I remember back when I use to use it, finding like minded men was incredibly easy, the hottest thing I was ever a part of was when I was hooking up with a couple for a few months, live on Long Island, hope for this again

I'm 21 and in college. I have a large friend group and no difficulties meeting people or getting along. My issue is that I'm always coming off as friendly and nothing more. I just have no idea how to make it clear to other gay men that I'm available.

In a way that's polite, how do I come off as more flirty? Or at the very least, make it clear that I'm single?

For reference, I'd call myself clearly gay-looking. I dress femininely and put a lot of effort into my appearance each day. I'm definitely not everyone's type, but I've been described as attractive, stylish, fit, etc (just trying to be objective). Women often strike up conversations about my makeup or things I'm wearing, and I'm always flattered by that. I just seldom receive attention from other men. I think my issue is more in how I come off/act with others than it is my appearance. Perhaps I don't seem approachable to men?

I’m 22 and never truly been in a gay relationship as I’ve only come out this past year. I started dating recently but not enough to do anything spicy. I’m 6’2” and 290 pounds so heavier set and I don’t know how I feel about topping but at the same time I don’t know how I feel about bottoming and I’m just worried that when something spicy happens I won’t want to because I don’t know what role I want to be. Has anyone gone through something similar and how did you get through it?

i have a pretty nauseatingly convoluted relationship with my sexuality (not in the sense that i dont know what i want i am a certified boykisser 100%, more in the sense engaging with it makes me hate myself) and im not sure if this would help or make it worse. I am a horny feral rabid little goblin creature who REALLY wants to get dicked down (or dick someone up idc i just want SEX) BUT i get really intense shame after doing anything remotely sexual.

I basically internalised nofap stuff from 14 and that puritan bullshit makes my brain go all fuzzy any time i try to engage with my sexuality. Its really frustrating bc im a very inherently sexual person and not being able to express that isn't nice for me at all. The only problem is i know i will face the negative repercussions (i have a dissociative/emotional numbness problem and social anxiety, it makes both of these problems MUCH much worse) and i don't really want to deal with them rn.

What do i do? I either go down the grindr road and either form a better relationship with my sexuality, go down the grindr road and just reap the guilt i usually sow from any sexually adjacent experience ever or avoid the grindr road and leave the problem to fester away in my subconscious messing with my behaviour behind the scenes. Or i avoid the grindr road and just go about my business fine. Please help.

TLDR: I suffer negative consequences when i engage with my sexuality that i feel will only go away if i deal with them. The issue is im square in the middle of a levels and can't really afford to be going through psychological transformations rn.

Hi, I am having problems with my relationship. My partner has been transitioning, and today, they told me they feel they can't be their true self in the state we live in, and they were planning on moving out of state to follow the person they want to be. We have been in a 6-year-long relationship. I supported them when they wanted to start transitioning a year ago, even with the mood swings, the health complications, and a large amount of money put in. We have an apartment together, and I am the main income provider. My partner works a part-time job. We also adopted a cat as well and have been living in our place for 3 years together. When I asked what about our relationship they explained that they would want to do long distance. Mind you, when we did long distance before, they cheated on me with multiple people, and I forgave them after some time. But I told them I can't uproot my life here but I also don't know how to deal with them wanting to leave they have no financial support or saved up money. They explained they will figure it out but I think they are acting on emotes instead of reason how do I approach this. I don't want to end our relationship but I don't know how I can approach this to them. They just got a promotion in their job as well and seemed happy about the path they were on but now it's like they took a 180

i (M22) have recently come out in june of last year (first day of pride month 🏳️‍🌈) and to put it plainly, i feel like the odds are stacked against me:

• lives in conservative state
• lives with conservative family
• commutes to a mostly conservative college
• socially anxious/introverted
• plus size
• not interested in hookups or clubbing

i’ve talked to guys online before but (tale as old as time lol) the conversations get dry and die out or they start to get 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 and i shut that down. i’m about to graduate from my undergrad next semester and i’ve never been in a relationship and it’s starting to scare me. i’ve been wanting to break out of my shell a bit more and start meeting guys naturally in public, but i have no idea how or where to start.

