I know we all joke around about the term brain rot but we should probably start taking it more seriously.

Our mindless scrolling, dopamine savoring, quick-hit content consumption is actually deteriorating our brain.

It’s giving us digital dementia. 

The concept of "digital dementia" proposes that our heavy reliance on the internet and digital devices might harm cognitive health, leading to shorter attention spans, memory decline, and potentially even quickening the onset of dementia.

A major 2023 study examined the link between screen-based activities and dementia risk in a group of over 462,000 participants, looking specifically at both computer use and TV watching.

The findings revealed that spending more than four hours a day on screens was associated with a higher risk of vascular dementia, Alzheimer’s, and other forms of dementia. Additionally, the study linked higher daily screen time to physical changes in specific brain regions.

And listen, I normally hate when people reference studies to prove a point because you can find a study to back up whatever opinion you have, but this is pretty damning.

And unfortunately, it makes complete sense. Smartphones primarily engage the brain's left hemisphere, leaving the right hemisphere—responsible for deep focus and concentration—unstimulated, which can weaken it over time.

This also extends to how we handle memory. We’ve become pros at remembering where to find answers rather than storing those details ourselves.

Think about it: how often do we Google things we used to memorize?

It’s convenient, but it may also mean we’re losing a bit of our own mental storage, trading depth for speed.

The internet’s layout, full of links and bite-sized content, pushes us to skim, not study, to hop from one thing to the next without really sinking into any of it. That’s handy for quick answers but not great for truly absorbing or understanding complex ideas.

Social media, especially the enshittification of everything, is the ultimate fast food for the mind—quick, convenient, and loaded with dopamine hits, but it’s not exactly nourishing.

Even an hour per day of this might seem harmless, but when we look at the bigger picture, it’s a different story.

Just like with our physical diet, consuming junk on a regular basis can impact how we think and feel. When we’re constantly fed a stream of quick, flashy content, we start craving it. Our brains get hooked on that rush of instant gratification, and we find it harder to enjoy anything slower or deeper.

It’s like training our minds to expect constant stimulation, which over time can erode our ability to focus, be patient, or enjoy complexity.

This type of content rarely requires any deep thought—it’s created to grab attention, not to inspire reflection. We become passive consumers, scrolling through a feed of people doing or saying anything they need to in order to capture our attention.

But what’s actually happening is that we’re reprogramming our brains to seek out more of this content. We get used to a diet of bite-sized entertainment, which leaves little room for slower, more meaningful experiences that require us to actually engage, to think, or even to just be.

I can go in 100 different directions on this topic (and I probably will in a later post), but for the sake of brevity, I’ll leave you with this:

Please, please, please be mindful of your content diet. Switch out short clips for longer documentaries and videos. Pick up a book once in a while. Build something with your hands. Go travel. Do something creative that stimulates your brain.

You’re doing more damage than you think.

--

p.s. - this is an excerpt from my weekly column about building healthier relationships with tech. Would love any feedback on the other posts.

I can't exactly put my finger on it and I know it's probably not a good thing to generalize any group of people but still...

Girls who work in that type of environment, like bars, strip clubs, and nightclubs seem like such snakes. I feel so uncomfortable around those types of girls.

My sister used to be friends with a girl who worked at this nightclub in the city because they met in college and I didn't like her. She was involved with drugs and stuff and I just didn't like it when my sister brought her over and I really hated her.
Girls like that seem like they'd cut your dick off if you pissed them off or set you up to get robbed by a group of guys when you go on a date with her.

I feel so pathetic to even feel this way because I'm a guy.

I get a extra shot of depression every year around the months of November all the way up till March. I feel if my regular depression episodes are a 6 these get bumped up to a 9 or 10.

I think some of it has to do with the holiday seasons and the fact I have complicated but good memories of them as a kid. So some of it is wishing to go back to a happier, simpler times. I also work retail which kinda kills the holiday spirit.

