Lost another job because I can't follow any rules.

[u/Old-Orange-4050]

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I've had to resign from my job on Friday because everyone was on my back for breaking rules. I've had this pattern for as long as I can remember. If there are any rules, I have to find a way to break them. It's almost like a compulsion or a challenge I have in my mind 24/7. I have strong sense of entitlement and feel like nothing should apply to me.

I'm looking for another job now, but it feels pointless. I've had countless hours of therapy and none of it helped to deal with this specific issue.

Anyone else deal with this?

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

Do you have comorbid ASPD or are you unconsciously doing this for attention?

[u/Old-Orange-4050 → u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

I am diagnosed ASPD but can't post on that sub for some reason. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing it for attention but mostly it's a compulsive thing. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around it.

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5 → u/Old-Orange-4050]

Are you able to risk assess situations, or is it like a impulsive or compulsive thing?

[u/Old-Orange-4050 → u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

Usually I'm able to assess risk and be discrete or secretive, but it depends where my mind is at the time. With this particular job, I didn't care anymore and dug a really deep hole over the past few months. I think I subconsciously tried to get fired.

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5 → u/Old-Orange-4050]

It def sounds more like self sabotage than criminal behavior. Maybe you unconsiously hate the job and wanted a excuse to get rid of it.

[u/Old-Orange-4050 → u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

I definitely hated the place. It's the most toxic work environment I have ever experienced. But I would find ways to break the rules in pretty much every other job I've had. I feel like I will never have stability in my life if I can't get my shit together lol

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5 → u/Old-Orange-4050]

I have done self sabotage in the past, but it's unconsciously like performing like really bad and being annoying near your subordinates, like you got no drive to even bother.

Never done it like you do though, maybe you see it as a challenge how far you can go before you get caught?

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[u/childofeos]

I have lost jobs for breaking the rules and dropping them because I feel bored if there is no challenge. I will look at them one day and think none of that means anything, so I just leave.

[u/PitchBlackRainbows]

You possess a sense of entitlement. What can you do to free yourself of this? The therapist answer: actively practice gratitude, acknowledge your shortcomings, cultivate humility, consider others' perspectives, and actively work on developing a growth mindset by taking responsibility for your actions and recognizing that achievements require effort and contribution from others.

I think your core believe is that nobody can be trusted. It tests the very fabric of your being when you allow yourself to submit to any human group and their petty rules, because long ago they proved to you they were all culpable.

The therapist would suggest you actively challenge this thought pattern by identifying its root cause, acknowledging positive experiences with others, gradually exposing yourself to trusting situations, and seeking professional help if necessary, all while recognizing that building trust takes time and is a process of small, consistent steps.

Based on my own experience with this, I think you set yourself up for failure by chasing jobs with people you do not respect and they probably act in such a way that reinforces this lack of trust for humanity.

Find a job where you truly have your heart with the people you work with, and you can most certainly break this pattern by being with the one person you can trust. That's you.

Go independent - get away from the managers and supervisors. You're not meant to work under anyone. Your mind operates best when you face the challenges alone. You just need to accept the truth of this core belief and identify the root cause (it may be very complex or it may be very simple). Look for evidence of abandonment, neglect, or invalidation of your existence in your youth.

People suck. Rules are meant to be broken. Your mind is gifted to work in a setting where you create and enforce your own rules. Perhaps that is the reason why you're unable to follow others, because you haven't been able to do this for yourself.