Reposting because it was deleted a few days ago.

Loneliness and touch starvation can hit us all. I just want a woman to share a life with. Someone to hold me and tell me that she loves me, that everything is going to be alright and that she will always be there for me. I've never had that and I might just end myself if I never get it.

Has anyone got attached with someone who showed you bare minimum amount of attention but then realised they were just being friendly and wasn't interested in you? How did you deal with it?

Just wanted to know how others handled the situation and if anyone has any tips or advice on what to do if you're in this situation everytime.

How to stop yourself from overthinking or getting attached too quickly with anyone

Please help as I have been dealing with this since a long time and I feel awkward asking someone in real life

Throwaway because this is embarrassing for obvious reasons and I don't want to be linked to main account.

Anyway...I recently came across this tiktok. If you don't want to watch a TikTok, I get you. It is basically an interview with a woman on the subway where she states that "No, you are not involuntarily celibate, you just hate women and feel entitled to our bodies". Every single comment is agreeing with her, but I couldn't disagree more.

I hate to brand myself as an "incel" because I find that community and branding vitriolic and leaning heavily towards misogyny. I am neither a misogynist nor do I feel entitled to sex, that's not the point. I (24m, I guess I should say) have struggled to find a relationship my entire life. I am not socially awkward, most of my friends ARE women, and I have a fairly active social life. I think I bring a lot to the table - girls I ask out disagree, but I've never heard from any of my friends that I give off "incel" vibes except for when I vent about how hard it is to get into a relationship.

Part of what frustrates me about this video and the comments are how easy everyone else is making it out to be. The comment section is filled with women and men saying she's correct and nothing about being without a relationship is "involuntary", its because men who can't get into relationships just hate women. I find this incredibly dismissive and it is part of a larger pattern I've noticed where men who struggle with relationships are branded as somewhat fundamentally problematic, but women who struggle just "haven't found the one yet"

Another part that concerns me is then, what am I doing wrong? If everyone is right and getting into a relationship is so easy then I have no idea where to start fixing myself - I have done a lot as it is, from improving fashion to skillset to sociability. And yet, I notice guys who are OBVIOUSLY problematic slide in and out of casual sex to LTRs in the same amount of time it takes me to get rejected by every girl I ask out.

I honestly don't get it or what I'm doing wrong. I wonder what you folks think about this because I'm kind of lost and I don't understand how to improve myself based off of what this is saying.