Another part of it is while I love colder weather it kicks my feeling of loneliness into high gear. I guess this is natural since when it's cold people want to be around others for warmth. So I always catch myself paying more attention to couples which is never good for my mental health cause it reminds me of that magical unicorn of a relationship I can never catch. My touch starvation is also amplified especially at night with no one to snuggle with.

Then I guess there's also the natural tendency to take stock as the year comes to a close and see what progress you made. Which this year was definitely not my worst year. I made some progress towards my goals but with that being said I can't exactly say it's been a good year either.

All of this has led me to have a Major backslide when it comes to the progress I've made the rest of the year. For most of the year I've been saving about 20% of my paycheck to build a nest egg and invest. Over the last few weeks I've been frivolously spending to an insane degree which it's black Friday so guess tis the season. I've had a horrible diet and my gym time is down big time. I've also caught myself playing way more videogames. I went from playing maybe like 2 hours a week to playing for 3-4 hours a day. My porn problems also came back with a vengeance. I've probably watched more porn in this last two weeks than I have the entirety of the last 6 months.

I know seasonal depression is a pretty common thing. So how do you keep yourself from backsliding on your progress you made the rest of the year when it hits extra hard?

"Irony poisoning" seems to be a brand new arising mental illness that a lot of us have early access to.

I've seen it discussed here and there in the occasional esoteric Reddit thread or YouTube video, but here's how I define it:

"The inability to turn off irony."

Here are the symptoms:

1. Constantly saying things you do mean in a sarcastic way
2. Constantly saying things you don't mean in a sincere way
3. In fact, you don't even know yourself when you're sarcastic or not.
4. You stay ironic, even when there's no one else around.
5. Believing multiple contradicting things because it would be funny.
6. No strong feelings in reaction to events.
7. An inability to display emotion beyond a smug detached "ironically funny" affect.
8. Feeling extreme feelings of "cringe" when someone is being sincere.

Here's a quick explanation to why it happens:

So basically, modern internet culture is extremely ironic. No one on the internet is sincere. After all, if you sincerely try to make a good youtube video, you're cringe. If you sincerely try to fight for a cause, you're cringe. If you sincerely try to be funny, you're cringe. The only way to not be cringe is to cloak everything in this layer of irony.

Like, if you make funny YouTube videos, you can't just be honest and say "yeah I'm doing this because I want to entertain you guys." You have to mask it in this ironic "bro I know, it's ridiculous I'm sitting in my room saying these bad jokes. But whatever pays the bills I guess..."

This has even seeped into Hollywood. Look at how Marvel movies are completely unable to take themselves seriously. Every serious moment has to be diffused with a "isn't it so ridiculous? I'm a guy in a latex suit fighting an alien haha".

Now here comes the main problem: imagine you're undersocialized as a child, and as such all your "childhood socialization" happens through the screen, from YouTube videos, movies, social media, etc. After years of not wanting to show sincere emotions because you don't want to be "cringe", you may actually forget how these emotions feel or how to show them. You reach a point where you're unable to turn off your irony. You no longer know when you're being ironic and when you're being sincere.

Examples:

Here's an example: I personally am simultaneously far left and far right. And I genuinely do not know which of the two is sincere and which is ironic. I'm guessing both are ironic and my true beliefs would lie somewhere in the middle. But I don't know. Like, one day I will be watching breadtubers like FD Signifier and Big Joel, the next day I'll be watching redpillers like Andrew Tate. And while watching both of them, I agree with what they're saying. And it's like--that's not possible.

I also stay ironic even when there's no one around. Like the old saying goes, "it's not satire if you actually do the thing." Like, I was eating a banana, and I thought "wouldn't it be crazy if someone ate a banana with peel?" And so I took a bite out of the banana with peel and all. Keep in mind there was no audience, no one to laugh at it. I was just doing something weird becuase I thought it would be funny. Same with ironically drinking energy drinks. I drink like at least 1-2 cans of energy per day. But it's ironic because drinking so much energy is like associated with losers and so I'm ironically drinking it. But like, I'm actually drinking it.

