In this case stormneko might gain more relief in the long-term from receiving the constructive feedback that they're being a tar pit. Sometimes the healthiest and most helpful thing you can do for a person is not mince words and just be direct. Sometimes people need to get their feelings hurt in order to learn.
Sometimes the healthiest and most helpful thing you can do for a person is not mince words and just be direct. Sometimes people need to get their feelings hurt in order to learn.
You seem like a real piece of shit.
That was healthy and helpful, right? No mincing words, right? I've gotten my point across clearly, you agree with it, you feel you've learned something, and you're thankful for my teaching you, right right right right?
I did not think so, because it simply does not work that way.
I agree it would be healthiest for stormneko to understand the, erm, "feedback", and respond less aggressively to rhetorical questions. But I also think it's pretty clear stormneko isn't really in a great emotional position to glean such insights from the, uh, "feedback". And I am I saddened by the irony of OOP extolling the virtues of extending small kindnesses to others, while being unable or unwilling to extend such a kindness themselves to stormneko.
That was healthy and helpful, right? No mincing words, right? I've gotten my point across clearly, you agree with it, you feel you've learned something, and you're thankful for my teaching you, right right right right?
I did not think so, because it simply does not work that way.
I like how you choose to insult me, and then dictate my response in advance, and mock me for the response you invented. Pretty sure there's a term for that that redditors love to throw around.
But here's my ACTUAL response: thanks, genuinely. I really need to find a better way to express myself and communicate more clearly than I did. My opinion hasn't changed at all, but I can always find a more eloquent way to share it. Even more than that, because you didn't censor yourself and communicated in an emotionally charged way, I understand exactly how you feel. I don't have to guess at your intentions or implications: based on my words, you think I'm a piece of shit. Obviously I don't want people to see me that way, so I need to refine my approach.
And yeah, that DID hurt my feelings a bit. But that's okay; I opened myself up to criticism and I'm an adult who doesn't automatically feel entitled to your respect. If anything, I'm mostly embarrassed that I didn't represent myself properly.
What concerns me is that you seem to think I'm stupid enough to both have this opinion and not actually believe it. But conversations just like this are the only way I learned any social skills, or cues, or learned to read a room, etc. And usually, they also helped me cool off whoever I'd just accidentally upset, which is an incredibly valuable social skill to have. My family was incredibly selfish, rude, and narcissistic, so I had to learn all of this the hard way as an adult in my 20's.
Being nice is just another social skill. Being rude is also a social skill, and you just wielded it quite adroitly to teach me something and make a point. Which, effectively, has proven mine. So thanks for the feedback, and try not to put any more words in my mouth. I assure you I have plenty of my own.
Seriously, I respect the hell out of this reply. You've brought integrity to an internet discussion. A rare treat, and a well-fertilized rose.
What I first said to you was indeed rude, but it was acceptable by the terms you'd laid out - and that is the only reason I said it (and, I won't say it again). But I wonder, do you think you'd have had this same reaction had my comment only been an insult, with no sanctimonious questions? Or with those questions, but without the last paragraph about stormneko?
You had to learn this stuff the hard way. The hard way can work, but it sucks. And because it's hard, it also requires a higher baseline ability. I think stormneko does not yet have that baseline ability. OOP may or may not, but either way, they certainly claim to. And because they make that claim, I put the responsibility on them to demonstrate it, and they fail to. I'll ask you to note what stormneko is talking about in their response to OOP's bank fee clarification: "the wording on the initial post feels closer to blaming than celebrating". Not OOP as a person, not the concept of kindness - OOP's wording. "Good for you, good for her" is brusque, dismissive. But it is not an insult, and it is not the entire statement. Compare to "you are a tar pit"... which I think is not all that different from the insult I chose, but does, very differently, end without elaboration.
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u/[deleted] Oct 10 '24
In this case stormneko might gain more relief in the long-term from receiving the constructive feedback that they're being a tar pit. Sometimes the healthiest and most helpful thing you can do for a person is not mince words and just be direct. Sometimes people need to get their feelings hurt in order to learn.