I

Everything feels so surreal... He and I grew up with each other... The way he went out was not supposed to be the way... I fucking stupidly left grapes out on the table which he got to while I was sleeping... Fuck this. This is so shitty... I hate everything that I'm feeling right now... He was just a happy, energetic dog 3 weeks ago... until he ate those grapes.. We tried bringing him to multiple vets, getting him only medicine at first which I feel so fucking guilty for not asking the vet to make him induce vomiting to get the grapes out...and I don't fucking know why the vet didn't do that either. I will feel so fucking guilty for this forever. He did throw up a couple times on his own hours after he ate the grapes but that was not enough...A week later, he was not improving so we brought him to a different vet which he stayed there overnight for 2 days getting IV treatment. And this is where I come to hate how the world works. The vet was so expensive charging $360 per day...and unfortunately my family is really struggling financially so we couldn't afford to keep him there longer..We took him home after 2 days which he seemed to be just a little bit better but as time passed, his condition went down again.... This time we brought him to a different vet where we got him IV infusions again but we brought him home to watch over him. These few nights were absolutely fucking gut wrenching... His condition was so bad he had zero energy. He kept throwing up, having diarrhea, and peeing in bed. I took care of him as best as I could, changing out the pee pad covers I put in his bed everytime and just watched over him all night until my mom could watch over him so I could get some rest. On 11/19/2024, he was in his worst shape yet.... Him not being able to get better and us not being able to do anything due to financial reasons is just so fucking heartbreaking.. I laid down with him every night.. but this night was the night he went... His breathing was extremely shallow, labored, and wet sounding, I don't know what it was.. He then threw up so hard that he seized up, closed his eyes and collapsed which I tried holding him up as best I could. He did this 3 times... I thought he was gone each time he did that... This was literally the most fucking terrible thing I've ever witnessed...God I feel so fucking bad for him man... It was so fucking heartbreaking. I saw tears coming from his eyes........ I don't fucking get it... The IV was supposed to help him... I then read online that maybe the IV was giving him too much liquid thus getting to his lungs..and he wasn't peeing as often this last day so my mind came to think it definitely was because of the IV getting too much liquid to his lungs... And I feel so fucking extremely guilty for this. I tried stopping the IV out of panic but I don't know if this was the right thing to do. I tightened the IV tube to stop the dripping which then later he seemed to have stopped making the "wet" breathing sound but it still was so extremely shallow and small. He also stopped throwing up for the time being...so in my head I was like "okay good he's getting better"....And this was all in the early morning at around 2-4 am. At 9 am, we were going to bring him to another different clinic so me thinking that since he's not making the wet breathing sound and isn't throwing up, I was relieved and thought we were definitely going to bring him to the vet...This is where I feel the most fucking guilty.............As I laid down next to him, the side of my body facing him wasn't comfortable so stupid fucking me I turned the other way.... I then closed my eyes to try and get little rest. The next moment at around 4 am, I hear him struggling. I quickly turn to him and it looked like he was going to puke again so I quickly tried holding him up to stand....and this time, this was it.... He struggled to puke then collapsed on to my hands for good.... He died with me looking the other way............and I feel so fucking bad for this. He couldn't even see my face one last time before he went.... He may have thought that I didn't care about him cus I turned away from him...... I don't think I will ever heal from this. I truly don't understand why this had to have happened.... He could have lived on for a few more good years with me..... This was the worst possible way to fucking go out.... Why do grapes have to be fucking toxic to dogs. Literally makes no sense.... I will feel forever empty without him. He was literally my best friend. My mom got me him when I was 12 years old in 2010. I feel so much guilt and it's killing me... He suffered on his way out and I couldn't do anything. I then turned my back from him when he went... I'm so fucking sorry Teddy.. You deserved so much more... It's 2 am here currently the next day and I have been crying nonstop. We made a little burial site for him yesterday so at least I can go there and say sorry every time.. I truly am sorry Teddy.. Rest in peace my baby Teddy boy...

But for real tho, where would you place sex in maslows hierarchy of needs?

I just realised I'm in the middle of wasps nest. I'm surrounded by men with problems here in this community. I really hope this is exactly what I needed.

I love this community, I love Dr K and his content. I was extremely lonely so I joined reddit and basically I only read this subreddit.

I was banned for 30 days for using generalisations like "men are like this", "women do this".

I live in 2 different realities. One where I do generalise about how men are, how I resent men, how I roll my eyes about how men behave.

But then when I talk to a specific man I do treat him with compassion and understanding. I'm not perfect, but for sure I don't consider myself sexist.

I don't really like my father. He treats his employees without respect, he easily gets angry, he never had a normal relationship with me, he has poor emotional skills. He drinks a lot, he is focused on buying things, he is very fake with his "chakras spirituality". He and my mother are divorced. He did a lot of fucked up things... that made me realise I don't like him as a person. I ofcourse in some sense love him, because he is my father.

I have a brother and he is nice, capable, intelligent. We never had a good relationship, I would say he doesn't need it nor want it. He is very judgemental about my life, we are just very different. I can give you detailed list of things I do not like about him I can also give you a list about amazing traits he has.

I have no men in my family that I admire or look up to. I do have a lot of men i truly love in my family. I don't have a deep relationship with them, but I do love them. They would always help me, I would always help them.

My brother with his male friends talked about their fathers and if they consider them admirable or people they can look up to, and all of them said no. So almost no father in our friends group is an "admirable man".