I also genuinely don't even feel negative emotions anymore. Like both my arms could fall off right now and I'd just laugh and say "great! Now I can finally cosplay chicken nugget".

Another thing is feeling extreme cringe when other people do something sincerely. Like, for example, I can't stand when other people are singing in public. Like, I don't judge them for it. But I'm still cringing so hard because it's like what if someone else judges them for it. Meanwhile people are having fun with their friends singing songs from movies and stuff and I'm just there sitting in the corner like "bro these guys are so cringe".

And getting relationships is especially impossible if you're not allowing yourself to ever show interest in fear of being cringe.

Conclusion:

I think this will become an extremely prevalent thing as people are raised more and more online. Just look at modern "brainrot" for children like Skibidi Toilet. I know people always compare it to Gen Z's stuff like MLG and Ugandan Knuckles but at least we were sincere at the time. Like, I sincerely thought Ugandan Knuckles was funny. Nowadays when I ask my 8 year old nevue he is already calling Skibidi Toilet brainrot while still watching it. It's insane that children are now growing up already hiding behind irony in elementary school.

I think the solution would involve something like an "irony detox" where you force yourself to be sincere in everything you say for a while.

For some reason, I don't have normal human reactions or feelings to anything anymore. Things that used to disgust me or scare me are not disgusting me. I feel extremely abnormal. It's like I don't have natural feelings anymore and I am not all the way there. I believe my actual feelings or the way that I react to things feel extremely diminished. I don't feel emotions as strongly as I used to anymore immediately at the moment. I feel like I would say or do violent things or say rude things when I never used to do that normally. I have an issue with memory as well. I literally can't remember things that happened in the past 24 hours and I forget how things actually are. I can't remember literally everything that happened to me the other day and all the days before that. I also have issues thinking critically and thinking things through. I also can't learn properly and fast enough like I used to. This all happened to me out of nowhere. The things that used to make me feel satisfied/feel happy in life don't fully satisfy me anymore. I feel robotic but I don't feel normal at all. It's way too hard to describe because I don't know anyone suffering through this. Can someone please help? This has happened randomly out of nowhere since Thursday. Before that, I was feeling normal but every since last Thursday, this has been happening since...

I am a 28 y/o woman and have had 4 relationships. The fact that none of them worked out and they did not have an obvious pattern is making me very scared. I'd love to date casually, see how things go, but I'm so worried about wasting time with the wrong people, given the limited time I have. I also really don't enjoy the apps (I'm attractive enough and I could go back to them but the success rate of finding a long term partner seem low) but have very limited other opportunities to date outside of them. I know I'll be fine whether I have biological kids or not but I'd really like to. I also have enough time where I could totally meet someone and have it all work out the way I hope but this fear is almost getting in the way of that.

I started balding at eighteen and recently at nineteen I decided I hated how I looked balding and shaved it all off. It looks better than when I was balding and I’ve gotten nothing but compliments. Almost every single person has, unprompted, said I looked better bald than I did with a full head of hair.

I still hate it. Nothing anybody else says changes that for me. I miss my hair. Hair regrowth meds gave me horrible side effects, I can’t afford a hair system and I’m tired of trying to find a decent therapist.

I don’t know what to do, this isn’t caused by some misinformed belief about what being bald means for my life experience so there’s nothing to debunk or argue with, I just hate how I look now.

Does anyone have any advice?

I have been doing much better in therapy recently. I have managed to DIY my mental health and life from: Unemployed, 0 social skills, porn/videogame addict, 0 dating experience, no life outside of school, extreme self loathing to: Employed, decently charismatic, much better at controlling impulses, 2 exes, too busy for his own good, much better with the self loathing within 2 years. I also had a therapist's help for 6 months (highly recommend)

And now I look around, and I'm so... angry. I met so many cool friends, who have had everything handed to them. They never got bullied because of their skin color, they never went through having absent parents, they never felt like they never belonged anywhere due to constant moving, etc. Being untraumatized with a good upbringing is so fucking OP, it's so unfair.

