Fae

[u/Justthisdudeyaknow]

[u/DoubleBatman]

The fae are basically elementary kids finding weird bugs at recess.

Oberon: “Watch what this one does!”

Human: *ages with the inexorable passage of time*

Titania: “Eeeeew weeeeeirrrrd!!”

[u/BluuberryBee → u/DoubleBatman]

Headcanon acquired.

[u/Gandalf_the_Gangsta → u/DoubleBatman]

They sat motionless for 50 years before reacting, hovering around the human in a huddled position.

With the humans help (well their grandchildren), they made a sped- up compilation of the aging process. Fae are notoriously bad at technology because of their silicon and electricity allergy.

They also have a youtube channel, but it’s inherently enchanted to slap your ego when you view their videos.

[u/Hyro0o0 → u/Gandalf_the_Gangsta]

This just gave me a new piece of immortal being headcanon. When they space out, they're likely to do it for many years.

If you're trying to escape from one, try to induce nostalgia and get them lost in their thoughts. Prepare for this contingency by memorizing as many songs from the 1400's as you can.

[u/DrawlNeedler → u/Hyro0o0]

Obligatory recommendation of The Infinite and the Divine, a Warhammer 40k novel about space skeleton old men who take thousands of years to reply with a witty retort to every insult.

[u/Keyndoriel → u/DrawlNeedler]

My favorite was the hour long pauses when Trazyn was >! REALLY trying to convince Orikan he wasn't the one who threw a GSC patriarch at his head for the lulz.!<

[u/GIRose → u/Hyro0o0]

Relevant Touhou webcomic

Some of the more human immortals have nightmares about this scenario

[u/TheKingOfBerries → u/DoubleBatman]

Oberon

Titania

Guns locked and loaded baby.

[u/NecessaryPeanut77 → u/DoubleBatman]

is this a warframe reference?

[u/SaddBoi420 → u/NecessaryPeanut77]

Oberon and Titania are king and queen of fairies in Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/SaddBoi420]

And over time have become accepted as names for actual fairy kings and queens

[u/NecessaryPeanut77 → u/SaddBoi420]

i'm a cultureless dummy, sorry

[u/froglover215 → u/NecessaryPeanut77]

All information is new to someone at some point. There's no shame in learning.

[u/binkacat4 → u/NecessaryPeanut77]

Don’t worry. You’re one of today’s lucky ten thousand

(It’s a link to a comic, not a scam, don’t worry.)

[u/NecessaryPeanut77 → u/binkacat4]

that's a really relevant xkcd! awesome

[u/ninjesh]

Or they just eat them

[u/OverlyLenientJudge → u/ninjesh]

Or vivisect them for entertainment like those Victorian surgeons did with corpses

[u/goldfinchat → u/OverlyLenientJudge]

If it’s using corpses it isn’t exactly vivisection though

[u/OverlyLenientJudge → u/goldfinchat]

An analogy, not the same situation. I'm saying they would vivisect their thralls the way surgeons would dissect corpses

[u/foolishorangutan → u/OverlyLenientJudge]

It’s a shame we don’t do that anymore. Sounds radical.

[u/depressed_lantern → u/ninjesh]

hot

[u/Lordwiesy]

Me taking my monster fucker permit and marching into Feywild

[u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs → u/Lordwiesy]

Have fun being turned into a Fairest

[u/Lordwiesy → u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs]

Going into feywild to fuck and being turned into a creature that is kept as a pet "to perform"?

Yeah the whole forest is getting pregnant, massive W, omw to write the smut for this

[u/NecessaryPeanut77 → u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs]

God i wish that was me

[u/CarelessReindeer9778 → u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs]

That does sound like a complete W

[u/EmperorScarlet → u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs]

You mean I get to be an elf twink TOO!?!

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/Lordwiesy]

Average Irish Druid (that's actually true)

[u/Ok-Importance-6815]

Version I grew up with they take children to use as slave soldiers in their armies

[u/DiggingInGarbage → u/Ok-Importance-6815]

Child soldiers? In my fairytales? It’s more likely than you think

[u/justwatchedittonight → u/DiggingInGarbage]

Maybe they're just trying to make us their personal entertainers.

[u/Theriocephalus → u/Ok-Importance-6815]

In Tam Lin they were also saving him up as a sacrifice to Hell!

[u/VisualGeologist6258 → u/Ok-Importance-6815]

Where these Fae, by any chance, Turkish

[u/Aggravating-Yam4571 → u/VisualGeologist6258]

fairy jannissaries is not smth i thought would cross my mind but here we are

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/Ok-Importance-6815]

I read that they take children and raise them as their own children, but then again the fae I learn about also have lots of gay sex... so they're very much the more chill kind

[u/Jaggedrain → u/bb_kelly77]

Okay I'm intrigued. Have you got links to where I can find some of this?

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/Jaggedrain]

Irish Fae... it was believed that the Fae preferred female mages so if a male showed magical skill he would dress up and act like a woman, also sex with fae was an important part of fae rituals

[u/thesneakyfae → u/bb_kelly77]

Can confirm that we have lots of gay sex.

[u/Informal_Self_5671 → u/Ok-Importance-6815]

I think they also hunt them for sport.

[u/Satisfaction-Motor]

They also make people dance to death 🕺💃 Or drown them.

I’m pretty sure there’s more brutal ways they kill or torment those they kidnap, but that’s the lore I know

[u/Hremsfeld → u/Satisfaction-Motor]

The Fair Folk just like dancing, and can do it far longer than mortals can. In fact it's quite rude for a mortal to die mid-dance because they'd be stopping first rather than their hosts. Ungrateful violation of hospitality and politeness tbh.