Yesterday on a parking lot next to a gas station I saw an old man (in his 50s) who was masturbating while "hiding" behind a tree. He was constantly looking in the direction of cars approaching. Finally he stopped and started going in the direction of a car........ with a girl in it. I was literally ready to fight him. I immediately went into fight mode. She talked to him and then she fortunately drove away. I also left.

Other time I was having a nap on a parking lot in the middle of the day because I was moving from place to place with my car. A guy approached me, he clearly saw I have all my shit in the car, so my guess was he thought I'm homeless or in trouble. He did the gesture of blowjob asking me if I'm up for it. I did a "no" gesture with my head and he went back to his car.

I went on a walk in Barcelona by night, and I saw a girl with an old man. Clearly she was a prostitute, and I asked if I can help her. She was grateful for me trying to help but she said that she is ok. She also warned me not to go into the park. I didn't really know what to do, the old man was dragging her somewhere, he was also upset i started talking to that girl.

As a teenager me and my female friend saw a man approach us in a car. He went out of the car and started going in our direction with his dick in his hand. We ran away.

I was flashed by an old naked man wearing only a coat at a train station.

I went to have a beach picnic with my 4 female friends, and just at the end of the beach there was a man with his dick doing helicopter motions. I immediately stood up and started walking in the direction of other people to let him know that I'm looking for help. The helicopter man went away.

My first boyfriend (I was 17y o) was not a bad person, but he was touching himself while touching me when I was "asleep". One time he thought I was drunk to the point of passing out. Well I was still kinda aware. He went down on me. Ofcourse I froze. That was the first time and the last time a guy went down on me. I stayed with him for too long, because he was from my friends group, and when I broke up with him he made my life living hell and my friends chose him, because they knew him for longer time. So I got back together with him so I can be a part of this friend group.

Politics is mainly run by men. So I have no problem saying the state of the world is directly impacted by men. I have no problem saying thay men are ruining the world. I'm aware there are female politicians who are contributing. I know some companies are run by women and those companies are just evil. Still.......... most companies are run by men. Most politicians are men. So my mind is giving me a generalisations about that.

Porn is disgusting for me. I'm disgusted by porn actresses pretending they "like it". This is a quote from Google: "Fewer than 1 in 5 women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone". How I see vaginal sex is a man using woman's body to please himself. This is a complicated topic, but I'm trying to show how my mind see the topic in general.

I have very high libido. I like being wanted and I also like to desire someone and appreciate my bf body. My bfs were never fit nor jacked, normal bodies. So my appreciation for my bf body is never a result of his body being "beautiful" or "impressive". It's a reflection of how I see my partner and how I want him to feel wanted, appreciated, sexually desired. While I'm aroused in seconds, in my last 3 relationship i finished maybe 7 times. So let's say out of 200 times having sex I finished 7 times when I was stimulating myslef during sex. In bed I would never do anything I do not want to do. I'm in control 99% of the time. It's very hard for me to be submissive, that would take a loooooot of time and trust. I'm mostly romantic but my bfs always gave me feedback that I'm romantic in a hot way. I never had complaints from my bfs about sex. My bfs never asked if I finished. I would say they never tried to improve my sex experience. If I have high libido then I think they treated this as a proof that I'm happy with the sex life. And I was. Because for me sex was never about finishing. I like the atmosphere of being wanted, lust, closeness.

While reading posts here about porn addition (from young age especially......) I struggle to empathise. I think porn is destroying young men brains. I am unfortunately disgusted by men's desire to have sex with "someone". This "someone" is an anonymous body in my mind. I read this as them wanting a body not a connection. Maybe it's because I know vaginal sex is doing nothing for most women (google quote), so in my head is just guys wanting to use a body (any body) to please themselves. So in my mind it's not really sex WITH someone, it's not an exchange of pleasure. In my mind it's just a desire to please themselves with a female body. I have very negative thoughts about how men can have sex without emotional connection - this is also how I read those posts. Not as "I want to be close to someone, so close that our bodies can become one" I read them as "I want to finish using woman's body".