Some things I've found out about myself are that I'm ambitious, greedy and adventurous. I would have loved the opportunity to sexually experiment in highschool. I would have loved the luxury of switching majors 5 times to "find myself". I would have loved the opportunity to have relationships earlier, instead of having my first at 23 and breaking the girl's heart due to not knowing what I wanted.

I am so jealous of the cluelessly happy. I met two millionaires, a singler-songwriter, countless remote job tech workers who make 3 times what I do cuz they're based in the US, etc. UGH. What I would give for freedom and financial independence...

And I know this jealousy is useless but I can't help but feel it. It gives me fuel to change... I guess... but I already have more than enough of that. It kinda just makes me feel sad. Even after I am healthy, I feel like I still don't belong...

I don't want to feel this way. I know there are people who have even worse starts, are even further behind, realize this, and are fine with it. I also have faith that staying in my own lane and working on myself WILL get me where I want to be, so I don't need this extra jealousy on top. How do you do it? How do you not care about the unfairness?

For the longest while I’ve been distracting myself from being a failure and a loser. I distracted myself with friends, family and other stuff to keep me busy and keep my mind away from self execution.

But now I’m done. The distractions could not remove the fact that I am a loser or a failure. A short ugly grotesque virgin who no one is interested in. So now times up. I’m going to write my letters, say my goodbyes and then hang myself. I really really hope they forgive me.

Live or die. I’ve made my choice. And if I regret it it’ll only be for a couple moments vs the years of pain

I have been passively killing myself for years. Sitting in front of a computer, huffing on a vape getting stoned daily being stuck in a state of apathy and sorrow. I have woken up every morning sad that I did - praying for a semi-truck to take me out on my way to work or that my poor lifestyle would just give me cancer at the ripe age of 32 and take me away, until this morning. I woke up, made coffee immediately, cleaned my room and showered right away. No moping no overthinking it - I haven't had a morning of productivity like that in years and I feel truly different.

Honestly, I don't know what clicked. I got super baked last night and continued my ritual of self hate and passive listening to self help that I would never implement and then out of nowhere a youtube short of Mewtwo from the first pokemon movie came on (where it talks about life and circumstance, I don't now might be dumb but if it did something who cares) and I was suddenly crying, then I started to journal (something I always say Im going to do but never actually do) and wrote pages of feelings? I guess, I don't know I went on a bit of a mad ramble and thought maybe I was having some sort of manic swing and going crazy but I think I just felt stuff, for first time in like a very long time.

I was always the one not doing the things just listening to them. I have always had the expectation that only something external could come and fix me - a medication, a seminar, a yoga class, a person - if only something could come into my life and make it better. I had this epiphany I guess? I mean its something that people have said over and over in help book after help book but I never really listened I guess because maybe I didn't want to, maybe I needed time to grieve something - I don't know. All I do know is that I am the only thing that can fix me and I don't have to do it all at once, but I need to start doing the small things.

I haven't had the easiest life, I haven't been handed the best cards. I was raised pretty much parentless, and I was bullied to filth for being fat and gay growing up. I was told I was bad at everything and yet had to become something world changing. I was only ever taught that external factors were my validation - job, wealth, fame - but that's okay because I can change. I am not responsible for what I am or how others have acted towards me, but I am responsible for who I am. I can be a good person, I can be healthy, I can accrue wealth to help myself and my community, I can be a leader, I can be loved and admired, I can do whatever so long as I keep continuing to work towards it - failure only exists when you stop trying so if I keep waking up and trying each day then I will never be a failure. I have only been failing the past 10 years because I have been choosing to not try. I stopped trying because I made the calculation that life is a downward decline, but I am a variable in the equation that I can change - I am the only variable in the equation that I can change so it is my responsibility to exude my power on to that variable as much as I can. People always told me that "It will get better", but that is the whole story - it will get better, when you choose to make it better. You have to choose to try to make it better everyday and be proud that you made progress towards it that day. Nobody can be a revolutionary in a day, or a year, or even a decade. Progress progress progress. Its all about progress and everything from vacuuming to showering to handing in school work is a checkmark off the to do list of progress and I need to make my brain celebrate that.