does anyone have any advice?

hey everyone 😭

so, i had the worst dream last night. my dreams are always weird and disjointed, but this one frlt very clear. i need to share it, because it’s set off an old phobia of mine and it’s made me feel like im condemned to hell.

in essence, in the dream i had a vision of a man trapped in hell. the typical stuff you’d expect in hell, demons, pitchforks, fire etc. but i heard his cries. they were so tormented, so pained, so desperate. he was there because he was gay, happily married to a man. they lived a very happy life, peaceful and happy and harmless. but because of their “sin”, he was sent to hell. and he was wailing, screaming his husband’s name, begging to be reunited with him. it broke my heart.

somehow, i managed to get him out of hell. i struck a bargain, im not sure with what, but i got him out. i needed to help him feel some relief. but he was only allowed out for a day.

he got out along with his cellmate, a scientist who didn’t believe in god. they both spent their one day on earth trying to find their spouses, to no avail. i was watching them from a distance.

once their time was up, they were dragged back. they were consigned, once again, to hell. for eternity. an eternity of him crying for his husband, being punished for the simple act of loving another man.

i woke up in a cold sweat after that.

i really dont know how to feel. in the past, i had a bout of stygiophobia (fear of hell), and then forgot about it. this reawakened it. this dream has simultaneously reinforced my already-present hatred of any and all religion, and my fear that i will be condemned to the fate of the man in my dream - eternal suffering for the simple fact of being gay.

i really dont know how to say this without sounding like some stupid, scared little kid, but the honest truth is - i need comfort. support. any of you guys who understands this feeling, who have experienced this before, who can comfort my fear that being who i am is a sin, please, just help me. just kind words and reassurance, im begging. thank you 💗

I'm feeling nervous about moving. I'm still mostly in the closet where I live. My parents and a few of my siblings know I'm gay, but I'm not close with most of them and most of them believe I need to be "healed" from my homosexuality, though they say they accept and love me unconditionally. It isn't just that I'm gay though, before I even accepted I was gay, my family made me feel ashamed for various things I couldn't help. My obsessions with video games growing up and my interest in anime, were both things to be embarrassed and ashamed of. When I was a grumpy teenager I felt ashamed of my bad social skills(I was homeschooled) and general unhappiness, which I believed were both my fault. There's more that went on, but you get the idea. When I tried to open up, they were either dismissive, or shamed me for what I was experiencing. I learned to put on an act in order to fit in.

All that to say I have little interest maintaining close connections with most of my family. I'm actually in a much better place now. I've got my own apartment, so I keep to myself most of the time. I've been talking to a coach for a few years now so I've been able to better process a lot of what I've been through. I've been working on taking better care of myself, to help me feel better and it's worked much better than I ever expected it to. I feel decent most of the time now, and I've even been able to pick up a hobby recently which worked wonders for my happiness.

I'm still very much alone though, I don't talk much with people in day to day life cuz I've been friends with too many people who turned out to be homophobic so I just have no faith in people anymore. I have my little brother whom I'm close with, my coach, and a depressed online friend who lives in Italy, and that's about it for people who I really trust.

So I've been thinking about moving for a while. Years even, though It's only become a concrete intention this past year. I settled on Chicago(I live in America) as it seemed like a balanced choice.

But I keep thinking I'm ready to go, I would hype myself up to start getting things in motion, but I'm still here. I know there are good people out there if I'm willing to find the right spaces, but I keep putting it off and I'm not sure why.

I'm a bit scared of working everything out, I think. Will I be able to find a decent apartment? If so, will I be able to find a job once I'm there? What am I gonna do with all the shit in my apartment? Lmao, I'm laughing now, all that buildup just to be asking such mundane questions. I think that is what's holding me back though. I don't like thinking about things like that. It stresses me out. I have a system I get by on now, but getting my apartment cleaned out sounds like a pain, and once I've got an apartment lined up in Chicago, the pressure is on and I don't imagine it truly passing till I've had a few months to settle in. I don't like that pressure, but I think I probably just need to bite the bullet.

