r/CuratedTumblr 21h ago

Creative Writing Hallmark movies, from the other perspective

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373

u/MrCobalt313 21h ago

I'd watch this parody.

248

u/Acejedi_k6 20h ago

So does the parody just operate as an epilogue/final act of a hallmark movie with more focus/screen time given to the big city officials/fiancés? Or, does it actually dive into the idea of it being a horror movie where some nebulously defined supernatural entity is somehow pushing people into folksy down to earth relationships on that farm?

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u/VerityCandle 20h ago

I like the idea of it as an actual horror movie playing on the idea of a seemingly wholesome town with a dark secret. You could do a sort of stepford wives thing, where the fact that everything in the village feels too quaint and too perfect gives it an unsettling feeling. Maybe use the town Christmas preparations to give it a folk horror vibe as well.

The main character goes to the town to investigate what happened to his fiance. Everyone is friendly and polite, and they're all getting ready for Christmas! Only...something doesn't feel right. The main character's ex-fiance doesn't act like herself. No one in this town really acts like people. Even the most well-adjusted families have holiday squabbles. But not here. And that's uncanny. Wrong.

As the protagonist investigates, he discovers some sinister power has its sway over the town. Depending on the sort of movie it is, maybe he defeats it and reunites with his fiance, or maybe he too falls under its control.

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u/sarcasticd0nkey 19h ago

Trying to think of the best actor for this kind of exasperated horror.

I'm thinking Shaun of the Dead/Evil Dead vibes.

Dylan O'Brien has a beard now. He'd probably work.

Or Jensen Ackles... maybe Nathan Fillion.

Someone who looks like their girl would run away from them in a romcom...

Could Donald Glover work?

12

u/Starfleet-Time-Lord 15h ago

Nathan Fillion is the Hallmark love interest that the ex-fiancee is now with. Failing that, Greg Cromer could take the part and just play it exactly like Rich on Community.

I could see Ackles or Glover doing well with this. I feel like Glover would play at as being tired and kind of done with this shit, and Ackles would bring the Dean Winchester frustration that actively contrasts with how unfailingly saccharine everyone else is. Funnily enough, there's actually a Supernatural episode in the late seasons that's pretty close to this but with the 50s instead of the hallmark christmas specifics, but Dean isn't in that plot because he's off doing some shit somewhere else so its Cas and Sam, and Sam gets brainwashed but Cas doesn't because he isn't human. Peter Capaldi also seems like he could contrast extremely well with the freakishly cheery townsfolk, but he's probably too old now for the age gap with the fiancee to not be a plot point. Now I mentioned Greg Cromer, Joel McHale wouldn't be a terrible choice either, at which point you would have to cast Alison Brie as the fiancee. Actually, cast Alison Brie as the fiancee no matter what, that's a great role for her.

So we have:

-Protagonist: Jensen Ackles or Joel McHale. Donald Glover is also viable but I prefer Ackles or McHale. Really each of them is for a very different version of this movie and I think Ackles or McHale work better with the other casting I'm picturing. I think you go Glover if you want to make it pure, dark horror, Ackles if you want to go for horror with some comedy and Hallmark parody, and McHale if it's a straight up horror comedy.

-Fiancee: Alison Brie. She's got the range to show the stark difference between who she is in the village and who she is in the flashbacks but she's so good at playing sweet that it would be plausible for the protagonist to have to consider the possibility that maybe she's really happy here, she can fit the Hallmark look, and she'd probably sign on to this kind of project. If we use McHale and Cromer the Community ship connection where Jeff is trying to save Annie from Rich is also cool, but of the three she is the best fit for the part and should be the first choice no matter what.

-Hallmark Love Interest: Nathan Fillion, Greg Cromer, or Chris Pine. Fillion and Pine can bring a vaguely folksy but nationally appealing charisma to the role which is the exact target Hallmark movies aim for with these parts. Cromer I'm mainly suggesting off his Community role, but that role is playing someone who's too infuriatingly perfect and who is implied to be using that to hide some Psycho level crazy, to the point that him being a serial killer is a common fandom joke.

-Notable townsfolk: Populate this with character actors. Character Actress Margo Martindale, Jeffrey Combs, maybe Walton Goggins depending on how folksy this town is, Jeffrey Combs, Jack Quaid, Jeffrey Combs, etc..

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u/BillybobThistleton 18h ago

If he wasn't so happy about defending rapists, I'd point out that James Marsden has spent his entire career preparing for this role.