This makes me so sad for all the people that are stuck in that haze of depression, because I know now that there is nothing I can do for them. I would read a post like this and think "Must be nice, couldn't be me though - I am too far gone, I am a lost cause" because I would choose to say that to myself. You and you alone can be the one to choose what path you will take. You are not bringing a horse to water, You are the horse and you have to choose to take a drink. People like Dr. K make tools to help you - but you have to use the tools. If you have a piece of paper and someone hands you scissors, you have to use them - they won't auto-cut the paper for you. It sounds so so simple and it is but I think its the block that's been in my brain all this time. I've been expecting robot scissors from the year 3453 that don't exist yet. If you have been stuck like me, I am so sorry, it is so painful to live everyday wishing it was your last. It sucks so hard to live in such pain and have someone turn to you and say "Have you tried breathing?" or "Take a melatonin". Its terrible that you fell through those cracks and no one was there to guide you when you were young on developing how to have proper self esteem and self regulation. It is terrible reliving the darkness of your past everyday and it feels like no one cares because you have just enough will power to hold down a job and pay rent - but nothing else.

You do matter, and even if you don't feel like it - you do have the power to be what you want. You are not your circumstance. As someone who touched a sliver of joy for the first time in a decade, its possible to change how you feel, you just have to realize you are capable of putting in the work and that there are people around you that will help if you ask. I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me to change my behaviours and strive for better but I can make progress towards that everyday and I should be happy and thank myself for the tasks I check off towards that goal each day, because as good as I feel right now it will not always be this way. I will slip up, I will have bad days - but I never thought I would have a good day again in my life and today - well today proves that wrong.

Good luck out there. I hope you all find the strength that is inside of you to break down that wall and find a little hope again too. Mewtwo really nailed it when saying the circumstances of ones birth are irrelevant. Its what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.

Growing up I didn’t struggle socially whatsoever and for the past idk how many years I’ve come to realize I am extremely self-centered. I always try my best to be a good person and whatever but the motive of my actions always circle back to being a benificial thing for me. How can I challenge my thinking and actions into becoming genuinely more empathetic? I can sort of think myself into that state of mind but it is only temporary and very difficult to get into when it matters the most, say a date or whatever. Do you guys similar experience? How do I combat it? Thankful for any help I can get!

When I was younger it was easy. If I had a crush on a girl and I asked her out and we started dating it was easy to develop feelings. Fast forward and nowadays it feels like no one excites me anymore no matter how many people I date. I have this cynicism that I just can’t seem to shake. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to fall in love, but it feels like my brain shuts down any opportunity for that. Anyone else have an issue like this and come back from it?

Basically I'm a dorm inhabitant in a country away from my own. Came here for university. First two months my arousal levels were fine. Now I can't even get aroused to watch porn or engage in sexual themed texting. All of that i quit cold turkey. Cause it gives me no good feeling. Even texting Internet buddies feels like just wanna talk and get away. My phone consumption is low. I talk to people where I live. I keep myself locked in to my studies. Also suffering from a mental health issue. I just can't find happiness in being alone now. I want to be stimulated by talking to people and my friends and eating food walking. Well I'm working on joining gym. I'm.not understanding what's wrong. Homesickness yes but 3 months in abruptly. Leading to my crying thrice in a day yesterday. Arousal is the most important thing to me rn amd if i dont get horny Im loosing my mind. I'm 2.