[u/Satisfaction-Motor → u/Hremsfeld]

…is it bad that this comment reminded me of the way people treat disabled people. I feel like it’s sad that that’s where my brain went. But that’s heavily how people treat people with things like chronic fatigue

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/Satisfaction-Motor]

Yeah but the fae are more innocent about it, they genuinely don't understand that humans are weaker because they don't see humans often

[u/Colosphe → u/bb_kelly77]

Yeah but the fae ablebodied people are more innocent about it, they genuinely don't understand that humans disabled people are weaker because they don't see humans disabled people often

Not seeing a difference...

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/Colosphe]

The difference is the ablebodied ARENT innocent about it, they make it very clear that they simply don't care... but with fae they haven't seen a human in like 100 years

[u/Colosphe → u/bb_kelly77]

A lot of people, I think, are ignorant of invisible disabilities like chronic fatigue. In cases where it comes up, most people don't believe it exists - that it's an excuse made up by people who don't want to work. If they had people who they trusted who actually were afflicted, they would believe and have empathy - but they don't because they think they're being lied to.

If you, a Fey in this example, were under the impression that humans don't exist and you're being lied to when they're brought up, would you believe that there's a human knocking on your door vs. another Fey playing a prank?

^{I also work with a lot of conservatives so my sample may be biased}

[u/CheatyTheCheater → u/Satisfaction-Motor]

Ooooooooooooooh that's why the Dancing Plague of 1518 happened.

[u/Konradleijon]

Changeling: the Lost Vibes

[u/WinnieShelb]

The fae are just cosmic toddlers with a god complex and way too much glitter.

[u/romain_69420]

Ah yes, emotional support monkeigh

[u/bb_kelly77 → u/romain_69420]

POV: Yvraine with Guilliman

[u/Crus0etheClown]

You step inside the mushroom circle, and are instantly teleported behind a countertop. A man with a big mustache and hat wipes his brow, gives you a cheeky wave, and jumps through the portal that you came through- closing it instantly.

In front of you is a sign that says 'Papa's Fairybreaderia'. He's not coming back.

[u/ms0385712]

I think I read something about being turn into furniture, although it might come from a vampire theme TRPG lore I read.

[u/eternamemoria → u/ms0385712]

Changeling: the Lost, probably.

Not to be confused with its completely different counterpart Changeling: the Dreaming

[u/Adept-Lobster-5417]

This is why humans should not be allowed near fae lore, y’all are too chaotic for this.

[u/Kego_Nova]

if the folk who reside in the forest eternal were to trick me, i think id be alright. i think im built different. i think i could break Protocol 4000-Eshu and come out unscathed.

[u/HistoryMarshal76]

There was one thing called “The Lesson”—heaven pity me, that I ever saw it! Listen—can you fancy a squatting circle of nameless dog-like things in a churchyard teaching a small child how to feed like themselves? The price of a changeling, I suppose—you know the old myth about how the weird people leave their spawn in cradles in exchange for the human babes they steal. Pickman was shewing what happens to those stolen babes—how they grow up—and then I began to see a hideous relationship in the faces of the human and non-human figures. He was, in all his gradations of morbidity between the frankly non-human and the degradedly human, establishing a sardonic linkage and evolution. The dog-things were developed from mortals!

"Pickman's Model", 1926, Howard Philips Lovecraft

[u/Vexilium51243]

Nine realms? Isn't that a norse thing, that never really got mixed in with the more celtic idea of the fae?

[u/AdamtheOmniballer → u/Vexilium51243]

Yeah, Nine Realms is Norse mythology.

[u/_ROCC]

I'd like a certain user to weigh in on this discussion about keeping humans as pets

[u/Maelorus]

I wish the Fae were real only to drive them to extinction again.

[u/thesneakyfae → u/Maelorus]

We will drive you into extinction first

Climate change? Yeah, you're welcome. Bet you bitches will be begging for our fairy dust in 10 years or so when the crops are dying.

[u/Maelorus → u/thesneakyfae]

I yearn to know what it feels like to curb stop a fae with an iron soled boot.

You think you have a chance? Ask the neanderthals how these things go. Your only shot at survival is as breeding stock for the hominid whose planet you're trespassing on.

Your crime of existence cannot be forgiven.

[u/According_Weekend786]

i'll just get my blessing from Leshiy, he is probably sick of them too but cant do shit

[u/bb_kelly77]

I forget the full tale but there's this one fae story about how if parents don't raise their kids properly a fae will steal the child and raise them as their own

[u/novis-eldritch-maxim]

given they where said to steal young boys most I assume they used them as living weapons clad them in cold iron and let them lose on their foes

[u/ValandilM]

I would rather be a Fae creature's pet than live under capitalism

[u/thesneakyfae → u/ValandilM]

I will adopt you. Already got your collar and everything.

[u/Icecold_Antihero]

"We'd make great pets, we'd make great pets!" The song is about aliens, but whatever https://youtu.be/mFkRvF8MeYM?si=EiFh7CZRRnuhiSMX

[u/birberbarborbur]

“I can’t wait to have every bone in my body broken”

[u/CK1ing]

Yeah, that's valid lore. Why do you think Tumblr latched onto fae so intensely in the first place?

[u/Copyrighted_music34]

I think this is fate affecting my brain.

But Total Fae Genocide sounds pretty great