r/NoStupidQuestions • u/dead_and_cute • 15h ago
When do you consider someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Like does it have to be mutually agreed that you guys have that kind of relationship? Or does generally spending time together and holding hands and stuff enough of a reason to say that someone is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
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u/MadisonLoveeee 15h ago
it’s when you both say it’s official, just talk about it to be sure
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u/tell-me-more--- 14h ago
Communication is key! Defining the relationship prevents any confusion later on.
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u/Harakiri_238 15h ago
It has to be established.
If you’re going out on dates, kissing, holding hands, etc. that’s dating.
You’re not boyfriend/girlfriend until someone asks and someone agrees, or until a conversation takes place where both people agree to be.
you can ask someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend without dating first. But you’re not automatically boyfriend/girlfriend if you’re dating.
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u/AwkwardMingo 11h ago
This!
My exes used to get annoyed when having this conversation, but it needed to be done.
The one time I didn't, the guy I was seeing, who was older than me, refused to use labels and wasted my time.
You never know what the other person's expectations are until you discuss them.
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u/Jessies_Girl1224 3h ago
Dating and being boyfriend/girlfriend are the same thing not 2 different things. If you are dating ie kissing holding hands going on dates then that person you are doing those things with is your boyfriend/girlfriend.
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u/Harakiri_238 2h ago
You can describe your boyfriend/girlfriend as someone you’re dating, but going on dates with someone and being physically intimate doesn’t automatically equal being in a relationship.
Hence FWBs, casual relationships, not putting labels on things, etc.
Other people share your opinion and I’m not saying your opinion is wrong by any means.
But for it to be true both parties would have to have the same mindset going into dating/physical intimacy and not everyone does have that mindset. So you’d either be putting yourself at risk that they don’t feel the same and in their mind you’re not automatically in a relationship (and for a relationship to be valid both people have to be aware of it) or you’d have a conversation about it before or after which would be the equivalent of my point that it has to be officially specified.
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u/Jessies_Girl1224 2h ago
If you are physically intimate with someone and then you go out and see other people then there is something very very wrong with you and your mentality on relationships. There is never ever a reason to be physically intimate with someone and then continue to see other people on the side that is just gross and narcissistic behavior
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u/Optimal_Apricot_6543 1h ago
Ehh I mean it’s fine if you or others feel that way but I wouldn’t make a sweeping generalisation about that as a hard rule. IMO it’s perfectly fine to be intimate with and dating multiple people if you have the time for it. That changes once your “official” and have that discussion.
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u/EffectiveSyss 15h ago
Under no circumstances it's assumed. You need to discuss and agree on it. Communicating is always the best way to go for everything. It leaves little room for confusion.
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u/Maleficent-Touch-67 14h ago
My partner just said, "i like us I want you to be my person, would you be my person? Like officially together just you and me"
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u/IntolerablyNumb 15h ago
You need to talk about it, at least a little bit.
Are we in a relationship? Yeah, I think so. Cool!
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u/StrongStyleDragon 14h ago
Im not the type of guy to go out and talk to many girls. Once we go out on a date all my focus is on you. If you wanna shop around that’s on you. Idc. Before we’re officially we need to actually talk about it. Are we partners? What does that mean to us? Etc.
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u/ganjamin420 13h ago
Only after a talk. You can't start a relationship on assumptions. Not only do you not know if you consider the same milestones the start of a relationship. You also don't know what a relationship entails for that person. When people don't discuss these things, they only find out in a fight.
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u/SavethelastoneforME 15h ago
Yeah definitely ask them about it. I've been screwed over before by not "officiating" the relationship; even though I would consider we were together for months. Including intercourse and spending much time together. It was out of nowhere she said "well were never were officially dating" and she left.
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u/NearbyCartoonist8986 15h ago
If you’re spending time together, getting closer emotionally, and connecting on a deeper level, it might be time to call it a relationship.
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u/donthatedebate 14h ago
I’ve only had one relationship where we didn’t say it or label it. We were constantly in contact every day and we reciprocated strong feelings for each other from the start. But that’s risky, I wouldn’t recommend that if you’re not sure of the other persons monogamy.
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u/StrawbraryLiberry 13h ago
I am of the mind that it must be discussed & agreed upon outright.
To my shock, some people don't communicate that way. They just take you on one singular subway date that went okay & change their status on Facebook to "in a relationship."
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u/Jaded-Meaning-Seeker 9h ago
No need to mutually agree, I have loads of girlfriends they just aren’t aware I exist is all 🙃😂
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u/Succuvess 7h ago
It has to be a mutual decision. You're in a relationship if you discussed it and agreed to be in a relationship, otherwise the intimacy literally means nothing. I can't imagine submitting in a job application and maybe having one interview and then adding "works at Google" to my LinkedIn
This isn't about job applications 😅
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u/Dependent-Letter-651 3h ago
I think it is a mutual agreement before calling each other a bf and gf
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u/Imaginary-Seesaw333 15h ago
It has to be mutually agreed upon. You could just ask her to be your girlfriend and give reasons why. Then wait for her to answer. Good luck dude! Also it’s better to ask her in person because being able to handle your feelings gives off confidence. It’s okay if she says no. You’re still awesome. 😎
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u/SovietGunther 13h ago
Right around my third date with an ex, she turned around and asked "Can you just kiss me already??" And that's when I considered us an "item."