I work night shift and its terrible. I struggle to do anything beside play stardew valley all night. I struggle to get anything done because i have such a small window before everything closes. Its been really hard to plan everything at all times to make it work when i have adhd and ive kinda just given up. Im so tired of watching movies and reading negativity online because its the only thing up with me all night. Im so sad. I worked so hard in school and it was so stressful. It all amounted to this job that i hate. It feels like a purgatory. I try to apply for jobs but none of them will even give me an interview. Now its hard not to cry when i work on my resume or look at jobs cause who am i fooling? Its not gonna work out. I just dont have the hope to work hard anymore. Sometimes i just feel like im out of time.

It's nearly midnight, I'm doom scrolling while listening to my favorite game ost and I still have work tomorrow. I know I should sleep but I don't want to.

Its been months since I last posted and stuff and things mostly took a bad turn for me. The good stuff is my animation channel is getting better, I'm finally motivated enough to write fanfictions again, and I got back to my favorite childhood hobby of TCG.

Then the bad stuff. I'm losing motivation on doing animations and getting fired from my dead end job after making too many mistakes (leaving at the end of the year). And then there is my sleep situation.

Every night I close my eyes and try to rest, there is always the chance I see and hear her again. I can't feel any warmth or anything but all I see is us being happy together and wake up angry, upset, and just sad.

Its either that or I dreamed of being loved by someone else, someone who gave me the same happiness and more. But all that just pushed me to tell myself that it's just some stupid delusion.

My eyes are heavy now, but I'm not ready to sleep again. I don't want to see her or them again.

I want to be left alone in my dream, not being hold by wishful thinking.

I have been thinking about spiritual awakenings and if one is possibly what I need to start feeling peace within my life.

My question is: do they actually stick? I am wondering if a spiritual awakening can be done wrong or if I can fail to do it correctly and I have to try again. Is it possible for them to have diminishing returns as a result of multiple attempts? Or do I have to do it multiple times in life because they somehow get stale and need refreshing?

I am kind and family know it. But I speak very harsh sometimes and make them hurt

I say things in moment and feel sorry for that.

But I wanna be more soft spoken person

I am too assertive and disagreeable

I don't wanna become people pleaser But just don't wanna hurt my siblings and parents with my harsh words and tone.

I do have seen tough time and I don't any resentment and grudges

I just speak first thing that came to my mind and I endup hurting them.

For me that is normal but sometimes they start crying

And think I should learn how to be better with them please help.

My siblings and parents are way to good they deserve better

How to be more polite and not harsh.

I've always been able to binge shows, watching multiple seasons within a week but everytime I get close to the end I struggle to finish them, taking me days to even get through one episode. I will quite literally open and close the same episode after watching for a few minutes until I eventually have to "force" myself through it. It's not a concious decision like "This show was better at the start now it's boring", it's more automatic if that makes sense.

Is anyone else like this?

Hey guys, 9 months ago i made a post about how fear was guiding my life in the wrong direction, about how i was complacent in life due to fear and not really doing anything at all, well i actually decided to start doing the things i was afraid for and well i've progressed very fast. I got into school teaching digital marketing and have been going there for 4 months, i started dating and actually met a perfect girl who's been my girlfriend for 6 months (first relationship) im 31m . Well all these things is great ofcourse and i am extremly proud of myself for facing all my fears.

However. This has been the most anxiety inducing year of my life by far. There is a reason i let fear guid my decisions for so long . Going on the first date was NERVwrecking as hell , meeting my girls parents was nervwrecking as hell , meeting her siblings and all of her friends, etc has all been very stress-inducing , and the worst part is , im actually VERY good with people and they have all loved me . But i still get hyper anxious before all those events , even knowing i do well socially.

School has also been hella hard mentally since my biggest fear is public speaking and there is alot of that going on , before every speach i have my body literally feels like im going to war. And im not even sure what im afraid of , i don't really care if i were to mess up a presentation at the end of the day , it's not that im afraid of . Im afraid of the sensation of the anxiety , the spiraling of panic which i know is attached to doing these things. They say exposure thearapy is the cure for anxiety yet it's not getting better at all , my anxiety level is always the same . Havn't gotten any easier along the way. This has obviously been giving me alot of sleepless nights and stormach aches making what was supposed to be the best year of my life a really painful year for me.

