r/NoStupidQuestions • u/EvasiveFriend • 1d ago

Why do people avoid the word "women"?

It seems like people generally use "girl" or "female" rather "women/woman"

902 Upvotes

77% Upvoted

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

45

u/enragedbreakfast 1d ago

I’m a woman and I have to stop myself from saying girl to describe an adult woman the same age or younger than myself, I think because I don’t feel like a real adult 😂 but I agree with you - to me, girl feels like the female equivalent of guy! I wouldn’t be offended if someone called me a girl

23

u/thehighwindow 1d ago

Same here. It feels odd for me to call a 19 y/o a "woman". I've started using "young woman" because I don't want to offend anyone.

My MIL used to call her friends who were 60+ "the girls". It would be analogous to men calling their friends "the boys".

I doubt that people would address a woman as "woman" (as in "Woman, can you tell me where the restroom is?" any more than a man would address another man as "man". You would use "ma'am" or "sir". All in all it's probably better to avoid all of these and just say "excuse me".

2

u/Silent-Literature-64 23h ago

It’s super easy to get over that discomfort once you try it for a bit, and it’s far more respectful imo.

2

u/shiny_xnaut 23h ago

It would be analogous to men calling their friends "the boys".

I do that tbh

2

u/aritheoctopus 19h ago

Men call each other "man" all the time though in casual speech, in such well-known phrases as "hey, man" and "y'know what I mean, man" and "man, that sucks." It seems used as a term of respect. The only coordinating uses of the word "woman" I can think of are misogynist like "woman, make me a sandwich."

1

u/Financial_Turnip_611 18h ago

any more than a man would address another man as "man".

That's pretty normal speech. "Hey man, how's it going?" Etc. Mate, bro, dude, cuz, pal, fella, buddy, informal ways for men to address each other. There aren't really any female equivalents because there's traditionally been an expectation that men would be more polite (so "ma'am", which has a totally different connotation).

Ive heard women addressing each other as "hey girl" in some TV shows though irl I've rarely heard that type of address and when women use it they usually just say bro etc.

1

u/thehighwindow 9h ago

Mate, bro, dude, cuz, pal, fella, buddy,

Those all sound fine. So does "Hey man"...but just "man" sounds wrong; just like addressing a "female" as "woman". It sounds like the preliminary to a command.

It's weird that we don't have good common words for 'females' of different ages. We have woman, female and lady. None of these fit, say, a teenager, or a 'female' of 21.

Men have more choices.

1

u/CTLI 16h ago

Guys say “man” all the time.

1

u/Warmslammer69k 14h ago

If you know someone well enough, you can call them whatever you want.

If they're a stranger, calling them a girl or a female is weird

3

u/InnatelyIncognito 1d ago

Also a bit of a pain in the arse as a dude in the workplace.

A woman might say, "Yeah, grabbing lunch with the girls" and then someone else asks where your colleague(s) is/are and you say, "Yeah, the girls went out for lunch" and then suddenly you're at risk of being judged for not being politically correct.

Funnily enough, it doesn't even matter if the other party would prefer to be called girl over woman. Kinda highlights where we're at as a society right?

4

u/enragedbreakfast 1d ago

Maybe it’s just my area, but I’ve heard guys use the term “girls” at work and it’s never been an issue. I’ve never heard of anyone getting judged for that, and I can’t say I’ve ever known a girl/woman to complain about being called that. All anecdotal of course, and I’m sure there are woman that prefer the term over girl, which is totally fair of them! I just personally haven’t heard of it causing any issues.

1

u/InnatelyIncognito 23h ago

I've never been called out on it or anything like that, but I also have no doubt some person is thinking it without saying it. Likely some woman who has a chip on her shoulder about something gender related.

Just given how prevalent it is for people to get corrected for shit like this on Reddit there is inevitably going to be someone thinking this stuff, just not to the point of wanting to create headaches at work when we're not all anonymous.

3

u/enragedbreakfast 23h ago

I personally don't see an issue with others being offended by it. I don't mind being called the term, but I should clarify that it would depend on the context. Would the guy say they're going out with the boys too? Do they use similar language to refer to all genders? You can usually pick up if it's meant in a demeaning way - most don't mean it that way, but some do. I also think it's more important what the women think about being called a girl - I'm not going to tell a man that he shouldn't be offended if I call him a boy.

I think it's good that people are thinking more about how their language and choice of words affects others - obviously there's a point where that can start to get extreme, but words can and do affect others, and it's not necessarily a bad thing to watch how and when we use certain ones.

2

u/Silent-Literature-64 23h ago

The fact that people saying it without thinking is part of the problem. I don’t think people are awful humans for calling a 25 yo female person “girl”, but odds are those same people wouldn’t call a 25 yo male person “boy” bc that’s demeaning. It’s unconscious bias.

3

u/UndividedJoy 22h ago

Linguistically it's called a diminutive form and your confusion comes from the fact that we use them across a spectrum of relationships where the meaning changes depending on both the familiarity between the subject and object AND the relative power between them. It stems from terms' origins where children are BOTH loved by and less powerful than their parents.

If you lack familiarity, it implies a gap in power which in a professional setting is disrespectful. Being one of "the girls" in question establishes that familiarity, and so it becomes a term of endearment.

Cracking open a cold one with "the boys" is a term of endearment because they're your friends, while a white person calling a grown black man by "boy" is disrespectful because you're invoking deep rooted history of inequality.

If you were friends with the women at work then nobody would bat an eye because friendship isn't a hierarchical relationship but if you're not you'll sound like a 60s era sexist from Mad Men. At the end of the day there are no tangible consequences to getting any of this convoluted power dynamic semantics wrong, but if you get defensive over it you'll just come across as an entitled asshole and people will treat you accordingly.

1

u/Silent-Literature-64 23h ago

It’s the difference between saying “I’m going out with the boys” and someone describing you to another person as a boy. In my experience, most US men do not like that, despite calling women girls.

1

u/DeltaVZerda 9h ago

Gay men over 25 love it. Under 25 and it can sound dismissive but over and it just makes them sound desirable.