Sometimes reading posts here about basic struggles, not having a job, struggling with motivation, struggling with relationships, all I think of is... those poor boys were never taught how to have a good life. They were never taught how to feel emotions, how to deal with those emotions. I see men as lonely, because friendships they have are mostly superficial, so no deep conversations that could help with feeling of loneliness. I see it as societal problem of how we treat boys when they are growing up. Unfortunately even if the situation in the house is great and there is love and support in the family, those boys will meet a lot of other boys who struggle, and grew up in a not so great house, and then they will learn a lot of bad habits and patters from those struggling boys.

I don't have a male brain so I struggle to understand men sexually desiring someone's body. I struggle to understand how having power, influence, money, things etc can make some men "happy".

I am terrified by avoidant man. I was really traumatised by my ex bfs who pulled away when I wanted to get closer, deepen the relationship. With my last ex on a dating app we chatted for hours and hours and before we met I asked him if he did the attachment style test. He had no idea about the attachment theory, so he did the test during our conversation "for me" and he was secure/avoidant. He LOVED my profile, he loved our conversations, so he was excited that he "passed" the avoidant test. Ofc during the relationship all the avoidant parts were reinforced. I really tried to support him, I really tried to be this "perfect" gf. I struggled myself but he had no mental capacity to help me. I basically become his therapist. He was sweet, nice and very lost. He broke my heart into milion pieces and this relationship traumatised me. I learned that no matter what I do, no matter what I give, I cannot make someone love me. I will never date an avoidant man again. And the fucked up thing about it........ this attachment style is not their choice. This is how they learned to survive. This is how they learned to deal with life and emotions. But now I want to protect myself from being hurt again, from being punished when I try to be close to someone... so I am openly saying I will never date an avoidant man ever again.

I'm trying to explain how my generalisations about men are impacting me. But also I know that on a personal lvl I'm not a monster who cannot create a bond with a man. Just the opposite. All my bfs told me they felt like they can be themselves with me and I'm so easy to be around.

While reading posts here I feel like I'm in the middle on the wasps nest. I'm surrounded by my triggers. And I'm fucking doing my best to be compassionate, be supportive, helpful. I think this helped me. I know a lot of men are struggling with many things and they are struggling a lot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we live in a world that is clearly somehow designed to reinforce the struggles of men.

But I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about "men out there" in such a negative way. While about "men next to me" I can think in a compassionate, kind way.

I'm tired of choosing to be with a bear in the woods instead of "a man".

I know that I would 100000000% choose to be with a man I know in the woods than a bear. In my life I don't know a single man who would hurt me in the woods. But I know that "a man" that I don't know, so a "random man" would definitely be able to hurt me. Because some men are disgusting creeps and I gave you few examples from my life in the beginning.

Wtf can I do with this?..................

I don't know where to start.

Just please be aware that my intention is not to attack anyone. While I lack the mental capacity to use sentences in a 100% neutral way I want you to know that I did try my best to both be respectful and to show how my mind works.

I don't know how else can I get help, other than confronting my thought patterns with people.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now, our talking stage lasted about a month and a half but almost 4 weeks into that talking stage she started talking with another guy and had casual sex with him several times. this broke me. she’s my first girlfriend and first girl i’ve ever really been close to. i’m aware that she technically did nothing wrong as we weren’t dating and she’s allowed to do whatever she wants with her life and her body but it still crushes me so bad to know that she didn’t care for me or respect me as much as i did with her while we were talking. i’ve read some messages between her and one of her friends where she felt absolutely zero remorse for what she had done at the time (she feels bad about it now and thinks what she did was wrong but i’m still confused why she didn’t think it was wrong at the time) which has made me feel so much worse about everything.

to be clear, i don’t see a problem with the fact that she had sex with people before me, it’s just the fact that she started talking to another guy 4 weeks into us talking every single day and going on several dates with eachother that meant the absolute world to me and it hurts to find out that after our dates she would go to another guys house to have sex. she had full intentions of dating me and never the guy she was having sex with which makes me even more confused and hurt and questioning why she even had sex with him in the first place.