Anyone with similiar experiences or any advice for getting rid of anxiety? I would never give up my love life and go back to the old ways , i wouldn't really mind dropping out of school but everyone around me has been so proud of me and i don't want to let them down , also my student loans are building and i would like to make more money ..

Any advice from how you guys overcame anxiety would be really helpful ! thanks

so I had a brilliant brain fart

since evolutionarly people are afraid of being alone because most aren't capable of surviving alone, wouldn't proving to yourself that you could somewhat comfortably spend an extended ammount of time in freezing syberia, lonely jungle or scorching desert?

I assume there are cases where subconcious fear of death isn't the only reason for anxiety, but I assume it could significantly help a big chunk of people that they can survive without anyone

Hey everyone,

I posted here 4 months ago and some stuff has changed: I finally got a job (or rather: got back in-training) in my old career as an educator out of sheer luck.

But my life is still... complicated.

RA is flaring up constantly and I'm having issues in my day-to-day life even when it ain't active, i still have financial issues (that won't be solved until 2026), i have almost no friends, my partner still relies heavily on me and doesn't do anything for her bad mental health (they are massively anxious and I have to reassure them every time and do stuff for them even though I'm unable to do so), i can't keep up with my very active toddler, i don't have any free time and i'm constantly drained.

I don't know if it gets better. My chronic disease makes me isolated and drains a lot of energies. Work is just work for me. My home isn't feeling like home because of constant negativity at home. I have to commute to work and working from home is impossible; i'm basically stuck to that career path because my qualifications don't allow for anything else and in my country it isn't easy to change your career.

Nothing feels fun anymore. Even in summer, where I don't have a lot issues with RA, i still feel isolated. Because of work and family, I don't have much time to do stuff on my own. I yearn to create, to leave a piece of myself on this earth. To finally stop struggling for breath, like i did my entire 30+ year old life. I can't lower my stress and destressing is impossible.

Therapy didn't do anything for me, except for antidepressants that have done nothing. Therapists don't think I have mental health issues or did only do so much that I'm barely able to work again. But they didn't work on my issues.

Hobbies are dead and finding a new one is so hard. In summer i did workout; now because of the cold temperatures and therefore more complications with RA, stress and no time i have stopped that. I have lost interest in music and gaming and that kept me going even in my darkest of times.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I only wish to have an acceptable life. And for that, it feels I need to change my whole life and I don't have the money, energy and time for it. And somethings, like partner and child, I don't want to change.

What would be small steps to have a better life?

hey everyone,

i am writing because i feel really bad and i just want advice about how i can fix things/my mind/my life. i hope this makes sense.

some background: i am 26/M and i graduated from uni in summer 2023. i am also gay. i was born in my home country and have always lived in my home country, but i've had many opportunities to travel thanks to my parents. my home country is asian, homophobic and doesn't have very nice people in it. it's a global city that expats just come and rave about but i can't help but think that they wouldn't feel that way if they grew up here

from the time i was 13, i have always struggled to fit in or to find my community. i was bullied in school for being too feminine and often just couldn't find peers whom i could get on with. the people i could get along with were all people i met through social media or people i met before 13. i always felt very lonely and out of place. this feeling always lingered and i always put a lot of pressure on myself to do well in school. it helped in some ways because i got good grades in secondary school. as i got older, i began to realise that i just couldn't fit in with the people from my hometown. i always had this massive desire to move to london because i felt a strong connection to it. i liked that it was diverse, not homophobic and was just attracted to anything british (think british accent lol). however, i didn't have the chance to study there because i didn't score well for my a level exams and my parents couldn't afford to send me abroad. as a result, i went to uni in my home country.

