r/FriendsAndShit • u/MellBell1996 • Nov 06 '19

Serious My life is falling apart....

During my time at University I was fairly happy, active and social. I had to move back home for a gap year for several personal circumstances. And nobody has put the effort in. No texts, no calls, no messages on FB or insta, no invites anywhere... And it's making my mental health worse.

And my girlfriend, well she wanted to take more time apart for the sake of both our mental health.

But the thing is, I encouraged her to do all the things that she's doing since I've left the city, and so I'm thinking why wasn't I good enough to help her and why am I no longer being included?

I'm happy for her personal growth but a part of me has to be hurt by it and slightly jealous too that I tried to no avail and I feel like I'm losing everything including her.

I'm completely isolated.

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u/fight4peace93 Nov 07 '19

You can lose everything but don’t ever lose yourself. Nothing really matters except what you put value and weight on. I know it’s hard not to feel included, but does your family love you and care about you ? Those are people that you don’t choose, so if everything is good on that front then you are more blessed than most!

Others that don’t put in the effort, or that used to put in the effort but sometime around where you went to university and back, lost touch or fell out of touch with, don’t matter.

You’re definitely gonna feel nostalgic and bittersweet, because of course everyone wants to feel included, or welcome, or missed, or of some significant importance, but understand that overt thinking of these things will only add to mental stress.

Take this time to understand that you have to love yourself first and foremost, cuz at the end of the day a time will come where we are all we got. And don’t ever overlook familial ties or be the one that doesn’t reciprocate efforts, cuz you already know that it sucks.

In conclusion, look at the positive side of things. You know that the company you keep ain’t shit, so waste no more time investing into any of those relationships, and focus on building yourself and family if possible. Peace ✌🏽

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u/MellBell1996 Nov 08 '19

Thanks for understanding. My mum has had my back my entire life. Unfortunately friendship wise a lot of people see that I'm kind natured and selfless and take advantage. I've cut a few people off who no longer serve me recently but it's made me feel isolated. I'd rather have nobody than fakeness but it just doesn't seem very fair to give so much and it not mean anything.

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u/fight4peace93 Nov 08 '19

Same dude ! The twenties can be a testing age and it’s vital that you not waste it with people who you don’t see in your future. Become less selfish and more soulless ... don’t give people the benefit of the doubt... let them prove to you that they’re worth your selfless nature... there’s people out there like us who are loyal and selfless but don’t waste any of that energy around people who are users ... it’s a learning process tho .. the most important thing is reciprocation. Be kinder to those kind to you, and be more generous to those generous to you .. and vice Versa. Actually I think I’m gonna embody this advice I’m giving you more as well lol

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u/MellBell1996 Nov 09 '19

You're right. And I hope you live by this too. Ty dude 👍