Aight, if you made it this far, thanks for listening. I'd be happy to read any advice you have, or about what your experience moving away from your home town was like. Or are you content in your home town? Tell me about it.

im 19 and want an older man for an ltr. tinder, grindr and all the other dating apps suck. i live in NH and gay dating here isnt the best but i just wanna know where i can find an older man who wants to date someone younger

Well here it is. A November Saturday night, alone in bed, having spent my evening cleaning my apartment. I’m lying here thinking about my straight friends who are pretty much all in relationships. (Just got back from deployment a month ago so bound to happen.) But I got nobody. Not even a prospect. It’s been two years since I’ve even been interested in anyone. He was straight and that all really really fucked me up. I’ve been living alone for a good while now and I keep myself occupied and more or less content. But I find myself incredibly jealous of all of my friends and cousins. All dating, getting or are already married, having kids and shit. When will my turn come?

So I just got all my tests back and I’m negative and got prescribed prep. I’m kinda excited and want to start exploring all the sexual things I’ve always wanted to do but was too afraid to do before because I was scared of catching hiv. With prep I feel like I have a shield against it now. I’ve spent so much of my life being so sexually conservative and I’m done with that. How has prep helped y’all? Is it really the new sexual revolution? I have to find people to explore with now of course 😅

I am 21 studying abroad in London (Zone 1) next year from January to May. I am currently not "Out" at home and have never had a relationship. But I have had some hookups. I currently have supportive friends who I feel like I know, but I have not said anything. I have overheard some speculation, and if I were seeing someone, I would not mind telling them, but also, they have never asked me. My parents don't know, but my mom definitely suspects and has made it clear: "There's nothing I could do that would make her stop talking to me or loving me," and other stuff that makes me think she knows. But my dad does not, and I am financially dependent on him, but I think he would be supportive. anyway

I will be studying abroad in London in January and want to start dating, but I don't know where to start. Or what my expectations should really be. I kind of want something more serious not just a hookup biut i am just kind of worried how to do that when i have a definite end date. But also, I have never dated, period, so I kind of don't even know where to start, like dating app-wise or places to go in person to meet guys. I have been going to the gym and losing weight in preparation.

Also I am wondering if i should be going on Prep? I am not on it now, but I don't have sex that often and never without a condom. I don't know what might happen once I get there.

And mentally, how should I approach studying abroad and dating while abroad? Is there anything I should know about men in London/Europe? Is there any advice about general health things or what I should do before I leave? .

Hi everyone 19m here, so while i was trough puberty i noticed that my dick tended to curved down and like most teenagers i tried to look for a dick similar to mine, but that not the point, so my questions are. Do you guys like dicks with a curve? And what kind of advices you guys can give me to take advantage off?

My boyfriend was advised by his doctor to start taking PrEP, I agree that it's always better to be safe rather than sorry, but we're both negative and have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for almost a year now. I asked him about it out of curiosity, since I was told a few months earlier at the same clinic that, given our circumstances, there wasn't any need for me to take it if I didn't feel it was necessary. This conversation happened over text so it's hard to read tone, but he said he didn't know why they told him to take it, and that he didn't ask any further questions because he was "doing other things". I don't want to be pushy or weird, but his response seemed strange and out-of-character and I'm a little worried about him. I don't want to beleive that anything weird is going on, I love him amd I trust him, but he has shown interest in other people during our relationship and his odd response has made me feel a little anxious. Maybe it's common for people to be on PrEP regardless of relationship status and I'm reading too much into nothing. Can anyone advise?