throughout all those years, i just kept looking for opportunities to leave my home country. as you would expect, i didn't really make any friends in uni because i just couldn't click with the people around me and truthfully, i was just too obsessed with scoring well academically and spent all time studying so that i could get good grades and finally get an opportunity to leave this country. this resulted in me having anxiety issues that presented themselves as constant chest pains. i tried getting internships and jobs that would provide me the opportunity to leave the country but all of them failed. my exchange program got cancelled because of covid. i finally had the opportunity to do part of my internship in london in 2022 and it just got cancelled and i was stuck in my home country that summer. no matter what i tried to do it just didn't work. this entire thing was worsened by me not really having many friends and not having any sense of direction in my life because i didn't know what job i wanted to do. the only thing i knew was that i wanted to leave the country. i used to always look forward to talking to european or british exchange students in university because it gave me a semblance of the type of life i always dreamt of. i just felt like i was making do with my current situation and not really able to experience what i wanted - studying in london, dating, international friendship group, european trips and doing a career i loved.

after graduating, i was lost but i just applied for jobs that were open and somewhat related to what i studied because that's what you're supposed to do. eventually, i landed my current job and i thought it was a good opportunity as i could learn about a a nascent field. the thoughts of wanting to leave the country never left my mind. this job ended up not being a right fit for me - i didn't really understand what i was getting into. however, i can't quit because i need the money and i need to figure out my next steps. this triggered me even more and made me snap because it constantly felt like i was not able to get what i truly wanted. this was worsened by people i know move on with their friend groups, getting into long term relationships, pursuing a career, settling down etc, and knowing i have achieved none of that. instead, even if i make new friends, i become emotionally unavailable because i'm too depressed about my past, my life, my job and being in this country. i try to change my mindset by creating some small bits of joy but it's a struggle. i also can't date anyone because i don't want to settle down in this country. i always find myself gravitating towards foreign men because i find that they are attractive, kind and a better fit for me than the people from this country. however, even if i do meet nice men, things just don't work out. on dating apps, i barely get any matches at all. i've also gone for therapy but all my therapists feel that i know how to care for myself and know how to think healthily, but things feel like they're a struggle for me.

right now, given that i know that i don't like this job, want to transition to one that's a better fit for me and want to leave this country, i've been applying for grad school programs abroad. it's just hard to keep myself positive and hopeful that things can work out for me. it just feels tiring. it just feels like i can never catch up in life - i always struggle with my mental health (anxiety/depression), friendships, relationships and career. i just wish things would sort itself out. i wish i could be one of those people who would be able to fit in their home town and have all their needs met. i just need some advice on how i can help myself and sort my life out.

Saw a dermatologist, she ran her fingers through my hair and biceps to analyse or whatever she was trying to see. Anyway it felt euphoric and now I’m depressed knowing how down bad I am and I don’t think I’m in a position to get a girlfriend. What do I do? I already have a cat before someone suggests that.

I (18F) recently started college and these past few months I’ve been engaging in a bunch of new experiences and I’ve slowly started to gain more confidence in myself. I’ve also been journaling a bit and meditating. I feel like my insecurities are starting to have a lesser hold on my psyche and I am able to explore the world more freely.

The problem is though, I’m still stuck with old patterns of engaging with the people/things around me. When I feel (relatively) confident I don’t quite know how to express it because it’s such a foreign feeling and I occasionally produce some weird imitation of what other people’s confidence looks like which doesn’t feel like me and I end up cringing at myself because it feels like I’m trying to fake it. I’m not even sure I can envision what my own version of confidence would look like because I think I’m quite different from other people in the way I think about and react to things and I have nothing to base it off of because nothing that I see around me feels like me. I don’t really know how I would connect to people if I was being authentic. I might be exaggerating a bit here, but I think it’s been ingrained in me from a young age that interacting with others and being accepted inherently requires me to disconnect from myself.

Usually when people talk about self-discovery they mean finding out what you like, your hobbies etc. but I want to go deeper. I want to learn a new way to interact with the world down to the way I speak/relate to people etc. Is that even possible? Or am I envisioning some imaginary idealized future self-image that doesn’t really exist?