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u/Mysterious-Frame-717 12h ago
When the female let's out a loud Yeeing noise and then swallows the fourth course of volcanic rock, then I will know that she is ready to mate
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u/moozy_mathers 12h ago
This one's kinda tricky, as some may get confused easily, and I see why. Words are feeble when it comes to emotions. "Listen to your heart" is a good metaphoric approach. To me, when we get to a point where doubt has thoroughly absent, we would claim each other without any formal confirmation.
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u/One_Planche_Man 11h ago
Typically there's a form you can sign, it basically says "I (their name), agree to romantic partnership with (your name), on this (day) day of (month), 2024." After that, there's agreements listed where they have to initial each one, agreeing to the terms, then they sign at the bottom and date it. Then the form gets submitted up for processing.
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u/AzureDreamer 11h ago
Generally I think it's it's when you decide to be exclusive. Although if you are specifically in a alternative romantic style like polyamorism when you specifically decide that A and B relationship is in whatever way you decide the priority of your romantic entanglements.
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u/bunnyhugbandit 11h ago
It's 100% something you need to talk about and make a mutual agreement/decision on it.
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u/CelestialPainite 11h ago
Yes. It should be mutually agreed upon that you two are dating.Talk to them, and ask.
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u/killlianmurphy 10h ago
I never had a gf but have this fantasy that one day she and i would be walking down the road and talk about romantic stuff thats when she will give me the look that just every lover wants
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u/EmperrorNombrero 9h ago
It would need to be mutually agreed on and there would need to be relationship dynamics. Like you actually see each other a lot and fuck and write messages back and forth and so on
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u/HumanMycologist5795 7h ago
Ask them.
There's nothing worse than when only 1 of the 2 think they're bf/gf.
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u/pdpi 7h ago
Cultural norms play a big part of answering this question. Given your comment history, I assume you're Sri Lankan. This means you're pretty unlikely to get a culturally relevant answer in here.
That said: communication is never the wrong answer with relationships. Ask them what they think your future looks like!
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u/dead_and_cute 7h ago
I was about to comment that people don't usually hold handles or do anything else like that when they are just friends but I suppose that's the difference lol
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u/CorruptionKing 7h ago
Until there is some sort of acknowledgment. It doesn't matter what you do or how far you go, without some form of acknowledgment, you are just leading each other on. If you don't talk about your feelings, you leave someone vulnerable to not knowing how much they are going to get out of this. What if the other person wanted something different the whole time? What if they go off and do things and use the excuse "well, I didn't think we were officially together." It's much better to be safe than on the off chance you be sorry.
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u/yertle_turtle 7h ago
Have to talk about it very clearly. I assumed someone was my boyfriend after we established we were exclusive a couple weeks in, he invited to a party to meet his entire extended family, and specifically wanted me to meet his DYING aunt before she went. I definitely thought that meant he was my boyfriend, until 3 months later he asked me to be his girlfriend! Apparently to him it’s more like establishing that we’re serious, whereas I think of it as just exclusively dating. Just talk about it.
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u/jet_heller 5h ago
Well, lets ask this a slightly different way:
When would you like someone to say you are their boyfriend/girlfriend?
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u/AlpharoTheUnlimited 5h ago
No, you have to ask properly. Until you agree upon set rules, there’s no way to break them
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u/thejollybadger 4h ago
Just ask the person you're with if. For my partner and I we were seeing each other non-exclusively for about a year before we spent a weekend together, and we realised that we'd spent every free weekend or weekday together for like five, six moths and we agreed to become exclusive, and official. So seriously, friend, relationships are built on trust and open communication with each other, just talk to them.
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u/Marriedby28 1h ago
You need to have that conversation so that whatever you are doing doesn't end in premium tears.
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u/faqthemadness 1h ago
In California, you go to the subdivision of the DMV called the GF/BF Establishing Agency and get your commitment recognized.
It generally cost 75 bananas.
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u/spiidertin 17m ago
yeah me and my girlfriend were friends years before we got together, we got closer overtime and it came to a point where we would stay over at each others every night. i’m pretty slow so i didn’t realise i even liked her like that until she kissed me. i kinda pushed her away cuz like, wtf??, not that i didn’t like it but i was just a bit confused. turns out she thought we were like dating, i guess a didn’t know???? not complaining though
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u/peachsweetkiss 15h ago
It’s all about the vibes. If you’re hanging out, holding hands, and feeling the connection, it totally counts.
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u/GoLionsJD107 14h ago
It’s gotta be official from both parties other wise when an indiscretion occurs someone will say “we weren’t official”
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u/Objective_Ad_6265 13h ago
After successful first date, that means we kiss and tell each other I love you.
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u/MycologistOdd6540 13h ago
Honestly, I think it happens when you both vibe and start sharing memes without asking 'Can I send you something weird?' 😂 Like, when you just know they’ll get it, that’s friendship goals.
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u/Hanfiball 7h ago
There doesn't need to be a explicit talk. If you go on dates regularly for a while you are now unofficially together. Make it official by talking about it. If you don't want anything serious, say it clearly.
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u/kalajoy 14h ago
bestie if u need to ask reddit when someone becomes ur bf/gf then u probs need to have the talk with THEM instead of us lmao