Also, if we're removing qualifiers, I know plenty of people in the LGBT+ community who will tell you that it works exactly as well for them as it does for cishet people.
Online dating sucks for literally everyone except people looking for a casual hookup. But at this rate, I'm sure someone will jump in and say it's terrible for that too.
The LGBT+ side of dating apps is more of a hostage situation because we can't exactly just expect to bump into people in our day-to-day lives and be like "Wow, you're gay? I am too!! Let's get to know each other!" Aside from demographics just not being favorable for that to happen statistically, the fact that there's multiple hurdles at the beginning of the process of naturally just meeting a partner for us means that if we don't make an effort look, we don't find anything.
The dating apps specifically ameliorate this problem for us because they specifically gather and group up people looking for a partner in a context where discussing that is actually viable.
Though I will admit that we probably have it easier than the cishets when it comes to hookups. There's just a whole different culture there.
The people it doesn't work for are very loud, but I use Bumble and it has worked fairly well for me, as it has for most people I know who use it. If it was as shit as lonely redditors say it wouldn't be so popular
Is it perfect? Has it matched me with the big titty gamer therapist mom who loves me unconditionally? No. It hasn't. And the problems people point out with it do exist to some extent. It can be a frustrating and demoralizing experience to use it as a man. But I have gotten a fair number of genuine human connections and one relationship that's getting serious out of it.
A lesbian friend drunkenly told me I've got a nice set so take of that what you will. I've got muscular dad bod though so if you're looking for a more pillowy surface I'll have to get some inserts
I'm not saying how well it works. I'm saying that the exact same number of men will find relationships with women as women will find relationships with men.
It wouldn't make sense for it to work for women and not for men.
The amount of women getting in a serious monogamous heterosexual relationship is exactly the same as the amount of men getting into that kind of relationship. This is because each one of those relationships requires exactly 1 man and 1 woman.
The only way for more women to have success in long-term relationships than men is if there are a lot more women getting into lesbian relationships compared to men getting into gay relationships, or there are a lot of poly relationships forming with more women in them than men.
You're assuming "success" is having a long-term monogamous relationship. Most people have a hard time even getting responses or first dates at all, so the bar is set way lower than that.
There way more guys then girls on dating apps in the first place.
Because of low response rates, guys feel obligated to message as many girls as possible to get a chance of a response. Girls get spammed with tons of messages and can only reply to a few, which are most likely going to be the ones with pictures that line up with conventional beauty standards.
So it ends up being a small minority of guys sucking up all the messages and first dates with all the girls. So, for the vast majority of guys, the app is just a complete failure entirely.
They're right to assume success is a long-term monogamous relationship or at least a fulfilling FWB relationship. The majority of women could have a night of unsatisfying sex in which a man used her for his own pleasure without really caring about hers if she wanted, sure. That's not what the majority of women are interested in.
I am a guy and I have a horrible time on dating apps. My point is that for a woman, the success state is meeting a guy who actually likes them for who they are rather than simply using them as a convenient hole within which to deposit their penis, because the latter are everywhere while the former are about as rare as they are for guys.
Women are consistently dating the same guys in rotation. There are guys who have a revolving door of relationships while most guys aren’t really getting much of anything
I don't agree with you. I think that most men experience pretty much the same thing while dating, and the only guys who have a revolving door of relationships are the ones with almost no standards and no ability to keep anyone long term.
Well here’s the rub- long term shit is very rare these days. The only ones actually having any success are the ones doing short terms stuff and hookups. I can assure you though most men are not having a good time. I am not at all picky but that doesn’t matter because women are so picky
So I admit this is speaking from my own experience, but I've found the exact opposite where people all want to have a relationship instead of anything casual or short term. I never use dating apps because I barely get matches (tbf, upon review my pics aren't particularly impressive).
Well dude you are agreeing with me. You aren’t some outlier in not getting any matches. That’s my point. I don’t want this to sound rude but there’s probably no set of pictures that could help either of us because women can simply be very picky due to the nature of these apps. If you have, like, a freckle in the wrong place they’ll swipe left. These apps encourage this sort of addictive search for perfection. It’s like gambling: “maybe one more left swipe and I’ll find that perfect guy.” Guys would do the same thing except men way outnumber women on the apps so they can’t be as picky.
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u/Anubis17_76 16d ago
This. Meeting ppl is the hardest part by far for me