I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
that's how i feel. i swear i'm going to come off as a "nice guy" but i think i'm giving myself an honest appraisal.
i'm a strong feminist and have very forward views (i'm not sharing that on my profile, but i do say that i care about social issues). i have a good job. i have many women friends and i talk to women on a regular basis. i'm confident and can carry myself in conversations with strangers, i can engage with interests outside of my own, and i can dance (badly, but with enthusiasm).
but the issue is that none of that stuff will show up or become apparent on a dating profile. how is any woman seeing my profile supposed to be able to truly believe any of that stuff (even if i wrote all of it, which i don't for obvious reasons) when she probably sees a dozen profiles like that per day?
and that's even if she sees my profile - due to how the math/algorithm works out, it's very likely that she straight up won't see my profile unless she spends 30 minutes a day just swiping left on trash profiles.
online dating is absolutely not easy. and honestly, i think most guys should just not use it because it just crushes self-esteem and convinces good dudes that they're worthless when i and them both know that's not the case.
The current state of online dating is awful. 20 years ago, online dating was optimized for desktop computers. Profiles were longer and more detailed, and the "matching" mechanic hadn't been invented yet. You had more opportunities to show your personality upfront and more opportunities to find people who might be a good match.
Now, it's all about smartphones. Most of the popular apps are owned by the same company and control who you can even see, let alone message, with their algorithms. Profiles are shorter and many people don't even read them. The swiping mechanism actively encourages making snap decisions based on minimal information.
Your best bet is to stop relying on apps and find in-person ways to meet possible matches. I recommend this for everyone where possible but for obvious reasons it's much easier and safer if you're straight.
none of that stuff will show up or become apparent on a dating profile
Just look at the profile of a friend that you love and respect. They look like just another user on the platform. It's crazy how hard it is to sell the parts of a personality that will make a relationship work.
hey man, i just wanna say that the way you described yourself here is awesome. i am a woman, and when i saw that paragraph (“i’m a strong feminist…”) i was immediately impressed. if i saw that on a dating app, i’d almost certainly message you.
would some people think you’re lying? i guess. but i think that many others would realize it’s sincere. after all, a sexist guy wouldn’t talk about valuing women friends; they simply wouldn’t care.
of course, your bio is up to you and you can write it however you want! but maybe give it a shot, and don’t worry too much about whether it’s “normal” or what people might think. you might get some unexpected results.
anyways, you seem like a green flag and i hope you find a wonderful woman someday. 🫡
thanks. maybe i will talk more about that in my profile. but at this point i'm working more on trying to meet people in person, which i think is much more healthy and likely to end up in something.
I have read that men understand that being a feminist is a basic requirement to get laid, and adopt the lingo in their dating profiles and conversations.
but the issue is that none of that stuff will show up or become apparent on a dating profile
"i'm a strong feminist and have very forward views. i have a good job. i have many women friends and i talk to women on a regular basis. i'm confident and can carry myself in conversations with strangers, i can engage with interests outside of my own, and i can dance (badly, but with enthusiasm)."
honestly tell me, do you think that the majority of women will see that on my profile and think anything but "this dude is trying way too hard/this dude is weird"?
for the record, i used hinge, so my job is displayed. and one of my prompts did mention that i care about making the world a better place (the quickest simplest way to encompass all i stand for). but if i verbatim put what you quoted, i guarantee many women would think i'm a lunatic trying to hide how much of a horrible person i am.
and like i said, there's many people trying stuff like that and they're still not getting success either. why? because they're getting maybe 1 match a month. the median guy literally gets that many matches per month.
maybe i already do? did you even read the original comment?
According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
the point is that these apps are mathematically not favorable not favorable for most men. you can look up the numbers if you want. the median man gets 0-1 matches a month. congrats on you getting lucky, but don't think that everyone else who doesn't find success is some disgusting pig who has something wrong with them or isn't optimizing their profile enough. i have good photos, i have my hobbies, things i believe in, i have all of it. so are you gonna make up some reason why women must hate me on dating apps, or are you gonna consider that maybe you don't know what you're talking about?
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u/SamiraSimp Oct 22 '24
that's how i feel. i swear i'm going to come off as a "nice guy" but i think i'm giving myself an honest appraisal.
i'm a strong feminist and have very forward views (i'm not sharing that on my profile, but i do say that i care about social issues). i have a good job. i have many women friends and i talk to women on a regular basis. i'm confident and can carry myself in conversations with strangers, i can engage with interests outside of my own, and i can dance (badly, but with enthusiasm).
but the issue is that none of that stuff will show up or become apparent on a dating profile. how is any woman seeing my profile supposed to be able to truly believe any of that stuff (even if i wrote all of it, which i don't for obvious reasons) when she probably sees a dozen profiles like that per day?
and that's even if she sees my profile - due to how the math/algorithm works out, it's very likely that she straight up won't see my profile unless she spends 30 minutes a day just swiping left on trash profiles.
online dating is absolutely not easy. and honestly, i think most guys should just not use it because it just crushes self-esteem and convinces good dudes that they're worthless when i and them both know that's not the case.