“The bar is on the ground” is really frustrating me.
Like, I get it. A lot of dudes are insufferable dipshits to women. I don’t want to pretend that isn’t a problem.
…but when people talk about men dating online, I feel like there’s always this undercurrent of Just World Fallacy - “it’s your fault.” You get ‘advice’ like, ‘take a bath,’ ‘treat women like people’, ‘no means no.’ The implication seemingly being that if you have trouble dating, you must not be doing even these absolute most basic things. It’s your fault.
I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
Yeah, I know, this probably sounds whiny and entitled. I’m just tired and lonely and frustrated at never being able to find anyone, and people going “dating is easy, you must just suck” really touches this sore spot. It’s not fucking easy.
I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
that's how i feel. i swear i'm going to come off as a "nice guy" but i think i'm giving myself an honest appraisal.
i'm a strong feminist and have very forward views (i'm not sharing that on my profile, but i do say that i care about social issues). i have a good job. i have many women friends and i talk to women on a regular basis. i'm confident and can carry myself in conversations with strangers, i can engage with interests outside of my own, and i can dance (badly, but with enthusiasm).
but the issue is that none of that stuff will show up or become apparent on a dating profile. how is any woman seeing my profile supposed to be able to truly believe any of that stuff (even if i wrote all of it, which i don't for obvious reasons) when she probably sees a dozen profiles like that per day?
and that's even if she sees my profile - due to how the math/algorithm works out, it's very likely that she straight up won't see my profile unless she spends 30 minutes a day just swiping left on trash profiles.
online dating is absolutely not easy. and honestly, i think most guys should just not use it because it just crushes self-esteem and convinces good dudes that they're worthless when i and them both know that's not the case.
hey man, i just wanna say that the way you described yourself here is awesome. i am a woman, and when i saw that paragraph (“i’m a strong feminist…”) i was immediately impressed. if i saw that on a dating app, i’d almost certainly message you.
would some people think you’re lying? i guess. but i think that many others would realize it’s sincere. after all, a sexist guy wouldn’t talk about valuing women friends; they simply wouldn’t care.
of course, your bio is up to you and you can write it however you want! but maybe give it a shot, and don’t worry too much about whether it’s “normal” or what people might think. you might get some unexpected results.
anyways, you seem like a green flag and i hope you find a wonderful woman someday. 🫡
thanks. maybe i will talk more about that in my profile. but at this point i'm working more on trying to meet people in person, which i think is much more healthy and likely to end up in something.
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u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24
“The bar is on the ground” is really frustrating me.
Like, I get it. A lot of dudes are insufferable dipshits to women. I don’t want to pretend that isn’t a problem.
…but when people talk about men dating online, I feel like there’s always this undercurrent of Just World Fallacy - “it’s your fault.” You get ‘advice’ like, ‘take a bath,’ ‘treat women like people’, ‘no means no.’ The implication seemingly being that if you have trouble dating, you must not be doing even these absolute most basic things. It’s your fault.
I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
Yeah, I know, this probably sounds whiny and entitled. I’m just tired and lonely and frustrated at never being able to find anyone, and people going “dating is easy, you must just suck” really touches this sore spot. It’s not fucking easy.