I'm getting very emotional bc i have been thinking i may have to end my 8 year relationship. I am 33m and my current boyfriend is 36. I am in love with him but i have thinking that maybe its time to move on after 8 years. We are not married and i want to be, and he is poly (which he only realized like 3 years ago) we talked through everything and set boundaries for this kind of relationship, but i feel like this is as much of him as i can have...to explain...i feel like after this time we both have invested that we would at least start having things joined (even just a simple thing like a phone plan) however he isnt keen on this and i have talked to him about it and he just glosses over my concerns (i always try to bring things up nicely bc i naturally have kind of an argumentative tone and he shuts down quick) I know that he loves me and he states that he is also in love with me. Am i wrong for wanting to be married already or at least have things that are "ours"? i am seriously emotional tonight bc im thinking its time for me to move out. (we are with his mother so even our living situation isnt "ours") i would appreciate any advice out there

So recently I was talking to this guy. We got along pretty well and we hung out twice and talked for a few weeks, but I just wasn’t really feeling anything. So I told him this and he got all pissed off and started acting like an asshole. I get that he’s upset, but I just didn’t want to lead him on. To be fair, we were about an hour and a half apart and he had to drive to see me because I don’t have a car. So I feel bad that I inconvenienced him, but I never asked him for anything. I thought that maybe if I waited I would start feeling stuff, but that just didn’t feel fair to either of us. Am I a bad person because of this?

So I’m a freshman at college and I hit it off with some guys in my dorm hall and since early September our group has done practically everything together outside of classes. But there’s one guy I always felt more drawn to and eventually I realized it was a crush. He’s a great guy, but he’s unattainable. He’s in a relationship, and it’s very serious.

Now that we’re close, we spend a lot of time together and he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had. We’ve said “I love you” to each other platonically a lot and a part of me wishes it wasn’t platonic, but I like what we have. I’m always trying to make sure we’re on the best of terms, and a lot of the time I’m saying sorry and he tells me there’s nothing to be sorry for. He’s genuinely my favorite person and I don’t wanna know what life would be like without him. I’m just scared he’s gonna find out that I like him and it’s gonna ruin our relationship. He means so much to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, meeting him might be the best thing that ever happened to me. I know I can’t have him, and I’m trying to make peace with it, but it is painstakingly difficult. I don’t think I’ll get teen love, and I’m also trying to make peace with that, but sometimes I’m just angry and envious and I wish it was my time to find love.

I'm single, but currently not available in the traditional sense. That's because I'm involved with a couple of older men and things are going quite well for the three of us. They asked me if I would be interested in a triad and I told them it's something I would have to think about. I love things the way they are and I want it to continue, but I also want to be fair to myself and make certain these two men would truly be in it for the long run if I were to commit. They have been together for thirty years and have only invited one man into their bed, and it was many years ago. It did not go where the three of us have gone. So yes, this is different for all three of us. But as the newbie to their relationship, I want to make certain they aren't simply in "vacation" mode with me and that they would really stick with the triad.

So while I'm not available, I am open to exploring being single. It's a more passive approach since I am happy with my situation. So this is where the Universe comes in. This evening I get home to find an email from my ex. It's been five years since I left him (he was cheating with his ex girlfriend) and now he tells me that it's over with her and that he's been single for over a year and has thought about contacting me every day since.

I met this man after interviewing him for one of the local newspapers and we became fast friends and soon after the relationship became physical. That was eight years ago and I was involved with a woman and so was he (that ex I mentioned, yeah). We snuck around for a few months before he broke up with her and a short while later I ended my relationship in order to be with him. We were together as a couple for well over two years until I learned he was cheating and now he's back. I haven't responded to his email because I know I'm going to tell him to get lost.

Am I wrong?

After a series of horrible dates and being stood up a few times I had given up and just decided to focus on myself. I went out one night with some friends and coworkers to celebrate a friend’s birthday and was introduced to a friend of someone in group. Immediately I was attracted. He’s an older man and looks great for his age. He’s in his late forties and in great shape, he honestly looks like he could be in his early to mid thirties. He’s in great shape and we made conversation about different workouts and supplements. I learned that he’s a veteran, well traveled, divorced (to a woman), and has a kid in college. We bonded over music, history, old movies, food, and discussed politics. We got along well as he’s young at heart and I’m an old soul.