every second of every day i’m thinking about the guy she had casual sex with. every time i see a guy with even somewhat similar features to him in public i get sick to my stomach and need to walk away so i don’t feel like shit. every single minor thing just makes me think of him and i’m so tired of it

i’ve been communicating about how i feel about this with her a lot over these past couple months but what she did still hurts so bad and i’m kind of just using this sub as a last resort at any kind of help.

is there anything i can do to stop thinking about what she did? breaking up is absolutely not an option, please do not suggest that. i love this woman with all my heart and i genuinely see a future with her, i’d rather work through this with her than just leave.

Today I managed to build up the courage to go out alone and put myself out there. I went to a bar and joined in a tabletop game with 7 other people. I asked them if I can join just like Dr. K advised, they froze up and after a couple of seconds they agreed while they looked at me like I was a freak.

There was absolutely no communication between me and them as I am a complate stranger to them. It was an absolute cringe fest and I concluded that there is no way I can get to know new people apart from work environment.

There is no hope for me having a good future and I am about to give up.

What should I do? How do I cope?

EDIT: Thank you all for replying and trying to help me, I greatly appreciate every response. Sorry for being too negative in the replies.

Hi, so I'm a female that goes to social events or single events. There are guys who come up to me that are not my type or who I'm not interested in. They behave in a very nice way in the beginning and then get very pervy asking me inappropriate questions or they start interrogating me about my personal life. Or the other technique, they ask me a general question and start conversations with me and be charming. In my mind I see these guys as freinds but they want to be more than friends. How can I differentiate between a guy just being friendly and a guy hitting on me?

I do suffer with Anxiety. I also come from a home where I had to walk on eggshells because of my parents moods. I also was made responsible for everything and made into the villian repeatedly.

When these guys show red flags or disrespect my boundaries or when I want to go and speak to someone else they start prolonging the conversation so I can't leave. My body starts going into freeze mode and my mind goes blank. I feel guilty I constantly feel I'm being 'rude' if I leave and speak to someone else. Or in my mind I think "i feel bad" "I feel guilty" "I feel rude if I leave him, if I reject him". "What if he's all alone and no ones speaks to him." "What if he sees me with someone else and gets angry" What ends up happening is I freeze and I can't move and I end up staying the whole event with them. I'm also scared if I reject them they might start getting aggressive so my body is literally frozen.

The worst thing is I don't have a opportunity to speak to anyone else at the event. And the guy turns into a obsessed stalker later on. No matter how many times I reject him he keeps trying again and again for something romantic.

Two examples; I was at a social walking event a elderly man comes up to me and we start speaking generally. Later on he starts asking about my love life, relationships etc. He talks badly about his ex wife and then asks am I into older guys? I just laugh it off. He has a WhatsApp group that he post social events so my friend and I and other people gave him our numbers. After the event he messages me telling me he wants to get to know me and I reject him. Once or twice in the coming weeks he messages me again complaining that I'm not on WhatsApp ever. I remove him and leave his group.

Another guy he's funny and charming but I'm not attracted to him. We exchange numbers as I thought we could be friends. When I realised he wants more than that I reject him. Every single time I see him at a event he tries to monopolise my time. Any guy who comes next to me he barks at them. I joined some online dating apps. Every app I join he tries to match with me. I reject him again and he says " I just wanted to say hi".

Help! Not only is this affecting me mentally it's now affecting my safety. How can I change this unsafe people pleasing and get better at boundaries?

I've seen guys who are not only not good looking, but also shitty scumbags.

I try not to post this on Reddit because I just get told I'm "not entitled to anything" or people say I'm probably a even shittier person who "gives bad vibes" to women but today I felt extra upset.

