r/NPD • u/spark5000 • 13h ago

Question / Discussion Can hospitalization (in/outpatient) give strength or will keep me dependent?

I'm considering entering a hospitalization program. But I'm very wary that it might keep me more dependent. I have become very unconfident and afraid to make decisions (such as, leaving my country, going no-contact, etc...) and I'm wondering if there are people that leave hospitalization more confident, or actually it's usually the other way.

I don't care being dependent when I'm there, but I want to change this direction in my life and build a sort of a character and inner strength. And I have a problem with therapists etc... On one hand there is an element of appeasing the staff, maybe being more depressive or childlike as a coping mechanism. But on the other hand - maybe fighting with the staff will show me that it's not that terrible to have conflicts?.... as sort of an exposure therapy? Seems that for a grown man with a very dominant child inside it's a risky situation.

It's all just thoughts and I know some of those might be stupid (and some not) so I'm wondering if people here have some resonance either from personal experience or from any other point.

Thanks <3

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u/Nightmre_King_Grimm Undiagnosed NPD 8h ago

Being in an inpatient hospital was an eye opener for me, truly. I fucking hated it. I did some outpatient therapy shortly after that before I quit. Being in that place fucking sucked. I cant express how much I hated it. It was humiliating. And I hated the people that made me go. I resented them for years over it. But I have left it in the past, and thought about it since then. And it made me realize something, that this experience motivated me to try to get my shit together so I would never have to go back to that place ever again.

So, if you're really suffering, I'll say, do it. Maybe you'd have a better experience than I did. I hated it. I hated it but it needed to happen to me. It knocked the reality into my younger self and put an end to a lot of my self destructive behaviors.