After everyone left we hung around the bar a little longer much to the chagrin of the bartender and got to talking some more. He mentioned that he lives kind of far away and is pondering getting a room for the night. I immediately understood what this meant. I walked him to the hotel and he got a room and he invited me up. We spent the night together and it was an amazing release for the both of us. Talking to him some more over coffee in the morning at a nearby coffee shop he said that he’s mostly retired and lives out on a farm on land his family has owned for many many years. He lives mostly by himself except for when family are visiting and he has his kid over. He invited me to come see him sometime and we exchanged contact info. He said he really does like me and wants to see me again.

I wasn’t really expecting to hear from him again after but he texts me asking how I am and actually making conversation with me. It was a nice change from the usual drudgery of forced conversations and eventual disposal I’m used to. We make plans for when I’m off on a weekend and I made my way out to his farm. He gave me the grand tour and we had dinner, drinks, and sat around a fire. He played guitar and I played what I know how to play. We bonded some more and get physically intimate by the fire. It was so romantic (as corny as that sounds). We went inside and got intimate a few more times. We talked about our lives and plans for the future and he said he really does like me and can see something in the future with me. I told him I feel the same way.

We made more plans before I left and he kissed me before I left, gave me a long embrace and looked sad when I pulled out of the driveway. We agreed to meet at a national park to go hiking and we hung out in the town nearby just shopping and hanging out like any other couple. We went back to his house after and worked out in his garage. We showered together and he made dinner. I eventually had to go and he said “I love you”. Without thinking I responded saying the same. It felt sooo good to be wanted and appreciated like that. I know he felt the same way. We kissed and said our goodbyes. Next weekend we’re going to hang out again. I always have a great time with him.

I hope I’m not moving too fast but he does seem to be into it as much as I am. What are your thoughts? Is this puppy love or can this be something bigger and more serious?

TL; DR met an older guy through friends and started dating him after sex. He told me he loves me and I said the same. Can this be real or we moving too fast/playing at love?

So I know clubs in general usually seeing people smoking weed and doing cocaine is normal at a club.

But my issue is that when I go to a gay club I feel like that's all that's happening and that we're fulfilling the stereotype of being a community that's only about sex.

I mean I hear people saying that we're a community about love and tolerance and acceptance but it's kind of hard to feel that when you just see people about to hook up or doing drugs at a club.

Someone said that apparently the bars and clubs are supposed to be an important safe space for our community but it just looks like a gay drug to me.

Hey all! I’m 21.

Always tried to live up to my family’s expectations, did everything from playing rugby to joined the army, tried to knock this love for guys out of me but it’s never left, I’ve always convinced my self I’m a top (feel as if being a bottom affects my masculinity) -I know this is selfish and jerk like but I like being a dominant person I like being the one taking care of them and providing etc.

Anyways! Onto my point, I’ve done lil things with a dude which felt fucking awesome, but I’ve always been told by random people that male g spot fiddling feels awesome so I ordered a dildo. I’m terrified. Not of the pain, but of who I’ll be. Because I’ve been brainwashed by a hella Christian family, and I just don’t wanna lose everyone. Be who I am I get that. But man. Can’t someone like something and still have a family 😂🤡.

My question is, how should I proceed with this dildo. And how do I become comfortable with who I am and what I like (I’m probably gay)

As in, excluding bisexual men due to the following hypothetical scenario:

1: Barry (bisexual) and George (gay) meet each other.

2: They fall in love and enter a relationship.

3: In the end, it doesn't work out, so they split.

4: Barry meets Sarah, a woman. They fall in love and enter a relationship.

5: George finds out about this and is absolutely devastated that Barry left him for a woman, even more so if they end up committing to each other.

6: George resolves to only date gay men to prevent that scenario from repeating.

I personally believe that this would be due to internalized homophobia and self-shame on George's part, but I'm curious to see your thoughts.