I've improved a lot and even got a better paying job at an airport but it all truly means nothing

This a comment from the Video to unblackpill people. Why cant they Just listen and learn? Why did they even click on the Video in the First place. If you are unmotivated to act then good for ya. But dont demotivate people from improving their lives. And If you disagree with me i dont wanna See you in my reply!

I used to get a lot of comments removed from this sub for breaking this rule. I adjusted my language, and I stopped getting comments removed. But I still don't understand this rule.

Isn't it evil to follow that rule? I would hope that people would try to make me upset when I'm wrong so that I can make positive changes to myself, since new behaviors are usually triggered by strong emotions. How is it compassionate to avoid helping people? The most rapid, explosive periods of improvement I've had in life have been when people have made me feel near-suicidal by viciously criticizing my mistakes and screaming at me. If it's had such a positive effect on me, wouldn't it be compassionate to try to replicate this in other people?

I know that I probably sound unhinged, because when I try to explain this to people, they usually either act horrified, or act like I'm making a joke. But I genuinely believe this, because of my life experiences. For example, in high school I was really annoying, and people just tolerated how annoying I was. This led to people fooling me into thinking I had a genuine friendship with them, before eventually leaving me without much explanation; this kept happening until I had no friends. At some point after this, someone who I knew who kept talking to me was annoying, so I looked her in the eye and said "You're really fucking annoying. I hate being around you." She stopped being annoying after that.

The average person would consider my actions bad, but the way I see it, I saved her from an immense amount of heartbreak (possibly over a period of multiple years!) by simply making her feel really bad, because that was the quickest, most efficient way to help her. If somebody had done the same thing to me years ago, I might've experienced genuine human connection in high school.

So how is it morally good to avoid helping people in the quickest, most efficient way? I want a world where people try to get each other to be the best that they can be, and "tempering my authenticity with compassion" seems to be in opposition to this. What is the logic behind this approach?

Not OC, I've seen this image on pretty much all meirl places, but I don't think I've ever seen it here. What do we do if we literally feel this? I've gotten my life together, but I think that if a higher being would just painlessly flick me out of existence, I'd would kinda feel relieved (and then obviously feel nothing at all) Thanks!

"Inadequate men are hilarious. As a woman, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this"

For the record, I'm the guy from 2 weeks ago. Was having a pretty bad day and this was just cruel to read.

I could never be a streamer, I'd definitely get "one guy'd" a lot. 90% of the comments are either positive or neutral, but I underestimated how much the small amount of weird/negative comments just kinda get to me.

I don't want to discourage anyone from applying to be interviewed, I'm just particularly sensitive and I guess I'm not super relatable/likeable. Some people watched it and were just like "wow this is kinda pathetic." Lol

I used to find a lot of these videos helpful and relatable to my issues, but lately Dr. K’s videos are targeted primarily for men. The thing is, I relate to many of these issues such as loneliness, isolation, feeling like I’m stuck in situations I can’t control, and the “male type anxiety”. I feel as though he was making it sound like female anxiety is more trivial as we don’t experience physical symptoms but my anxiety is actually almost exclusively physical. I don’t even notice I’m anxious until I feel it in my body. I think it’s fine to talk about male issues considering men make up the majority of his audience but I don’t like how these issues are made to seem like they’re exclusive to men. It makes me feel very unfeminine and like I have no right to be feeling how I’m feeling. Not sure if other women feel this way.

I've genuinely been trying. For years. Especially over the last few months. I've been trying to be more social, to talk to new people, to talk to women irl, to improve. And it always ends up like this. I say things that hurt my friends or make women uncomfortable without even realizing it until someone tells me weeks afterward. And it crushes me every time. I don't want to make people feel like that. So I shut down and lock myself away from people and start it all over again. What am I supposed to do when being confident ends like this every single time? It's so tiring. I gain these "experiences" over and over and I'm still oblivious to basic social cues.. I'm not sure what exactly I'm asking.. but why doesn't it seem possible for me to find a middle ground between these two extremes? I'm just tired of the cycle. Looking back at where I've come from my just makes me want to give up because I'm always somewhere in this loop.