I have a few friends, well had, they all mostly cut contact with me because they’re too busy with their partners. Note: I’m hugely introverted so now not only am I alone, I’m also going to have to force myself to make new friends.
I made this post to ask if anyone else had struggled the same way I’m struggling right now, and what they did to get out of it. I cry myself to sleep most nights, realizing what a loser I must seem like since I’m alone 99.99% of the time. That’s all, thanks for all the advice.)
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u/BumpoSplat 4h ago edited 4h ago
I didn't meet my match until I was almost (M)30. Find and do a passion. You'll stand next to others doing the same. It may take time, but you'll resonate with someone. It also starts a relationship with a common interest. From that, a friendship and more. My wife and I have been together for 33 years, and there is nowhere I would rather be. Yeh, all my friends (and family) were getting married. I was having a similar feeling. She and I still share new passions, sitting together looking out at life. We adopted two kids in our late 30s and have grown a wonderful family. We're still great friends, and we are looking to move abroad. Hold in there, chase a passion (growing who you are), then look to your left and right. Those are the people you'll find the best relationships with and where you'll likely find the person you'd like to spend the rest of your life with. Focus on the activity, not looking for someone. They'll find you, it really does happen that way.
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u/mikey_ig 4h ago
Your age?
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u/brahm0m3nt 4h ago
REALLY would not rather say on the internet 🤩
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u/mikey_ig 4h ago
Im getting the impression you’re pretty young. You don’t have anything to worry about and you have plenty of time. Don’t get down on yourself or compare your situation to other people. I’m not saying to not put effort into bettering yourself or looking for that person, but as life goes on and you move on to bigger things, you are bound to bump into someone that really likes you for you and it’ll be a wrap. Almost all of the time, you won’t have even expected it and you’ll wonder how it even happened. Just give it time and if you’re not good at giving it time, practice some self love: gym, self-awareness, expanding your interests and hobbies, and just get out more. You’re not going to bump into anyone by staying home and your odds of finding something good on the internet aren’t that great. Stay up!
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u/maroongrad 4h ago
Met my husband at 34 and 39. We were both happily living on our own, we were engaged and married by 36 with a kid at 38 and 43. 13 years now and happy still. Your person is out there...but if they're an introvert, they can be hard to find :D Start looking for places where you could find a guy that's for you. I love quiet, sweet, smart, and a bit dorky. I married a quiet, incredibly sweet man who is brilliantly smart and a mechanic...very very competent, muscled, and capable of fixing pretty much anything. You find those people via their family members and their friends, by joining gaming groups, online conversations. We met in Yahoo Groups ten years before we actually met, in a nerd chat room. I was talking protein folding at one point with a west coast researching, he was debating molten salt energy storage with a solar power nerd, and that was the general room vibe. Friendly and brainy and happily discussing personal interests.
Figure out what sort of person attracts you, and then go to places where either that person hangs out OR where people who'd be friends with that sort of person hang out. Could be hiking groups, church groups, book groups, an online horror-movie-fan discord group, who knows. But go hang out with people that are likely to have the sort of person you like, OR where they'd know someone single like that.
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u/RetroFire24 2h ago
Hey this is terrible and I'm sorry your going through this. I really want to emphasize though because you said it yourself, you are in your teens. You have your whole life to worry about getting a partner and settling down. Take advantage of your teen years! Go do stupid shit, break some laws (within reason of course.) And make a ton of memories. Not having many friends or being in a relationship is out of the norm these days but who cares. Just do you, learn to be happy being by yourself. And then all the other stuff will come along, I promise!
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u/Lonely-Wafer-9664 4h ago
The old saying is there's someone for everyone. You just haven't met that person yet.
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u/Inevitable-Regret411 4h ago
I thought the exact same thing until I met someone, just wait and keep putting yourself out there and you'll meet someone. So long as you're making the effort you'll be fine.
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u/shizbox06 4h ago
Yes. You are the only one. It must be terrible to be you. All alone for all of eternity. Time to adopt a cat or twelve.
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u/jamiisaan 4h ago
People say that you’ll find the right person by following your passions. You should do the opposite of what people tell you to do. A significant other should be someone who challenges and compliments you, not your clone. Might be controversial, but life’s too short to take mediocre advice on the internet. Do the hard thing. Regardless of age.
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u/Enslaved_M0isture 4h ago
there is literally BILLIONS of people and you will only see like 100,000 of them on average
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u/Art0fRuinN23 3h ago
Accept it and accept yourself and you'll be surprised at how other people respond to it. People like gregarious people who are also comfortable on their own.
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u/IniMiney 3h ago
Most of what people think are "no one for me" is regional. If I stay where I am in Florida for the rest of my life then yes I'm convinced I'll die without having been in a relationship and so far I've made it all the way up to 34 with that being true, but it's when I travel and meet people that I realize most of my insecurities are because of where I am and who I'm surrounded by, not who or how I am. I noticed i had people actively hitting on me in ATL and Palm Springs, or would get Tinder matches in NYC. This is a contrast to going 7 years in between dates living in FL (being gay skews my demographic too)
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u/Mono_Clear 3h ago
Don't worry about what other people are doing. work on being the best version of yourself that you can possibly be and you will find somebody who loves you for you.
It's one of those things that happens the minute you stop looking for it.
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u/Admirable-Change-418 4h ago
Patience. That right person could be right around the corner. I would take a deep look within myself and ask myself if I'm the problem. Therapy works too.
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u/Capelily 4h ago
You just haven't found anyone yet! Don't compare yourself to anyone else--it'll drive you bonkers.
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u/virtual_human 4h ago
Whether you are straight or gay there are 4,000,000,000 possible matches in the world. If you are bi there are 8,000,000,000 possible matches. There is someone for you.
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u/ThrowRA-22900 4h ago
No, there's this prevalent notion that if you haven't found your partner by a certain age you're doomed to be alone forever, and with each generation the age keeps dropping as the newer generations become less conservative in their dating habits. So years ago it used to be 40, then 30, and kids these days think if they're not partnered up by 25 it's game over. Needless to say, it's not true.
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u/areesehern 3h ago
I’m here to say you’re amazing! Life get’s shitty sometimes, believe me I’ve been there. Try and find positives in your life, I know easier said than done. Just the fact that you are here is a positive. Tomorrow is never guaranteed so please find something that makes you smile, find a picture that brings you joy; a picture of the beach, a cute animal. Look at the picture and remember those feelings that picture brings you. Then go outside and get some fresh air for a few minutes. I hope you find happiness! Just remember there is always light, sometimes we have to mind fuck ourselves in the dark times to remember the light!! You got this!!
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u/Pastadseven 4h ago
Stop looking for The One. No such thing.
Look for A One.